Chapter Text
“He’s so warm.” They thought, half asleep and barely conscious of their surroundings. They held him closer, he felt weird. Empty. Squishy…?
They opened their eyes and rubbed them. “What the f##k?” They stared at the pillow in their arms and groaned.
It’s always something in the mornings.
They slowly got up, instantly feeling pain in their joints.
That was the worst sleep they’ve had since Jax started sleeping with them. They sat in front of their parts box and started looking through it. They didn’t really care what they picked out; their arms wouldn’t be showing because of their brand-new hoodie, so they just needed new ones to get the pain to stop.
“Blocky yellow hand with red and blue, and green monster arm… Yeah, that’ll work.” They yawned and ripped off their right arm, putting the green monster arm with yellow spots in, then got the blocky yellow hand with a blue ball joint and clicked it in their left socket.
Easily popping off both of their legs, they started searching for two new ones. “I’m too f#####g tired for this.” They picked up two off the ground that they wanted to rewear and stuck them in randomly.
~
They looked like a zombie walking out of their room. They glanced at Jax’s door as they were walking by. “Hey, Jax!” They knocked on the door, and waited a few seconds before they knocked again. “Jax!”
“AHHH! OW!” He ran to the door and peeked out. “Huh?”
Zooble stared at him in confusion. “Can I come in?”
He shut the door in their face.
“Uh, Jax?! What the f##k happened?” They tried to open the door but it was locked. They could hear shuffling and struggling inside.
Jax soon opened the door. “Come in!”
They slowly walked in and closed the door, locking it. “What the f##k happened last night, you good?” They sounded upset and concerned.
“Yup! Everything’s all good!” He looks around, not making eye contact. “My alarm just didn’t go off this morning.”
“What… alarm? Why were you sleeping here?” They sat down in his chair and played with his stuff, finding a scrapbook and a pencil. They opened it to see photos of Ribbit and Kaufmo. They flipped to the last page and started sketching.
“I mean- hah. My alarm was supposed to go off at 6:00AM for me to go back in bed with you.” He laid down on his back, flinching a little.
“Do you do that every night?” They crossed their legs.
“No, just last night.” He turned his body in bed to face the wall, then moved back on his back immediately after.
“Are you feeling okay? If it’s a physical thing then Caine can fix the problem in your code…” They sighed at their own words. If Caine was at least okay at anything it was managing bugs in the circus.
“No- yeah. I’m fine.” He shut his eyes for a moment before opening them again, trying not to move.
Zooble put down the scrapbook and walked over to Jax. “Hey, what hurts?” They didn’t sound upset anymore, just concerned.
Jax looked away, his head sinking into his pillow.
“No one else gets weird pains here… I do, but only when I sleep weird. Do you remember when or how it started?” They reached out and put their palm on his forehead. His temperature felt normal.
“It’s… not anything, Zooble.” He frowned. “I’m fine.”
“Can I help you get up? E-either way, Caine’s gonna know.” Zooble held their hand out.
He sighed in defeat and took their hand, sitting up.
“Alright, you’re okay. Talk to me. What happened?”
He sighed and looked at the floor, struggling to make eye contact for more than a second. “I dunno. I just… woke up in the middle of the night with pain. Decided I wanted to sleep in my own bed.”
They squinted. “…You were in pain last night too, right?”
“No.” He barely whispered, his body not letting him breathe without pain. “I was fine last night.”
“There’s something wrong with your chest?”
His neck snapped to face them. “How did you-“
“I tried to hug you there last night and you seemed hurt.” They reached their hand out and touched his back. “Tell me if you want me to stop.” They rubbed his back in small circles.
His back arched at the small touch, he stood up. “Get out of my room.”
“What?” Their antennas drooped back in concern. “I won’t touch you if it hurts that badly but you don’t have to kick me out.”
“Zoobie, go. I need time alone.” He walked to the door and opened it.
“If you say so…” they sighed. “Come talk to me if you need it, okay?”
“…yeah, okay.” He was quiet and unsure.
They leaned into him and nuzzled their face against his head. “Gonna skip out on the adventure today?”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I might sleep alone again too.”
“That’s okay, I love you…”
“I love you too.” He watched them close the door, he was left all alone now. He locked the door and slid his overall straps down to his waist, took his hoodie off, and stared at himself in the mirror.
He just had his binder on his torso. He stared at himself in the mirror for a few seconds before carefully taking it off and sighing in relief.
He was stupid… So stupid. Thinking it’d be fine if he wore it to bed every night. The pain felt unbearable by now, even with it off. He’d formed bruises and felt as if he could barely breathe.
He rested his elbows on his dresser and buried his face in his hands. He tried taking deep breaths, but his body just hurt.
