Chapter Text
Alexander stared at the bus in front of him, patiently waiting for his.
If only he could stop time so that goddamn thing will never catch him...
What will happen now? How can he get out of this? Is he finally trapped somewhere with no back door? That's impossible... every situation must have an exit to it.
But right now, the only exit visible to him is walking out on existence to the nearest shady alley, hoping for some common armed individual to try to mug his empty pockets. Which is not really an option, or at least a very unpleasant one, because he's not done with his life checklist, and probably won't be any time soon, as there's like a million things on top of each other. And dying before his enemies do like that is just plain tasteless.
Still, it would be very nice of Universe to give him a fucking break for once. Or at least give some time to prepare himself for the already familiar hits on the old wounds tearing open. Honestly, it was surprising to Alex how much old pain can hurt after the skin is healed.
He's grown way too accustomed to normal life.
Buried in his thoughts, the teen stared down the clock as if it had insulted his mother's heritage down 3 generations. The more the hands of it moved, the darker his future seemed.
You'll be 18 soon, it's gonna be fine. You'll be 18 soon, it's gonna be fine. You just have to make it to 18-
His birthday couldn't be further away than now.
He was pulled out of his head when he heard the voice calling him. It was the most beautiful sound in the world that made everything a little more bearable. The ginger wasted no time searching for the source, hoping he wasn't imagining it or losing his mind, not that he'll be much surprised if he had.
- Alexander! Alex!
John was speedwalking towards him, blonde hair almost glowing in the sunlight. He was smiling widely, and Alexander couldn't help but answer him back with it. Abandoning his very few belongings, he ran up to his boyfriend and pulled him in a tight hug, followed by a kiss full of bliss and happiness. God, how he missed these beautiful lips, and these pure blue eyes and just the presence of his lover, not separated by kilometers of land and only really communicating with each other by text.
He was real, and this reality was so good, please, whoever is up there messing with fate, don't strip him away too
- John! Oh my gosh, you're already here! I'm so, so happy to see you! - the shorter boy exclaimed, finally letting go of his worries for a few minutes
It wasn't until quite some very pleasant moments later that the teen had realized John was injured by the fault of his jackass father and instantly let go of him, hoping he didn't cause any more harm. Thankfully, supplied by John's reassurances, it seemed like the situation wasn't anyhow worsened, which Alexander was very much grateful for. There was just so much on his plate right now he might start crying if one thing he cared for so much - which is making up to his amazing boyfriend for his stupid, moronic idea that now held its own creator in a tight chokehold of consequences - got ruined by his hands, just like most of everything good in his life.
- So... How are you doing? - the blonde asked, with a smile that was so out of place it was becoming concerning
- Life's rolling, I guess... - Alex shrugged, deciding that the longer he stretches the denial for both him and John, the better for now - Better question is, how are you? What did that man do?
By the looks of how the older stiffened, it was the time to pry, as he knew that look of desperately summing up how much information to leave out. A pool of dread formed in the ginger's stomach, hurt by the fact that Jack might feel the need to hide something that serious, about something that wound him.
You can't be hurt from this and do the exact same thing in your right mind. Get over yourself, hypocrite.
It seemed like John lacked proper words to describe what happened that won't either swing in "too true" or "blatant lie" categories, so he cautiously rolled up a sleeve of his hoodie. Underneath the fabric, to the teen's horror, were a dozen of big purple and greenish bruises, and even a dark cut on his elbow. Thankfully for his rather insignificant criminal record, the shock numbed the rage towards Henry Laurens, otherwise it would become heavily weighed down with a possible murder of an innocent civilian that bumped into him, and later the dipshit man himself.
- Alright, before you say anything, it's not that bad and he never got this physical before. A few bruises here and there, sure, but overall, I'm perfectly fine. - John chimed in the second Alex opened his mouth, covering the injuries with the sleeve again
- Are you serious..? Do you hear yourself?! There are- I know for a fact those are not the only ones! And even if they were, it's still not fine! Don't defend that piece of shit! - Alexander almost yelled, vision blurring with angry tears. Why must it happen to John - his idiot man, always undermining the risks and the damage, sometimes too kind for his own good... And this.
- I'm not. I know what he did was wrong. But there's nothing we can do right now about it, so why dwell on it? - he replied quietly, a bit of hidden dejection making its way through his flat tone - Besides, a few marks like that are literally nothing. I was friends with a girl that once got a concussion from her parents because of failing her music class, so I can't be complaining.
