Chapter Text
"Yours?" Amanda asked, her brows furrowing a bit.
Hadn't he just said that? "Yes, mine."
Her face relaxed and then she smiled. "You've adopted a child?"
Moving his fingers away from Sybok's, Sarek did his best to quell his own discomfort. He did not want Sybok to feel his ill-ease.
"No, he is my biological offspring," Sarek said. What was done was done. The past could not be helped.
"Oh, I see. He's beautiful," she said, looking at Sybok. And then she looked down at the ground, her brow furrowing again. "How did I not know this?"
Human memory was poor. Sarek sought to clarify. "Because I did not tell you."
Looking up at him she tilted her head. She had an odd expression on her face that he could not read. "But why didn't you -"
Sarek looked down at the ground. Of course, she was curious, and human...she did not fully comprehend the impropriety of the situation. "We may speak of it later," he said. He would not speak of this in front of Sybok.
Her eyes got wide and she nodded. "So what are you doing here?"
He blinked. "I am trying to familiarize Sybok with the local fauna." He put his son down. "We are reviewing Latin and Vulcan names, as well as ideal climate and means of -"
Sybok immediately plucked a leaf from a fern and tried to stuff it in his mouth. Sarek stopped the small fist just in time.
"How old is he, Sarek?" Amanda asked.
"He is now thirteen months and -"
"Is he talking, yet?" Amanda asked.
"Why would he be talking?" Sarek asked. "He is telepathic."
Amanda kneeled down next to Sybok. "I bet you would like to see the fish pond. Do you like fish?" She punctuated this question by puckering her lips and opening it with a pop. Sybok mimicked.
"That's right, Sybok! Let's go see the fish!" She made the pucker pop face again. Sybok held out two fingers and Amanda responded with a smile. Looking up at Sarek she said, "It might be more age appropriate. Of course," her smiled diminished a little as she stood up, "I really don't know much about Vulcan children."
Tilting his head, Sarek said, "Not much less than I do, I am sure."
x x x
Sarek noted Sybok seemed more stimulated by the fish pond than by his introduction to the local fauna.
The groundskeeper gave his son tiny fish food pellets and Sybock threw them one by one into the pond. Watching the large specimens of Cyprinus carpio lunge and fight for the pellets, Sybok would turn occasionally to Amanda and Sarek and make the pucker pop face.
Eventually, Sybok's movements became more erratic. He started to stamp his feet. "It is almost time for his meditation and nap," Sarek said to Amanda.
He had learned in a few short weeks that to deviate from the meditation sleep routine was to invite disaster. "I must take him home."
As he scooped Sybok up, his son put both hands on Sarek's face and broadcast his anger at being removed from the edge of the pond. From experience Sarek knew if he didn't respond appropriately, Sybok would try to strike him. Vulcan rage started young.
Putting his hand to Sybok's temples, Sarek projected calm and resolve. Sybok did not strike...but he still seethed.
Sarek turned to Amanda; she was watching him with a smile, her eyes wide. "Wow...he's great," she said - obviously not privy to the emotions Sybok was broadcasting to Sarek. "Pardon my professional curiosity, but I've learned so much about the Vulcan education system, and something about Vulcan children, in the course of my education, but this is the first time I've gotten to meet one. He's amazing!"
Hearing Amanda's voice, Sybok turned in Sarek's arms and held out two fingers. As she responded, Sarek could immediately feel the tension in the tiny Vulcan body subside. He sighed inwardly. He had already noted a disturbing tendency in Sybok to be inordinately interested in young, healthy members of the opposite sex - Vulcan and Human. T'Lana, Sybok's nurse, said it was normal, but Sarek was seriously questioning whether seven was too late an age to be bonded.
And then Sarek had an inspiration.
"Would you like to have tea with me while he rests, Amanda...in our home?"
Apparently Sybok understood that suggestion. A tiny hand immediately went to Sarek's face and he was hit by a swell of toddler enthusiasm.
Amanda blinked.
Sarek tilted his head. How to assure her his intentions were correct? Ah, yes...
