Chapter Text
Lo'ak stared at his missed calls, from top to bottom it was all Jake Sully. He knew his dad would be back from his business trip today, he just didn't know he would be in such a rush to call him.
He also didn't know why Jake wanted to talk to him. Whatever. He sat outside on the porch, hesitating before calling his dad.
He could feel his heart thundering in his chest, he could feel his hands shaking. It was just a call with his father, why did he act like he was being shot at?
The phone rang once, then twice. Then he answered.
“Where've you been, boy?” Jake demanded, "I've been calling.”
“I- I know, I'm sorry sir. I was busy,” Lo'ak took a deep breath.
“Busy with what? I heard from your mother that she didn’t know where you were one night. What's that about?” Jake asked, he sounded calm enough, almost like he was talking to Neteyam. Lo'ak knew better than to expect it to last.
“I was busy studying… sir I don't even know what night you're talking about,” Lo’ak admitted. He had a hunch about when this was.
“Don’t talk crap, what were you really doing?” Jake sighed. Lo'ak could see it in his head, his dad sitting by his desk, pinching his nose.
“Would it be so hard for you to believe I was studying? Hm?” he tempted.
“Look, son, I care, you know I do–” Jake took a deep breath, “I just need to know what’s up.”
Lo'ak paused. Calculating his next words. Annalysing what his dad told him.
“Dad. Listen, I was out, but who cares, I'm keeping up with my studies and I'm not doing anything Neteyam wouldn't,” he said, trying to hide the shaking in his voice. He always had the same argument, he was keeping everything up, he wasn't doing anything Neteyam wasn't, it was starting to get old. At the same time, Lo'ak wanted his father to trust him. To stop pushing.
“So you were out?” Jake sighed, “I knew it. You have to focus, you can't be going out like this you need to–”
“I told you I was keeping up with all of my classes, I'm doing what I need to, or is that not good enough?!” He started raising his voice. He thought back on the regret and pain he felt the day after the party, he looked back on the day he spent with Tsireya. The day with Tsireya made him forget more than anything, now it's all flooding back.
“Lo'ak… I gotta get going. Your mom wants my help,” Jake said, and indeed Lo'ak could hear Neytiri's voice calling in the background.
His dad didn't say goodbye, didn't say I love you, instead the line just died out.
This was a perfect start to Lo’ak’s day.
~~~
Neteyam woke up late, taking the rare chance to catch up on sleep. Across the room, his best friend was sleeping with his hand and foot dangling off the side of the bed.
Slowly Neteyam woke up, turning on his side, looking at Ao’nung. Unmoving in his resting.
Neteyam wondered why he was up so late. Last night he kept hearing Ao’nung shuffle around in his bed, going downstairs only to return mere seconds later. Sitting on his bed, staring at Neteyam’s side of the room, before lying down again to try and sleep.
Then he would do it again, leave the room, then come back. Stare, then try to sleep.
Worry sank into his thoughts. Why would Ao’nung, of all people, not be able to sleep? Pressure? Tests? Unwelcome thoughts? All of the above?
Neteyam rested his back against the cold wall, crossing his legs in front of him. He studied Ao’nung from afar. The way his hair was falling out of his hair tie – the way he looked untainted, peaceful. All of the ruckus from last night seemed to be forgotten now.
He looked beneath Ao’nung’s bed, the clothes all around. Things naturally find their place, yes it was messy but he knew Ao’nung could pinpoint where most of his things were.
His desk, books, clothes, all pressed into a small space. Photos of friends and posters of good movies, but Neteyam’s favourites were all the pictures of the waves and the beach. They were photos that Ao’nung took himself.
He took all those photos with the camera Neteyam gave him on the day they graduated high school. Since then every holiday, no matter where they went, Ao’nung took his camera with.
Neteyam sighed, resting his head on the wall. Tiredness sank deep in his bones. He knew he couldn’t rest further. He had too much to do, too much to catch up on.
He didn’t know how Ao’nung did it all. Kept up his social life and his academics. It’s so performative.
But Neteyam loved him for it. Envied him for it.
Neteyam blinked once before he realised his missing sweater was sitting on Ao’nung’s navy bean bag chair. Half hidden beneath a blanket, he found his green sweater.
Ao’nung shifted in his bed.
Neteyam climbed out of bed, pulling his shirt down his back. He grabbed his sweater, glaring at Ao’nung with his now half closed eyes.