Alex wanted to argue, to go out to South Carolina, fight Henry right here and there and make sure he gets what he deserves, as well as the monsters that are the parents of whoever that poor girl was. However, he knew the only thing he could do in the moment was clenching his fists and dreaming of the day he might get to knock the man's lights out.
- Please don't say that, okay? Even if you weren't beaten to that extent, it was still abuse. Just- don't say that. I don't want to see you thinking like that. Your struggle matters.
John smiled. It was a weak one, but it still was giving hope. Maybe they will be alright. Scratch that, hell yes they will. To the displeasure of all their foes.
- ...Is that girl okay? - Alex asked after a pause. It was something he felt he needed to know.
- She's doing better as far as I know. Moved to Minnesota. Became an engineer. Her younger sister however... Committed at fifteen. She found out over text from her friend
- Oh. - he replied, some unpleasant memories resurfacing - I'm sorry about that.
- Me too
An awkward silence stretched between them as the platform intercom announced that M60+ was arriving. Alexander's bus, his cue to go and break everything there was left of what his life could've been and dive into the abyss of uncertainty. Poetic? Maybe. Terrifying? Much more so.
The 2 suitcases beside him suddenly didn't feel empty at all.
- I need to go. - he murmured, wishing that time would stop and he didn't have to leave - My bus has arrived. I- Some things had happened lately, and I need to go
And that was it. And he didn't even have the bravery to properly say goodbye, to explain why. The cowardice disgusted him to the point of feeling physically uneasy, however Alex turned away and started walking to the vehicle. Each step felt like sunlight and happiness were very slowly draining from him. Maybe he could go for a run? No. They must already know and wait for him. Fuck American system.
- Wait!
A warm hand grabbed his own. The touch was so familiar; almost electrifying. Alex turned around quickly and saw John's long fingers forming a gentle grasp on his lower wrist. He used to laugh whenever Alexander mentioned how he always had warm hands to contrast the ginger's ice cold. It was quite a nice memory, for a change. Fucking thanks, brain.
- Can I come with you? Please?
It was a simple question. There was already a clear final answer even before Alexander heard the end of the phrase. And yet, words were stuck in his throat. Why couldn't he say it? It was what he wanted! He craved some more time with the blonde boy. But the logical answer would be 'no'. That was what he was supposed to say, right? To not to waste John's time and get through with the task faster.
And yet, when was the last time he really did what he was supposed to do without at the very least putting up a fight? And the field was his - there was no one to fight him on this.
- Sure
It is honestly a miracle how a word can so significantly change his mood. Suddenly, it didn't seem that bad.
The pair made their way to the bus. He used to always take a window seat - even after living in New York for years, the outside view on the famous Manhattan skyscrapers fascinated him; it was so different from Nevis. This time, however, he picked an aisle seat. It didn't go unnoticed be John, but neither of them said anything. Alex didn't want to explain that it hurt to know he will take this route for the final time.
Thankfully, the teen managed to zone out for the whole ride. It was a shame that didn't ease his emotions when he saw Columbia Law School wing. The place felt like home. He didn't want to leave. Why did he have to do it? He didn't steal anything besides those few times back in his childhood! Why would Hermans believe that stupid letter?! Was he not good enough all this time?
Why did they not believe him?
It was hard to keep tears behind his eyes from falling, but Alex had mastered that art before he hit middle school. The trick came in handy a lot of times. This one wasn't an exception, sadly.
- Columbia? Why would you go here so early? - the blonde asked, furrowing his brows - The school year is still a month away.
There. Now he couldn't run from the truth no more. John deserved to know the full story.
- I... I can't go here anymore. - he started, words painful as they escaped, much more than the teen anticipated they would - I'm getting withdrawn. I am moving to an orphanage far away from Manhattan. Hermans gave me up.
John couldn't believe his ears. Was he hearing it right?
- What?..
Alexander looked like he was on the verge of tears. The amount of times John saw him like that could be counted on one hand. It felt wrong. He wanted to stop it, whatever hurricane was going through the ginger's brain.
- They received a letter. It accused me of stealing. Lots of fake shoplifting charges. Threats. They said that they can't have a thief for a son and that they can't deal with these charges in the moment. They didn't even question it! Didn't even let me try to explain it... - he trailed off, turning his face away. Despite his efforts, the blonde still was able to see his tears. - It's not fair.
