Chapter Text
Remus' pov
His back hurt, his hip hurt, his head hurt. Just an average close-to-the-full-moon day. Except it wasn't. If it was a normal day, Sirius would be with him. Sirius would be making jokes and helping him stand and carrying his books and being a sweetheart. He would cuddle with him and tell him everything about his day, and ramble on and on about random things, and Remus would just enjoy hearing his voice because, to him, it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
But it wasn't a normal day, and Sirius wasn't there.
Bloody hell, Remus missed him.
Before they had gotten together, back when Sirius wouldn't sit nearly in his lap during any conversation (which Remus both loved and had scolded him for), Remus had enjoyed just watching him talk to James and get animated when talking about Quidditch, gesturing to try and prove his point. It was adorable. Remus had planned to keep doing that while keeping his distance, because let's be honest, who could be mad at Sirius Black for more than a day? Remus could, but his best had been a week before he started missing Sirius. What Remus hadn't expected was for everyone to ice Sirius out. James wouldn't even look at him, Peter only gave him an awkward wave every now and then, and even the girls had been giving him the cold shoulder. Another thing he hadn't been expecting was for Sirius to just…dissapear. Well, not really, but now he seemed like one of the ghosts around the castle. He showed up to class last and left first, and Remus hadn't seen him in the Great Hall in weeks. The only glimpse he would catch of him was when he entered the classroom right before the bell rang.
Don't get him wrong, he knew why Sirius was doing this.
"Don't. I can't believe I thought you were better than your family. Stay away from me, Black."
His words from that night kept playing in his head over and over again. He knew he had been too harsh, but he was hurt and angry and couldn't believe Sirius would do something like that.
But still, he didn't reach out.
He told himself that he was still mad, that he couldn't bare the sight of Sirius, that he hated him.
He knew they were just excuses. He knew he loved Sirius too much to hate him. The true reason he was staying away, well…
He was scared.
Remus was scared that Sirius wouldn't want him anymore. That he wouldn't forgive him for what he had said that night. That he'd hate him for leaving him alone and for taking away his brother and all his friends, and leaving him isolated and alone.
So he didn't reach out.
Remus finally dragged himself out of bed and glanced at Sirius'. It was neatly made, and he could clearly see a thin layer of dust on top. It was obvious nobody had used it in a long time. Though, something felt…off. Remus couldn't pinpoint exactly what, but something was different. Sirius' nightstand was slightly opened, and the necklace Remus had given him for his birthday last year was peeking out. Remus' heart leapt in his chest. Sirius was here last night. He had to have been. Maybe he'd start sleeping in the dorm again, and Remus would actually have the guts to apologize for what he had said that night! He jumped out of the bed and was about to go ask James if he had seen Sirius, since he is usually the first to wake up for Quidditch practice and the one to drag Sirius out of bed when he was on the team (McGonagall made him quit after the Incident) and the one to wake Remus and Peter up as well, but then he noticed the time and Wormtail still snoring.
It was a Saturday, yes, so they didn't have classes, but James still never let them sleep this late, intentionally or unintentionally (the guy stomps like a goddamn hippogriff). Remus settled his gaze on James' bed. The curtains were drawn, which meant James was still in there.
Weird.
Remus got up, struggling to walk because of his old man bones and the moon being close. He got to James' bed and knocked on the bed frame.
"Mornin' Prongs, you good? It's nearly time for breakfast."
James' muffled voice came after a minute.
"imnotgoingtobreakfast." He mumbled. Remus managed to understand him, but barely.
"Why not? You love breakfast."
Silence.
"Did something happen?"
Silence again, then a quiet sniffle.
"James? What is it?"
"rjihtsme."
"What?"
"reggiehatesme."
"James, I can't hear you when you talk into the pillow-"
"REGGIE HATES ME, OKAY?!"
Remus froze with one hand on the curtain, just about to pull it back. James never yelled. James never raised his voice. Not even at Sirius after The Incident (which Remus knew Sirius would have preferred ).
