Chapter Text
Chuuya sat with his head on Dazai’s shoulder for hours. He realised that thinking about the situation Dazai was in was tiring him. Before he knew it, his eyes drifted closed. Chuuya woke up to Dazai whispering to Chuuya trying to get him to wake up.
“Slug, wake up~”
“Did I fall asleep again?” Chuuya groaned
“Yeah. oh uh, slug?”
“Yes asshole?”
“Can I stay at your house tonight?”
Chuuya paused for a second, considering if he should. The thought of what Mori could’ve been doing to Dazai came rushing back into Chuuya’s head, making him give in.
“Fine”
“Yay”
Dazai cheered somewhat quietly, most likely trying not to wake up his father. Without grabbing anything, Dazai sprung out of bed looking at Chuuya expectantly.
“Lets go”
“I hate you”
Chuuya got off of the bed and quietly followed Dazai as he walked out of his room and down the stairs.
“You need your toothbrush”
“Huh? But slug has one for me at his house”
Chuuya’s face flushed as Dazai mentioned this fact. Dazai had been over unexpectedly so many times that Chuuya now keeps a spare toothbrush for when Dazai inevitably shows up at his house again. Chuuya , albeit flustered, tried to feign confidence while he walked slightly behind the brunette to his house. Once the two arrived at Chuuya’s house and walked in to be met with a comforting warmth, Chuuya could practically feel Dazai’s body stop tensing. He turned to Dazai, waiting for him to climb up the stairs to his room. Chuuya, unlike Dazai, had a considerably more spacious room. He had still managed to cover most of the space on his walls with posters, photos, and trinkets. The light blue of Chuuya’s walls could barely be seen between the decorations.
On Chuuya's ceiling, there were glow-in-the-dark stars plastered in random places on the surface. Chuuya’s school bag was resting in between the pile of blankets and beanbags that were messily spread in the corner of his room. Stepping into Chuuya's room, Dazai immediately felt a warmth come over him. Unlike his, Chuuya's room was tailored to be his own. Chuuya's room was a portal for memories that went years back. Dazai felt more home in this room than his little dark room that he lived in.
Dazai threw himself on the beanbag in the corner of the room completely ignoring the fact that Chuuya had seemed slightly annoyed by his nonchalance. Dazai smirked at Chuuya, the way he does when he really wants to piss him off.
“The fuck are you looking at”
“Oh nothing… Chuuya’s hair is just messy today”
“Why the fuck do you care!?!?”
“I just think it looks very pretty”
Chuuya paused, eyes widened. He turned his head away from Dazai's line of sight so he wouldn’t see the flush that had creeped onto his face.
“The fuck!? Don't say shit like that”
“Whatever you want slug~”
“I fucking hate you”
Chuuya rummaged through his drawers, trying, and failing, to hide the fact that he was looking for his hairbrush. Chuuya scowled at Dazai while running the brush through his hair. Chuuya’s hair, due to his room being illuminated by dark blue LEDs, looked more like a muted shade of brown. Dazai watched as Chuuya meticulously combed through his hair with his finger before going in to brush out the knots that wouldn’t comply with him.
Chuuya took a hair tie off of his wrist and tied his hair back with it. Dazai watched, practically entranced, as Chuuya did his hair. He didn’t know why, but Chuuya seemed so pretty. He looked majestic, in this simple,stupid moment, for some reason, made Dazai watch like it was a movie. All he wanted to do was draw Chuuya, to capture his real beauty in a way that only he could see.
“What the fuck are you looking at?”
Dazai flinched, Chuuya's words breaking him out of his trance.
“Can I braid your hair?”
The pair paused. Dazai, caught off guard by the words that had come out of his mouth. And Chuuya, confused at why he was so nervous to let Dazai braid his hair.
“Um, I guess. If you want…” Chuuya paused awkwardly, “but your going to brush your teeth before you do;Your breath stinks,”
Dazai groaned, but still got up to do what Chuuya told him to. Dazai made it a point to drag his feet as he loudly stomped out of the room like a little kid. As he left, he made it a point to leave the door cracked open, just to annoy Chuuya.
As soon as Dazai left, Chuuya was thrown back into deep thought. He didn’t know what to think. He didn’t want to believe that Dazai was in such a bad situation. Or, that he didn’t tell him that he was in that situation. All he could feel was guilt, like he should’ve known. Why didn’t he know? Chuuya had always been able to tell when something was wrong with Dazai,or atleast, that’s what he thought. He should’ve known that something was wrong. He felt so stupid. Dazai had been his friend for so long, he cared so much about him. He needed him. And he couldn’t even tell that something was wrong with Dazai, he missed all of the signs.
Maybe if he had questioned Dazai more about why he wore bandages. Maybe he should’ve asked Dazai about why he was so scared of his dad. He should’ve done something, anything, but he didn’t. He just brushed it off. He could’ve helped Dazai earlier.
Chuuya’s door cracked open, snapping him out of his mind. He looked up at Dazai, who was standing in his door frame, wearing a t-shirt and the sweatpant that he was wearing before. Chuuya looked at Dazai’s bandaged arms, they were always covered. Chuuya had started to wonder: where else did Dazai have scars?
“Chuuya?”
“Yeah?”
“I brushed my teeth so now I can braid your hair, right?”