Knocks at his door jolted him out of it. He grabbed his hoodie and put it on quickly, leaving the binder on his chair. “What!? Who is it?”
“It’s me, your favorite character!~” Caine exclaimed.
“Good.” He thought to himself and sighed, he was out to Caine, obviously. “What do you want?”
“Well, it’s adventuring time, everyone’s at the stage waiting for you!” He flew in and sat on Jax’s bed, kicking his feet.
“I can’t go today.” Jax sighed. “I’m in a lot of pain.”
“Well, I do amazing therapy sessions! Just ask Zooble, they LOVE them. Oh! Speaking of Zooble, you and them have been getting pretty close lately.” He looked Jax in the eyes.
Jax’s eyes widened, and he stuttered out a response. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Are you two a couple?” He didn’t blink. Didn’t move.
Jax laughed. “You think I’d actually be Zooble’s boyfriend?!” His laughing turned to quiet chuckles due to the pain in his chest. “I’m merely entertaining them. It’s funny!” His chuckles died down, noticing Caine’s expression didn’t change.
“I don’t appreciate couples in my circus, even joke ones. You know what inevitably happens to relationships in here.” He looked behind him and saw his wall of photos. He turned around a picture of Ribbit and Jax. The two were cuddling in Ribbit’s bed filled with stuffed animals.
“Hey! Don’t touch that!” He ran to Caine and grabbed the photo off the wall. He stayed on the bed and stared at Caine.
“Zooble and I aren’t a couple so it doesn’t matter.” He looked down at the photo in his shaking hands and stuck it back on his wall. “Get out of my room!”
Caine let his head fall for a moment, his teeth covered his eyes, his hand reached out for Jax’s shoulder.
The touch sent a chill down his spine, he stayed sitting. He felt tingles around his chest and upper back, all the pain he had been feeling vanished. He felt tears forming in his eyes from the change happening to his body.
“Welp, I’ll be on my way!-” Caine looked away and flew to the door, his hand on the doorknob. “-And Jax…”
“What do you need now?” He muttered, wiping his eyes dry.
“I wouldn’t trust Zooble.” He looked down at the ground for a moment, then opened the door and flew out, shutting it behind him.
Jax laid back down in bed. Caine’s last words, ‘I wouldn’t trust Zooble’, played in his head.
“It’s just Caine. He’s trying to mess with me, but I’ve never seen him that serious before.” He paced around his room and stood in front of his mirror.
Zooble… The two had just started dating but he still didn’t know too much about them. Did he only feel comfortable around them because they’d been living in the circus together or was it a real connection? Were they just a tool to stop him from abstracting or his true love? Would it even make a difference if it was someone else or does it have to be them? Did he even know what he was getting himself into? What if it ends just like all the others?
One day… They’ll just be a photo on the wall.
He felt his body grow hot and his throat get dry. What did Caine even mean when he said that? He forced himself to take deep breaths and looked back up at the mirror.
“You promised yourself a new beginning and that’s what will happen.” He couldn’t handle it, he punched his mirror, hard. His fist landed right where his face reflected. The mirror stayed intact, no glass came off, but it was broken now.
Just… slightly damaged.
~
“I never thought I’d fight a f#####g dinosaur before… and win!” Zooble fell on the grass filled ground in exhaustion.
Gangle laid down next to them, a smile on her face. “You looked really cool with those swords.” She also panted in exhaustion.
“You looked really cool with your morning star.” They chuckled. “You went insane on that pterodactyl.”
Gangle laughed with them. “It kept on trying to steal our weapons, I had to!”
Out of the corner of their eye, Zooble saw a creature run in the forest, they sat up quickly and stared. “Huh?”
Gangle sat up right after. “See another dinosaur?”
“No, it was in the shape of a human I think. Follow me. Bring your shield.” They grabbed their swords and stood up, walking toward it.
“Coming!” She ran and grabbed her shield, putting it in front of her body while her morning star was in her other hand. “Do ya think it could’ve just been Ragatha?”
“Maybe, but the thing wasn’t wearing a dress, it didn’t have hair either.” They carefully walked through the forest, stepping over sticks to be quiet.
Gangle walked behind them, her body was too light to make any noise at all. Without warning, she let out a loud, agonizing shriek.
Zooble’s head snapped back, they held their sword up. Ready to attack the creature attacking Gangle. The creature took bites out of Gangle’s mask and was chewing on the glass.
“Jax?…” They took a step back and watched as Jax let Gangle drop to the floor and disappear.
“What the f##k was that?!” They gripped their sword tighter. “I thought you stayed in the circus!” They ran towards him to try and stab him, he ripped their arm straight out of its socket, then kicked their chest with his foot and let them fall to the floor.
