Chapter Text
Self Preservation was left with Reason, the latter scowling at the former. Finally, Reason's hand was released.
"Why would you stop me? I know you want to know about our origins just as much as I do." he said, jabbing a finger in Self Preservation's chest.
"Maybe I didn't want you to traumatize the new side. Unlike you, I have the ability to read the room." he countered angrily, shoving the other's hand away.
Reason's scowl deepened. "You are just afraid of the truth!" he yelled.
Self Preservation took a step forward, his hands behind his back. "You have no idea what you are getting into, Reason." he said, saying the other's name like it was poisonous. Reason stepped back, but regained his composure.
"What are you saying.." he asked. "You know something about all of this, don't you...?"
Self Preservation looked to the side. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You just love prodding at things, don't you. You never know when to leave a door closed."
"There are no doors here, we're not in the commons."
Self Preservation stared at him with annoyance. "ok, yea I walked into that one didn't I. Never mind. And to answer your question, yes. I will always know more than you, and it is better that way. Trust me. " He said the last part with such heavy emotion that Reason couldn't place. As he turned away, Reason grabbed his wrist.
Self Preservation stared daggers at the other, but Reason refused to give this up. He let go of his wrist, and took a deep breath. "You are right." he said
The snake side's jaw dropped. "I beg your pardon."
Reason refused to meet his eyes. "I said you are right. There are some things better left unknown. I understand that. But I cannot let this remain unknown. My whole job is to help Thomas learn, to explore new things. I want him to learn about the world around him, because it is amazing. And," he took in a breath, "And because knowledge will keep him safe. The more he knows what is out there, the more metaphorical armor he has. I cannot help this desire in me to know all I can, like I know you cannot help the desire in you to keep us all safe. To keep Thomas safe. And I believe you sharing your knowledge will accomplish that. Maybe I am being selfish, maybe I just want to be a 'know-it-all' as you all claim. But I truly believe that right now, knowledge will help us."
Self Preservation stared at him. Then at his hands. They stood in silence for a few minutes that felt like an eternity. Finally, Self Preservation broke that silence.
"There are things that will hurt Thomas to know. At least.....right now. He's young. He doesn't need to know that good people die. That the people in power aren't as honest as they say they are. That he's not....."
"Normal." Reason finished for him.
Self Preservation sighed, then nodded. "Yes. Children are cruel, Reason. Adults even crueler. I can't let him go out there and get hurt for just being himself. I cant. You must understand. I lie to him for him." He slowly sunk down to the floor, sitting now. His facial expression was numb, but his words dripped with emotion. Reason knelt down next to him. "You must.... Im not trying to hurt him. I just want-"
"What's best for him. I do too. We all do." Reason said. Self Preservation looked away, but Reason continued. "But this isn't the way to do that. And I think you know that too."
Self Preservation sighed heavily. "You know, I absolutely hate when you make good points." The other laughed softly. Self Preservation finally turned to look at him. Bracing himself, he took off one glove. He raised the naked hand in the air to show he was telling the truth, and spoke. "I....don't know everything. But, I have picked up on how some of this works. I have no idea where you, Morality and Whimsy came from. I don't know why we exist, it doesn't seem like Thomas' peers have their traits diversified like him. But I do know where me and Realism came from. The 'darkness' Anxiety spoke of. A part of Thomas that he doesn't even realize exists. Parts he probably....wished didn't."
He dropped his hand, looking at the scaled skin underneath. "He's like me.... Anxiety, I mean. His face is marred like mine. He must have been repressed for quite some time."
Reason said nothing, but his face was full of confusion. Self Preservation continued. "Im sure you've wondered why we're so different. Not all of us can have Whimsy's flawless skin" he said with sarcasm. "Not every part of Thomas will be accepted, even subconsciously. No one wants to believe they lie. No one wants to have horrid or unacceptable thoughts. No one wants to be riddled with anxiety. It is my job to keep that from him. Like I told you, some things are better left unknown. At least....for now. For as long as I can manage."
They sat in silence for a while, Reason dissecting everything he said. Self Preservation picked at his scales. "You said Anxiety was repressed.... was that... your doing?" Reason asked.
Self Preservation gave a dry laugh. "You must think me a monster. Whimsy already believes that, so why not you too."
"I did not say that. I know you have your reasons, I want to know why."
Self Preservation bit his cheek. "I didn't know he was a side. I only knew that Thomas did not want to accept that he was scared. That he was more anxious than his peers. I don't control everything that's hidden from him. But whatever he decides he doesn't want to know, I comply. It's my job." he said.
Reason nodded. "I see. So if Thomas doesn't want to know something..."
"Then he won't. I have no say. Do you really believe I want to stay hidden from him? I would love to speak with him like you or Morality. To let him know i'm here." he looked off in the distance, not really focusing on anything. "To let him know he's safe. He's ok. That he doesn't have to hide from me." He closed his eyes tightly, sucking in a quick breath. "But there are roles we must play. If that means I am deemed a snake, a voice telling him to be selfish, then so be it. As long as he is safe. As long as he knows that he matters, he can choose himself. Then I don't mind. And I won't stop." At his final words, he put his glove back on and stood up. "While this was so much fun, I must be on my way. I hope my answers were satisfactory." he said. Reason gave a dumbstruck nod, and Self Preservation sunk out.
"Note to self," Reason spoke aloud, "don't speak with emotions without Morality around to guide the conversation." And with that, he sunk out as well.