Chapter Text
Waking up the next day was a real pain in the ass for Zanka. His whole body ached, though that was to be expected after a fight with Jabber. He rarely went to Eishia these days after seeing the Raider unless he had a real, big and annoying injury. Sure, he got a few scars because he left his wounds to heal naturally but he actually didn't mind them. Though his mind was usually torn when looking at his body in the mirror and seeing all the scars that Jabber left. Most of the time, he felt weak — those scars were proof that he wasn't strong enough and got himself hurt. But on the other hand, some traitorous part of him seemed to take pride in the marks. He was always quick to shut down those thoughts.
Point is, Zanka awoke with his body feeling sore and bruises all over his skin. Not really a pleasant way to wake up but Zanka was rather used to it. Yet even his aching body wasn't enough for his idiot mind to wander and quickly hit him with the memories from previous evening.
"You're gettin' stronger, man. Hitting me harder, fighting longer, keeping up with me better…"
Zanka shivered, hiding his face in the pillows with a groan. He has absolutely no idea why Jabber's words are still stuck in his mind. Sure, he knew he selfishly loved praise, loved it when people told him his skills were getting better (even if he never really believed it. At least not for long), but he never actually expected to hear anything this positive and… soothing coming from the Raider. Zanka curled into himself, hugging the nearest pillow he could grab and bit into the soft fabric, trying to stifle a yell of frustration that was bubbling up in his throat.
This day could truly not start in a worse way.
After a few, rather embarrassingly long, minutes, Zanka finally peeled his face away from the pillow, squinting his eyes just the slightest bit as the world turned bright. With a low groan, he got up from his bed and started getting ready, trying to focus on getting his uniform to look as proper as it could look and taking extra care of his hair. Anything to keep his mind occupied, honestly.
Time to start another day.
Any hope Zanka had for having a good day after experiencing a shitty morning (because yes, reminiscing about the way your enemy talked about your skills like they were something impressive WAS a shitty morning for him) was thrown out the window the moment he went to his usual training session with Rudo.
All in all, it went on like the usual. Mostly with him screaming at the boy as he just loved pissing him off, even if unintentionally. In addition, this time Enjin and Riyo decided to tag along to watch Rudo's progress. Everything was going smoothly, at least on his end, as he managed to knock Rudo down on his ass in the matter of three minutes, making the younger boy grunt in anger. Zanka simply scoffed watching the kid grumble as he rose up, but then he felt a strong hand on his shoulder and a warm laughter sound behind him.
"Great job, Zanka! Not letting Rudo have even a minute long break, impressive as always" Enjin spoke, watching their youngest team member with amusement in his eyes.
And, trust him, normally he would be giggling to himself, all giddy from getting praised by Enjin out of all people - his mentor and the person he was looking up to ever since the older Cleaner took him in, but today? The only thing that popped up into his mind at Enjin's praise was Jabber's stupid, annoying voice. In his mind, the one speaking to him wasn't Enjin anymore but that damn Raider and it made Zanka freeze like a civilian caught by a herd of trash beasts.
Just what was wrong with him to be thinking about Jabber out of all people now? There's no way that his compliments from yesterday got to him THAT much… right?
He came down from his sudden shock to a hand gently patting his back and Enjin's concerned voice ringing in his ears. He vaguely heard the man asking him if he was alright, but Zanka was already panicking again. He was sure his face was growing red rather fast and he really wanted to get out of the training grounds as quickly as possible. With some lame ass excuse he quickly grabbed Lovely and dashed inside the building, leaving his team members behind as he closed the door behind himself and headed towards his room.
Back outside, Enjin, Riyo and Rudo were left staring at the door in silence. Sure, Zanka would always react rather funny if someone said anything nice about him, especially if it was coming from Enjin, but this was definitely new.
"So… What was that about?" Riyo asked, moving his gaze towards the other two in confusion.
