Chapter Text
(Dan's pov)
There's something inevitably intimate and vulnerable about someone, especially your teammate undressing you just so you can shower.
And it's also incredibly sensual. They're literally undressing you, watching your body and your everything, and not judging you by what they see…
Pepe slid the sleeves off my shoulders with a tenderness I don't remember ever receiving.
I don't think my scars are noticeable, I've stopped hurting myself since a long time ago and I couldn't be more proud about not relapsing despite how much I drink myself over the edge.
Pepe didn't focus on anything in particular, or he pretended not to, he just slid my clothes down until I was completely bare before him.
—Damn, Pepe, we've been teammates not so long ago and now you're undressing me? —I joked to hide how really timid I was about the whole situation.
He just chuckled and helped me get in the bathtub and turned on the water.
It was comfortable, I was comfortable.
Medicine really started to help now, my hands weren't as shaky as before now, my head hurted less.
—I'm going to search for towels, I'm coming right back.
What a gentleman, huh? Searching for towels in a home he doesn't know.
…
Somehow he found them, I couldn't help but laugh.
—So fast already?
—Shut up, Dan. —he answered back.
That's when I noticed.
—Two towels…? I don't need that much you know–
(Pepe's Pov)
—The second one is not for you.
I replied before he could ever think of words.
I had to hold a laugh at his face reddening up, he was so cute.
—And of course if you want to, I don't want to force myself into you..–
(Dan's pov)
—I don't mind.
…
Fuck. I said that too fast. I'm going to look like a weirdo now.
—I-I mean… uhhhh…
Oh my goodness. What am I supposed to do now?!
I looked at different points of the bathroom and I felt Pepe's eyes burning my face like some hours ago.
—Sorry. —I mumbled as I looked up, seeing Pepe already shirtless.
—Don’t worry —he spoke back.
I'm not going to lie, the thought of seeing him naked made me a bit nervous but at the same time… eager? For some reason.
I could pretty much guess why.
He sat in front of me in the already half full bathtub, he didn't take a lot before closing the water tap.
Silence wrapped over the place.
(Third person)
Neither of the men looked at each other for some minutes, Dan's fingers were tapping against the ceramic tile of the wall.
—This is awkward…
He passed his other hand through his face, finally resting both of them underwater
Pepe noticed how Dan's arms didn't really come off water.
—Are you still shaky?
—N-no, it's… another thing.
Pepe didn't push more.
At least 5 minutes passed by until Pepe felt something against or rather wrapping around his knee.
Dan 's hand.
He looked up.
Dan was shaking slightly, not by fear or cold.
Of course it was from emotion.
This man has never ever been this close to someone he met almost three months ago.
—Pepe… —Dan whispered in the small space. —Why does it have to be like this..? Why can't I just get better soon…? I'm literally drinking my life away and I don't care. I can't care.
—Dan…
Dan's hand travelled to his thigh.
—I don't deserve this kind of care, but yet… you're here… and I don't know what to feel.
Pepe didn't say anything else, Dan neither, because what he wanted to say was already spoken.
Dan kept his hand there, before returning to his knee and grabbing both Pepe's hands.
Pepe was a bit surprised, he was looking up, but Dan wasn't, he was fixated on his hands before drawing them to his face so he would cup his jaw and finally feel physical affection.
Dan felt, he really felt.
—Josep… —He mumbled, his eyes closed. Not looking at him until he felt Pepe's thumb move through his cheek.
Pepe felt the tension in him as he could feel his own.
—Dan…
They inevitably got closer to each other, closer, closer…
Dan was breathing slowly through his mouth, eyes half closed, arms around his neck.
Profusely looking into his eyes.
Pepe's hands grabbed his face, fingers tracing it, his cheeks, the corner of his eyes.
Dan got even closer, his forehead against Pepe's.
—This means nothing, you know…? —Dan whispered, his mouth way too close to Pepe's.
—It means everything, Daniel.
(Dan's pov)
He's right. He's always so fucking right.
It does mean everything.
It does mess up with my mind, in such a good way.
I could say his name all the time, I'll never get tired.
I got impossibly closer, I was against him.
I could feel everything.
Yes, everything.
(Pepe's pov)
This is really happening, isn't it?
I never imagined today would turn into this.
I'm not complaining.
He clinged more into me, we both looked at each other at the same time.
(Third person)
—Is this enough for you..? —Dan smiled softly, stealing a small kiss from his lips.