The worst part is that he was so dumbfounded he was at a loss for... Anything. Words or actions. The situation was so similar to his, but also too different for him to understand what should he do to help. In moments of distress, Alexander usually needed space. But the said "distress" was never a matter of that kind. John had no idea whether he should try to comfort Alex or just let him handle it how he himself wishes. His gut told him to go with the first one, but always trusting your gut doesn't lead to anything good. He hated the thought of being overwhelming to his boyfriend, because the feeling was too familiar - having to divide your limited attention to answer to the person asking all sorts of questions: "Are you okay?" "Do you need anything?" "It's okay, calm down", when all that was actually needed is a minute of silence to concentrate on clearing out the mind of unneeded emotions.
- I'll help you with whatever you need, if you want me to stay. If not, I can leave, - he spoke gently, deciding to try to talk
Please, let me stay went unsaid.
- Don't leave, - Alex answered, voice quiet with hitches - I need you
- Of course.
They went into the building without another word. The secretary greeted them with a dry glance and handed over a folder of documents to Alexander. He didn't look her in the eye once, like he wasn't the one who during Staff Appreciation Week gifted her boxes of chocolates and cracked jokes with her whenever he wasn't late. And she herself didn't even say hello.
The sudden cold treatment angered John so much. This lady had no business treating him like that.
The path from the office to their dorms was already imprinted in memory for both of them. Alex seemed to zone out for the whole duration of the trip, and John decided to let him think through whatever's going on the inside. He just guided the ginger boy through the traffic to make sure he won't be hit by a reckless taxi driver.
The dormitory was unnervingly empty, though expectedly so. It just was never this silent during school year.
Alex's room was only 2 doors down from his. John couldn't help but wonder whether soon enough he will be the one packing away if he couldn't talk the deans into letting him stay in the program without any documents.
The place wasn't much to begin with, but it was cozy: covered with different posters of bands and inspirational celebrities, a photo-collage that Peggy had made for Alex as a gift for his 19th birthday, books lined up neatly on the shelf. It was almost painful to strip the room of its light, taking down all the little things that made it feel lived-in. Just 2 hours later the dorm was left empty of anything that could tell anyone who lived in here, if anyone did at all.
John and Alexander sat on the floor near the suitcases where all the belongings went, the younger one angrily wiping the tears out of his eyes. John knew he couldn't do anything other than hug Alex, and it nagged at him with a weight of helplessness.
- I wanted to go here so bad. - the ginger boy whispered - And now I'll never finish it. How am I supposed to discard everything I've worked for?!
- I don't know, - John replied hesitantly - But we'll get through this too. Okay?
- Mhm...
The room has always offered an amazing view on New York sunsets. Had their day not been so shitty the blonde would probably appreciate it a bit more than he did in the moment.
- We need to go. - Alex broke the silence, standing up - It's getting late
- We do, - John sighed
The only sounds that followed them as they passed through the hallways were their own footsteps. None of them said a single word until they finally reached the bus stop where one was already parked, waiting for passengers to load in
- What will happen to us now? - Alexander asked - We won't see or hear from each other again for a long time.
- I don't know.
- Will we be okay?
- I don't know...
-...I don't either.
They never had a problem with awkward silence. Whenever quietness settled, it brought nothing but comfort, a way of saying "I'm here" without saying anything. But now, there was so much uncertainty and anxiety in those moments of nothingness the air grew heavy
- So... it seems like this is it. - John spoke up when Alex glanced over to see the final passengers getting on the bus
The ginger nodded and grabbed his belongings. John wanted to hug him one last time so bad, but managed to restrain himself. There was so much on Alexander's plate at the moment he decided it would be wise to give him space. He watch as the younger left for the bus. And with it, any remaining emotional strength did too, leaving nothing but apathy and despair behind.
Alex watched John until he disappeared from the view. His cheeks were wet, but there there was no energy left to even lift a hand to wipe them off. There wasn't even any anger left to burn, he just wanted to sleep and forget everything that happened like a bad dream. However, that wasn't quite accurate. He did want to sleep, but he also craved warm arms than he can rest against without fear of hurting them, someone who he trusted with his life and more.
He didn't even give him a proper goodbye hug because of that deep-rooted dread over one wrong movement causing a collapse.
Though, he was unsure whether that collapse would be John or himself.
It was so unfair.