Chapter Text
15 year old Yuuri Katsuki woke up looking at the face of Viktor Nikiforov.
Which wouldn’t be that unsual, his room was covered in posters of his skating idol.
Except it was really Viktor Nikiforov.
“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Viktor said, mixing Japanese and English, his voice laced with sleep. Viktor’s eyes weren’t even open.
A gentle, lazy hand came up and ruffled his hair, then it rested on his cheek, cradling his face.
Yuuri’s heart felt like it was going to explode. He was frozen with fear. Even breathing felt difficult. Viktor was sleepily gazing at him and caressing his cheek, laying across from him in a large bed in an unfamiliar room. The only difference was that he had short hair and looked older. Yuuri might be nearsighted, but Viktor was close enough that he could see him, and Yuuri would know his face anywhere. He was unmistakably Viktor Nikiforov.
Yuuri’s eyes widened, his body shook.
That couldn’t possibly mean…
“Is something wrong Yuuri?” The man opened up his eyes a bit more clearly.
“…Is this a dream?” Yuuri mumbled quietly.
“Hm?”
He hadn’t had a switch yet. And this was a bit like what he had been told to anticipate by his parents … This couldn’t possibly be his switch, could it? Is that why his body felt different?
Then, that would explain why he had a tightening feeling in his chest as he looked at Viktor, like his heart was about to burst, his eyes were unable to break away from the man laying next to him. If he wasn’t wrong about this feeling he was having…
“You’re my soulmate?” He hesitantly asked him.
“Soulmate?” Viktor opened his eyes a little more. Maybe not soulmate then? “Are you Yuuri from the past?”
“Y-yes…”
Yuuri had previously given up hope on finding his soulmate…
Yuuko and Takeshi had had their switches on the same night a few years ago, even though they switched to different times... The next day, Takeshi had asked Yuuko out. And of course, his soulmate said yes.
Yuuko would reminisce that she woke up as herself as a middle-aged woman with besides Takeshi, who was a middle-aged man. Yuuko had recognized Takeshi immediately, which was lucky, she only got a minute to talk with him before she switched back.
Takeshi had apparently spent nearly a whole day with Yuuko not too many years in the future, even though he woke up at a normal time. He had only told Yuuri that he had spent that day trying his best to take care of her, because she was VERY pregnant with TRIPLETS. He kept this a secret from Yuuko either so that it was more of a surprise, or because he didn’t want to scare Yuuko with the prospect of being pregnant with triplets just yet. But Takeshi talking about how future Yuuko was so kind and understanding of his situation, and how Yuuko had told Takeshi that she loved him, it felt like bragging.
Yuuri had a crush on Yuuko for the longest time. She was part of the reason he took up skating. So on the downside, it was very saddening that she wasn’t his soulmate. On the other hand, now that he and Takeshi weren’t competing for her attention anymore, since Takeshi had clearly won that battle, they became much better friends.
Yuuko had encouraged him, saying that some people don’t switch until they’re in their twenties. But of course, Yuuri had given up on it. He was prepared for the event that he had no soulmate, or if he did he would never meet them. It happened. Maybe it was for the best. After his unrequited crush on Yuuko ended so poorly, he didn’t really have any other friends. It made sense that he was destined to spend his life trying to fight against his anxiety and his body to try to live the life of a figure skater. He was prepared to be alone for the rest of his life, even if it was sad.
He wasn’t prepared at all for this…
Viktor smiled sweetly, he was still absentmindedly running his fingers through Yuuri’s hair. His smile made Yuuri’s insides feel like they were going to melt. Viktor was looking at him with such deep, unmistakable fondness, even as Yuuri shivered in fear before him.
As much as he wanted to avert his eyes, and much as he felt like he should diffuse this situation, as terrified as he felt, he couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from Viktor’s. His body and his mind were contradicting themselves…
He had no idea what to even say. Maybe he shouldn’t say anything. Maybe he should run and hide. If Yuuri didn’t say anything to him, then there was a lower chance of saying something to embarrass himself.
He didn’t know anything about the situation he had woken up into. What if he accidentally said something that somehow made Viktor upset that would ruin him and Yuuri’s future relationship? Yuuri didn’t know anything about the nature of their relationship… maybe Viktor wasn’t even really his soulmate or even his lover…
“How old are you?” Viktor asked. Despite the turmoil in Yuuri’s mind and his terrified expression, Viktor remained perfectly tranquil, in drowsy bliss. He was speaking in a mix of Japanese and English. But… Viktor Nikiforov didn’t know any Japanese. Then again, this was the future. Maybe he would learn it?
“15,” Yuuri choked out.
“So young,” Viktor cooed, “I was 19, then, and I had already had my switch… I was really looking forward to meeting you, Yuuri.”
Yuuri‘s heart quickened at those words.