“Moron,” he said, flicking Ao’nung’s forehead. He hissed at the pain, then glared back at Neteyam. “I was looking for this. You knew I was looking for this.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ao’nung lips twitched at the sides.
“Oh yeah you do,” Neteyam was face to face with his roommate. “You stole my sweater, you’re a thief.”
“I borrowed it, then–”
“Without telling me? You don’t even look good in green,” Neteyam rolled his eyes, before tilting his head.
“Ouch,” Ao’nung put his hand on his heart melodramatically. “One thing though, Teyam, I looked incredible that night,” he smiled flawlessly, resting his head on his arm.
“Sure Ao,” Neteyam, despite himself, smiled.
~~~
Lo’ak wondered what this world would’ve been like if he wasn’t there. What would change, what wouldn’t. Honestly, pathetically, everything would stay relatively the same.
He knew his friends would easily replace him, it wasn’t hard getting new drinking buddies around here. No one in his classes would miss him.
His father would certainly feel sorry, then get over it.
No one’s routine would change, no one would miss relying on him. Maybe Neteyam, maybe Kiri. Perhaps Tsireya, but even she barely knew him.
This life didn’t need him, that’s how he felt.
In his own skin, the skin he’d scratch at, in his own home, the home he left behind, he had never felt like it was something to stay for. In high school things were already hard for him.
The pressure to keep up in sport, academics, the people around you, making sure you look okay, looking in the mirror and hating the person you see. Hating your own thoughts.
Lo’ak thought he escaped all that.
He rested his shaking hands on the kitchen counter. He could feel his heart beating behind his closed eyes. Deep breaths.
Get over it.
Get over it.
He reached for the cupboard, taking out a glass. He hated how much his father got on his nerves.
He filled the glass with water. He hated how his father never listened.
He chugged the water, letting it soothe his parched, sore throat. He hated how–
Get over it.
~~~
The sun was shining, the sky was cloudless. Kiri and Tsireya walked arm in arm through the campus.
“This is nice, this is what I imagined university would be like,” Tsireya said, flicking her hair back over her shoulder. “Look around… it's calm.”
“Today sure,” Kiri replied. She scanned the area around them. They were walking; exploring parts of the campus they never saw.
“Wait for the people to come. Even back at the residency it's never this devoid of action,” Tsireya took a deep breath. “There's always a party, always a boy to keep your thoughts busy.”
Kiri stopped walking, she stepped back, “Who?”
“I'm not telling, my point was that it's always busy there,” she tried to get Kiri walking again, but smiled when she saw her curious and shocked face.
“It's Lo’ak, isn’t it?” She hesitated, “I've seen you two around, walking, shopping… Tell me more.”
“I don't know, he's kind, he's– I don't know. He has a reputation, a history I'm not familiar with,” Tsireya said, she frowned, waiting for Kiri’s reaction. “But I like him. I don't know him well enough, it's scary.”
“How long has this been going on for?” Kiri asked, starting to amble down the pathway again. Staring out to the plants as her friend spoke.
“A couple of weeks, but I'm hesitant,” she said.
“I know Lo’ak–”
“Hes your brother, I know, you need to pretend like he isn't though. Just for now.” Tsireya scrambled to keep up with Kiri. Waiting for her advice, her words. If anyone was going to tell her exactly what to do it was this person beside her.
“Keep it slow, listen to your thoughts,” Kiri pressed lightly against Tsireya's forehead. “You know what you're going to do, you just don't admit it to yourself.”
Tsireya grinned at that. “That's true.” She looked tentatively at Kiri. “Wanna go back? Maybe watch a movie, paint?”
“We have one free day every blue moon, yeah, let's make the most of it.” Kiri turned on her heel, taking the quickest route back. “Then I can tell you about my someone.”
Tsireya’s eyes lit up immediately as she followed Kiri.
~~~
The kitchen was quiet, across from the living room, no movement. Lo’ak just stood there.
Ao’nung carefully moved closer, he could see the kid was upset. About what – Ao’nung didn’t care too much. Maybe his sister stopped talking to him, that would be the day order was restored.
“What are you doing?” Ao’nung teased, standing across from him. Scanning his body language over the counter, his hands playing with his knuckles, his zoned out state. He was close to the living room, standing against the bar stools.
“What?” Lo’ak snapped out of his dreamstate.
