Chapter Text
As the day wound down, Syrah went off with the Queen and a few ladies-in-waiting to be shown her quarters and such or whatever they said. This was perfectly normal thing to do, but Syrah was still going with the whole me and your mom bit, probably just because Saffron said your mom jokes aren't funny in Chapter 1. In fact, that is the probably entire reason why she is acting insufferable about this, and by insufferable Saffron especially means the shit-eating grin she looked back at him with as she left. It was less of a shit-eating grin and more of a riduclously amused beam—she looked more happy about it than smug. This just irritated Saffron even more, because Syrah getting genuine joy out of bothering him is really annoying for him specifically.
This left Saffron with his brothers and father. He was expecting them to immediately get back to messing with him, but surprisingly, their goofy behavior was replaced by something more respectable. This was extremely disturbing, and Saffron knew that something was wrong. A few of his brothers split off (it was honestly impressive having them all in one spot at a time), but three of them stuck around with their father, he beckoned Saffron over with his jaw set in a hard line. He then began to stroke his beard wisely, which sparked a chain of beard stroking through everyone in the room, which made Saffron consider that maybe whatever this was wasn't that serious, actually.
"Now, Saffron, we have matters that it is vital to inform you of," said the King. "We are incredibly relieved and pleased—"
"And surprised," added Basil.
"—that you have secured a fiancé."
"What," said Saffron.
"You'll promptly understand how help this is for our position," the King explained sympathetically. "But having a strong tie to such a commercially successful kingdom is beneficial all around, and Princess Syrah is quite funny—"
"Not really," Saffron muttered under his breath. Dad, you don't even know the half of it.
"So I would like to commend you for your engagement! Personally I would've liked more of a notice next time, perhaps I could've avoided some passive aggressive warning in a letter to the Metallic King…but nonetheless! This is very good!" the King clapped his hands enthusiastically.
"Uh, dad, wait—we're not—" Saffron started weakly.
"Now the bad news," the King interjected.
"Our government is cooked."
Saffron turned to his younger brother in confusion. "What?!"
"Er, I wouldn't say that," said the King. "It's more like our kingdom's stability is being…challenged."
"Oh my god we really are cooked," said Saffron.
"A mysterious ailment has been poisoning our crops—the goblins are highly suspected to be responsible."
Saffron fought back against his cursed goblin hand, which had something to "say" about that.
"So, um yeah," the King mumbled. "I guess the main reason all the princes were summoned was to talk about this. But, like, we can have a barbeque too, if you want."
"Our crops would quite literally be cooked then," piped up the younger brother.
"Thank you, son."
"Our crops are dying—what are you gonna eat??" Saffron sputtered. "You really think it's intentional sabotage?! The whole kingdom could starve."
The King nodded stiffly. "Your brothers brought some imports of food from their respective places of residence. Combined with what we have stored, this will be able to last us a month."
"Oh." Saffron felt a little guilty because he had no idea about this—but they didn't even tell him in the first place! Aw, wait, damn—they probably did that on purpose because they knew he was just bumming it out in the club. Great. Cursed Prince Saffron, always there to lend a helping hand. Haha. Everyone is laughing.
"If we unable to restore our crops, aid from the Metallic Kingdom will be crucial to our survival," said the King. "Get it?"
Unfortunately, Saffron does get it. "Yeah."
Surely, he will explain everything to Syrah, and she will not mind the idea of being engaged. Fake engaged? Engaged until they can sort this out. Yeah. Syrah, hook-up of the week Syrah, surely would not mind being tied down to a political marriage. It's not like she would have to stay loyal or anything. Yeah, it was fine. Totally fine.
THIS WAS NOT FINE, Saffron determined not long after.
…but no way he was gonna let his family know that. The teasing he'd have to endure would be UNBEARABLE, and they had a crisis to deal with.
Come to think of it, Syrah's family works with wine a lot. And like, wine comes from grapes, which are plants. Maybe their combined plant knowledge could just be what it takes to figure this out? But if the King, who had all these resources and agricultural experts on his side, couldn't figure it out—then how could they?
Still. They had to do something!
Tomorrow, Saffron decided. He would talk to Syrah, and they would figure it out tomorrow.
This was so funny. This was so fucking funny. It's been one day, and Foliage Kingdom put Syrah in a dress-fitting session, like, immediately—which Syrah isn't complaining about. An excuse to try on different clothes while the Queen is in the same room and basically checking her out? No way she was letting Saffron live this down, this was just way too good.
"What is your dream wedding?" the Queen asked as she stood to the side as a tailor took Syrah's measurements.
Syrah was desperately trying not to laugh. It REALLY sounded like Saffron's mom was coming onto her. An insane amount of your mom jokes could be wrung out of this. Thank you, Prez, for the gift that is this trip—Syrah would have material for years.
"I never really wanted to get married," Syrah answered honestly, because she didn't exactly want to tell the Queen about One Night Stand #47 and have to lie about it, thusly making her nose grow.
"Oh," said the Queen, with a twinkle in her eye—fond and curious. She smiled a little, chuckling lightly. "I see."
She elaborated no further. Syrah made a note to ask Saffron why he was like this when his mom was all cool and mysterious and shit.
"I don't see a point in a wedding without alcohol," Syrah declared. Alcohol mixed the memories with a blurry magic, and made the present moment so very fun. She considered her friends' bachelorette parties some of the best times of her life.
The Queen laughed at this, and Syrah grinned, adding a tally to her mental score of wins against Saffron. In her mind, she yelled at him with a drunken cackle: your mom thinks I'm FUNNY!!!!