"Probably just Zanka being a weirdo like the usual…" replied Rudo, cleaning his clothes from the dirt and dust he got on himself while training.
Enjin only furrowed his brows at the kids' words, still drilling a hole in the doorway that Zanka disappeared into. Well, he wasn't going to go and question the boy anyway, he supposed. He turned to face Riyo and Rudo and found that they were already engaged in a conversation (or more likely, Riyo was bullying Rudo again, seeing as the Sphereite was agitated once more). He sighed, rubbing the back of his nape. Teenagers… He'll never understand them.
Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my —!
Zanka cursed loudly, hiding his face in his hands as he sped up. No matter how much he tried to get his mind on track, Jabber's face was still in front of his eyes, lips moving slowly and soft words filling his ears — You're gettin' stronger.
Lost in his thoughts, Zanka didn't realize that he was walking straight into someone's back. So when the collision happened he was caught off guard, almost falling down from the impact. Thankfully, a strong hand wrapped around his wrist and helped him keep his balance.
"Are you okay Zanka? You seem troubled" Gris' warm voice was full of concern. Zanka couldn't blame him though. He was never this distracted, or at least he doesn't remember being this distracted, before.
He watched the older man with wide eyes for a few seconds before his brain finally caught up with the situation and he started nervously apologizing.
"'M sorry Gris — I didn't mean to just - Bump into ya like that. Guess I didn't sleep well…" the lie came to him easily.
As shameful as it may sound, he would lie to his fellow Cleaner's rather often. Not about anything trivial, no! At least he didn't lie about anything important before he started meeting up with Jabber. Usually, small lies would slip out whenever someone asked him about his well being. No matter what, no matter how much time he had spent in the comfort of HQ, he sometimes still felt like he was back in the Hell Guard. Feelings were a taboo topic there and Zanka still treated them as such, even if he already had a few conversations about this issue with Enjin and Riyo before. The lies would be small; if someone asked him if he was okay, and he clearly wasn't, he would lie and say he was well. Those lies were, and still are, a way for him to protect himself against the pitying looks. He knows damn well how the others would react if they knew that he still sometimes thought about crawling into another well and just rotting in it.
Zanka shook those thoughts away, focusing back on the present and on the Supporter in front of him.
"Well, if you say so… Go and rest then. We all want you in your best form and you rarely take breaks anyway. It'll do you good to relax from time to time. I can tell Semiu that you're off of missions for today, if you'd like."
Truly, Zanka loved how caring Gris was, even if it sometimes heavily overwhelmed him. He wasn't used to such gentleness and attention. Gris' care was especially frustrating to him when he first joined, being freshly taken out out of the Hell Guard system. Though that care didn't really go in plans with Zanka's current mood or his predicament. A mission would be exactly what he needed right now, so having Gris go and tell Semiu he's having a day off (he hates taking days off. He almost never has them, unless he injures himself and has to stay bed ridden for a while) isn't a good ordeal for him.
"No! It's okay Gris. I'm fine. I'll just go and grab somethin' to eat and I'll be okay."
Gris didn't seem convinced, yet he thankfully dropped the subject. He gave Zanka a small, kind smile and patted his shoulder.
"Good idea. Go eat something kid. You sure need to eat a lot to get stronger" he said, taking the hand away and Zanka wanted to subconsciously reach for the touch again. "But don't be afraid to take a break. Without those you will only hurt yourself, okay?"
"…Okay" Gris nodded and then quickly left, leaving Zanka to stand alone in the middle of the hallway. Fuck, he was causing a scene…
Not wanting to run into yet another person and be forced to have an awkward conversation again, Zanka hurriedly ran to his room, this time reaching it successfully without any issues.
Once inside, he slammed the door closed behind him, not caring about the way it rattled from the force, threatening to fall out of its hinges. He took a few steps, stopping before a wall. He stared at it for a good, few moments before he turned around, plastering his back against the rough texture and sliding down to sit on the ground. Almost immediately as his body touched the floor his mind was filled with those traitorous thoughts again.