“Who are you?” Yuuri said. He wasn’t even sure why he asked it. He knew full well who Viktor was. But the scene in front of him made no sense.
Even though he was still nervous about being so close, he was calmed by the feeling of his soulmate’s hands in his hair.
“It’s nice to meet you, Yuuri, I’m Viktor Nikiforov, your soulmate.” He smiled, Yuuri’s heart flipped. Actually hearing him say it…
“That’s impossible…You’re one of the top figure skaters in the entire world. I’m just-- I’m nobody.” Yuuri argued. Viktor gave him a sad look.
“It’s not impossible. And you aren’t nobody, Yuuri. Not in skating and not in any other sense either... I’m very happy to have you as my soulmate.” Viktor moved closer, close enough that their noses touched. Yuuri was a little surprised at such a gentle gesture.
Normally, in cases where people realized their lover was having their switch, they wouldn’t be this forward. It was making Yuuri a little nervous. He wouldn’t know how to respond to anyone flirting with him, much less Viktor Nikiforov. But, he just went limp at Viktor's touch. Something about it felt ...right. All he could do was worry about how his nerves were making his breathing shallow. Viktor shifted even closer to him, and Yuuri tried to control his emotions, which seemed to be running in all sorts of directions.
“It's okay Yuuri, you have nothing to fear from me, I promise. Yuuri told me you would be here for a little while, you don’t need to get out of bed… I’ve been thinking a lot about what I should tell you…” Viktor leaned in. Yuuri tried to back away in fear, but Viktor held his head and kept him from moving.
Viktor touched foreheads with Yuuri… That gesture alone was more intimate than anything Yuuri had ever experienced. Viktor’s face was right in front of him. He didn’t feel violated, even though he was scared… The way Viktor looked at him with dilated pupils and gentle understanding… Yuuri surrendered his thoughts of escape.
Suddenly Viktor moved in close, his lips to Yuuri’s ear. Feeling Viktor’s warm breath on his skin made a warm feeling fill him and run through his body. Yuuri held his breath and tried to hear Viktor’s gently mumbling voice over the loud pounding of his own heart.
“I just want you to know that you aren’t weak, and there are a lot of people who love you. I’ve met your friends and family. You’re more influential and important to them than you realize. You’ve always had a little trouble with your confidence, in life and in skating. Even when I met you.
But, even if you don’t have much confidence in yourself, I have complete confidence in you and what you can accomplish.” Viktor held him closer. “If you can, keep that in mind.” Viktor smiled against Yuuri’s ear. Yuuri felt a little shocked at Viktor’s words.
He was nervous, but…
It was that; that thought of what he could and should accomplish in the future through his skating. It was daunting, it seemed so impossible. Working to try and fulfill his dreams, it was scary. At this moment it seemed to him like the best place to retreat from that nervousness would be closer to Viktor, so he tried to swallow his fear of the celebrity.
He nuzzled into Viktor’s shoulder, gently, almost hoping Viktor wouldn’t notice that he was doing it. And Viktor kissed Yuuri under his ear, where his jaw met his neck. Hearing Viktor say that about him made him feel a little hopeful. Viktor moved his arms so he was enveloping Yuuri.
He smelled so nice… A warm, natural scent… Yuuri’s pulse was pounding, but he wasn’t even sure why anymore. Was he scared? Or maybe excited?
“It’s okay to hug back, Yuuri.” Viktor assured him.
He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Viktor as well as he could. He wanted to be even closer… but that felt like it was asking for too much. Viktor chuckled, low and sleepy…
“You haven’t been this nervous around me for a while now… I understand. You made me nervous when I first met you too… I want to comfort you, but if I’m the source of your fear, maybe I should let you be... It’s okay if you want to tell me what i should do to make you less scared. I don’t want your first experience with me to be a scary one.”
Viktor started slowly rubbing his back, circling around his spine, allowing Yuuri to sit in silence while he processed what Viktor said. ‘To make him less scared’… he didn’t know what would make him less scared. But he knew why he was scared.
“… I’m scared I’ll say or do something that will make you want to leave… Or make it so you don’t like me anymore.” He muttered.
Viktor pulled away from Yuuri.
Yuuri’s breath nearly left him, his heart clenched in fear at the loss of contact with Viktor. Did he offend him somehow? Once Viktor’s eyes caught him, a blissful feeling of love washed over him, his heartbeat stuttered nervously. He didn’t want to lose this…
“There’s nothing you can say that would scare me away for good. I love you unconditionally, Yuuri. I always will. Even back when I was a teenager, and even when I’m an old man and we’ve both long retired.”
Yuuri looked at Viktor in silence.
“Thank you.” He whispered. He wanted to say he loved him too. But that felt like it was too much, too far…
Instead he just started tearing up. “Sorry…”
“Yuuri…” Viktor said, he looked worried once he spotted tears on Yuuri’s face. Suddenly, Yuuri felt words spilling out of his mouth.