“I asked what you’re doing, come on, don’t you have better things to do than be alone in the kitchen?” Ao’nung flicked his eyes up and down, “or maybe you’re waiting for someone.”
Lo’ak frowned, wondering what Ao’nung was implying, wondering where he came from.
“Huh? You waiting for someone?” he grinned, snapping his fingers in front of Lo’ak’s face, only to get his hand smacked away.
“I’m not waiting for anyone. I’m just standing here,” Lo’ak knew it sounded weird, he knew it made him sound like he’s lonely – but honestly, he was lonely right now and didn’t care who knew.
A deep laugh came from Ao’nung’s throat. “So my sister isn’t going to appear in the doorway in a couple of seconds.”
“No–”
“So that you can take her out again,” Ao’nung poured himself some water. “Where did you take her last time again?”
Lo’ak never told Ao’nung about any of this, never spoke to him about his sister. He didn’t tell anyone about the first time they went out. When he took her to the alleyway.
“See my friend, Koro, he told me… you know he told me you took my sister down to the dumps,” Ao’nung took a gulp of water. He lifted his hand into the air. “My question is, why did you take her there?”
Lo’ak sighed, but gave no answer.
Ao’nung stayed quiet for a minute. He knew Lo’ak, knew his morals, his heart, but that didn’t turn away the urge to punch this kid through the face.
“The dumps isn’t safe, yet you thought, let’s take Tsireya there,” he said, “Come on, you know better than that.” He smiled, but it was teasing, it was vicious.
“There was no one there, you idiot,” Lo’ak retorted, “except for your friends.”
“Like I’m gonna believe you,” Ao’nung said. He glared at Lo’ak, Neteyam’s brother. Neteyam.
The thoughts in his head, every hour of the day, he never went without Neteyam. Always him, it was always him. It’s been weeks, maybe years. He’s never been able to date anyone, never been able to commit to anyone.
Ao’nung clenched his jaw – he was so sick of it.
“If you like my sister then take her to nice places,” Ao’nung said.
“Yeah sure, but look–” Lo’ak stepped back as he saw Ao’nung walk around the counter, nearing him, “I’m gonna go–” he didn’t turn his back on him, didn’t run. He should’ve, because the pain in his nose was sending tears to his eyes.
Ao’nung didn’t look sorry, he shook his hand and looked disgustingly at the sight of Lo’ak clutching his nose.
“You skxawng,” Lo’ak murmured, balling up his fist and punching upwards. Hitting home on Ao’nung’s jaw.
Lo’ak’s thoughts went blurry as his nose bled, he was in no mood to do this. Still he kept his fists tight.
Ao’nung kicked him in the gut, reaching to grab his hair to keep him close, but Lo’ak’s reflexes were fast, he grabbed Ao’nung’s hand, twisting his arm around his back.
He was forced to turn, but fought against it, he used his other arm to elbow him — his feet to kick him away.
Lo’ak was quick on the uptake. He stepped away, already aiming his fists to hit Ao’nung on his jaw, on his nose. He didn’t miss a beat. He stepped closer, and closer, making bruises and cuts on Ao’nung’s skin.
Ao’nung tried to block, but all he did was waste his movements. He tried to recollect his thoughts, all he could put together was his remembrance that the Sully kids could actually fight.
Lo’ak had Ao’nung pressed against the wall, that was when he was kicked hard in the gut again. He winced loudly at the pain.
Ao’nung then took the offence, punching him in the shoulder, then trying to hit him in the face again, but Lo’ak ducked. Then swerved back so that Ao’nung missed almost every time.
So, the only thing left to do for Ao’nung was to grab Lo’ak’s leg and mess up his footing. He used his foot to bend his knee, causing Lo’ak to stumble.
A loud thud.
That was when the other frat brothers came downstairs, and among them was Neteyam.
Ao’nung saw him from the corner of his eye and that only fed his aggression.
He kicked Lo’ak while he was down. Following as he crawled away. Then he felt firm hands around his ankle, next thing he knew he was stumbling and Lo’ak got back up again. He fell over the side of the couch, but quickly got back up again.
Lo’ak was fast. A fist made his vision go blurry then he heard screaming. People telling them to stop.
Ao’nung swung blindly and hit Lo’ak right on the ear before feeling a hand on his chest. People kept them apart even through his reaching for Lo’ak again.
“What were you thinking?” Neteyam’s voice sounded from across the room.