Chapter Text
Chapter 5
Syd and Lucky had been moved into the villa for a couple of weeks, and their efforts to get it into working condition were getting off to a slow start. It was hard to find a contractor willing to work with them, if they weren’t too busy to take on the project in the first place.
Lucky was in no way lazy, but she always got a late start to her day, stumbling from her bedroom with dark circles under her eyes, looking almost pale and sickly, like she hadn’t slept well.
There was a part of Syd that wondered if there was something more going on with Lucky than she was telling her. Like a terminal illness, and that’s why she wanted to get the villa done so fast. That’s why Stewart had stayed behind and hadn’t gone with her in protest of her not getting help for something. Syd figured if it wasn’t because Lucky was sick, it was because she’d been up most of the night talking to Stewart on the phone, or listening to Blue Bayou on repeat.
But Lucky did her fair share of the work, splitting tasks equally between them, so it was easy to overlook her dragging through the day, or how she would excuse herself mid-afternoon to take a nap.
Syd was still doing her best not to get too personally involved outside of the details of helping Lucky get her new home up and running. The way she still saw it, the less she knew, the better. If she’d learned anything from her time with Carmy, it was to keep things strictly professional. Even though she knew that the rule probably didn’t apply here, because Lucky was unknowingly doing her a favor by allowing her to stay with her in Italy, and there weren’t any contracts or business deals attached to it.
She wouldn’t own a stake in the villa or be her partner; there would be an easy parting.
It wasn’t easy, though, because Lucky did her best to be friends with Syd, even though she also did her best not to probe or ask too many questions. She also took Syd’s reserved nature in stride and kept going like she wasn’t holding her at arm’s length.
But one morning, she was passing the bathroom, and she heard Lucky getting sick. Syd hesitated for a second before knocking on the door.
“Syd? Do you need to get in here? I’ll be done in just a minute,” Lucky said weakly.
“Uh, that’s alright, I was just wondering if you were okay,” Syd answered. “I heard you puking, and I wanted to make sure you’re alright—”
The toilet flushed, and Syd heard the sink turn on, the distinct sound of swishing and gurgling and spitting before Lucky opened the door, as she scraped her hair into a pile of curls on top of her head.
“I’m fine,” Lucky assured her, pulling a package of gum out of her dress pocket and putting two pieces in her mouth. “Just a little nauseous, it’ll go away.”
“Did you eat something bad? Am I going to have to be prepared for a bout of food poisoning or a stomach bug?” Syd asked jokingly as Lucky made her way to the kitchen and pulled out a carafe of sparkling water from the fridge.
“I don’t think you can get what I have,” Lucky replied as she got a glass. “Not unless your business partner fucking knocked you up too.”
Syd frowned. “You mean… you’re pregnant?”
“That is the general definition of knocked up, yes.” Lucky took a sip of her water and then sighed, pushing her glasses up on her face. “You’re not mad at me, are you? For not telling you?”
Syd shook her head. “No. It’s none of my damn business.”
“Stewart wanted to wait to come here until we had the baby,” Lucky blurted out. “But I didn’t, so as you know, I decided to come here alone. It’s not like either of us wanted kids; it was always the plan. I just… I wanted both at the same time, and what isn’t feminism if we can’t have everything we want at the same time?”
“You can’t be that far along…” Syd saidJ without thinking, all her personal rules about “not your uturus, mind your own business” disappearing.
“Just a couple of months,” Lucky replied as she rooted through cabinets looking for something to eat.
“Sit down. I’ll make you something. How does homemade Sprite sound? Car—” Syd stopped and cleared her throat, quickly correcting herself. “My old business partner showed me how to make it when his sister was having a baby. It’ll help with the nausea.”
Lucky sank down into one of the broken kitchen chairs they hadn’t replaced yet and kicked off her loafers, propping her feet up on another chair. “Sprite sounds good,” she replied.
“Are you hungry?” Syd asked as she squeezed fresh limes and lemons and added some sugar to a glass. “You probably should try to eat something. I’ll make an omelette or frittata. When my business partner’s sister was pregnant, I made her one.”
"I’m not craving anything,” Lucky confessed as Syd gave the Sprite a final stir and added some ice before setting it down in front of her. “But I’m craving everything at the same time. It’s the weirdest thing.”
“Have you seen a doctor here yet?”
“Obviously not,” Lucky said. “I didn’t even see one at home. I took a home pregnancy test and
Syd wanted to ask her if she had come to Italy with a plan at all, but maybe that would be the pot calling the kettle black because she hadn’t come with one either. Her one desire had been to put distance between herself and Carmy, and herself and Shapiro, without thinking about much more than the need to get away.
She couldn’t judge Lucky for pursuing a dream without a plan.
“Stewart’s been nagging me about it, too,” Lucky said. “Every night he calls me to ask if I’m okay and if I’ve seen anyone here yet.”
Syd nodded as she started to crack eggs into a bowl that she had purchased at one of the outdoor markets, because they had been seriously lacking in dishes and cutlery.
