Chapter Text
His tears dried while he slept. He had never ever felt so exhausted by just feeling anything. Loving Todd came as easy as breathing, hating his family came as natural as the desire to eat and drink. He cried for longer than what he felt the situation warranted, but maybe it did. He had put a gun to his temple with intent to pull the trigger, ran half naked from his home to the reprieve of Todd, travelled thousands of miles to pay a visit to someone with the same blood running in his veins, at his Father's bequest no less. He'd broken free from the restraint he'd felt over the years, but it didn't feel as good as he wished.
Admittedly he resented his inability to hold his own against Todd's puppy eyes. They touched down on New Jersey soil and immediately Todd was orchestrating their journey to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. That bus journey was only twenty minutes, hardly enough time to calm his nerves even if by some miracle they ran into some traffic.
"You'll be okay, I'm here," Todd had told him. His heart skipped a beat and he rested his head against the blond's shoulder, feeling his fear ease.
Turns out he was capable of loving someone and harbouring a low brewing resentment at the same time. He knew deep inside that Todd wasn't to blame, not him as a person. Neil loved him too much to rip himself from his side even if he felt it the only way. It was the thought of Todd that stilled his shaking hand and enabled him to safely place the gun back on the desk without a misfire. Todd wouldn't know how much he wished for that last minute miracle. How it kept him up on their overnight bus journey. Hey he managed to catch a glimpse of the New York state sign which reinstated his dream. Fuck it all, he will stand on the stage. The lights will shine on him. He'll be loved by them. He will.
Even though new he felt about as loved as those awkward phase teen photos that anyone in their right mind wanted to burn, loved only by the sentimental Mom. Todd was the sentimental Mom in this scenario, refusing to let sleeping dogs lie, let suffering actors die. As much as he is torn up about it, he takes it as a sign, he has a second chance at life, a second chance to be an actor.
If only he could get out of this place.
He had no reason to be there, tucked into a scratchy bed that only just beat dorm beds. Just. All because some part of him painted his soul blue, sucked the ambition from his heart and shot darts into his brain. Days spent forgetting to brush his teeth before breakfast and going to bed at night not remembering how he got there when his memory blanked around the first thirty second mark when brushing his teeth. He's fine after those days pass, so not an issue.
He hates that he seems to be the only one to think that. Todd doesn't, the fear that his boyfriend would go before his time makes him quake with fear when he's alone. His bastard brother doesn't, to Neil he seems like too much of a wimp to form his own opinions but he seems well versed in navigating the despair they seem to share. The cripple doesn't, okay it's unfair of him to say that as he busted his own leg when blindly stumbling back to Welton, he seems to watch Neil with judgement and its clear the two would need divine intervention to comfortably exist in the same room but it's clear he recognises his suffering.
"James, if that bitch-" "House!" " I stand by it, anyway, if he can't see how much you obviously care for him, than he's an idiot. I mean more of a bitch than I already think he is."
"House he has every reason to hate me, in fact I'm glad he does, it means he isn't fatally ill."
"Ha ha, Wilson I cannot believe you made a joke about your dying brother!"
"House! Dying?"
"Relax pussy, I was overexaggerating, you won't be handing him a death sentence."
"You ass!"
"Yet you love me."
"You're lucky I do."
He knew those two voices.
"Alright sucker! We're back!"
The sound of his door ripping open shook him awake a bit. He had to pick his jaw up from the floor.
"Aw Wilson, he heard us."
"N-no!" he tried to deny it but he knew his face was redder than Mars at the not so ridiculous accusation.
"Nice try punk, you tried too hard to make it seem like you hadn't."
"I-I don't have a problem with it or anything!" He rushed to say, he hated the pair of them but he couldn't stand them thinking he was a homophobe, not when the opposite was true.
"Not like it would matter if you did, I would probably be more inclined to have a hot make out sess with this hunk though, eh, he's cute enough for me."
What Neil saw next caused a tangle of new emotions to come rising to the surface. First; hope, maybe one day that could be him and Todd, middle age and as in love as they were now. Second: relief he didn't have to hide his relationship with Todd, he sensed he'd see a lot of these two. Third; intrigue, he knew little of his brother, his obvious queerness maybe why he was the black sheep of the family, the man was a doctor! Their father would be approving. Fourth; irritation, it seemed his brother had found something gentle when he abandoned Neil in that place. Finally; sadness, he longed for his love to return.
The two men finally let go of one another, Wilson was flushed and panicking slightly, Neil fought down a small giggle which was surprisingly easy when he realised how much the mannerisms resembled Todd's. House looked about as smug as ever, Neil was beginning to think he'd never see the man without a smirk on his lips.
"Sorry about that-" "I'm not!" "we were unable to book a CT when we heard of your circumstance."
"What." The question fell flat from his lips.
"We have reason to suspect you are physically sound."
"Your source?"
He hated how young he sounded, how betrayed. The way a child would when their friend they just made at a park left them for someone else.
"You know who." He did. That was the hellish thing.
"That traitor," his voice was dangerously low. His heart felt like it had been struck by a butcher knife.
"Neil-" That damned tone. The tone of disappointment, that spoke of unmet expectations.
"Don't 'Neil' me!" He shouted, he wanted to yank the blankets off of himself and toss them at the two idiots at the foot of his bed. He wanted to escape, to run from the room and never look back, the same way he fled Vermont.
"Lie back down or I'll call the psych ward and have them bring down the straps."
It was that warning that alerted him he had partially completed his goal. He no longer had the blankets on him and he had stood up.
No longer wishing to be the centre of attention, he snuck back under the covers and pulled them up to his neck and stared at the ceiling.
He no longer craved the presence of his boyfriend. He never wanted to see him again.
Unfortunately the universe had other plans. The door opened and in he walked. The devil in an angel disguise.
All rational thought betrayed him.
Next thing he knew he was being man handled back onto his bed by the cripple and his brother. Todd was crying at the other end of the room, making odd sounds like he couldn't quite get the air in. The cripple was yelling down the phone and the hands against him pinned him down, not relinquishing their hold. His own hands? They felt odd, like there was a ghost of something warm and soft with a hardness about it. His thumbs hurt the most, like he pressed down really hard on something.
Then it all went black.