Chapter Text
Rolling around in bed Jisung couldn’t sleep. He kept replaying every interaction he’d ever had with Minho, and somehow simultaneously feeling nauseous at what Yun-bi had told him the night she left in a rage. He didn’t mention that part to Minho…he didn’t seem to like her very much. At least, that was the vibe he got from him every time her name was brought up.
The night that Minho left in a hurry to get out of the apartment, Jisung had come back to his room feeling down. Catching Minho in the hallway he had been happy to get to talk to him since they hadn’t really been speaking, but there was an odd aura coming off of him that night. It had worried Jisung, and the cold look in Minho’s eyes just made him all the more anxious.
He didn’t even get to ask where Minho was going before he got shut out completely. Watching the door slam in his face didn’t make him feel anymore confident that they’d go back to normal anytime soon.
Jisung was used to joking with Minho and making that stupid cold exterior crack. When Minho smiled, it lit up the entire room. His laughter made Jisung forget how loud his thoughts could be. Minho was the only person who even knew Jisung had panic attacks. His parents weren’t in his life like Minho’s were so he really had no one to rely on. Despite his seemingly uncaring attitude, Minho helped Jisung through many panic attacks and made his favorite food right after to make him feel better.
It was unfortunate that the night he left in a hurry, Jisung had another one. The tension from not speaking made him anxious and his nervous system just went into over drive. The only person to help was Yun-bi…and she didn’t do much to help. She found him slumped down in the hallway, trying to keep his breathing under control but failing miserably.
After he calmed down and found it in himself to stand back up, she apparently thought it was too much for her to handle. She asked what brought it on and Jisung explained to her everything that had been going on recently and how it was making him feel. He’d never opened up to anyone besides Minho before. Maybe he should have kept it that way, but how was he supposed to know she’d react like that?
What he told her tipped her off and every word that came out of her mouth after that made him reconsider everything he’d ever known about himself.
“‘Are you seriously crying because Minho won’t talk to you? Fucking hell…you might be just as big of a fag as he is.’”
Until that night, he’d never even considered Minho could be gay. It made sense when he thought about it, but he really hated the way Yun-bi talked about it like it was some terrible thing. It made something drop in the pit of the stomach when he heard the slur come out of her mouth while talking about him, and technically it was directed at him too. It made his vision turn white with anger that she could even say something so disgusting. He argued with her for a good 10 minutes before feeling like he couldn’t handle it anymore and telling her she needed to leave because he really didn’t want to see her again after her outburst. She slammed the door on the way out of the apartment reminding him of Minho…and he sunk back down onto the floor and sobbed thinking about everything he could have been doing wrong.
There was a tiny voice in the back of his head that kept repeating what Yun-bi had said to him too.
“‘…You might be just as big of a fag as he is.’”
What was that supposed to mean? Jisung, gay? No, that wasn’t a possibility. He knew he liked women, he’d dated plenty of them. Whatever Yun-bi thought she knew, she was wrong, not to mention out of line. He would know if he were gay…it would be obvious if he was attracted to a man.
Grumbling, Jisung woke up after tossing and turning all night. Stumbling out of bed he managed to put on a hoodie and sweatpants. He usually slept in just his underwear because he got hot. He padded his way into the living room to see Minho already out there. He usually was, Jisung himself wasn’t exactly known for waking up early.
“I’m going out later.” Minho said without looking away from the TV. “Chan wants me to go on some double date thing.”
Jisung dropped the mug he had picked up when he entered the kitchen to make himself some coffee. It shattered on the hardwood floors and made a loud sound which in turn made Minho look at him.
The only positive of the morning so far: Minho was looking at him again. The negative: He’d broken a mug and was now standing around like an idiot.
“Date— um…yeah okay.” Jisung said frantically while bending down to pick up the pieces of the mug that were scattered around him on the ground. It was embarrassing and the tips of his ears turned red to show it.
Minho snuck up behind him. He was always silent on his feet like that.
“Leave it.” He said in the same tone he usually had. It lacked any warmth even though Jisung knew he could be warm…if you forced it out of him.
Dropping the pieces again, Jisung looked up from where he was crouching on the floor. When did Minho get so handsome? He’d always been objectively pretty, but with the soft light in the kitchen from morning glow of the sun, he looked even more ethereal than usual. The perfect slope of his nose cast a shadow on his face and he didn’t even realize he was staring until Minho crouched down beside him and put the pieces of the mug into a bag to dispose of.
“You’re red. Are you sick?” Minho asked with just the slightest hint of concern in his cloudy eyes.
“N-no. I’m fine. I’m just tired— and I guess extra clumsy.” Making up excuses was Jisung’s strong suit.
Discarding all the broken pieces of ceramic, Minho glanced down at Jisung again noticing blood trickling down his palm.
“You’re bleeding.” He stated matter-of-factly as he grabbed Jisung’s unwounded hand to pull him towards the sink.