“And I’m like, Stewart, if you fucking want to be involved, get on a plane,” Lucky said, sighing as she shook her head. “I know I’m making him sound shitty, but he’s not.”
Syd shook her head too. “Don’t worry. I didn’t think he was shitty. I don’t think you’re making him sound shitty.”
“I’ll start calling doctors tomorrow,” Lucky said. “I guess this is one of those things that won’t just go away if I ignore it long enough.”
“Most things don’t go away even if you ignore them long enough,” Syd replied, thinking about Shaperio and his fifty text messages a day, and how he couldn’t take a hint no matter how often she left him on read.
She knew she was going to have to call him or text him sooner or later to decline the offer because she had a feeling he wasn’t going to leave her alone until she did. She wondered if he was the type of person who could handle rejection… or if he would try to wear her down until she said yes.
Syd wondered how unprofessional it would be to block him. She wondered if he would tell everyone on the cooking scene, and it would inevitably blacklist her from working anywhere ever again.
“Everything okay, Syd?” Lucky asked. “You zoned out there for a minute.”
“Hmm?” Syd looked down at the eggs and wondered if she had overwhipped them, and then shook her head. “Yeah. Everything’s fine. I just have my own thing. And I’ve been hoping it would go away if I ignored it. I guess I should probably deal with it too.”
Lucky took another long sip of her drink and sneezed as the fizz tickled her nose. “Anything you want to talk about? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I feel like I’m dumping on you so much without… I don’t know. Returning the favor?”
Syd shook her head, totally unsure of what to do or say, as she started prep with the leftover vegetables and cheese they had.
“I’ll go and get some food later,” she said instead. “We don’t have much left.”
“Okay,” Lucky agreed.
Syd held up a sad-looking onion that was still good enough to use. “How do you feel about onions?”
Lucky made a face and shook her head. “No. No onions, the smell alone is enough to make me puke.”
Syd nodded and chucked it in the compost she had started. “Noted. No onion for at least the first few months of this pregnancy.”
“I have a confession to make. I looked you up,” Lucky blurted out. “Well, like, I told Stewart about you, and you know, since he’s a food writer, he knew a little bit about you. You worked with Carmy Berzatto?"
Syd nodded and reached for a knife. “Mhm. Work with. We-we work together. I’m, uh, I’m just on vacation right now. How about tomato?”
Lucky made a face. “Hmhm. No, no tomato. I’m sorry.”
“We had it last night, though,” Syd said.
“Yeah, and unfortunately, last night was the last night it agreed with me,” Lucky answered. “I’ve gotten really good at disguising morning sickness from you. I was afraid you’d… I don’t know, judge me for being here pregnant and all alone.”
Syd shook her head. “No. No judgment from me.”
“So, you’re just here on vacation?” Lucky asked casually.
“An extended vacation,” Syd replied, sighing as she turned the heat on, foregoing asking Lucky if she wanted cheese, olives, or eggplant in her omelette. The best course of action would probably be to give it to her plain for the time being.
Lucky looked like she wanted to ask more questions, but to her credit, she didn’t. Syd thought about telling her everything, since sharing her pregnancy news had been a big deal. But she was still shitty at sharing things with people, at trading secrets. By becoming friends with people.
Because here she was…
Here she was…
“I mean, I’m partly on an extended vacation,” Syd said. “There was a lot of shit going on in Chicago and I-I needed to get away.”
“Sex?”
“What? No. No, nothing like that!” Syd replied, shaking her head, thankful Lucky couldn’t see how flushed she was. “Just a lot going on all at once, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I-I had to get away.”
“So, you’re in love with him? With Carmy? I mean, I can see why you would be. It’s not like I don’t know what he looks like, or what he’s done. He’s one of Stewart’s culinary heroes. So, you’re in love with him?”
“In love with Stewart?” Syd joked as she turned the stove on low. “No. Definitely not in love with Stewart.”
Lucky sighed and shook her head. “Alright, deflect then. You don’t have to tell me.”
“It wasn’t just Carmy… I got an offer from someone else, and they started to get overbearing about getting my answer,” Syd answered. “Just… just don’t tell anyone about it.”
“Of course not!” Lucky mimicked locking her lips with a key and tossing it behind her shoulder. “I mean, not that I’d have anyone to tell, except for Stewart, and I won’t since you asked me not to. And it wouldn’t matter, since like, you didn’t give me any names.”
Syd mimicked locking her lips with a key this time, feeling like she had already given Lucky too much information. “How about I just make scrambled eggs instead of an omelet since you basically don’t want anything in it?”
“I can try them,” Lucky answered. “I apologize in advance if they give me some extreme ick, though. It’s not a reflection of you or your cooking skills.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t be offended if you can’t eat them. I understand the circumstances,” Syd told her.
Syd finished making toast and eggs for Lucky and set them down in front of her before preparing a fried egg and toast for herself.
They sat together and ate their food.
