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1 year ago today, as I was trying to sleep in the middle of the night, I got the (horrible) idea to write Kevin pregnant. It went against my headcanon of Kevin being a cis male, but I caved in and decided to write it. I had to write Kevin being trans because trans men are able to get pregnant if they still have working ovaries and a uterus. I am aware of the stigma that trans and nonbinary people get if they’re pregnant, as it’s not the norm (I don’t have a desire for being pregnant, but I’m nonbinary myself), and I managed to capture some of that in the fanfic, especially in the beginning. I still don’t see Kevin as a trans man, though.
I wrote the bulk of the fanfic in 6 months (from February 24 to September 13), then made some tweaks shortly afterwards that took about 4 months (i didn’t think the fanfic was perfect enough, also, procrastination rules!). I still say that I wrote that fanfic in 6 months, though. I researched A LOT while working on this fanfic, sometimes for the fanfic, other times (*cough* mostly *cough*) for my own leisure. I looked at articles, read children's books, talked to my mom… Oh, I could go on and on… In my English class, not long after I got the idea for the fanfic, my classmates and I were assigned to write an informative essay. You could write about anything you wanted, and while my classmates wrote biographies about Jordan Love and the history of K-pop, I wrote about each trimester in pregnancy and what a person may feel through each one.
You may wonder what it’s like being the writer of an mpreg fanfic. Well, I'm obviously very secretive about it. It’s the most secret secret one could ever keep. And sometimes, you’ll be doing something else and then remember that you wrote an mpreg fanfic. Today, I was in the cafeteria during lunch and I thought to myself “No one in this room knows that I wrote an mpreg fanfic.”
So much can happen in a year. A recurring motif in the fanfic is Taylor Swift’s song “Never Grow Up,” but you know what’s funny now? I don’t even like her anymore! She’s a centrist billionaire and I regret giving money to that woman.
During my spring break, I went to Europe.
On June 10, a day after Olivia’s birthday, one of my closest relatives passed away.
In October, I saw Laufey.
Right before the 1 year anniversary, on the 19th of this month, I participated in a walkout.
Am I doing anything to celebrate the fanfic turning a year old? Well, yes, but no. The day after that, I’m going to see Little Shop of Horrors. A day after that is Solo and Ensemble. This is my third year in a row participating and I’ll be singing “Send In the Clowns” by Stephen Sondheim. I just want to put the past behind me.
I suffered through a lot writing this fanfic: turning my Chromebook down so I wouldn’t see what I was writing down, turning down the brightness so no one around me would see, physically flinching in disgust at what I had not signed up to do.
But through all of this, one question still remains: if I had to do it all over again, would I?
Yes. 100%.