“It’s just that, I believe you. I really believe you. I know in my heart you’re telling the truth but I don’t know why that would be the truth. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I’m just some fanboy. What did I do to deserve having you as my soulmate? Did I just get lucky?
No one’s ever loved me before. I didn’t do anything to deserve you. I was ready to be all alone. I thought that would be fitting, too” Yuuri’s crying was getting progressively worse as he kept talking. He was almost bawling, with tears running down his face, his breath was heaving and unsteady, he choked out his words between sniffles and sobs. Viktor didn’t look away, he just kept rubbing circles in Yuuri’s arm with his thumb, and watched him cry helplessly. “It’s not even because you’re an international star. But, that just makes this so much more confusing…
You’re so kind to me. You’re already making so many compromises for me. You’re being so patient with me. I didn’t expect you to treat me like I’m already your lover when you haven’t even met me as I am now.
You’re already trying your best to try and lessen my fears even though you know I’ll probably still be just as unconfident when you meet me again. You’re going to such lengths to make sure I’m okay… You’re trying so hard for me…
I have no idea what it’s like to love and be loved like this. I never even thought about it before.
I don’t know why… I don’t know why I’m crying…”
Viktor’s expression softened from fear and worry to a sympathetic smile.
“You don’t have to know.”
Viktor held him close again. Yuuri’s heart was filled with emotion as he kept sobbing into Viktor’s shoulder. He felt an unmistakable sense of comfort and belonging. But it didn’t do much to ease his crying. Even in his wildest dreams of having a soulmate, he didn’t expect them to be so tender and loving…
He felt a little bit of warm wetness on his own shoulder. Viktor was also crying. Yuuri almost pushed away from him in horror. But it felt cruel, so instead he just hugged him tighter, it made his own crying worsten. He had made Viktor cry… But he didn’t understand why.
“Sorry, Yuuri. You warned me you would cry. I had a plan too but… I don’t cry that easily, Yuuri… You’re one of the only people who has consistently been able to do this to me.” Viktor laughed through sniffles.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay... I love you”
Yuuri paused. He wanted to say it too, but it still felt like he was crossing a line... He loved Viktor in his heart but he knew that this body and this life wasn't really his. It wasn't his place to say he loved his future self's lover.
“You don’t have to respond.” Viktor said. “Sorry.”
After a minute or so of them crying in each other’s arms, Viktor suddenly spoke up.
“Someday, you’ll become a fantastic, legendary figure skater, you will surpass even me. And I couldn’t be more proud of you,”
Yuuri froze up…
Did that really mean someday he would surpass Viktor Nikiforov?
That seemed impossible. Right now all he could do was copy Viktor’s routines and try to mimic him. He hadn’t really even started competitive skating in earnest. He just practiced a lot.
But… he believed in his soulmate, in the man who was still sniffling in his arms. So, he should work hard to live up to his expectations.
“Thank you…” he whispered.”I’ll try my best.”
“I know you will Yuuri.”
Yuuri felt like he could stay here forever, lazily snuggling Viktor with the warm feeling of tears on his face. It smelled nice, and he felt warm, both in his body and heart.
It was hard to try to connect the man he was cuddling up to with the Viktor Nikiforov on TV. The idea that the Viktor he watched on TV all the time, who he looked up to as an idol, His favorite international figure skater, was here with him, it seemed like it should still feel intimidating and scary but strangely it didn’t. He felt so calm here. Maybe it was because his body wasn’t scared, but actually being around Viktor felt so comfortable and right, like a hole in his heart was now filled.
The Viktor on TV, the energetic, carefree man, the celebrity was very different from the gentle, loving man who was trying his best to encourage Yuuri. Whispering sweet words to him in such an intimate way, who had started crying when he did, he would never expect Viktor to be vulnerable like that.
Is this was what Viktor was really like?
That feeling was heartwarming, the thought that there were sides of Viktor so few people got to know, that he would be the only one to see Viktor like this. That Viktor would let him into his heart too…
He didn’t want to let go. He wanted to be beside Viktor forever. But he realized he should probably ask Viktor some questions, so he backed up hesitantly so he could see Viktor’s face.
His eyes were puffed up, he was smiling, but his face was still splotched and wet from crying. Yuuri wanted to meet him in real life… he wanted this in real life too…
“Should I do anything special so I can find you?” He asked Viktor.
“We’ll meet eventually, you just have to be patient.”Viktor smiled apologetically.
Yuuri sighed. So he couldn’t do anything to quicken the process. Viktor said that he would already know Yuuri but back home Viktor had never mentioned anything about his soulmate… But Yuuri didn’t want to press the issue. Maybe that would become clear in time.
