Chapter Text
Airi laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She needed to sleep – who knew how late it was already – but her mind was racing, and even though physically she felt tired, mentally she wanted to jump out the window.
Like, how could anyone mess up this terribly? Releasing one’s anger was normal, especially after what Arisa said, but anger wasn’t useful anymore. You can’t solve problems by punching the person giving them, no matter how much she wanted that to be true. Yet, if she had realised, just then, what a blunder she was doing, and stopped after the first punch, it would be fine. Everyone eventually succumbed to their primal instincts one day, surely? Unfortunately, she went too far. She could see that now. To think she’d stoop to murder… she nearly ruined everything.
Well, at least it was only nearly. If Shizuku didn’t come by, or if those two freshmen didn’t follow her, she’d probably be jailed for the rest of her life. Even though class was made especially awkward, with everyone – reasonably - terrified of her, it wasn’t everyone, and there was no evidence besides eyewitness accounts that anything had happened.
Even so, that wasn’t the part that was keeping her up. Well, it was, but not the main reason. There was nothing to dissect, except how the thrill of fighting someone is so quickly replaced with guilt despite that person deserving it.
What was confusing about today was her interaction with Shizuku, right after the successful rewrite of three people’s memories and a whole camera roll. Shizuku was good- no, amazing at lying, if she was given a script that told her the answer she should say. Without it, everything was an open book with her, emotions she always tried to hide flashing across her face. It was clear that she was feeling doubt over something, but what? Talking to her? Not talking with each other for months? Something else entirely?
She also cringed at how awkward that conversation was. Maybe that was the reason it had gone so wrong. She honestly looked traumatised. If only she could restart the entire day.
Well, if she couldn’t sleep, she might as well just start on some homework. She trudged down to her desk and opened her math textbook, staring at the page with disdain.
She punched the table in frustration as quietly as one could punch a table, wincing after she felt the shock through her still wounded hands. “Why do they want me to use first principles to differentiate?! There’s 60 problems here! The shortcut would be so much faster!”
She did open it for a distraction, though, so begrudgingly she started working on the questions.
Airi woke up to her entire body cramping. She stretched her whole body, hearing the concerning cracks in her spine that were the signpost for sleeping wrongly. She let out a yawn and rubbed her eyes. It had been a while since she accidentally slept whilst still at her desk. She didn’t even finish it – it was only a quarter through. She woke up her laptop to see what the time was.
“It’s already that late?!” Of course, late for her was still early for everyone else, but if she didn’t catch one of the next 2 buses she was going to be late. Stuffing everything in her bag and rushing out the house, spamming the elevator button and rushing to the stand whilst having a bun in her mouth, she caught her breath, recovering enough to walk inside the bus. She immediately regretted going so early. Clearly she had enough time to make it without rushing. She hadn’t even caught the latest news yet, and now she had no internet.
Well, it’s not like anything groundbreaking had happened, right?
After departing off the second bus that day, she ran towards the school, getting inside the gates just in time for the bell to ring. Something was… off. No one was even paying attention to her, which was odd considering everyone was talking about it yesterday and avoiding her, which she couldn’t blame them for. If she saw someone else maul someone to near death, she’d probably avoid them, too. It at least made class quiet.
She hurriedly made her way to class, pulling out her phone to study what strange phenomenon occurred for everyone to forget a literal girl almost dying. She didn’t have to look far. On the front page of the national news was written in 56 font, taking up the entire screen, alongside a picture of an all too familiar face.
“Shizuku Hinomori, Lead of Cheerful*Days, has retired permanently from both idol and modelling activities.”
Didn’t she literally see her yesterday? No mention of that anywhere. Not even a sign. Had she already planned on quitting by then, or was it a spontaneous decision? Why modelling as well? Why so sudden? What?
At first, she felt rage towards Cheerful*Days. She should’ve known that Arisa wasn’t the only one that felt so strongly against Shizuku, and that they probably collaborated against her.
Yet, something told her that wasn’t the case. Sure, she seemed non-confrontational all the time, but she wasn’t able to stay an idol for that long without some resolve.
Was this somehow… her fault? She did seem really guilty about seeing her.
Speaking of the devil, she walked into the room. Everyone went quiet, watching her from a distance. She was untouchable, apparently. Not even pleasantries were exchanged, no friendly hellos. Airi tried giving a small wave, but Shizuku was laser focused on anything that wasn’t a person, already setting up her desk in preparation for class. She wanted to approach, but soon enough a flock of people surrounded her, wanting to know the same thing she did. Well, they were a lot less direct with the question. Whilst usually she wanted to push in, this time she decided to lay low for a while, until everyone forgot about the incident.