They rolled onto their back, struggling to move away with only one arm. Blood dripped out of his mouth along with shards of white glass.
“F##k!” Zooble whispered when Jax pinned them to the floor, his hands pressing hard on their chest. He sat on their stomach and started laughing, getting blood and glass on Zooble’s face.
He grabbed their sword before they could stab him again and held it tightly, ignoring the blood dripping down his hands. “You really thought you could fix me?” He used the sword in his grip to rip his hoodie where his chest was. A gaping hole where his heart should’ve been was being held together by a few black nerves. “There’s nothing you can do! Nothing you could ever have done! I’m hopeless!” His voice cracks and he starts laughs more, getting louder and louder each moment he went on.
Zooble thrusted their hand up, making the sword stab him in the head. Confetti bursted out where his body was. Their detached arm fell to the floor next to them. “Oh…” they took a red strip of confetti from the air. “That makes sense.” They grabbed their arm and put it back in the socket.
~
“Finally…” Zooble whispered in defeat, staring at the portal back to the circus and walking in. They fell on the coach and groaned.
“Hey.” Jax sat right next to their head and patted it.
“Huh? Why’s the circus’s lights off?” They sat up, too tired to make eye contact with him.
“We’re having a game night and slumber party.” He sat on the floor and got out some cards. “UNO, again?”
“No, I’m tired.” They relaxed on the couches, trying not to take up too much space, their knees were against their chest, their arms and head rested on the couch arms.
“Okay.” He gently draped a blanket over them. “I’ll wake you up when everyone’s leaving.”
They stayed silent and closed their eyes.
“Pomni!” Jax turned around and saw Pomni holding the deck of cards.
“Wanna place a bet?” She smiled.
“Ohhhoohhhh yeah I do.” He chuckled and sat down in front of her.
Ragatha stared at the three a moment, thinking about what to do and how she could fit in.
“Ragatha!” Kinger called out just a few feet away. “You wanna draw with me and Gangle? We have an extra sketchbook!”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’d love to!” She smiled and sat next to Kinger, resting her head against him as the three quietly chatted and drew.
~
“Hey, Zooble. Everyone’s gone to bed.” Jax rubbed their big eye. “Get up before I carry you to our room.”
“Our room?” They yawn. “Whose room are we going to?”
“Yours to hang out? I’m gonna sleep in my room again.”
“Hmm.” They sat up, stretched their back, and started walking to their room. “Night, Jax.”
“…Zooble!” He ran toward them again, they rubbed their eyes and looked up at him.
“What?”
“How’d your day go? Don’t you want to… sit down and talk?” He took their hand in his.
“I fought dinosaurs today. I’m pretty tired…” They yawned again and looked up at him, their eyes suddenly widened. “Wait, did Caine heal you?”
“Oh, yeah. Uh, it’ll come back though.” He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck, looking uneasy. “It wasn’t a permanent fix.”
“What was the problem?” They sat down on a couch and patted the space next to them.
Jax sat down but looked away. “Maybe we can talk about it tomorrow? Let’s just go to bed.”
They squinted. “Jax, you asked to talk to me, so talk. What did Caine say?”
“We don’t always have to talk about me, Zooble! Can we talk about you, for once? I barely know anything about you!” He spoke a little louder than normal.
Zooble crossed their legs. “Yeah. Sure. I… Fought dinosaurs with Gangle today. She got killed halfway through, though.”
“Got killed? By a dinosaur?”
“Yeah. I got bored of the game after that.” They shrugged.
“You really don’t seem to enjoy things unless Gangle’s around, huh?” He chuckled nervously, feeling a bit self conscious.
“Everything’s better when you’re doing it with someone you love. If you were there, I would’ve kept playing.” They couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“It’d be cool if you, me, and Gangle spent time together again.” He crossed his legs and leaned towards Zooble.
“Do you want to get along with her?” They glanced at him, seeing him a little puzzled.
“I guess. I have some things in common with her.” He shrugged. “I think if we invited her it’d-“ he looked back at Zooble with a flustered smile “-heyyy we were supposed to be talking about you!” He moved closer and tickled their sides.
Zooble clenched the couch cushion beneath them to stop themselves from pushing him away, they chuckled and squirmed for a few seconds before Jax let go. Their smile showed in their eyes as they relaxed again. “I never really talk about myself. There’s… not much to say.”
“C’mon, you don’t have a crazy funny story from your childhood?” He wrapped an arm around their shoulders.
“No, I didn’t do much when I was a kid.” Their voice got quiet, and they looked away.
His smile slowly fell. “What do you mean?” He softened his voice and rubbed their shoulder with his thumb.
“Things were hard for me and my parents, we just didn’t have the time between… yeah.” They shrugged, picking the plastic on their thumb with their index finger.