“Oh yeah”
Chuuya’s eyes followed Dazai as he walked up to Chuuya, who was sitting on one of his bean bags, and sat down behind him on the pillow that was on the floor behind Chuuya. Chuuya tried to hide his shiver as Dazai gently pulled the haiti from his long hair.
Chuuya sat there while he felt Dazai fiddle with his hair and started meticulously tying it into one small braid. Chuuya sat there trying to suppress his heart from beating out of control. The room had seemed to be frozen in a state that could, almost, be compared to a tranquil lake placed comfortably in a hidden spot in the woods. The feeling of Chuuya’s hair being braided together in a neat-or not so neat-way, would usually not affect Chuuya in the sightest… But this wasn’t just anyone braiding his hair, it was Dazai. The stupid freak that Chuuya had called his best friend.
“Chuuya~” Dazai stretches out the last letter of his name as he says it. “I’m done!”
Chuuya groans, but still gets up to see if Dazai had actually managed to do a braid instead mangling Chuuya's hair.
As Chuuya finally reached the mirror that had been gingerly placed next to his desk, he managed to get a good look at what Dazai had done to his hair. Chuuya was surprised, almost shocked. Dazai had taken only the longer part of Chuuya's hair, which usually rested messily over Chuuya's shoulder, and had tied it into a simple braid. There were some hairs that stuck out from the braid because they were too short.but still, it was a braid. Chuuya had been so focused on how Dazai, miraculously, made a decent braid in his hair, that he didn’t even notice when Dazai had suddenly appeared behind him.
“Does chibi like it?” he said in a sing-songy voice
“Yeah sure, mackerel,”
Dazai cheered at Chuuya's response; it might have just been a simple compliment on his messy work, but he still took it as a win. Chuuya whipped around to face Dazai, his arms now crossed and a scowl plastered on his face. God, he really is so pretty. The way the blue LEDs strung across his room had framed his face to look like a million dollar masterpiece. It was really amazing, Chuuya, standing there with a scowl that could barely stop itself from curling into a stupid grin. But Dazai's flustered face had gotten the better of him. It was a beautiful scene to see, Chuuya suddenly bursting into irrational laughter. Chuuya’s smile was exquisite, especially when it was a side effect of laughter.
Suddenly Dazai had , too, broken into a historical laughter. The pair fell to the floor laughing, a tear of joy running down Chuuya's cheek. They both started gasping for air as their laughing fit subsided. They both had missed this, a moment of pure joy, laughter. They hadn’t laughed like that in a while. It felt nice.
Chuuya looked at Dazai, taking in the pure joy that was painted on his face. Not a mask. Not a fake smile. It was real. Chuuya’s mind was suddenly flooded with thoughts, all battling to be the loudest. They all screamed in his head. Don’t you know that he’s not okay? How could you let yourself ignore it for so long. The thoughts that Chuuya had pushed out of his mind were, once again, plagueing his entire mind.
“What’s wrong?” Dazai had asked Chuuya genuinely. That was rare.
“Nothing… I’m just tired.”
“Okay then we should go to bed,”
Chuuya nodded at this in response, barely being able to make out exactly what Dazai had said in the first place. All he did was lay down in his bed and throw the blanket over his head. No matter what he did, he could still hear those thoughts. They had consumed his every waking moment at this point. How could you not notice? It kept him up all night. Was it his fault? He had known Dazai for so long and somehow he still missed this. The thoughts flew through Chuuya’s head, rendering him sleepless.
He heard Dazai, who was sleeping in the pile of blankets and beanbags, toss around and groan. He wasn’t asleep. Chuuya knew this. Dazai wasn’t the kind of person who falls asleep easily. In fact, he went some nights without sleeping at all. But that had been normal for the entirety of the time the two have known each other. What wasn’t normal, though, was the fact that Dazai could have fooled anyone into thinking he is truly asleep. Almost everyone, that is. Chuuya could see through this easily. At some point the two had been around each other so much that Chuuya could figure things like this out just by Dazai’s breathing. When he is truly asleep, he’s calm. He's no longer on guard. When he’s asleep his breaths are longer. Mostly though, when Dazai was asleep, he looked his prettiest. The way he looked so peaceful.
Chuuya sat up in his bed to look at Dazai. The brunette was laying there, completely still. His breathing was just a bit too even. But that was fine. Chuuya could focus on anything else at that moment. He counted every limited exhale that came from Dazai’s mouth. 1. The thoughts that had been screaming in Chuuya's head seemed to soften. 2. His fingers had their feelings returned to them. 3.chuuya could think again. The fourth breath, though, had been different. Bigger. Calmer. Less on guard. Dazai had fallen asleep. His once even breath turned to a much more natural sporadic pace. He just felt calm. But the feeling of loneliness suddenly washed over Chuuya. He wouldn't dare wake Dazai up once he actually fell asleep. But it felt like there was an entire other world in between the two boys. Chuuya on his bed. Dazai on the floor. They were so far apart.
Chuuya climbed out of his bed, hoping it wouldn’t make a sound when he got up. He crept over to the pile of blankets where Dazai was sleeping. Without thinking, Chuuya grabbed a blanket and laid down next to Dazai. His face turned towards the brunettes. Chuuya could feel Dazai’s hot breath against his face. Shadows framed his face as it had been the most important thing in the world. God. Dazai really did look so beautiful.