Pepe didn't let that pass.
—Is more than enough, Dan.
And after a minute of pure silence, Dan closed the space.
He started to kiss Pepe, purely, slowly, without any rush.
And Pepe kissed back, the same way.
Hands slid down, caressing.
The water was probably the only thing moving that had a sound in the room.
Dan didn't move from there, he kept kissing, he kept moving against him.
—I love you… —He muttered in between kisses— I love you so fucking much that I want to die, Pepe.
Pepe tilted his head to deepen the kiss some bit, Dan was responding eagerly as before, his arms tightening around his shoulders, meanwhile Pepe's arms tightened around his waist.
They separated after some seconds, to catch a breath.
—Josep, oh, Josep… —The British bit his lips softly, drawing a groan from the Spanish man before kissing him again.
Meanwhile, Pepe’s arms moved, and now he was wrapping his hands around his dark ginger hair.
Both of them not catching a breath until it was necessary.
They looked at each other again, not saying anything but maybe… thinking the same.
Dan let Pepe handle him.
Pepe moved around, carefully until Dan was under him.
Dan didn't say anything nor moved.
Cause Dan had never been this intimate with anyone but himself and his pair of hands in an empty night completely alone before. Where the only kind of "love" he could receive was his own.
When lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling and a cold beer in his nightstand, and his right hand.
It was so obvious, he didn't know what to do when no one was near more than drinking or doing anything with or to himself.
Dan's eyes, half lidded, looked around the place, always ending in Pepe's face.
The Spanish man made himself a space between his legs.
Of course, he couldn't know that it would be him and him alone who Dan wanted to learn intimacy with.
Dan had always been a ”dancer” in sort of a way, so expressive, so much movement always…
But so empty on the inside.
And Dan would never tell Pepe that it was his first time.
And yet, after those probably 30 minutes…
—What excuse will we give the team, Pepe…? —Dan’s sarcasm was at it again, even while trembling with emotion and excitement.
—Excuse for what? —The Spanish man tilted his head, giving Dan's neck a last kiss.
Dan fell silent.
—I… I don't know.
—We don't have to excuse anything, Dan. —a kiss— We don't have to excuse anything…
Dan buried his face into Pepe's neck, clinging into him.
—I’m sorry. —He mumbled out— for pushing you before. I was being dumb.
Pepe didn't say anything.
—I really thought you went away for good, I couldn't blame you if you really did.
—I would never. —The Spanish man finally spoke, firm— I would never leave you like this.
—You’ve only met me for some months, what's so new about me? Do you want to make me feel “clean”? It will take you more than that.
—No, Dan. —Pepe pulled him away, forcing him to look at him. —Don’t ever think I'm planning to “fix” this from night to morning, I don't even plan on “fixing” you to be whatever they call “normal”, but I do plan to help you with some things, I won't hug you and tell “everything is okay”, because it isn't. But I can just hug you, like now.
—Pepe…
—Dan, you're one of the most important people on the team. You gave them their first podium, their first win. I want you to realize that, I want you to realize, not for them, but for yourself. That you're so important, you're an incredible person, and you're so funny.
—I'm not…–
—Like if you didn't make me laugh back in Sao Paulo with your stupid knowledge of cars…
—They’re not stupid..! —Dan frowned.— you're just uncultured.
Pepe chuckled, before kissing his cheek.
—Dan, you literally named almost every single car there.
After a kind banter, until the water turned cold and Dan was shivering a little too much…
—You’re always so chilly. —Pepe helped him get out.
—I-im not… —Dan mumbled out, although his teeth were shivering.
Pepe chuckled as he wrapped an extra towel around Dan, passing his hands through the fabrics.
Back in the room, Dan changed clothes and sat on the messy bed again, patting aside him, inviting Pepe to sit aside him.
—So, how's everything? Feeling comfortable? —Dan asked, moving the rest of the curtain, revealing a really messy bedroom.— Sorry about the mess, really.
Pepe just nodded, moving away a t-shirt.
Dan sat back aside and a little down because of the mess.
Pepe wrapped his arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer.
—We won't get out of this from night to morning, not as fast as I know you'd like.
Silence, Dan sat closer.
—But we’ll be together in this, I swear.
…
—Thanks. —Dan hugged him fully.— For putting up with me.
Pepe smiled softly, hugging him back.
—No problem, Ticktum.