James never yells. But now he had yelled the dumbest thing Remus had ever heard.
Remus pulled the curtain back. James had his face buried into a pillow and he groaned when he heard him open the curtain.
"That is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard you say, and believe me, I've heard a lot from you over the years."
James didn't even glance at him, he just grunted and buried his face deeper into the pillow. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose.
"What. Happened."
James finally turned to him and sat up. His eyes were red and puffy and were framed by dark circles. Remus sat down next to him and pat his shoulder, showing James that he was listening.
James told him everything.
Catching Regulus in their dorm.
Regulus yelling at him.
Regulus admitting he knows about Remus' lycanthropy.
James telling him about the Incident.
Regulus leaving.
"I think something- something happened with Sirius but he wouldn't tell me what. He wanted to know what happened, why we stopped talking to him.."
Remus stared at the floor, thinking. If Regulus had only found out about the Incident from James, that meant Sirius never told him.
But then what happened for Regulus to go up to their dorm in the middle of the night to fetch some of Sirius' clothes? Did Sirius say something? Did something happen? Is Sirius okay?
Remus shook his head. Not the time to overthink and wallow. James was, for the first time since he had known him, the one needing reassurance.
One small problem.
Remus was absolute shite at comforting people.
"I'm sure Regulus is just mad, it'll blow over eventually."
James didn't look at him. He just kept staring straight [gay] ahead, his gaze fixated on Sirius's empty bed.
For a while, they just stood there in silence, both of them lost in thought. Then James suddenly looked at him with a determined expression.
"I'm going to talk to him."
Remus winced.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? Maybe Reg needs some time to cool off a little-"
"Oh, no, not to Regulus. He hates me right now. I'm going to talk to Padfoot."
Remus blanked out a little at that name. He hadn't heard that name in nearly two months. Peter and James pointedly avoided speaking Sirius' name, and the girls followed their lead, so he was surprised that James had been so direct about it.
He seemed to notice Remus' reaction, because he continued.
"I know you're still mad at him, I would be too, but after what Regulus said, I want to at least hear him out. You don't even have to see him, Moony, and I'll tell you if it's bullshit or if something else happened that night, promise."
Remus sighed. James could be quite smart when he wanted to, he had to admit that.
"You don't have to-"
Remus started, but James interrupted him.
"I want to."
After a lingering pause, he added:
"I miss him."
Remus' heart constricted in his chest. Merlin, did he feel guilty.
Me too.
He wanted to say.
I forgive him.
I want him back.
I love him.
"Well, good luck finding him, I guess. Haven't seen the fucker anywhere except class."
I hate that it's my fault he's dissapearing.
I want him to come back.
Why won't he come back to me?
"Oh, I'll find him. I know all his hiding spots, I just... I've been avoiding looking for him." James said, picking up his books and parchment.
I miss his laugh.
I miss his smile.
I miss the small freckles on his nose that only come out in the summer.
I miss the way his eyes twinkle when he's planning something.
I miss the way his hair looks when he wakes up in the morning.
"Moony? You coming?"
I miss him.
"Yeah, let's go."
The Great Hall was as loud as ever, and it was hurting Remus' ears, thus making him even more irritable than earlier. Everything was too loud and too bright and he just wanted to sleep some more. But he was also hungry, he was always hungry close to the Full. He started shoving food in his mouth the moment he sat down, and he could vaguely hear James "Mother Hen" Potter telling him to slow down or he would choke. He barely registered when James stopped talking to him, but he did feel it when James elbowed him in the ribs.
"For fuck's sake, Prongs, the fuck do you-"
He trailed off when he noticed who had walked into the Great Hall.
Regulus, followed closely by one Sirius Black.
It was the first good look Remus got at him since that night, so he was not expecting this. He barely recognized him.
