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Dear San Lang,
Your sentiments toward me will always be appreciated in this heart of mine. I may not have known what you felt about me for the longest time, and I will apologize for that. As much as you may think it unfair, or wrong for me to apologize for such behavior, you were always by me and I left myself clueless to this fact. I don’t want things to stay that way any longer, and if there is any way I can correct this, I will make an effort to do so.
You have always believed in me; even when I didn’t.
Imagining how to reciprocate your love to the same level will be impossible. I’ll strive to reach your devotion as much as I can, as I believe that I have neglected you in turn. Every minute you’ve spent thinking about me will be traded for twice as much in return. Every thought, every feeling, every emotion you’ve spent as my long standing sole believer will be reflected with the same from me to you. Do not think of it as compensation or debt repaid, I want you to think of it as my faith for you.
I stood a long while in despair and you were with me for every moment. I could’ve gone centuries more without knowing of your love, and had that happened, I’m afraid that would’ve been my greatest regret.
For every word of love, for every thought you have about me, I look forward to reading them all. I await each letter you send, for I will send you one in turn. I will treasure every word you’ve written, because they were all written for me, about me. They were sent from you, my lover, and one could never reach your level of faith, your level of devotion.
I long to express myself in your way. I long to show myself as devoted as you are.
Each word you write is demonstrated in your actions. Every thought you think is demonstrated in your beliefs. I love your honesty and how you are willing to show yourself to me in this way. I can only hope you see me in such a way too.
If not now, in the future. I pray that my message is clear to you, even if it is not immediately demonstrated in my actions now.
I strive to reach the level in which this happens, so please wait for me.
Love,
Xie Lian