The bell rang. Class started. She looked quizzically at the empty table next to her only to realise that the seating plan was the same and she’d ensured Arisa wouldn’t arrive back for a while. Whoops. The teacher walked in and barked at all of them, getting them into order, so she could only watch from the corner of her eye to look for any oddities. She knew this girl for basically a year, and nothing went past her cat-like eyes. Everything seemed… ordinary. Same pen, pencil case, glances at the window, but surely that wasn’t right. Airi knew herself what happened when she quit being Happy Everyday. For weeks she had foiled away at herself, agonising whether it was the correct decision or not, beating herself up for being weak and not taking her job seriously, defending herself that the environment was toxic and most likely illegal. She definitely wasn’t suddenly fine the day after, when she snapped when Shizuku asked her what happened to make her quit.
This was a mask. And a good one at that. Perhaps wearing a staged self for so long meant you’d always wore one just in case.
A loud bang took her by surprise, but she’d never admit it. The teacher was waving his stick dangerously in front of them, like a magician trying to divert the children’s eyes towards his magic hat.
“Hey, all of you, attention back here!” He barked, and reluctantly she followed suit, taking down notes whilst simultaneously fantasising about all the ways she could mess with him.
Time passed all too slowly, and she was about to pass out from the severe boredom this class entailed. The teacher had given them some worksheets to do and put on some ‘brain-activating’ music, which was some violin/piano classical piece. Instead of activating her brain to do the work though, she felt drowsier the longer the piece went on, bored by the repetitive loop the symphony had. She surveyed the room, suddenly having no motivation to look at paper anymore, and spotted the teacher watching her like a hawk. Silently, he communicated that she return to her work, which she obliged. Who had this much energy to watch students do nothing for half an hour? Get a life, man.
Thankfully, freeing her from the clutches of death induced by history, was the bell. She packed up her equipment and stayed behind class, observing the room. She grimaced as the hallway right outside her class got clogged with people, pushing their faces against the glass. Shizuku practically got pushed out into the corridor, and even from the far side of the classroom opposite the door, she could hear all their questions. Shizuku, being too nice, was trying to get them to quiet down, but worry was evident on her face. Some of the questions were really personal and offensive too – at least, she thought it that way. Her hands started rubbing her neck, which she knew she only did when she was really scared of something.
Seeing the panic spread across her face, her mission was clear. Remove all people from her vicinity so she can calm down.
She did so the only way she knew, become the centre of attention.
She pushed her way through the mob of people, standing in front of Shizuku and yelling at them all. Momentarily, the hallway was quiet, with whispers slowly starting to build up, about what was happening and whether she was the person who caused that fight yesterday.
“Have you ever heard of privacy and personal space? Not every reason for a decision needs to be known by you guys.” She used her diaphragm to make sure that her voice carried to even the farthest reaches of the crowd. “Clearly not! Something drastic happens and the first thing you guys do is put yourself first and negate their feelings!”
Whispers rose as they debated what she said. She looked back at Shizuku, who was in turn looking at her. She tried communicating with her eyes, a signal to run, but she didn’t get the memo.
She decided that threatening was the next best option, perhaps not having learnt her lesson from yesterday. “Well, leave now, or I won’t hesitate to hurt you, like that other girl yesterday! Fun fact: She’s not here today. Begs the question of how serious her injuries are, huh?” She was surprised that no teachers had been called to quell this giant group of people, but maybe they were all sleeping to the sounds of “gentle piano with a swaying autumn breeze”.
“Well, if you want her, then you have to come and get her!” She took Shizuku’s hand and pushed through the horde of people where it was the thinnest, running as fast as her legs could take her. Shizuku, having no other option with her hand trapped, followed close behind, casting nervous glances at the crowd behind them. Clearly, she had overestimated how scared people were of her, who literally killed a person yesterday and threatened to do the same, or underestimated their burning desire to know what happened to one of Japan’s most famous icons, behind Casio and Toyota.
She turned left, right, jumped in open windows, went through doors, went straight, ran faster, slowed down, climbed up stairs (wrong move: severely winded), changed block, did the same, all whilst still hearing the tribal drum that was their footsteps, a great stampede of hungry fans wanting to know the next scoop.
They turned a corner and recoiled once they saw it was a dead end. Well, not exactly. There was another alleyway filled with debris.
She eyed the door with rust on the handle and fading paint. Cobwebs hung in the corners of the stairwell, whose steps had partially crumbled. The light flickered up top, casting ominous shadows dancing across the floor. Behind them, she heard rapid footsteps tip-tapping towards them. Either they continue running, jumping back into the middle of the fray, or they hide here. Noticing that the both of them had run across multiple school blocks, she figured resting was the better option. She dragged them up and opened the door.
Shizuku glanced at their surroundings with worry. “Is this even supposed to be accessible for students like us?”
“Who cares? And anyways, if it were staff only, then there’d be signs screaming at us saying ‘no trespassing!’.”
She swung the handle, some flecks of metal sticking to her sweaty hand. They were met with the bright shine of the sun, and a metal fence around the perimeter, with barbed wire at the top of that fence to stop people from climbing it. She pulled Shizuku out into the sun with a jerk and closed the door, hoping that no one saw them go up here. If they did, she’d just have to kidnap and silence them-
“I didn’t know students could just access the school roof like this. It’s a bit weird, don’t you think?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Like, there’s barbed wire and stuff, but someone desperate enough could just cut through the wires and-” She stopped herself, understanding her babble was not what people in crisis needed to hear.
“Hey, lets go in the shade. It’s still summer, we’re going to get sunburnt.” They hid behind the brick entrance facing away from the sun, catching their breath. She took out her water bottle and grimaced at the lack of water since she woke up so late. Shizuku nudged her with her thermos, but she shook her head. “I’m more of a sweet tooth; I’ll wait till later.” She shrugged and took some for herself. Several minutes were spent in the silence, gazing at the skyline with a whole landscape of skyscrapers reaching into the atmosphere, in competition with who could have the tallest tower.
“Hey, I know I was really awkward yesterday, but I wanna say thank you for helping me. I didn’t expect it, because no student ever goes willingly to the office, but you were a lifesaver.” A thought struck her. How did she find her there? Also, she let go of Shizuku’s hand quite soon when they ran, and she managed to follow even though under normal circumstances she’d confuse the directions and go the opposite way. She decided to frame it in a sort of humorous way, as an homage to old times.
“I just realised you managed to actually go somewhere, and follow me around without getting lost? Are you even Shizuku or are you a fan?”
She blinked. “I think I’m the real Shizuku?” She scrunched her nose, taking the question seriously. “Yes. Definitely. Unless I’m an exact clone.”
“Oh really? Prove it! Say something the real Shizuku would know!”
She started smiling, which was a good sign. “Well, on the first day we met, at that audition stadium, you cheered me up, said we were rivals, gave me a towel, and then inexplicably ran off to who knows where, leaving me with said towel.” She looked at her quizzically. “Why did you run off?”
The real answer? Because she was embarrassed about being so blunt that she had to run away. Would she reveal this? Never. “My… expertise was needed! Actually, do you want to know a secret?” Upon seeing the taller girl nod vigorously, she answered. “I’m a secret magical girl. Don’t tell anyone, though.” Adding a wink to sweeten the deal. Good. Another giggle earned. So far, cheering her up was going well.
She decided to drive the conversation into something general. “So, anything exciting happen? Wanna tell me about anything?”
She shrugged. “Not much, just travelled a lot for the tour… whose last performance I’ll miss out on.”
She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, trying to think of the best thing to say. It was now or never: to prove that they were friends.
“We don’t have to talk about it, because everyone needs privacy, but you gotta talk to it about somebody, whether it’s family or friends. Bottling up works for a while, but it gets worse later.”
A long pause. Airi was afraid that she misstepped, screwed up, chose the wrong dialogue box. Birds stopped cawing, and the trees stopped rustling. Airi even thought she heard the crickets chirping. Finally, she spoke. “You’d probably understand the most out of anyone I could talk to. No, definitely.” Another pause. “I quit. You know that, of course. I left because I… couldn’t continue being an idol knowing I hurt the people I love just by being one.”
She got taken back by surprise. Shizuku? Hurting people? Wasn’t it the management? “Really? Not even your fans, who long to see you on stage all the time?”
“My groupmates said that anyone could wear my image and inspire my fans, since all they’re attracted to was perfection. It made sense, and that helped me make my decision, since I couldn’t even help the people who gave me this in the first place.”
Airi was filled with a sudden rage. If she were ever going to be in a group of assassins, or some chaos-making group, part of their objective was to kill the people- no, demons, who said that to her.
“So, are you feeling happy or unhappy with this decision?”