He started picturing Jabber's figure, his rough hands on his skin as they gripped his arms, legs, hard enough to bruise, yet his voice was unbearably gentle. Soft and filled with an emotion Zanka wasn't sure he wanted to identify. And as if on repeat, the Raider's lips moved slowly, forming words.
"You're perfect, Zanka. So strong and gifted."
Zanka hissed in annoyance, throwing his head (that he apparently hid in his hands as he curled into a small ball of misfortune and embarrassing thoughts) back. The sudden pain he felt at the back of his skull was enough to, at least momentarily, bring him back to the present. He blinked a few times, trying to get his thoughts in order. Shit, what was happening to him? Jabber would say weird shit like this before and he never reacted like this! Was it the fact that he's been near the other for such a long time it finally started getting to him and he started registering his words as genuine praise, or was it simply the way Jabber's compliments sounded like yesterday?
Zanka had to admit, the older boy's tone seemed rather… unusual, at least for him. It felt like it was holding something that Zanka couldn't yet decipher. Though Zanka wanted to scold himself for reminiscing about the way Jabber's voice sounded like, out of all things. Why was it something he was so focused on? He had better things to think about, damn it! Like their next mission that he should be already getting ready for. Or thinking about his next training session with Rudo. Or literally anything fucking else!
To hell with it all, he needed to get ready for the mission. Jabber be damned, trash beasts wouldn't wait for Zanka to stop having an emotional crisis over some unimportant, stupid words (even if his brain decided those words were, in fact, very important).
Rubbing the spot on his head where he hit the wall, Zanka sluggishly got up on his knees. He grabbed Assistaff while doing so, having noticed how she has fallen on the ground while he was panicking over made up shit, and moved towards the door. It's okay… He'll just focus on completing the mission successfully, good enough to make Enjin (Jabber) proud, and he's sure he'll forget about his inner turmoil in no time!
…
Who was he even kidding.
This mission was a complete disaster. At least on Zanka's part. Honestly, he wanted to get to HQ as soon as possible and hide himself in his room to drown in shame and disappointment.
At first, everything seemed fine. Just the usual task with cleaning up some small trash beasts that were getting a bit too close to a populated area. On a normal day, Zanka would be able to finish the mission even by himself. There weren't many trash beasts around anyway. Maybe a small herd with a maximum of 15, bull-like looking beasts. An easy task. For someone who wasn't as distracted as Zanka, that is.
Him, Riyo, Enjin, Rudo and Gris were doing just fine for the most part. All of them were sure that they would be done in maybe about ten minutes. But of course, Zanka, with his amazing luck and an occupied mind, had to fuck something up.
He was fighting off two trash beasts at once, moving automatically as Lovely smashing the beasts to pieces with no mercy. All the while he was still thinking about the Raider. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get him out of his head. Even his last resort (that is, trying to focus on the mission) wasn't enough to forget about Jabber.
And that was what sealed his fate.
Being too deep in his mind, Zanka realized too late that there was another trash beast right behind him, already running full speed with it's horns pointed at his back. Just like that he was, more or less, surrounded - with the other two monsters in front of him running at him as well. Zanka readied Assistaff, trying to asses the situation and find a way out of this shit hole. Yet before he could do anything, a shout sounded from above him and a shadow fell over him.
In the matter of seconds he was being lifted up in the air, a strong arm wrapped around his middle to prevent him from falling, and moving away from the trash beasts. Through the corner of his eye Zanka could see how all three of the bulls collided not even a second later and ended up on the ground with their horns tangled with one another. They managed to escape just in time.
"Wha—"
"Shit, Zanka… What was that about?!" Enjin's voice rang out above his head and Zanka had to crane his head up to look at the man. His jaw was clenched in concern and his eyes were fixed on a safe spot they could land on. Umbreaker activated and being used as a means of transport.
