Chapter Text
The days pass and each one becomes longer than the one before. Minutes, seconds stretched out into nothing. No movements. No rustling. No life. Just the quiet settling over the empty bedroom. The birds outside the window that would usually chirp away in the morning, were awfully quiet. Maybe they could sense the tension too. The quiet. It shouldn't be this quiet. The seconds passed by turning into minutes which turned into hours. He lay still in his bed. The argument still stuck in his head. Minho had been mean. Unnecessarily mean. He doesn’t remember what they argued about this time, but it felt more serious than it usually was. It hit hard. Minho always came back again, after cooling down- which usually took under a day. Maybe two, if it was a bad argument. But the days kept going. The world kept spinning. Minho still wasn’t back. Jisung could feel his anxiety rising. Where was he? Was he really gone this time? Were they really done this time? No. He always came back.
Not this time though.
Jisung could no longer pretend to be sick. Though it wasn’t really pretending, was it? Even so he had to go back to school. Back to class. His friends had tried to reach him the first couple days. He never answered. He kept ignoring it, not ready to talk to anyone yet. Until Chan had called him consistently on an empty Tuesday morning. He had called him again and again, and he couldn’t ignore Chan. No one could. He picked up.
“Jisung. No matter what happened, you have to come back.” Chan said in the most Chan way anyone could do. His worry was evident, seeping through the otherwise sharp tone. Jisung kept quiet.
“We need to see that you’re okay. We’re worried. The others too, Ji.”
Jisung knew he had to go back. Back to class and back to his friends. He had been rotting his bed the last week, not eating, barely drinking. Not rising from the bed unless he needed the toilet. Which he didn’t do often, now that he hadn’t been drinking. When he did use the bathroom he was careful to avoid the mirror. Not wanting to see himself in this state.
His bones cracked under his skin when he stood up. Old and unused. He walked to the bathroom carefully, not wanting to trip over his own legs. When he entered, he stepped in front of the mirror, back turned to it. Still not wanting to see himself. He stripped off his clothes and turned on the water. He took his time rinsing off, washing his hair. Making sure that he was clean. When he stepped out of the shower again, he made the mistake of looking up. His eyes met his own in the steamed up window. He could see the outlines of his figure. His messy hair, his slim waist, his long arms. He could see his collarbones poking out more than usual, and his ribs tauntingly visible too. He stepped closer to the mirror. He could see the dark rings under his eyes. It was too much.
He turned around and walked hastily back to his room, and made his way over to the closet. He threw on the first clothes he got his hands on, and made his way to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, to look for something to eat. But the thought of eating made him feel nauseous. He decided against it. He picked up his bag and hastily found his school things. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he walked outside again.
The walk to school was short, but that didn't stop his mind flowing over with thoughts. What if he saw Minho again? What if he’s in class? What if he’s not? What if Chan or the others asked about Minho? Or his state? His thoughts continued to flow, as he made his way inside the school building. He found his friends sitting at the same table they always did. It was nice knowing that no matter how much could change, some things probably never would. He made his way over to his friends slowly. Jeongin was the first to notice him.
“Hey Jisung! You came!” he shouted, gathering their other friends’ attention. He sat down beside Chan, at the empty spot.
“You really came.” Chan said. Not really a question, more of a statement- approval. He could hear how relieved he was to see Jisung still alive and well. Or at least breathing, and functioning. That had to be something. Jisung let out a low hum, indicating he was indeed there and functioning, but not willing to talk. His friends could sense something was wrong, they always knew, but they decided to change topic, so Jisung wouldn't be uncomfortable. He was thankful. The day passed agonizingly slowly, but dreadingly fast. Jisung didn't want to go home today. Not yet at least. He didn't want to be stuck in bed again. Too tired to move. Too tired to do anything. The conversations around hip, started seeping in through his foggy mind. He carefully nudged Chan who sat beside him.
“Can I…” he started, his voice was groggy and unused. He cleared his throat. “Can I come home with you today?” He could see Chan looking at him. Seeing him. Then he nodded.
“Sure, yeah, of course you can, Ji.” Jisung gave him a grateful smile, before turning back and letting his mind wander again.
The day went quickly after that, and soon Jisung found himself in Chan’s dorm. He sat on the sofa with a hot cup of tea, and a cozy blanket. They were watching some romcom that Chan had put on, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Jisung wasn't paying attention. He was thinking again. About Minho. Again.
“Whats wrong Ji?” Chan asked, he must have noticed how Jisung wasn't paying attention. He looked up at the older boy and shook his head. Chan didn't give up. "I'm here, Jisung. I'm here. You can tell me, no matter what it is.” Jisung could feel his eyes stinging. He looked up trying to blink down the tears. But it was no help. They were already flowing. It wasn't crying. It was ugly and loud, and everything he had bottled up. Chan held him, letting him cry. He didn't make Jisung talk. He never made him do anything. He was just there. Always there. So Jisung's tears flooded down his cheeks. Snot running from his nose. It was ugly, and it was painful. He hadn't allowed himself to cry the last week. Not when he and Minho were arguing. Not when Minho left. And not when the bed kept feeling empty. He had kept it in. Because Minho would come back. He always did.
Not this time though.