"Do not worry, Amanda. I will not bite."
Sarek looked quickly at his child. It was logical, he supposed, based on T'Yavi's previous behavior...nonetheless, he was still somewhat shocked at the feelings being projected by Sybok.
Sybok was surprised...and basically asking him, 'Why not?'
x x x
Amanda put the teakettle onto boil in Sarek's kitchen. She was glad it was a warm day and she was wearing a short sleeve shirt; Sarek's home was hot.
It was a small house in the Sunset District; he'd told her he'd recently moved to accommodate Sybok. She surveyed the rooms around her...there was almost no furniture. And there were no pictures on the walls. It was expensive to ship freight from Vulcan - she didn't know if the lack of furniture and decoration was due to this, or just a minimalist aesthetic.
In the living room there was what looked like an incense burner on the floor, and a trunk...and that was it. There were no toys scattered about.
She was filling two mugs just as Sarek entered the kitchen. He had taken off his jacket and was wearing only a light turtleneck sweater above the typical slightly relaxed Vulcan trousers. She'd never seen him in so little clothing. Or his shoulders so loose. Intellectually, she knew he found Earth to be chilly, but seeing him in his home, a bit more relaxed in heat that felt almost sauna-like to her, really drove the point home.
She was happy to see him again was happy to have met Sybok, and happy to be having tea with just Sarek alone in his home; it felt special and right.
...She was also very confused. Handing him a mug she felt the brush of one of his fingers against hers.
He tilted his head slightly at the contact. "You may ask your questions."
She resisted the urge to say, 'Are you sure?' That would imply that he did not mean what he said and would be insulting.
Taking a deep breath, she said, "It's just, you never told me you had a son, and I'm surprised."
She knew he did not have siblings, that his father had died years ago, that he and his mother spoke to one another about once a month. How could he not tell her this?
"I did not know I would ever have custody. His mother recently died and his family wished to seal their union with mine by giving Sybok to our care. The union between their daughter and me did not go as planned...and they attempted to make amends," Sarek said, gazing into his tea.
Amanda was still confused. "But I thought the woman you bonded with as a child died...was that Sybok's mother?"
"Let us sit down," Sarek said, motioning towards a small table.
They had settled into their chairs for a few moments before Sarek began to speak again. "T'Sala, whom I was bonded with as a child, died just before we were to be married. In order to join our two families, her family chose to have her cousin, T'Yavi, stand in for T'Sala."
"Oh." She tried to put the pieces together. "You lost your bond-mate of fifty-six years but then had to immediately marry someone else..."
Sarek sipped his tea. "It was necessary."
"Necessary? I thought by Surak necessary implied a matter of life and death..." She blinked. "I don't understand..."
Sarek looked down at his mug. He was actually...turning green. The hand on his mug went so tight the mug briefly shook, the hand closer to her was clenched into a fist on the table, and the whites of his knuckles stood out against his olive skin tone. "There is no comparable situation among humans. I cannot explain."
Amanda wanted to push, wanted to pry, wanted an explanation...How could they make him remarry 'immediately'? It sounded so inhumane.
But Sarek wasn't human.
...and they were discussing the death of the person he had been telepathically linked with for fifty-six years. It hurt him.
And something else had gone wrong. He'd lost custody of his child...which meant Sybok's mother had been a single parent. What had he called that? A 'dishonorable situation.'
He had been grieving, had had to remarry right away and it hadn't worked out...after fifty-six years...she'd dated one guy for ten years, and still hadn't moved on after two years on the rebound. Sarek was Vulcan but...
"I'm sorry," she said, filled with sympathy. She reached out a hand and draped it over the fist clenched next to her. "It must have been hard for all of you..." Hard for him. Hard for the woman he married. Hard for Sybok.
Sarek's head turned slowly to where their hands were joined. She froze. You did not touch Vulcans.
She swallowed and withdrew it quickly. "Sorry."
She took a deep breath and changed the subject. "I haven't seen you in a while; I've missed you."
Sarek looked down again.