Zanka felt his stomach drop. Especially when he saw Enjin's arm — his uniform was torn in one place and blood started to stain the soft fabric, that August worked so hard to make. Enjin got hurt. Enjin got hurt because of him.
When his legs finally hit the ground and they landed, Zanka felt weak. His face was deathly pale and his eyes were wide. He probably looked funny, to an outsider, but he felt like the worst shit on the entire Ground. He got Enjin hurt because of his carelessness, because he was too consumed by his imagination, like a damn child. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
He vaguely heard Enjin speaking to him and asking him if he was alright but he couldn't answer. The noise turned into mush in his ears as his breathing sped up and his chest felt unbearably tight. His body started trembling and he felt dizzy. Shit, he fucked up so badly. Enjin's gonna be mad and worst of all disappointed in him. Breathing was getting harder with each new second and Zanka felt like he was drowning. Sweat dribbled down his back despite the fact that he felt cold, as if he was standing in a pile of snow with no clothes on. He grabbed Assistaff impossibly tight while his other hand curled into a fist, nails digging so hard into his palm it started bleeding. His thoughts raced like crazy, coming up with the worst case scenarios. What if Enjin punishes him for his mistake? Puts him off of missions and deems him as a failure? Just like they did?
Suddenly, warm hands grabbed his face, as gently as possible, and guided his head up. His eyes locked on Gris' baby blue ones (when did Gris get to them?) and Zanka heard the man's calm voice.
"Hey… It's okay Zanka, calm down. Everything's all right now, yeah? We're all okay and nothing's bad gonna happen. We cleaned every trash beast already, you hear me?" Gris' tone was soothing, anchoring Zanka in place. One hand left his face and Gris started counting on his fingers, making sure Zanka could see his hand clearly as he spoke, "Count with me now. Slowly…One…"
Zanka obliged, trying to follow Gris' lead and count with him. With each passing number he thankfully felt himself calm down, albeit rather slowly. As they both said ten out loud, Zanka's heart wasn't beating as fast anymore and the coldness slowly seeped out of his body. His chest felt lighter and his grip on Assistaff loosened.
"Good… Just like that. Breathe in and out now. With me — In…" Zanka took a long, slow breath, "And out…" He breathed out with the same pace.
They repeated that exercise a few more time before Gris was sure Zanka calmed down to an acceptable level. He breathed out a sigh of relief and gently took a hold of the teenager's shoulders.
"Everything's good now. We can go back to HQ and relax. The mission's over. Let's go to the car now, yeah?" He watched as Zanka nodded weakly and, with a hand on the younger's back, he guided him towards the van where everyone else was already waiting for them. Everyone sporting a worried expression.
So yeah. That mostly sums up Zanka's entire mission today. After that happened, they all rode back to HQ in tense silence — Gris deciding to sit with him and Rudo in the back, Riyo taking his space in the front, as he kept his arm around him in a comforting manner. Truly, he felt way better having Gris next to him, even if he wouldn't say it out loud without dying out of embarrassment. Once they got back Zanka realized that Eishia was already waiting for them, and he came to the conclusion that someone must've contacted her and told her about the situation.
She quickly took Enjin to the medical wing and tended to his arm, healing it properly. As it turned out, their team leader's injury wasn't anything fatal. Just a big scratch, actually. It made Zanka breathe out a small sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding.. After hearing the news about Enjin's condition and made sure he was truly fine, he simply… left everyone and ran to his room. Gris wanted to stop him at first but eventually let him go and Zanka was thankful for that. He needed some time alone now.
His room really had become a safe space for him these days. Just him and his four walls that he could hide in to escape his teammates judgmental stares (even if those stares were only in his mind). Though it seemed that locking himself up wasn't meant for him today as not even five minutes passed since he got into his room before a soft knock could be heard.
"Zanka? Can I come in?" Riyo's voice sounded from behind the door, catching Zanka's focus. He was quiet for a few, long moments before he reluctantly replied.
"Yeah… Come in."
The door creaked open and Zanka saw his friend's red hair first as she fully slipped into the room. She closed the door behind herself and without waiting for him to speak, went over to sit down on the bed next to him. Zanka watched as the girl laid down, putting her arms underneath her head as she stared at the ceiling and he suddenly felt prompted to do the same. His back hit the soft sheets and his gaze traveled to the same spot that Riyo was staring at currently. There was only silence between them, both of them seemingly losing the touch with reality for that short period of time. It was Riyo who broke the silence first.
"It wasn't your fault, you know? I know how you tend to blame yourself for things like that." her voice was soft and unusually quiet.
He knew that she rarely talked about emotional stuff but he supposed that when it came to him, he was an exception. Well, she was an exception for him too. If there was anyone on the Ground that Zanka could even remotely open up to, it would be Riyo. The younger girl became somewhat of a sister to him and he believed that in her eyes, he was a brother to her as well. Or at least he hoped he was. She was the first person Zanka started really talking to when he joined the Cleaners and, in reality, also his first ever friend. As their friendship progressed, she would even sometimes sneak into his room when she couldn't sleep (or had a nightmare about her past) and they would either talk all night or just go to sleep together. It was a small secret of theirs, actually.
He was briefly mute, not replying to her instantly. Million thoughts raced to his mind before he could actually come up with something that wouldn't betray his mental anguish. And even so, when he spoke, he ended up sounding like a kicked puppy anyway.
"…I know."
"Do you?"
He turned his head towards her, eyes wide and alert as he realized she was staring at him now. Sometimes Zanka wondered if she had some mind reading abilities that she never told him about, seeing how well she always knew what he was thinking about. He didn't respond and Riyo appeared to realize she wouldn't be getting anything out of him anyway.
"Just don't beat yourself up about it, okay? Things like that happen. I got myself and others hurt by accident a few times before as well, you know it. It's not a big deal, Enjin's all right after all, right? That's all that matters."
Zanka took some time to mull over her words. They should be comforting, and yeah, he did feel a little bit better, but he knew that once she left his room he would be forced back into his self loathing shell again. Even so, he nodded in understatement and replied with a soft 'okay'. That seemed to satisfy Riyo, even if he could see her still eyeing him worryingly.
"Well, that's all I wanted to say! I gotta go back now. I promised Eishia I would let her do my hair, she's been trying to learn how to make a four strand braid and I volunteered as the mannequin. You should rest. I'll see ya later Zanka!" She said, suddenly sounding all cheerful as she got up from his bed in one, swift motion and skipped towards the door.
Zanka could still see the tenseness in her shoulders though, even if she put up the facade of a carefree young girl. He sat up himself, letting his eyes follow her figure as she disappeared behind the door. The quiet noise of it closing was enough for Zanka to let out a breath of relief.
He was alone again, left with his self destructive thoughts and bad coping mechanisms. He groaned, putting his face in his hands and drowning in his weaknesses once again. If he needed a distraction before, he definitely needed a distraction now. And oh, how ironic it was that his idea of a distraction was to call Jabber — the reason he needed a distraction earlier in the first place.
He reached for his choker and without a thought, called the Raider. The choker rang a few times, but before Zanka could rethink his decision and terminate the connection, Jabber actually picked up.
"Why, isn't that my favorite Cleaner! What's with the sudden call, Zan-Zan? Missing me already?"
Zanka bit his lower lip, weighting his options before he replied.
"Can ya meet up?" He paused for a second, adding in a shy tone, "…now?"
There was a brief silence on the other end before the sound of shuffling could be heard. Zanka watched his choker in confusion, awaiting Jabber's response with a weird sense of nervousness and anticipation.
"At our spot?"
Zanka's body relaxed and in a second he was already up on his feet, grabbing Assistaff and a bag he always took with him for their meet ups.
"At our spot." Jabber let out a low giggle at that and he knew that the Raider was surely, already on his way.
"Meet ya there, Mr. Bad Attitude!"
He wasted no time in getting to their meet up spot. As he expected, Jabber was already waiting for him - most probably having asked Cthoni to teleport him. Lucky fucker, being able to get anywhere withing a second… Though, sometimes the fact that the other Raiders knew about his and Jabber's 'little' fights unnerved him. The other boy once explained to him, when Zanka voiced his concerns about Cthoni dropping him off, that Zodyl didn't care at all what he was doing in his free time. All that mattered was that he doesn't spill anything important. Well, Zanka supposed that Jabber didn't even know anything remotely significant anyway. Looking at the Raider, Zanka came to the conclusion that he didn't even care about any plans his Boss might be working on - the only thing that could catch Jabber's interest was a good fight after all.
Back to the topic at hand, Jabber was already up in his face when Zanka finally reached him, pestering him before he could even speak.
"Well, well! While I'm delighted that you called me yourself for once, my dear Zanka… I sure do wonder what popped up for ya to insist we meet up so suddenly!" Jabber's voice was teasing, yet there was an additional undertone of curiosity in his tone too, "Sooooo… Care to share?"
Zanka scowled, fixing his eyes on the ground. He can't really blame Jabber for being interested, it was true he never called first, even if he could (but well, he never saw a reason to do so before today. He just really needed something that could make him forget about today's failure, even for a moment). When he lifted his gaze up, he was met with Jabber's bright, intense magenta eyes staring back at him. He bit his lower lip before slowly replying.
"Just need'ta have somethin' to do… Nothin' that concerns ya."
His tone got a bit harsher at the end, even if he didn't mean to make it seem so. Jabber's grin simply widened and he got into a fighting stance, activating Mankira without wasting time.
"Let's fight then. I've been itching for some good beating! Come on, man… Take it out on me!" And without a warning, he lunged at Zanka.
Though he was quick to activate Assistaff in turn, blocking the other boy's upcoming attack. This is it, that was what he needed now. Sure enough, they both got into their usual rhythm and focused only on one another. Hits were exchanged, blood started dripping from the wounds they both were obtaining as their fight went on and as time passed, the sound of ragged breathing could also be heard. And as much as Zanka would loathe to admit it, he truly did feel better when fighting Jabber. His destructive thoughts were silent, not bothering him constantly for once in his life. The horrible mission from earlier forgotten, pushed into the depths of his mind and replaced by only one word: Fight.
Jabber looked as thrilled to be battling him. Mankira glinting in the light of the setting sun as she scrapped along Lovely's surface. Truly, for one second, Zanka felt alive. And just as he thought about it, he was suddenly pinned to the ground with Jabber sitting atop of him.
"Damn, man! That was good… You really got into this one, Zan-Zan. My body's aching in all the right places…" Jabber chuckled lowly, putting his free hand just underneath his ribs and pushing his palm against his skin. A low hiss left him and he giggled maniacally, "Amazing!"
Zanka didn't respond, watching a cockroach that ran around just a few meters away from them. As he laid there, the thrill of the fight slowly seeped out of him and his worries and insecurities came back to bite him in the ass. Unfortunately for him, Jabber seemed to notice his sudden change of mood as he got off of him and sat down next to his limp body.
Zanka couldn't see him, as the Raider sat just behind his head. Or well, more like he didn't want to see him. He could easily turn his head towards the other boy, but he didn't have the strength to do that anymore. After a few seconds of silence, he heard soft ruffling coming from Jabber's direction. At first, he thought Jabber simply got bored already and was standing up to leave, but then he saw a hand being placed on the ground, just before his eyes, and a body lay followed soon after.
Like that, Zanka was now face to face with the Raider. Jabber's cunning eyes scanned him and briefly, Zanka wondered if he could read him like an open book, just like Riyo does it. Jabber hummed, letting Mankira's blades, and that's how Zanka noticed that she was still activated, gently rub against the exposed skin of his arm. Oh yeah, his uniform got torn somewhere along the way too… Just great.
"Ya ever got high, Zan-Zan?" Zanka's eyes went wide at the question. Just what was he on about?
He opened his mouth to make a snarky comment, to say that Jabber loved filling his system with weird shit that truly did make him feel high, but the Raider was faster.
"I mean the chill type man. Don't get your panties in a twist, I can see your scowl already!" Jabber breathed out and Zanka noticed that his usual, crazy grin was gone. Replaced by a softer, teasing smile. His stomach did a weird flip at the sight, but Zanka decided to ignore it. Perhaps he got hit a bit too harshly before and now he was feeling the after effects.
"Welp! I'm gonna assume ya didn't… Normally I'd suggest something like ketamine to feel good, but you seem to need something calmer more. I have some benzos on me, actually. Usually I use those when I wanna sleep, ya know? They're good shit if you need to calm down and relax, man."
Zanka listened carefully as Jabber spoke. His voice was quieter than his usual, loud speech and Zanka really liked it, actually. Jabber always seemed more… normal, peaceful when he was talking about his interests. Drugs and plants specifically. It was a side Zanka discovered only after they started sparing. Jabber would talk about all those weird poisons, toxins and venoms with such passion that the first time it happened it made Zanka freeze, watching his with a gaping mouth and big, wide eyes. As time went on and Jabber showed this side of his more often, he would just stay still and listen to him speak. In a way, it was calming. A strange sense of normalcy would wash over them and he would always try to brush it off whenever they parted ways.
"-llo? Helloooo? Zanka? Ya there?" Ah, he must've zoned out somewhere along the way.
He raised his eyes, that were fixed on a random rock on the ground, apparently, and stared at Jabber's bored face.
"Good! You're back" the Raider smiled wider, pushing himself up on his elbows to hover above Zanka's still motionless body, "So? You wanna try some?"
"…Ya gonna use Mankira on me for this?" His voice was rather quiet as he furrowed his brows to glare at the other to the best of his abilities while feeling tired as hell. Jabber only laughed in return before replying.
"Nah, I've got those babies in pills this time!" He reached into his pocket and Zanka watched him take out a small bag with around 10 pills inside. He opened it and took one pill out, eagerly pushing it against his lips, "Come on! Open wide…"
Zanka wanted to growl in anger, send Jabber the nastiest look he could muster, but… He didn't. Instead, which surprised even him, he opened his mouth and let Jabber push the pill underneath his tongue. He closed his mouth, feeling the pill slowly dissolve in his saliva. All the while, as the pill slowly disintegrated and his body started absorbing the drug, Jabber talked.
"It's a mix of temazepam and clonazepam. One is used for treating insomnia mostly and the second for relaxing and shit. Pretty good stuff when ya don't wanna think too much or can't sleep. Actually-"
Jabber seemed to absorb himself in his own world of drugs for the next few minutes, and as time passed, Zanka steadily started to feel the effects of the pill that the Raider gave him. Sure enough, he started feeling light-headed. His muscles relaxed and he felt rather sluggish. Moving felt like a chore he didn't even bother trying to do and sure enough, he also started to feel a bit dizzy. His mind slowed down and his breathing was now shallow. Well, seemed like Jabber didn't like about the effects, he truly did feel calmer, as if he was floating rather than laying on the hard ground.
"-they also use those in medicine, pretty neat 'ight? I-"
"'s nice…" Zanka's speech was a bit slurred as he spoke, interrupting Jabber's monologue. The other boy looked down at him, watching him like a hawk but Zanka couldn't find it in himself to care.
In fact, he managed to force his head to move a little bit, now no longer looking to the side but straight in front of him. Jabber's face was right above his own, his locs falling down and forming a curtain around them now, shielding them from the outside world. It's like they were both stuck in a small bubble that protected them from everything else. Zanka found it rather comforting. He saw Jabber's mouth morph into a sly smile and the Raider was ready to say something, but Zanka spoke out of nowhere again.
