Chapter Text
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“How could I have known
You were the one for me?
How could I've known
You were the air I breathe
If I don't believe in love?”
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Rain fell outside the bus’ grimy window, as it often did in Oldtown. Students milled about the front entrance to the school under the cover of the cement entryway, waiting for the bell to ring.
Mick stepped off the bus onto the wet pavement, backpack sagging lower with the sudden weight of gravity.
“Mick! Hurry up before you catch a cold!” Sasha’s voice rang out through the downpour.
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“How was I to know
I couldn't live without
Your arms around me?
If you'd only come back now
I'd not let you down again”
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Sasha beckoned for Mick, one arm across her forehead to protect her eyes as she stepped out into the rain to greet him and pull him to cover. Over her shoulder, Mick could see Juno leaning against one of the pillars, smoking a cigarette and scrolling through his phone. Beside him, Ben was leaning over his sibling’s shoulder, occasionally laughing at whatever they were looking at.
He looked good. He was wearing a form-fitting turtleneck with long, fitted sleeves, an odd choice for the humid weather, but boy was he stunning. The dark brown of the fabric complemented the equally deep color of his eyes. And his hair. They were all soaking wet, but somehow Benzaiten Steel was as handsome as ever even despite the water dripping down his face and the frizziness starting to appear in his damp curls.
As Mick approached, Ben looked up briefly to offer him a half smile before saying something to Juno and turning to go.
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“And how could you allow
Allow me to love you so?
How cruel a thing”
“Mick?”
Mick!”
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“Sorry- what?” Mick asked, taking out his headphones.
“I asked, are you alright?” Sasha looked at him concernedly as he continued to stare into nothing.
“Mick! Are you even listening to me?” Sasha’s voice was sharp, but not uncaring.
“Yeah, yes. I’m okay. Just- out of it, I guess.” Mick said, hoping he sounded convincing enough that Sasha would drop it.
“Is Ben okay?” Mick asked, directing his attention to Juno.
He put out his cigarette and shrugged.
“He’s just being Ben. Keeping busy, taking care of Ma.”
“Yeah, I guess that sounds about right.”
He missed Ben these days- not that he had gotten to see him all that much for the last few years either. He had his own friends through dance and it had been ages since the four of them had really hung out. He was always busy with this or that, but Mick saw sadness in his eyes. Saw him fade away over the years, saw him retreating into himself until he was no more than an echo of the boy he had known all those years ago.
The bell rang and Mick put his headphones back in.
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If you'd only hold me close
I'd not let you go again
Guess I could have been
A better man
I should have held onto your coat
But how could I've know?”
And now looking back
Should have been on my knees
But I can be cold
Should have said, "Stay with me"
"Please don't leave me alone"
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The rain continued its downpour outside the art room’s windows, casting everything in shades of dull gray and green.
Mick felt, unfocused, to say the least, an observation seemingly shared by his peers as he found himself on the receiving end of several pointed stares after breaking his second charcoal of the afternoon only 15 minutes into class.
“I’ll go get another box” he said, gruffly, deciding he’d take the opportunity to wander and clear his head.
Without looking, Mick turned a corner and shouldered open the door to the supply room, and found himself only inches from one Benzaiten Steel.
It was all Mick could do not to stare.
It felt like it’d been years since they were last this close, since Mick could see the dark umber of his eyes, the notes he wrote himself on the backs of his hands.
He was wearing shorts over his tights and leotard, apparently having just come from the practice room down the hall. Despite the normalcy of it all, he looked tired, far away.
“Tape.” Ben offered, extending the duct tape in his hand by way of explanation.
The room felt cold as Mick tried to think of something to say. He swallowed uneasily, suddenly nervous.
“I’ve missed you” Mick stammered without thinking. He cleared his throat, “I-I haven’t seen you much recently.”
“I’ve been busy.” He sounded too sharp, almost angry.
“I’ve noticed, think you could make some time for an old friend? We could get a drink or-”
“I’m sorry Mick, I just can’t. I’ll see you around.” Ben said as he pushed past Mick towards the door.
“Wait- Ben. Benzaiten!” Mick tried desperately, reaching out and catching Ben by the wrist.
A flash of anger that was too big for his heart, too old for his body, came across his face for just a moment. And then it all went dark, the door clicking ominously.