Sirius' robes hung off him, the accessories he usually wore were nowhere to be seen, his hair was mated and put up in a messy bun. Gone where the intricate braids and the shiny locks he prided himself with. But worst of all? His entire demeanor was off, like he was trying to sink into the ground and dissapear. While Sirius had never been tall, definitely never taller than Remus, he knew how to make himself seen and heard, lighting up every room he walked in. That was one of the many things Remus loved about him.
Now, Sirius shrank down the further he got into the Great Hall, and by the time he sat down next to Regulus at the Slytherin table, the last bit of confidence in his choice to show up seemed to have dissapeared. The other slytherins at the table shot him questioning looks, and Barty opened his mouth to say something, but Regulus shot him a murderous look that made him keep his mouth shut. Remus realized he was still staring when Marlene said, very, very loudly:
"Is that Sirius over there?"
All heads turned at once, and Remus saw Sirius flinch violently and shrink down even further into the seat. Regulus glared at her but didn't say anything yet, while Barty whispered something about "gryffindors who can't mind their own goddamn business" loud enough for Marlene to hear it and jump to her feet, just to be pulled back down by both Mary and Lily. The redhead turned towards Remus and gave him a look that said "do-we-still-want-to-punch-that-guy-even-if-he-looks-like-he-has-already-been-punched-enough-probably-by-himself". It was a really pointed look. James hadn't said anything since Sirius had walked in, but his jaw was clenched tight as he took him in. They hadn't managed to see his face yet, but from what they could see, it was bad. Really bad. The only reason he hadn't gotten up and approached him was Regulus sitting right there and glaring daggers at anyone who even glanced into Sirius' direction. Him and Remus made eye contact for less than two seconds, but the werewolf feared he had been burned to a crisp by the furious fire burning in those gray irises.
He didn't even glance at James, and that was probably the worst thing he could've done. James could survive glares, yelling, curses, hexes, hell, he'd even laugh about it later, because he knows Regulus still cares about him, at the end of the day. Remus could see James deflate when his own boyfriend didn't even spare him a glance.
Weirdly enough, Peter was the one who broke the tense silence that had fallen over their group.
"So, James, how's the quidditch practice going? Are we going to win the season or is Marlene gonna fly straight into the plunger again?"
He was always the pacifist, the one who would rather just change the subject and ignore obvious problems if it meant keeping the peace, and now, with everyone tense and staring at Sirius, Remus was grateful for the distraction. Marlene immediately jumped to defend herself, and James soon joined in, but his eyes kept drifting towards the Slytherin table, towards the Black brothers. Remus couldn't blame him, his eyes barely drifted away from his... boyfriend? Ex boyfriend? He wasn't sure anymore, which made him want to scream, because he'd been so sure that Sirius would be his forever, he built his whole future around the fact that he'd always have him by his side.
Now, he watched Regulus nudging Sirius, putting more food on his plate and trying to get him to eat something while Sirius just smiled and shook his head. Remus could almost hear him:
"I'm not hungry."
"I ate earlier."
"Did you go to Hogsmeade this weekend, Reggie?"
All the usual bullshit excuses Sirius used to give him when he wouldn't eat when he came back from breaks, when his parents got in his head and made him feel unworthy of good things, and to Sirius, food was a privilege, not a right.
But Sirius' parents were gone now, and their sons never read the letters they sent, or howlers, in Sirius' case, so Remus knew their words weren't at fault this time.
This time, this it was Remus' words that did it.
"I can't believe I thought you were better than your family. Stay away from me, Black."
Remus felt like he couldn't breathe. It was his fault, his words had done that to Sirius, his refusal to hear him out had made him shrink into himself like he used to do in first year.
Remus was so lost in thought, he only broke out of it when Sirius abruptly got up from the table and ran out of the Great Hall.
Him and James shares a look, and Remus nodded. James got up and followed Sirius out of the Great Hall.
Now, Remus should've continued with his meal, find some excuse about why Prongs had suddenly bolted, but he had much more important things to worry about.
Such as Regulus Black writing into the air with green smoke and perfect calligraphy that matched Sirius':
Library. 9AM. Talk.
Well, this was going to be interesting.