“Between what?” He didn’t make any sudden movements, like pulling them into a hug or leaning against them. He just kept rubbing their shoulder.
Zooble thought about their next words for a moment, they took a deep sigh and started fidgeting more. “I didn’t see my parents too much, especially when I was young. I never got to know them too well. They were always working, for…” they stayed quiet for a few seconds “…me. Well- my appointments and…”
Jax stayed silent, he moved a little closer, his leg touching theirs. After a minute or two of silence he realized they weren’t gonna talk more. He kissed the side of their head and smiled at them softly.
Zooble wrapped their arms around him, he did the same in return, rubbing their back with one hand and holding them tightly with the other.
“Sorry…” they chuckled, sounding a little sad. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”
“No, you’re good.” He puts both of his hands on their upper back and squeezes them, then lets go. “Let’s still sleep in our own rooms tonight…”
They tilted their head. “But… isn’t your chest fine now?” They gently placed their hand on his chest.
He let out a nervous laugh and moved their hand down. “Not completely…” He frowned, then kissed their forehead and walked back to his room. “Night, love you!”
“Night…” Zooble stayed sitting on the couch for a few minutes, staring into the distance. The Jax they saw in the adventure was an npc. It was just an npc that happened to have his body and voice. They let out a deep sigh and reflected on their conversation with Jax.
It’s almost pathetic that their hospital stays were still so hard to talk about. He didn’t try to force them to talk, they were grateful for that. Or maybe he didn’t care. They couldn’t tell.
They kept changing positions on the couch, laying on their back, laying on their stomach, sitting, and even putting their legs on the back of the couch like Ragatha did when she was on stupid sauce.
Today has been way too long. They got up and walked slowly to their room, looking like a zombie.
They turned the doorknob and opened it, their lamp was still on, already the perfect setting for a good night’s sleep.
They walked to their bed and picked up the light pink hoodie, they held it up to their nose and smelled it. It smelled like a mix of their scents, Jax’s warm vanilla scent mixed with their own forestry scent.
Zooble let out a content sigh and tucked themselves into bed, gently placing their head on the pillow and throwing their limbs to their box. The hoodie stayed next to their head.
~
“Hey, Zooble.” Jax gently shook them awake.
“Ugh, what do you want?” They groaned, turning their body around.
“Can we talk?” He got their arms and legs from the box and put them in their sockets for them.
“Dude, what time is it?” They put the hoodie on their body, then put their head on.
“Uhhh… it’s 4:00AM.” He sat next to them in bed.
“Why are you even awake right now?” They rubbed their eyes.
“You know I don’t sleep well.” He smiled, looking really nervous.
“No, I didn’t know that.” They raised an eyebrow.
“Oh. I do when I’m… alone.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“How have you been sleeping the entire time you’ve been in the circus besides the few times we’ve slept together?”
He smirked.
They rolled their eyes. “You didn’t sleep well all that time?- That explains a lot.”
“…No. I slept fine, I- I slept with her back then… mostly.” He turned his head away immediately after the words spilled from his mouth.
They stared at the back of his head with wide eyes, they were definitely awake now. “You- you never told me that.” They raised an eyebrow and let out a short, nervous giggle. “You two were roommates?… Or-”
“That isn’t what I came here to talk about.” He frowned, his head still turned.
They sighed. “What’d you come here for?”
“Something I… probably should’ve talked about with you earlier? I just… kept forgetting.”
Zooble crossed their arms. “About something serious?”
He frowned and nodded. A scared look in his tired, red eyes.
“We’re both tired, I don’t want to have this conversation so late at night.” Zooble wrapped their arms around him and rubbed his back. “Could it wait or is it urgent?”
“I… guess it could wait.” Jax sighed. “I wanted to tell you before I told anyone else.”
“Anyone else? It’s not a relationship thing?” Zooble leaned back enough to look up at him.
He shook his head.
“Is it about your health?” Zooble wrapped their blanket around him.
He crossed his legs and leaned against the back of their bed.
“Vaguely?” He sounded worried.
“Okay. We’ll talk in the morning. Do you want to sleep here?”
He laid down and rested his head on their pillows.
Zooble patted his head and played with his ears until he fell asleep. “Night.”
“Night…” he whispered, half asleep.
They wrapped their arms around his body and felt around chest. Their eyes widened as they felt the hems of his binder. “Oh you idiot.” They whispered and played with the side of his hoodie until all the clips went undone.
It loosened around him, Zooble watched his face relax. “Huh…” Zooble sighed. Guilt washed over them, remembering the things they’ve said and done. Saying his room had ‘a ladie’s touch’ and telling Gangle it’d be funny to put him in a maid’s dress.
“I’m sorry.” They whispered and kissed his cheek.