Jisung could only stare at Minho’s focused face as he felt the sudden stinging in his palm. He hadn’t even realized he was bleeding with the adrenaline pumping through his veins. All he did was break a mug but his heart was racing like he’d committed a damn crime.
The only real crime being committed was Minho looking so perfect first thing in the morning. He shook his head out of further investigating that thought.
The sound of running water filled the kitchen as Minho made sure the wound was washed out. Even looking as stoic as he did now, it was obvious he cared about Jisung. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be caring for his cut like this. He could be gentle…this was proof of it.
When Minhos eyes met Jisung’s gaze, it took all Jisung had in him not to whine to further occupy all of Minho’s attention. He didn’t want him to look away, this was the first in a while he didn’t have to fight for his attention.
The nauseating feeling was back in his stomach. He wasn’t breaking eye contact, it felt physically painful to focus on anything other than the brown eyes staring back into his. His world was narrowed down to this one moment he was sharing with Minho. He could feel the warm hand holding his bleeding one, and could almost feel the exhale of breath coming from Minho if he focused hard enough.
Breaking eye contact, Minho moved away and left Jisung in the kitchen. To his relief he came back, but with bandages in hand. Warm hands returned and grasped his wounded one again before he could feel the sting of a disinfectant being poured on his palm. Little white bubbles covered up the angry red of his cut and made his eye twitch from the sting.
Minho noticed and let out a small huff, Jisung saw the corners of his lips turn up so he was reassured that it was a huff of amusement and not one of annoyance.
After carefully wrapping Jisung’s hand up with a bandage he let go of his hand. Jisung let it hover there for a moment because he felt awkward now. He had no reason to keep staring at Minho, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away.
Minho lifted his hand and put it on Jisung’s head, making his bangs fall into his eyes. Jisung whined, not liking it.
“Minho…”
“Mhm?”
“Don’t go on that double date tonight.”
Jisung’s words were sudden and Minho titled his head in confusion. He was a man of very few words most of the time…but it wasn’t anything new. Once Jisung pushed his hand off his head he felt the familiar burn of embarrassment down his neck.
“I just— we haven’t been on good terms. I want to talk.”
That was the excuse he gave, even though the reason he said anything at all was because he had a bad feeling about him leaving. The idea that the ‘bad feeling’ could’ve just been jealousy was lost on him, and it never even registered in his mind.
Minho hummed. “I’ll stay home.”
“Really?” Jisung asked, he expected to have to beg a little more.
He was supposed to be going on a date after all, he should be fighting a little harder, not giving in to Jisung’s every whim.
“Yeah. I wasn’t that interested in going in the first place. Chan was trying to drag me out.”
“Chan…right.” Jisung reiterated, his tone a little more sour at the mention of Chan.
For some reason, he really didn’t like the guy. He was taking up too much of Minho’s time recently and it bothered him.
“What did you want to do tonight Jisungie?” Minho asked.
The nickname made Jisung feel goosebumps ripple across his skin. This was definitely the Minho he wanted to spend the rest of his night with. This Minho wasn’t seemingly harboring any hidden animosity towards him (courtesy of Jisung’s anxious mind for conjuring that worry up), nor ignoring him anymore. It made him let out a sigh of relief. He’d been doing that a lot lately. It was just another habit of his it seemed, his anxious thoughts were all consuming most days.
“I want…to get something to eat and then watch our favorite movies.”
“You mean watch your favorite movie? For the hundredth time?”
Jisung pouted when he said that. Okay so maybe he always got his way and they watched Howl’s Moving Castle every movie night…Minho never complained.
“It’s the best anime ever created! You like it too!” He didn’t actually know if Minho liked the movie, but he agreed to watch it every time with him so that had to amount to something right?
Minho laughed, looking at Jisung with a soft smile that simultaneously set his heart bursting into flames and making him feel the most at peace he’d ever felt before.
They spent the rest of the evening in their apartment together. Originally, Jisung wanted to go out to eat somewhere but Minho offered to cook and Jisung was too weak of a man to resist Minho making his favorite food.
Eating together on the couch, they turned on Howl’s Moving Castle as promised and watched it for, realistically, the 20th time. Still not helping Jisung’s case.
He cuddled up to Minho’s side, not caring about how it probably looked as he clung to the older’s arm like some co-dependent kid, and carefully rested his head on the man’s shoulder. It was domestic almost, but it just felt right to Jisung.
For once, he didn’t feel overwhelmed by all his responsibilities and big emotions that seemed to plague his thoughts ten times more than everyone around him. He was just relaxed, watching his favorite movie with one of his favorite people. Minho was becoming his most favorite though. His other friends weren’t around as much since their days in college were over and Minho was readily available and mostly willingly to give him all the attention he sought out.
Sleep inevitability tried to take Jisung out of this moment. He forced his eyes to stay awake just a little bit longer— anything to not have to part ways with the warm body beside him. They hadn’t really talked like Jisung said he wanted to…that was okay. He figured he wouldn’t have been able to handle it anyway.
Jolting awake, Minho’s phone rang, breaking the comfortable bubble Jisung had been reveling in.
“Damn it…” Minho muttered, he sounded sleepy too.
“Hello?” He answered his phone with irritation lacing his tone.
Jisung couldn’t hear what was being said but he strained his ears anyway. He hoped it wasn’t important and he could go back to falling asleep on his best friend’s shoulder.
He wasn’t sure how long the call went on, or when he drifted off, but eventually Minho hung up and shook Jisung gently.
“Mmph—“ He groaned clinging closer to him.
“Jisungie…how would you feel about going on a beach trip with me and some of my friends?”
The prospect of a beach trip with Minho sounded amazing. He almost agreed immediately but his sleep addled brain reminded him to take in what he was just asked. Minho and his friends. His friends would be tagging along too. He didn’t know them. New people made him anxious.
“Who’s going?” He asked warily. Minho picked up on the hesitance in his tone.
“It’s just Chan and Felix, you’ll love Felix, he reminds me of you.”
Hearing Chan’s name he wanted to scowl but he held it back. He was being invited on this trip, likely for free, it would be stupid to pass up the opportunity to have an all paid vacation just because of some guy he had never even met before but somehow disliked already. He couldn’t say much for Felix since he’d never met the guy either, but he hoped it wasn’t someone else who would hog all of Minho’s time.
“Are you sure I can come?” Jisung wondered out loud. The last thing he wanted to do was be a burden.
“Yeah, I asked. They don’t mind, I told them I wouldn’t go without you. I don’t want you to have a panic attack while I’m gone or something.”
That definitely didn’t reassure Jisung in the slightest. He was being asked to come just because Minho was worried about him getting in his head while he was alone. How pathetic. He must have shown how he was feeling through the expression on his face because Minho frowned.
“If you don’t want to…we can just stay—“
“I don’t want to go if you’re bringing me out of pity!” He whined.
“It’s not—“
“Do your friends actually want me to go? You should just go…I don’t want to be a burden to you and they probably don’t want to deal with someone like me on a trip they’re supposed to enjoy.”
“Jisung what—“
He wasn’t letting him get a word in. He couldn’t stand to hear any pity in Minho’s voice and he was too stubborn to believe there was any normal reason for him to be invited on this trip. He pushed off the couch and started heading towards his room. Tears were filling his eyes so he had to escape. It was too embarrassing to cry in front of Minho. He’d done it before but Minho was so strong and always looked like he had everything figured out. How could anyone cry in front of him and not feel completely pathetic?
A hand grabbed at Jisung’s arm and pulled him back to stop him from reaching the handle to his door.
“Damn it, let me get a word in.” Minho cursed. “You’re not some charity case I’m taking on. I want you to go, and you’re my friend. Yeah, I’m worried about you being okay here alone but I don’t pity you!”
He sniffled hearing that. If he were honest, it made him feel a little better having someone come after him when he stormed off after a temper tantrum. It made him feel cared for. He believed every word that came out of Minho’s mouth too, so he couldn’t even stay upset for as long as he had planned to. Something about Minho just screamed reliable and trustworthy. At least that’s how he saw it anyway. He couldn’t sulk for long when he was around.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin your trip.” Jisung piped up for good measure.
“You won’t ruin anything. I want you to go, you need the peace of mind you get from going on vacation.”
Jisung couldn’t be certain he could really achieve a state of this so called ‘peace of mind’ but he’d fake it for Minho’s sake. In any case, he wanted to go on the beach trip, even if he didn’t believe it would help him feel better. Minho was the only thing that ever made him feel something other than despair and loneliness. If he did feel better once he got there, he’d blame Minho for the effect, not the beach.
“Okay…I’ll go with you.” He sniffled again.
He wanted to go in the first place, but he held up the pretense of being convinced to go.
Minho let out a long sigh when he finally agreed to go. He visibly relaxed seeing that Jisung wasn’t going to break down (hopefully) anymore tonight. He released the grip he had on his arm and nodded, it was more out of habit than anything.
“Are you okay to go to bed? I don’t want you crying all night when you could talk to me.”
Jisung deflated a little when he was asked that. Why did it sound like Minho was taking care of a kid rather than a full grown adult?
“I’m okay…I just want to go to bed. When is the trip going to be?” He redirected the conversation, not wanting to dive further into his emotions tonight.
“Next week. We leave on Friday.”
Jisung nodded at that. Friday. That was a week from today. He had one thing to look forward to if nothing else. A beach trip with Minho, his best friend, and definitely not anything else that those annoying butterflies in his stomach could explain.
Nothing else.
He blinked a few times at Minho before he found it in himself to move from his spot.
“I should go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow Minho.”
“Yeah…sleep well Jisungie.”