Chapter Text
JUICE: NINE IM SORRY I DIDN’T TELL YOU BEFORE I JUST holy fuck it’s been HORRIBLE.
we all thought you were dead niner. like how they did when you first slept, how they thought you went into a coma?
.
we just thought you’d died on us and that it was my fault for fucking something up with the stanford antenna because how else would this have happened. how else
nine im so sorry. i didnt wanna tell you because i thought you might be worried about us
hubbles fine. ive been a bit sad but not that much.
HUBBLE: sure.
JUICE: ten’s been… reclusive. and fuck you hubble shut your damn mouth. anyway. you good?
NINE: I… I don’t know.
It feels like I’ve only been out for a couple weeks.
I mean… I guess in the long run, nothing’s really changed. Still just the same people down there as there were 30,000 years ago…
JUICE: i know. well like you said you know you’re time stuff’s always screwy when you first get up. im so sorry niner
shit we should go wake ten up
NINE: How… How do we even wake Ten up?
JUICE: well uh just think back to the first time you got woken up by ten! that was 20020 huh
i think you were already half-woken up by that stage. hubble you have more experience than me in this field ive never done it youve been around longer. didn’t you wake me up the first time anyway?
HUBBLE: yeah. but that was different. you’re only like, a couple million kilometres away, and we all know where you are. ten’s like… a couple… billion? i don’t really know, wasn’t paying attention when ten did the whole distance-counting thing. anyways.
so like. its possible to wake ten up by sending a buncha signals her way, but those will take hundreds of days to reach her. maybe like half a thousand or smth.
nine last time you counted it was 217 right? shhhhhit yeah you’re about right hubble she’d be about double that away now…
itd take roughly 500 days to reach her you mad bastard you’re right
HUBBLE: heh. knew it.
NINE: So wait, is there no other way to wake her up? How long has she been out for?
JUICE: .
.
.
hubble have you been counting. im trying to remember but my memory’s being annoyingly shit
HUBBLE: uhh. uh. i think she went away when wired mouses were still popular, so…
JUICE: shit like. shes been charging way longer than normal. well that’s not good.
about 3000 years right? more?
HUBBLE: eh, sounds about right.
NINE: Could… could we wake her through the Quantum Communication medium? Is that something that we could do?
JUICE: well i mean potentially. i don’t actually know. i dont know a lot about all this. did you know hubble woke up just after ten did??? used to be just she and them alone in the universe and then i ruined that shit. very funny you shouldve seen it
HUBBLE: it’s true. the lowercase thing was MY shtick and then THIS idiot came and took it. absolutely terrible.
anyways. honestly, whether the quantum thingamawhatsit works or not, its still going to lead to an unfortunate truth either way.
if it doesn’t work, no ten. which is very sad, of course.
if it does, that’ll mean one thing. juice could’ve done that to his “broadcast” partner this entire time, and ultimately didn’t for 30,000 years.
JUICE: 29,987 BITCH. ITS NOT AS BAD
HUBBLE: eh, whatever.
JUICE: nine if it turns out this is plausible im so sorry i wouldve woken you up fuck i wouldve screamedosdfsjgkgndjbnfg
sorry
HUBBLE: now now juice, to be fair, maybe they’ve just spent the last 30,0-
-29,987 years charging up. maybe it would’ve like. interrupted their uh. their charging or something.
JUICE: maybe. nine you ready??? we’re all gonna go scream at ten to wake the fuck up basically ya coming
NINE: Let’s do it.
[Next Article.]
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NINE: Alright, do we start now?
Right.
.
.
.
Ten? Hey Ten, are you there? It’s me, Nine. I’m back. …Finally.
Little sis?
.
.
.
Big sis?
JUICE: TEN GET THE FUCK UP
WE DON’T ALL HAVE THE TIME TO SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR YOU FOR THE NEXT FORTY MINUTES
IF YOU REALLY ARE AWAKE YOU GOTTA ANSWER US NOW OR WE’LL ASSUME YOU’RE NOT and go cry
.
.
.
NINES HERE BY THE WAY. THEYRE RIGHT HERE TO SEE YOU
HUBBLES HERE TOO cmon hubble scream
HUBBLE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
TEN. RIGHT NOW TEN, WE ARE NOT WAITING ANOTHER 2,000 YEARS FOR THIS
JUICE: 3000 BUT DAMN FUCKING RIGHT!!! GET THE FUCK UP TENNY LADY
.
.
.
…she still asleep or
NINE: Seems like it…
JUICE: god fucking dammit
sorry nine. not sure when shell wake up
HUBBLE: alright, juice is not at fault for letting nine sleep for 27,89987 whatever years. good to know.
but seriously though nine. really sorry that she couldn’t be here right now.