She touched his hand...then made an emotional comment. She was so never getting invited back to his house again. "I mean, I've missed our conversations," she said quickly. "I feel like my progress in Vulcan has come to a halt...or reversed. You've seen what has happened to my Vulcan manners..." She looked pointedly down at his hand. Sarek followed her gaze and tilted his head.
"And I like explaining Terran culture to you," Amanda said. "It helps me see my culture in a whole new light, seeing it through your eyes."
Sarek raised his eyes to hers and she felt instantly relieved. She had not completely insulted him.
"I have had many occasions in the past few weeks when I would have appreciated your insights," he said. "But Sybok's care takes a great deal more time than I had counted on...his mother was not able to provide him with the stimulation, discipline and bonding time he requires. He is...behind in several respects. I have help, but not every evening or most weekends. I have had to put a number of projects on hold for the time being."
Amanda shrugged. "Well, I don't mind sharing you with Sybok. He is incredibly cute...It is fun comparing him to the human toddlers I've worked with. Heck, I wouldn't mind watching him for you on occasion."
Sarek tilted his head. "Really?"
She took a sip of her tea. "Purely out of professional curiosity." This was actually a partial truth. Although she did think Sybok was terribly cute, she was the only education student she knew who had access to a Vulcan child. She felt positively mercenary. Not that she wouldn't give him the highest quality care, but she would probably bring out every child aptitude test she could get her hands on...Heck, a Vulcan parent would probably appreciate that. She looked over at Sarek.
He was staring in his mug again. "It might be unprecedented. But I do have a rather important investigation I have had to postpone due to conflicts in T'Lana, Sybok's nurse's, scheduling...it wouldn't be for a few more weeks..."
"Well, then I'll come by a few more times, have tea with you...play with Sybok, and you can become comfortable with the idea. And if you're not..." she shrugged and smiled. "I will just attribute it to you being an anxious, neurotic, first time parent and won't take it personally at all." She grinned and winked to let him know she was just teasing.
Tilting his head, Sarek remained silent.
x x x
Making the fish pucker face Sybok held up his hand to Sarek's. Sarek felt Sybok's want clearly through the link.
"Tomorrow, Sybok," Sarek said moving his hand to the small Vulcan's temples and projecting calm, just as he'd done with Amanda.
Sarek watched his son drift into sleep. There was a saying of Surak his parents' groundskeeper once told him, 'Every gift is a burden so never wish for gifts'. Sarek had never been able to find this saying backed up in Surak's writings, but he saw the wisdom of it.
Sybok was a gift and a burden. He was an heir. But more than that he was a chance to fix what Sarek felt partially responsible for breaking. Perhaps if he had pushed harder T'Yavi wouldn't have broken their bond. Perhaps he could have helped her attain emotional control.
Sybok seemed not to have been affected by the death of his mother much at all. T'Lana said it meant there was never a firm parental bond established...he might have difficulty ever developing a firm telepathic bond with anyone. Such children had a tendency to stray towards deviancy. Sarek might be able to prevent that fate if he taught Sybok logic and was able to provide a stable, suitable home environment for the child.
Sybok was also behind in his development of gross and fine motor skills, telepathy, and problem solving - although T'Lana was more confident he would recover in these areas. Sarek felt satisfaction every time Sybok achieved some new milestone. At the same time, as Sybok struggled to attain each milestone Sarek often found himself mentally unstimulated. It would be better if Sarek had a vocation that he found more intellectually challenging, but he did not, and Sybok took time away from the personal projects and journal reading Sarek did find interesting.
It had been a welcome surprise to bump into Amanda. Even if it had been especially awkward navigating the differences between their cultures at least it had been a challenge. Sarek stared down at the knuckles she'd grazed with her fingers. It had been a human gesture. The only emotion he had felt from her had been sympathy. Her motivations had not been inappropriate.
What was inappropriate was his desire to turn his hand over and let her fingers graze his delicate telepathic pads. The contact through his knuckles was too light-only the feeling at the forefront of her mind was visible...and that was unsatisfactory.
A/N: