Chapter Text
Shoko did not expect to wake up one fine morning to the worst situationship in all of Jujutsu to now be saddled with a kid. And willingly at that.
“This is your Shoko-obachan, Okay Yuuji-kun.” The white menace in disguise stated taking absolute delight in perpetrating this horrid family scene. Tiny scarred fingers had the teen utterly wrapped around them, seeing Satoru with a kid on his hip was domestic in a way that Shoko never wanted to see.
“This is sickening. I hope you know that.” She muttered around the lollipop, cigarettes banned from being smoked around the little tyke. “Where’d ya ever kidnap a kid from? I don’t remember any pink haired sorcerer families.”
And what striking pink it was; it was almost as offensive as the Gojo White. At least the kid was cute enough to pull it off but damn that’s going to be irritating once the kid is in school. She can already see the hair dye accusations that would be hurled the kids way.
“Well, when a mama and papa love each other-” Suguru started off, how the man fools anyone to think he’s prim and proper she has no idea. Both of them are a pain in the ass, her ass specifically right now.
“Suguru. I will launch this lollipop into your hair. And I guarantee its stickiness.” She waved the lollipop in all its sticky glory threateningly in the air. As she went to mime throwing it he preemptively ducked. “Jackass. But seriously, why did you guys kidnap him.”
Yuuji, the kidnappee in question, was sat down on one of the infirmary beds. Big doe eyes tracking Satoru whenever he moved, another victim to the Gojo charm. Pity that, fresh out of toddlerhood and already a victim.
Shoko sighed as she went to hand the kid a lollipop, holding up three different flavors for him to pick out of. To her surprise, the kid didn’t react like a normal kid would at the sight of free sugar.
Yuuji grimaced a bit at the offered candy before reaching to tug at Suguru’s sleeve. Which the other just tilted his head towards the boy before turning to Satoru. “Mind pilfering the supply of flyheads for me? I already gave up quite a bit of my lower end curses.”
Shoko would like to state she was heavily confused on where all of this was going. Neither of the guys were giving up an actual answer and was tip-toeing around it and to be frank it was getting irritating.
“What does Flyheads have to do with lollipops? And will one of you just give me a straight up answer. No wonder the higher-ups hate both of your asses.”
Her questions were once again unanswered as Satoru gave a boyish grin before darting out the door, fast enough that his white hair almost looked like it was streaking under the light. Turning her frustration to the black-haired teen, she spotted him using the kid as a shield by plopping him in his lap with his arm tucked around Yuuji’s torso.
“Mature. Reaallll mature, you both are the epitome of what responsible students look like.” Shoko ladened the sarcasm on heavy as she stared down the flippant classmate of hers. “You going to spill it or not. C’mon Suguru you’re the more responsible of the two so fess up.”
“Nope.”
Shoko’s anger spiked at the popped syllable. She cannot murder her classmates. She cannot.
Oh how she wants to.
But no, she was forced to wait oh-so-patiently for the hell spawn known as Satoru to come back. And when he did the teen was somehow juggling ten Flyheads in the cradle of his arms, some of them were actively trying to squirm away from whatever fate that the two had planned for them. Rest in peace she won’t miss them.
Satoru plopped them on the bed beside the two before snatching up Yuuji to place him in his own lap, what domestic nightmare is she conjuring up because this cannot be reality. She actively refuses to see these two as a domestic couple when they’ve been terrorizing her with their situationship that they won’t put a tag to.
“So~ while he deals with those I shall do the glorious job of totally explaining.” Satoru raised one of his hands to cup at his cheek dramatically as if it was such a chore.
“This right here is Yuuji, a civilian-born mini sorcerer, he’s been active for quite a while.” Yuuji who was oblivious to being talked about as he focused on Suguru actively turning the Flyheads into those murky orbs of his. She would rather not watch him heave around them. If she was, she’d rather it at least be for a higher-grade curse not Flyheads of all things.
“Ok, and? They usually get put in contact with sorcerer families to help care for them, so why are you two acting as if you’re in a home ec class raising an egg.” Shoko wanted the facts and she wanted them straightforward thank you very much.
Sure the kid was cute but that didn’t suddenly make the duo parental, hell neither of them wanted kids before and she knew of that. Satoru hated his clan elders and Suguru was afraid of passing down his Curse Technique after the hell it put him through. So, she knew that kids were meant to be off the table.
But now there was a Pink-Haired tyke in her clinic.
......
There’s a Pink-Haired tyke eating an orb in her clinic.
“Sa-To-Ru. Why is he eating it. What the fuck did you two find in a random ass city.” Shoko pinned the taller of the two, daring him to try and beat around the bush still.
She knows that Suguru didn’t have any sorcerer family, so the kid wasn’t an off-shoot of his.
“Welllllll~ You see! We did our mission yeah, but then we saw an newly established curse petting zoo! With a population of one Yuuji~!” Satoru grinned as he regaled his little adventure as if he wasn’t going to cause her to have an aneurism before she hit twenty. “Turns out the kid can’t really process food right, a full fleshed Curse appetite! Of course we had to snatch him up! Look at him its like a mini Sug’! Who doesn’t want a pastel Suguru.”
Shoko is going to murder someone. And that someone might be a Gojo.
Shoko turned away in her office chair, officially snubbing the taller. “Let me guess I’m to give an eval while the kid chomps away. on. curses. And let me guess you also haven’t told Yaga-sensei.” She kept her back turned, not looking at the headache inducing trio invading her sacred space.
It was a simple mission. A Simple Mission.
And now apparently, she’s dubbed an aunt to a trash compactor. She would like a refund on friends, who the hell kidnaps a kid because it’s a mini Suguru. Suguru was enough of a pain in the ass for everyone.
Groaning, Shoko scrubbed her face rapidly before tucking her head into her crossed arms as she slumped into her desk. “Fine. But while I do it you have to deal with Yaga-sensei. And all the paperwork, you two are not fostering the legal stuff onto me again. If the higher-ups or your Clan gets prissy don’t drag me into it either.”
Hearing the orbs crack with each bite sent a shiver down her spine, Suguru and the tyke gives her the heebie-jeebies. Guess she’s going to have to get used to it though, the horrors.
“Think I can make Nanami tell Yaga instead....” Shoko threw a lollipop at Satoru’s head, it bounced off of his infinity the bastard.
“Get out of my clinic.”