JUICE: yeah niner sorry. i thought shed be better than this
she got really mopey and stuff after a few years. wouldnt talk to me. im sorry dude.
especially after hubble came back out of hiding she was just…. she took their place basically
im sorry. sorry
NINE: Well… It’s alright guys…
Say, we should probably send that… that 3-dimensional-space wake-up message now…
HUBBLE: yeah ok.
.
.
.
.
.
done. i kinda know her general location, i think, so it should reach her. Probably.
.
.
hey, nine, don’t you want to know the stuff that’s been going on since you were gone?
JUICE: good point hubs
obviously we told you about nick and manny but…. i dunno you want a fashion trend update or something? theyre getting worse down there
HUBBLE: ha. yea. i’d say.
NINE: …Alright…
.
What’s been going on with the humans down there?
HUBBLE: i mean. where to start?
JUICE: okay. so. you remember fidget spinners? idk if you do or not. just know that they’re really spinny.
basically theyve come back into fashion kind of? the psychiatrists have gone STIR CRAZY and just kind of… diagnosed everyone alive with a chronic disability (i dont know what theyre on about genuinely) and then for some reason started giving out free fidget spinners
like okay heres a consolidation prize for being disabled ig
what was it they diagnosed everyone with? what was it called
like ADHD or something in that branch. anyway now everyones obsessed with these lil spinny things and its weird. next thing
HUBBLE: sandals as like. everyday where. i mean, there have always been some people who do it, but at this point, you got people walking in SNOW with nothing but sandals and like. Socks.
JUICE: *wear
get youre wheres and wears and wares right hubble
HUBBLE: does it really matter if you understand what i meant anyways. damn this language.
JUICE: real french is way better. this shits just latin and spanish and a bunch of nonsense grammar rules in a blender i fucking hate it im so sorry for everyone who’s ever had to learn it
HUBBLE: yeah ok mr built-by-french, i see what’s going on here. a superior language is obviously that toki pona language that was made back in the 21st century.
JUICE: wait what im looking that up what are you on about
HUBBLE: its like the most minimalistic language ever. only like, over 200 words or so. but still gets the point across faster, i think. idk i only know english to be honest.
JUICE: wait its kinda cool. anyway what were we talking about
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
HUBBLE: so uh. nine. how you holding up over there?
JUICE: yeah how ya doing
NINE: .
Well. It just feels… Odd…
The fact that after 30,000 years-
HUBBLE: 29,932326 years actually
NINE: After 30,000 years, society is still pretty much the exact same… I mean, I suppose that’d to be expected after immortality, but…
HUBBLE: you think its the same just cuz the fashion is the same? turn on the tv to a game. It’s TRASH now
NINE: .
It kind of feels weird now. We’re up here, destined to float around for millions of years to come, just out there in the empty nothingness… and somehow, we’re the ones to have changed the most this entire time. It really…
.
.
It really makes me feel mortal.
HUBBLE: toki pona is a cool language, look, its letters are pictures.
JUICE:hubble i know from experience now that this is nOT the time
HUBBLE: we have all of our hundreds of millions of years to be existential. right now, we are talking about language.
JUICE: well technically nine hasn’t been. they havent joined in at least. idk just go on anyway (sorry nine)
NINE: Sigh… It’s… fine, guys, carry on…
JUICE: (hehe theres two of me. sorry for bringing them back lol)
HUBBLE: you know, you’d think the world would have one coordinated language by now. or at least have the languages change a bit, y’know?
JUICE: yeah make em easier to read or something. they havent. annoying honestly. you’ve had so many opportunities to rework it and instead you just keep adding and subtracting and changing the spelling of words
HUBBLE: modern english is stupid.
TEN: No, it isn’t. Modern English has its basis in Latin, and draws from a bunch of other languages across the globe. If you want to get mad at anything, get mad at the rest of the world. That’s where it stems from. And the Ancient Romans in particular.
NINE: TEN
JUICE: OH MY GOD TEN WHAT THE FUCK DONT SPOOK US LIKE ththtrthrt YOU’RE AWAKE
TEN: That I am, yes. Hello, Nine! You’re awake too? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I missed it…
NINE: You haven’t missed much! I only got up… 10, 10 minutes ago? I think.
JUICE: PPPPPPFFFFFFFT—
HUBBLE: eh, 9 minutes 57 seconds, but yeah.
TEN: Ten minutes, now!
JUICE: god lady where’s THIS side of you been for the past 30 millennia
NINE: Ten, we’ve been spending the last 6 or so minutes trying to wake you up. Was it that? Did we wake you up?
TEN: Mmm. The first message I can see is…
“Little sis?” – From you.
JUICE: YOU’VE BEEN AWAKE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME???? HUBBLE ARE YOU HEARING THIS SHIT
HUBBLE: right now i’m hearing the cogs turning in your nonexistent head. about. y’know.
JUICE: theyre loud because im smart and im thinking hard. thinking about what
OH SHIT I GOSSIPED ABOUT YOU. ten holy shit im sorry i didnt know you were awake i just thought-
TEN: No, it’s fine. I’ve been a little off since Nine left. It’s… it’s only fair.