"Ya have... Pretty eyes… I really like 'em…" He spoke without thinking, the drug making him talk about anything that came to his mind (even if his thinking abilities were pretty limited now).
He watched with half lidded eyes as Jabber's face twisted and a shocked expression graced his features. It was a look he has never seen on the Raider before, actually, but he found it kinda funny looking. Though as time passed and Jabber didn't respond, with only silence being their companion, Zanka grew a bit worried. Had he said something wrong? He tried to think about what part of what he said might be insulting but then he was interrupted by Jabber suddenly pulling away from him. The comforting curtain that his locs formed around them was gone now and Zanka felt strangely exposed.
"Wha…?" He wanted to ask Jabber why did he pull away, but instead was met with the other's laughter.
He frowned, feeling insulted now, but even with a sluggish brain, he noticed the unusual tone that Jabber's laughter had. He seemed rather… nervous? Was that right? He really wanted to ask what was going on now, but Jabber's laughter hadn't died down. In fact, it seemed like it was getting louder and more desperate with each second. Zanka felt his stomach twist with a weird emotion as he watched Jabber from the corner of his eye - his face hidden by his hands, Mankira proudly adorning each finger, as if protecting him from being seen even while deactivated.
Suddenly, Jabber's laughter came to a halt and he seemed to freeze, staying still for a few, unnervingly long seconds. His hands fell down, limp against his sides and he let out a shaky breath.
"You really are something, Zanka…"
Zanka, in turn, didn't know what the other was talking about. His mind was working way too slow than he would like and any attempt at forming a coherent conclusion took too much effort. He resorted to a small grunt instead, making Jabber let out another dry chuckle.
He wanted to do something, say or move in any way, but he was too tired. The tiredness from the fight and the influence of the drug mixing and forcing his eyes to close, practically screaming at him to succumb to sleep. He tried to fight it off at first, but as time passed, he simply couldn't find enough strength in him to continue this battle. As his eyes slowly closed, body fully relaxed and begging him to slumber, he caught one last glimpse of Jabber's shining, magenta eyes watching him. He really did like them, very much so…
When Zanka woke up next day, it was to a headache and the feeling of nausea. He groaned, feeling as if he had a hangover, though he was pretty sure he didn't drink anything yesterday, he didn't even like alcohol that much. He tried to recall what might've cause him to feel like this and the memories (or at least a part of them, as he had some moments where he couldn't recall shit) came back to him like a rocket.
He remembered meeting up with Jabber, fighting him like always and then the moment when Jabber gave him some kind of pill. Something to calm him down or whatever. After the drug started working, he had some blank pages he couldn't fill. He knew he said something and then Jabber starting laughing like crazy, but he couldn't remember what it was for the life of him. Well, that's fucking amazing, right?
But then, he froze and started looking around. He was back in his room at the HQ. Lovely Assistaff placed neatly against the wall next to his bed. He frowned, reaching for her for comfort. How exactly did he even get back here anyway? He was pretty sure that he would remember the whole trip back home and he was also sure that he couldn't have gotten here while being high.
Suddenly, he got the urge to look at the window and sure enough, he saw it was halfway open. He slowly got up from the bed, swaying a bit before he used Lovely to stabilize himself, and walked up to the windowsill. He hissed a bit in pain as one of the wounds Jabber gave him flared up in pain when he reached with his free arm to close the window. Once it was closed, he let out a shaky breath and gripped his jinki harder.
He shook his head a bit, deciding to forget about the whole thing. Perhaps he had truly somehow gotten back to his quarters himself, but even so, what mattered most was that he was safely back. He scratched the back of his nape and then turned around, heading to his bathroom. He really needed a proper shower...
What he failed to notice was a small, white pill laying on his bedside table accompanied with a note:
"If you wanna try it again. Feel free to ask for more :)"