Lucky didn’t ask her about Carmy again, and Syd didn’t bring him up again, either, or fill her in on anymore details. They talked cheerfully about baby names, colors for the villa, and finding a contractor willing to help them with the work.
And Syd felt like they could become friends; there was this persistent thought in the back of her mind that maybe everyone needed people.
Including her.
Including Carmy.
She thought about truly befriending Lucky, and she thought about reaching out to Carmy and telling him that she was okay.
That they could talk soon.
She thought about it.
But she still didn’t reach out to him. Because she was still waiting for him to make the first move.
It didn’t even cross her mind that he thought she didn’t want to hear from him, and was waiting for her to reach out first as a sign everything was okay between them.
Carmy came out of The Bear and lit a cigarette; he didn’t even bother checking his phone. He knew Syd wouldn’t text him by now. He blew some smoke out of his mouth and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.
“You’ve been avoiding my texts and calls.”
Carmy cracked an eye open and saw Claire approaching him. “I thought we talked about this. You’re not supposed to run away from me.”
Carmy sighed and dropped the cigarette on the ground, grinding it out with the heel of his Boston clog, a million excuses entering his mind for why he hadn’t been in touch with her. Why hadn’t he answered her texts or calls or reacted to the reels she had sent him? But he knew he had to be firm, since up until now, Claire hadn’t gotten the hint.
“We’re not back together,” Carmy told her. “I’m sorry if I gave you the impression we were gonna pick up where we left off. But, I-I don’t fuc… I don’t want to get back together. I-I think you’re a great girl. But you’re great f-f-for someone else. Not for me. Besides, you’re leaving soon. Aren’t you? I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in doing the long-distance thing. Trying to coordinate schedules, times to talk, having to visit you, or even moving one day. I-I just think it’s best that we end this once and for all.”
Claire opened her mouth to say something, but he knew it would be protests. Could sense that maybe she would bring up Mikey again, and he didn’t want to hear it.
He shook his head to stop her before she could say anything. “You know as well as I do that this isn’t going to work. Why try to force it?"
Claire rolled her eyes. “You’re with Syd, aren’t you?”
“No. No, I’m not with Syd—”
“But you’re in love with her,” Claire said.
“I—” Carmy paused, deciding not to insult her intelligence by lying to her, besides maybe if he told Claire that he had feelings for someone else, she would finally leave him alone. “I-I am, but we’re not together. She’s not even here right now. I-I don’t know where she is.”
Claire closed her eyes at the admission and released a deep breath. “I always knew you liked her, I suspected you were in love with her, and I ignored it—”
“I’m sorry, Claire—” Carmy interjected, even though looking at the end of it, he wasn’t that sorry at all.
She had been the one to persist in pursuing him, even after it was clear he wasn’t interested or even ready for a relationship, and maybe he should have felt a little bad for letting her pursue him but he had tried to end things before they began, and he hadn’t been the one to leave when the going had gotten tough, or get her to come back and control her when she’d confessed he gave her anxiety, and felt like he was burning up.
No, he wasn’t sorry at all.
He was relieved to be done with her. He felt freer than he had in a whole, even though he still had a Syd-sized boulder sitting on his chest.
“Save it,” Claire snapped. “God, I wish I hadn’t let you waste my time—”
The door opened, and Natalie peeked outside. “Hey, Carm. Uh, there’s someone on the phone for you? A potential backer? Maybe you should come in and talk to them,” she smiled at Claire. “Hello, Claire. Ready to move yet? We’re all hoping you succeed in your new hospital.”
“Hello, Nat,” Claire replied. “Yeah, I’m almost ready. Just wrapping up some things here, and then I’m going to New York.”
“Well, good luck,” Natalie said. “Carmy? You coming, my love?”
“Uh, yeah. Yeah,” Carmy answered, glancing at Claire, wanting his last words to her to be something friendly. “‘Bye, Claire, good luck… and, uh, have a nice life.”
Natalie took his elbow and steered him back into the restaurant.
“I have a call?” Carmy asked. “I don’t remember taking any meetings with potential backers?”
“I was just coming to get you because it got to a point where everyone could hear your conversation with Claire,” Natalie said. “You’re welcome.”
Carmy sighed. “Thanks.”
“So, have you heard from Syd?”
“Have you?” Carmy asked as he trudged to his locker and chucked his cigarettes in it.
“I take it you haven’t then. And you haven’t done anything to get in touch with her either. Have you?”
“She doesn’t want to hear from me,” Carmy answered as he sighed and scrubbed his face. “If she did, I think… she would have talked to me by now. I don’t want to ruin her nice vacation.”
Natalie sighed. “Carmy, my love—”
“If she tells you she wants to hear from me, then I’ll text her, I’ll do anything she wants, but for now, I-I just need to give her some space,” Carmy interrupted. "And please don’t ask her to call me or if she wants to hear from me. It needs to be her idea.”
“Okay,” Natalie finally agreed.
Carmy would never admit to it, but secretly, he was hoping that Natalie would ignore him and try to feel out how Syd was feeling.
He would never admit it.
But he really wanted her to.
TBC…