She looked hard in thought. “Well, I prefer that I’m not hurting anyone, but… I can’t imagine life without it. Even though it had its fair share of troubles, it was fun too, I guess.”
“What parts? What did you enjoy most about being an idol?”
“Well… dancing, maybe? It was fun to go on a stage and dance, I guess.”
“Oh, really? Well then,” She stood up, and extended her hand. “Care to join me?”
She looked at her sheepishly. “Join you in what?”
“Dancing, silly! Just because you’re not an idol doesn’t mean you can’t dance anymore! There’s something called hobbies, you know?”
Countless emotions flickered on her face, but she mostly saw shock in them. She hoped it was good shock. “Wait, really? But, but… I haven’t prepared anything!”
“Shizuku! It doesn’t need to be perfect. Is anyone watching us right now? No! It’s just you and me, dancing for fun because dancing is fun, not because we need to impress somebody. Now,” She played a song from the time QT and Cheerful*Days did a collaboration together. “Want to join me? It’s been a while, but it’s a fun song.”
She lifted her hand, then froze for a bit, hesitating on whether she should. Slowly, though, she reached for her hand, and she pulled her up.
They both had forgotten how some of the moves went, obviously – it had been almost a year ago – but that didn’t matter. Dancing without pressure, to just be free and enjoy something without being scrutinised, to have the wind blow in your hair and moving to the beats of the song – it was a feeling of nostalgia, like trying out something for the first time and thus setting low expectations for yourself, so you could just have fun doing it. That was what this dance was like. Fun. Hilariously bad – they were out of sync nearly the entire time, trying to improvise sections they forgot – but fun.
Annoyingly, the bell rang, interrupting them in the middle of their dance. She exaggerated a groan, earning her a giggle from Shizuku as she drank from her thermos and packed up, waiting for her by the entrance. It had been so long she’d almost forgotten how their sense of direction was… subpar with the requirements to navigate school.
As they were climbing down the stairs, Shizuku started speaking. “Thank you for sticking out for me, Airi-chan, and making me realise all that.”
“Hey, no worries. You said it yourself – I understood it best.” She gave her a light tap on her shoulder, but it ended up just reaching her upper arm because she was too tired to lift it that high.
When they made their way back into the hallway into the next class, she saw the principal being pressured by a group of students. She quickly pulled herself and Shizuku behind a corner, not wanting to get into a situation like last time.
“Principal! You got to believe us! Momoi yelled at everyone in the hallway threatening to scratch all our faces off! She deserves punishment!” Similar voices agreed to the statement, and her face turned red with embarrassment.
The principal blinked slowly, trying to think of who that was despite seeing her yesterday. “Momoi? Who’s that?”
They waved their hands around frantically to showcase their desperation. “Momoi Airi, the one who punched a student yesterday! She ran with Hinomori-san too!” Their voices rose in panic, even though they didn’t even get punched yesterday. She identified them as first years all so naïve to the real world of anguish. She continued hiding, not wanting to get sent to the principal’s office again and needing to try and hypnotise.
The principal, though, scratched his head, apparently still confused. “Umm… I’m not sure who you’re talking about. Perhaps we could go to my office to discuss this?” The kids nodded, and followed them like a flock of sheep, clearing the hallway.
She was weirded out by the principal’s behaviour. Like, “Hinomori” should ring a bell, surely. Who didn’t know who one of the most famous idols in the country was that was also a student representative of their school? She turned towards Shizuku to make a snide remark about him when she saw the shocked expression on her face.
“Hey, what happened?”
She gazed in the far distance, a look she always took on when remembering something. “Remember yesterday, when Minori hypnotised him to forget that we were ever in the principal’s office?”
She vaguely remembered that, but didn’t see the importance. Sure, it had helped them to get out without getting in trouble, but what was the importance now? “Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, she said ‘whenever you hear our names, you will not know what they’re talking about.’ She never said when that would stop, so…” She deliberately trailed off to give her time to think. She didn’t like it when people spelled out word for word what it was.
She looked back at the principal, then Shizuku, then stared behind her for a few seconds whilst she contemplated this. Did they really convince the principal that they didn’t exist? “So you’re saying… he still doesn’t know who we are?”
She nodded. “Yep. I hope it wears off soon. People would find it weird that he can’t remember anything about four specific students.”
“Huh.” Well, realising everything that happened, and maybe will happen, this was probably for the best.
“Well, let’s only worry about it when it becomes a problem. Let’s go, we’re late for class!” Airi took her wrist and led them to their next class, laughing at the events of the day. This was so much better than the monotony of her previous life.