“Excuse the interruption students.” A muffled voice came over the intercom.
“It would seem the storm has knocked out all nearby power including ours. It may take up to an hour to get anything not connected to emergency batteries back up and running.”
“And the doors-” another voice whispered loudly.
“Ah yes, and the doors are now all locked. Not my decision, the building’s emergency protocols are just programmed that way. Best of luck everyone.”
Ben groaned and slumped back against the door. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“I’m sorry Ben, this is my fault” Mick said after a beat, coming to sit beside him.
“No,” Ben sighed, “I’m sorry. If you hadn’t stopped me I’d have just been stuck out in the hallway instead.”
They sat there for a while in silenced, letting their eyes adjust to the darkness. It wasn’t comfortable per se but it hadn’t yet crossed over to awkward. That is, until Mick decided to speak again.
“You looked nice today- I mean, you look nice now too. You always look nice.” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck subconsciously.
“I- uh, How is dance going? Juno told me you got a job at that studio downtown you always talked about. I’m really happy for you, you deserve good things.”
“Mick, please don’t do that,” Ben started.
“Do what?”
“Be kind, be you. You’re just making this worse.”
“Oh right- yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I- just, sorry.”
“Wait, Mick,” he sighed, lightly bumping their shoulders in a friendly gesture.
“It’s just,” he tried again, looking at his feet, “I don’t think you’d like me anymore. I’m not the same person you used to know.”
“Well then, I could get to know you? Again I mean,” he stammered, “We could hang out- everyone could hang out. I know Juno lives with you but I’m sure Sasha misses you as much as I do.”
“Maybe,” Ben submitted, nudging Mick again gently. They both knew he didn’t mean it.
They sat there for a moment, content enough in the slight awkwardness of the moment until a loud crash nearby broke the silence. Mick reached for Ben’s hand at the abruptness of the sound, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Mick, it’s okay,” Ben chuckled lightly, “It was probably just a sewer rabbit on the roof, you know they sometimes come out when it rains.”
“Right, you’re probably right.” Mick mumbled, still gripping Ben’s hand, eyeing the corners of the room anxiously. He’d never liked loud sounds, even as a kid. He was always terrified of storms, hiding under his bed covers with Wilco until the worst of it had passed.
“Mick, hey,” Ben said softly, moving to sit in front of him and angling his gaze to force eye contact with the moving target that was Mick Mercury's shaking head, “look at me.”
Finally, after a hand squeeze and another few seconds, they were looking at each other. Mick didn’t understand why Ben was doing this for him after avoiding him for so long, but in this moment he found he couldn’t possibly care to question it. They were so close now, separated only by Mick’s knees that had been brought up to his chest and clutched tightly by the hand not holding Ben’s.
It was hard to tell in the darkness, but while Mick felt his heart flutter at the realization he was holding Ben’s hand, it seemed almost as if Ben was equally affected, his cheeks flushing as they locked eyes again.
“Ben I-“ Mick tried, eyes flicking between Ben’s dark ones and their interlocked hands.
“Just shut up Mick.” Ben laughed, suddenly launching forward to kiss Mick clumsily.
The kiss wasn’t at all like their first, it was more. More full, more intense, more indulgent, but there was something less about it too. Something missing, the disconnection between them lay heavy over all else like a hefty blanket, muffling the emotion, the love between the two young men.
Despite the many tens of questions bubbling in his throat, Mick allowed himself this moment, his hand coming to rest on Ben’s side before pulling it away abruptly when he hissed in pain at the pressure.
“Ben? Are you alright? I’m so sorry- did I hurt you?”
“It’s okay, I’m okay.” Ben assured, waving a dismissive hand.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Mick continued, eyes searching Ben as he stood, stretching the space between them.
A moment later the lock on the door whirred loudly, marking the death of the moment with a loud click.
“I’m okay, Mick. I’m alright.” Ben said again, “but I think the door is unlocked, I should get back to class.”
Before Mick could protest, Ben had tried the door, pushing it open with one arm, the other wrapped gingerly around his waist.
“Ben?” Mick called out after him, “call me some time?”
“Maybe.” Ben agreed, smiling sadly, and Mick hoped with all his heart that this time he meant it.