“I don’t want to go back home.” Yuuri mumbled, he still felt tears blooming from his eyes, he pulled Viktor closer. “I’m really happy here. Thank you Viktor.”
“I’m glad that you’re comfortable. But, you shouldn’t fear your own time... You’re getting picked on in school right now, aren’t you?”
That wasn’t even what Yuuri was thinking of. But… it was true. That was part of why he didn’t want to leave this bed. It was that, it was his struggles with skating, it was his troubles in school, and it was worries about his friends…
“Sort of.”
“You don’t have to believe anything they say about you Yuuri. And you don’t need to worry about it, it will pass soon. Yuuko and Takeshi and Minako and your family will be there for you. They won’t mind if you ask for their help, I promise. I’d like to be there to support you too, but I can’t be there physically, so just keep in mind that I am always cheering you on from wherever I am.”
“… Thank you, Viktor.” Yuuri breathed deeply, his heart swelled, Viktor was so kind to him...
This complicated emotion… Regardless of what happened with Viktor Yuuri would always love and admire him.
He wanted to stay like this with Viktor forever.
Viktor lovingly interlaced the finger of his right hand with Yuuri’s and Yuuri suddenly noticed something on their fingers tapping together. He glanced down at his own hand.
Wedding rings. He gasped. Viktor chuckled lightly, seemingly having realized what had shocked Yuuri.
Viktor pressed a kiss to Yuuri’s forehead.
Yuuri stared at him, dumbfounded, and Viktor smiled sweetly at him. He knew Viktor meant all of what he said. Yuuri really wanted to say how he felt and kiss him too, but…
Suddenly he was back home in his room. And he was back in his 15 year old body.
It took him a moment to catch his breath. He stared at the empty bed beside him. He clutched at his heart, but it kept beating loudly.
His heart was filled with love for his soulmate, and fears about the future. But his small bed felt so lonely now.
He felt breathless and blissful, even though he was cold.
He slowly shifted so he was hugging his pillow, now in place of where his soulmate was. He buried his face in the soft cushion. He had apparently cried in his sleep, and he kept crying still, he hadn’t recovered from that experience yet.
He had fallen hard for Viktor, within a few minutes. He squeezed the pillow and tried to contain his emotion.
He looked up at his posters of the figure skater, Viktor.
Seeing Viktor, cheeks wet with tears, and the wedding rings around their fingers… Still felt so different from the skater in the pictures. All he could do was look forward to the day he could see Viktor like that again.
He bit back his loneliness.
Until then, he would work to be someone Viktor would be proud to be with.
Yuuri blinked tears out of his eyes. Viktor was staring at him, his own face wet with tears as well.
“Ah… it finally happened.” He muttered sleepily.
“Yuuri!” Viktor seemed to realize that his present Yuuri was back. Viktor pounced and tugged him close.
Yuuri laughed, even though having just cried made his voice raspy. Viktor was really holding back so he wouldn’t scare off young Yuuri, Viktor was always like that, considerate and thoughtful.
“I’m glad it went well…” Yuuri wiped his tears with his wrist. “Sorry for crying… I kind of just couldn’t hold it in anymore.” He squeezed Viktor’s hand.
“That’s how it was for me too…” Viktor mused, "well, maybe that means we're even now."
Yuuri spent a minute looking at the rings on his and Viktor’s fingers while Viktor lied down and absentmindedly evened out his breathing, holding Yuuri’s hand.
“We’re kinda ridiculous, aren’t we?” Yuri smiled and sighed.
“Why, because we both spent our switches crying?” Viktor looked at him.
Yuuri nuzzled closer to Viktor.
“That’s part of it,” he mumbled.
“Well, I think that’s okay then.”
They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company.
“Do you really not cry easily?” Yuuri asked doubtfully. “You seem to do it pretty often.”
“I told you Yuuri, out of anyone, you make me cry the most.”
“Sorry.” Yuuri said. “You know I don’t mean to.”
“You don’t have to apologize. Right now I’m crying because I’m happy. And you make me cry a lot because I care about you and what you think.”
Yuuri sighed. His lover acted so clueless to the affect his words had on him sometimes, but regardless, he kept making Yuuri fall for him more and more.
“Viktor, now you’re going to make me cry“ he smiled, but he really was holding back sobs, not having fully stopped crying still.
“We can stay here and keep crying if you want.” Viktor said. Yuuri silently thanked him for keeping that option open, he might need it.
Viktor ran his hands through Yuuri’s hair lovingly. And Yuuri silently rubbed circles on Viktor’s back. Viktor was more than Yuuri could have possibly hoped for, even after he met him when he was 15. Yuuri touched noses with Viktor.
“Since I was too scared to do it then, I’ll do it right now.” He said.
Yuuri kissed Viktor’s lips, before Viktor could react, Yuuri pulled back and smiled at his soulmate, “愛している, Viktor.”