Chapter Text
Ferdinand was exhausted. Heartbroken and exhausted. With the engagement off there would be no move to Fraldarius, leaving much to unpack. Pulling his long hair back into a ponytail, he chased all the servants out and buried himself in the busy work. Alas Ferdinand was in no state to be making true progress. Some things found their way to their rightful place, but most were scattered around. Some thrown in fits of rage and others piled up in bouts of sorrow.
Anytime he would pause, his mind drifted to thoughts of Hubert. They spent years together, side by side, but left so much unsaid. The gall of the man to just stand there and say nothing. That seemed to be all he was capable of. That and ruining Ferdinand’s life.
He knelt to grab a shirt from the floor, stopping as he realized it was the same one from that night. The two had barely spoken during the year as Ferdinand built his relationship with Felix. It was just before his trip to Fraldarius when Ferdinand got Hubert’s letter:
‘Come see me in our garden at midnight. Please.’
It was so simple, but the way he called it ‘their’ garden and his plea, there was no way that Ferdinand wouldn’t go. How could he not? They spent hours talking enclosed by the tall hedges, and flowers. And then, in a quiet moment between laughter and peaceful sighs, they kissed. Nothing ever felt so right, so natural, as the feeling of Hubert’s cool touch against his warm skin.
During that night he was sure of his feelings for Hubert, and he thought he knew Hubert’s feelings as well. It emboldened him. As the night sky lightened and they approached Aegir manor, Ferdinand asked a single question, and the answer broke his heart.
“Do you want me to stay?”
He knew Hubert would never admit what he felt aloud. It was indulgent to ask, but Ferdinand wanted to hear him say it. That he wanted him to stay. To forego the arranged marriage and stay in the empire with him. He thought Hubert would at least manage a simple “yes”. But instead, he stood there less than a foot away and said nothing.
After a moment, he closed the gap between them, cupping Ferdinand’s face with one hand and gently pressed one last chaste kiss on his lips. The meaning of his answer was clear, and he reaffirmed it mere hours ago.
‘No.’ Hubert’s rejection from hours ago echoed in Ferdinand’s mind.
He held the shirt to his chest. “Goddess,” he wiped the fresh tears, “I’m a mess.”
“As is the state of this room.”
Ferdinand froze at the deep, even toned voice that was in all his sweetest dreams. He was afraid to turn around. He couldn’t bear to see those cold eyes again. And yet, his head snapped toward Hubert as he heard shuffling noises. Hubert was collecting the myriad of items covering the floor and setting them neatly where they belonged.
His casual attitude infuriated Ferdinand. “Who let you in here?! I specifically UGH what am I saying you never ask! Go away! I don’t want to see you!”
Hubert briefly paused, setting the last of the objects in his arms down before looking straight at Ferdinand, “I had to see you. There is something I have to ask.”
Ferdinand laughed, a joyless sobbing sound, “What on earth do you think gives you the right?”
“You owe me nothing, but I must know. Not knowing will leave me with a fate worse than death. Answer my question and then I’ll leave… Forever if you’d like.”
“A fate worse than death!? Well, we wouldn’t want that would we!” Ferdinand threw his hands up, exasperated, “fine! What is this vital question? Hah I can probably guess and just answer. The secret to making the “Edelgard special tea” is-.”
“Why did you leave?”
Ferdinand paused. He hadn’t expected that question. “What do you mean?”
“I told you I wanted you to stay and-,” Hubert looked like he could cry as hurt filled his eyes, “you left.”
“What are you talking about?” Out of the whole messy situation, that was the clearest part. He left because Hubert told him to.
“That night when you asked me if I wanted you to stay, I told you yes and-.”
“When?” Ferdinand blinked, that moment running through his head. “You said nothing.”
“When I kissed you.” Hubert flinched as the shirt Ferdinand was holding flew at him with impressive speed and force.
"That's horrible communication Hubert!"
“How else could that be perceived?!” he bit back, removing the shirt from his head.
“A farewell kiss, Hubert! I thought,” the tears welled up in Ferdinand’s eyes again, “I thought you were saying a final goodbye.” Ferdinand turned away, reaching his hand out for support. When his hand found the pillar of the canopy bed, he slowly sank against it sobbing.
Hubert’s mouth fell open. It was so obvious, but the thought of rejecting Ferdinand—of saying anything but yes to him—had never crossed his mind. After the night they had, he thought there truly was no other way to interpret the kiss. Perhaps Edelgard was right; he really was a fool.
“You always do this you are so-,” Ferdinand struggled to find the words between tears and sobs. “you are so… so-,”
“Petty.” Hubert took a step closer.
“Exactly!” Ferdinand pulled himself up. “And what you did was so so-”
“Cruel.” Another step.
“Yes!” Ferdinand threw up his hands. “And for what reason?! Why did you do it?”
“Jealousy.” He was feet away now.
“Jealousy?!” Ferdinand shouted the word with a sardonic laugh but furrowed his brow as the meaning sunk in. “What?”
Hubert closed the distance, standing face to face with Ferdinand. “I was mad with jealousy. Seeing another man beside the one I love, I lost all sense of reason.” Ferdinand’s eyes widened as Hubert’s fingers threaded through his messy ponytail. “Seeing him touch your hair, watching him touch your skin, it was all too much.”
Ferdinand’s heart thundered in his ears as Hubert leaned in, grazing his cheek with the tip of his nose before softly whispering in his ear. “My first time seeing you in months and you were in someone else’s arms when you had been in mine.” Slowly, hesitantly Hubert wrapped his arms around him. He didn’t fully enclose Ferdinand until he felt him lean into the embrace.
Still whispering in his ear, “I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I could not control myself and acted petty, selfish, and cruel. I’m horrified at my weakness and so deeply sorry for the pain I have caused. Is there no way to earn your forgiveness?” Hubert felt the tears roll down Ferdinand’s cheek as he waited for his reply.
The feeling that filled Hubert’s chest as he felt Ferdinand’s arms close around his back and his fingers intertwined in his short hair altered his soul. After a lifetime filled with suffering, and sacrifice, he felt a happiness so deep, so true, it was enrapturing. He would never go as long as he lived, and he was sure that he’d find a way to stay with Ferdinand even through death.
“I should have said it before. I love you, Ferdinand. Please never part from my side again.”