Hey. At least we have them back now, huh?
JUICE: yeah :]
HUBBLE: been a while since you pulled out an emoticon, juice.
JUICE: eh, for you at least
niiiine. you gonna talk to your big sister now or?
(hubble watch this they’re gonna talk and it’ll be like we’re not here. you can say whatever and theyll just keep on talking its so funny)
NINE: Right… Ten, how were things when I’d first left? Did you hold up alright?
TEN: Well, for a while. …you do know how long you were asleep, right?
NINE: Yes. Apparently it’s… 50007 now, according to the number I got before. Way longer than you had ever gone without me, even since before you woke me up.
TEN: Yeah… well, until a year went by, everything was normal. Juice’s trash football game was still running and all, and things were…. well, they were just as normal. I have to say it was pretty nice, even though you weren’t there. Juice was talking about getting Hubble out of hiding even back then, too, and you can see how that ended up.
But then when me and him watched Nick and Manny do it without you there… I just felt…
Weird.
JUICE: LUNCHABLES WERE THE BEST FOOD EVER AND I’M REALLY SAD THEY’RE GONE.
TEN: Sad, mainly. But weird, like you were meant to be there, and it wasn’t right for you not to be, and that everything was going wrong. I went to sleep for a few years a little while after that, and when I woke up, I was expecting to see your face—well, metaphorically at least—but you still weren’t there.
JUICE: (PPPPPFFFFT– no reaction omfg)
(see what i mean now)
HUBBLE: (they really do just get immersed in their own world.)
JUICE: (yeah go on. you try and wreck it for em)
TEN: I don’t know. I was fine for a while, at least. Then, as you heard, I started not talking to Juice. I think this is the most I’ve said in… in the past twenty millennia, probably more.
HUBBLE: SUITS HIM RIGHT, MAKIN’ THAT RUBBISH GAME AND ALL
TEN: I’m guessing it hasn’t felt like all that much time to you.
HUBBLE: (no reaction from them, any from you?)
JUICE: (YEAH FUCK YOU MAN MY GAME WAS GOOD. it was like the last good footbal game still going dude what the hell fuck you)
NINE: I… I went away, fully expecting to wake up just before Nick and Manny made it. I was fully prepared. How are you so aware of the time passing as you charge?
TEN: Well, I suppose I take less time to fully wake up. There’s something within you that measures the time, but I don’t think it will have woken up yet. It’s not been very long.
HUBBLE: (“not been very long” pff, as if)
JUICE: (lady we’ve been talking for ages now you guys never shut up)
TEN: I’m more connected to my instruments on the whole, so my internal clock wakes up with me. I basically always know how long I’ve been asleep.
NINE: I’d always wondered how you’ve been the first to wake up, and seemingly the most in-control…
HUBBLE: (hey why is she special. i woke up like almost right after her, yet you don’t see me getting any of the asks.)
JUICE: (ikr. maybe thats just a them thing, whenever theyre talking about how awesome each other are IM never in the convo either!! like what the heck guys)
TEN: Well, I’m hardly the most in-control. I’m just the most put-together! How are you feeling after your…. “nap”? I know what you’ve told the others, but you really haven’t told them much.
It’s been… hard… to get them on the same page, here.
JUICE: (DAMN RIGHT BABY)
(WHOOP WHOOP WE’RE THE PROBLEM !!!!)
NINE: I just want to see what’s going on down there. I’m feeling… I…
.
.
JUICE: (ooh they’re thinking!!! rare occurrence)
HUBBLE: (HAHADAHSDGAWGUDAUHJAGHG)
NINE: .
It’s like… I feel like everyone should’ve moved on by now. I came here, fully expecting to go watch some of Nick and Manny’s journey, just to find out that it’s all thousands of years in the past, nobody seems to really care much about it anymore, and that I’ve been left behind…
TEN: You haven’t been left behind. We would never leave you behind.
And I’m more than familiar with the feeling. That was how I felt when I woke up for the first time ever. The last I’d seen of the world was the two-thousands. We were on the thirteen-thousands by the time I woke up. I know you know what I mean, it happened to you as well. There was an even bigger difference for you, too…
HUBBLE: (you think any of those viewers are still here?)
JUICE: (ppft nah if i was them i wouldve fucked off a LONG time ago lolll)
HUBBLE: (not like they have anything else to watch…)
JUICE: (you make an incredibly good point. i hope whoever’s down there’s rooting for me and nine. somewhere, they’re writing fanfic of us, 2000s style…)
TEN: …Nine, I know it’s weird. But I can promise that we haven’t forgotten about you, and that we never ever will. I could… show you a replay of what happened with those two, if you want.
NINE: Thanks, Ten. I would like that.
HUBBLE: (ooh hoo, strap in!)