Chapter Text
Tony has always been shoved in front of a camera. Ever since he was four, and he made his first circuit, for better or for worse, he's had the limelight on him. His father dragging him along to any and every possible gala or science convention to get him displayed and shown off like a prize pet.
Most his memories of this time is just lights flashing, voices shouting, hands moving him into positions for the camera. After all, he's the smartest kid of his generation. Why wouldn't he want to show it off?
The novelty wore off VERY quickly.
When he was 7 he started avoiding any sort of exposure at all, whether it was the fancy conventions or leaving the house. Even going to school became impossible, crowds of paparazzi flooding the gates, bringing their too bright lights and too loud voices.
One night after just about making it out of school without being trampled, squeezed to death or suffocating from how fast his breaths were coming, Tony broke down in front of his father and begged him to get him tutors, homeschool him, anything to just stay away from the outside.
Howard told him to man up and grow a pair.
So Tony learnt to lock away the terror and anxiety he felt in loud, crowded and bright places, and soon he was the only one in the world who knew about it.
When he built his first engine.
Shouts.
When he graduated high school at 14.
Flashes.
Youngest ever acceptant to MIT!
Hands grabbing.
And then he got to MIT, and did something completely unheard of. He made a friend. Roommate. Roommate friend. Tony and Rhodes. Well, somewhere along the way it got switched so they were Rhodey and Tones, but whatever they were called, it was universally accepted that they came as a pair. Suddenly, two people knew.
It was hard for Tony, after they graduated, and ended up on opposite sides of the country, with Rhodey in the military and Tony at Stark Industries.
Which became a nightmare of its own for Tony, the second his father died. Every slight flash or raised voice reminded him of his childhood or his dad, and would summon another wave of anxiety. He began to live in constant fear of a breakdown wherever he was. So again, Tony pushed it down further, and gritted his teeth through his screaming senses.
One good thing however, did come out of SI, in the form of a very persistent assistant named Virginia Potts, who quickly became the third to know, after practically interrogating Tony as to why he couldn't go to that 'very important, life changing' press conference that week.
He hadn't had an... incident since then.
Tony thought he had grown out of it.
-—————————-
After a gruelling mission where a civilian was almost fatally injured, the avengers were gathered in a stuffy meeting room, and Tony could not think of a single place on the planet that he wanted to be less. They were all grimy and dirty, with Tony still sweating after being in his suit and his shirt clinging uncomfortably to his back. He was just uncomfortable.
At least, that's what he was trying to convince himself.
The slightly flickering holograms were just annoying, and the crowed room was only irritating
Because he didn't get overloads anymore. They're childish, and he'd grown out of them.
But a quarter into the meeting, when voices started to overlap and people began interrupting each other, Tony was forced to doubt his adamant denial.
He closed his eyes, in an attempt to gather his thoughts, wishing he was in his quiet workshop tinkering with a project. He quickly berated himself because of course he had to be there. There had been a life in the balance, and he couldn't disregard that simply because he felt a little uncomfortable in the loud, bright and crowded room. It soon became a struggle though.
With every flicker of a light or raising of a voice, Tony's hands began to shake a little. He frantically tucked them in his pockets to grab the screws and hexes he keeps in them for when he needs to fiddle with something. Repeatedly screwing them on and off and on and off helped usually, but clearly this was going to be a bad one, as his hands were shaking too badly to screw them on easily, only succeeding in agitating him more.
The shaking was spreading, Tony could feel it, and he could feel the odd looks he was starting to get, the attention making his breathing pick up.
He was on the verge of breaking, and then there was the last straw.
Bruce's voice, quiet and calm as always, was a lifeline that Tony had latched onto as a last resort. He didn't even register what he was saying, just the slow cadence, breaking up the other voices.
But then Steve interrupted him. Loudly, with a sharp movement to accompany it.
And Tony ran out of the room.
-————————-
Vision blurry and ears ringing, Tony surrendered to muscle memory, letting his legs take him to his one safe space. His workshop.
When he reached the large steel doors barring him from sanctuary, his breaths were still increasing in pace, so he choked out a plea.
"The door... please, JARVIS..."
Without a word from the AI, FRIDAY slid the doors open, knowing he wasnt in his right mind. Tony stumbled inside, feeling his panic subside the tiniest amount.
Trying his hardest to calm down, Tony took a deep, shuddering breath and surveyed his familiar surroundings. His main desk dominated the slightly messy room, illuminated by very dim lights, the precaution left in JARVIS's code and passed down to FRIDAY. Coffee cups and half finished projects dotted around the room, remnants of his last work binge. Screens and holograms blinked to life as he slowly stumbled closer, but he commanded his AI to turn them off, still too sensitive to the lights. He aimed for the soft, wine red couch in the corner of the workshop, mentally and physically exhausted.
The moment Tony flopped down, he felt a light bump against his hand. Eyes snapping down, still a little on edge, his eyes immediately softened when he saw DUM-E rolling into him again and again like a needy cat. DUM-E gave a small splutter of the fire extinguisher, and Tony reluctantly let out a sad chuckle.
" 'fraid you can't fix me with that dummy, my broken is a little more complicated."
The robot sprayed the extinguisher a little harder, as if in objection, and bumped against the couch once more.
Tony laughed, genuinely this time, feeling his heart warm.
"Ok, ok, what would I do without you hmm?"
Leaning back, he drew an unguarded breath, revelling in the darkness and silence, and released it in a relieved sigh.
-————————-
A heavy, awkward silence hangs in the packed conference room, all eyes focused on the door still swinging after being shoved open by the usually composed genius.
Clearing his throat sharply, the silence is broken by Steve, his eyes darting around sheepishly, looking slightly annoyed.
"Well. If the dramatics are over. I'd like to talk about the actually important events of this mission, that the mighty Tony Stark clearly doesnt give a shit about."
"Language," called Clint from the other side of the room.
Bruce gave a worried glance around the room."I don't know, guys, he didn't seem ok."
"Of course he's ok, he's just throwing a tantrum, as per usual"
"Didn't you see how much his hands were shaking before though? And he was breathing really fast when he ran. It looked like... well it looked like he was having a panic attack"
Steve rolled his eyes. "Those don't exist, Banner, he's just tying to get attention."
Spots of green began to show around Bruce's neck, and Natasha quickly tried to intervene. "Steve. Too far. This isn't the 40s."
Before the Captain could say anything more damning, Bruce traced Tony's steps to the door. "I'm going to find him and see if he's alright. The least you all could do is call Rhodey. See if he's alright knows anything about it. I hope you're satisfied with yourself, cap."
The door swung open and shut for the second time that night.
Natasha spoke up again. "He's right you know. Bruce. Stark was shaking from about halfway though the meeting, he barely spoke at all and was flinching at any loud sounds."
Clint, their other resident super spy nodded in agreement.
Sighing, Steve conceded. "Fine. Maybe we can call the Colonel. But that's it. I still don't trust this."
After a few movements of the holograms from Nat, James Rhodes' head appeared. Taking an appraising glance around the room, his expression hardened at the absence of Tony. "What did you do." He phrased it as a statement, not a question.
"We didn't do anything, Stark ran out of the mission briefing, and Banner seems to think something was wrong with him-" Steve protested, before getting quickly cut off by Natasha.
"Bruce said it looked like a panic attack. Does Stark get those?"
"Shit. Was it loud in the meeting? Crowded?"
A curt nod.
"I'm on my way."
-—————————-
Tony's reverie was interrupted by the muttering of voices outside of his workshop. Feeling his tension somewhat return, he stood on shaky legs and asked, "JARVIS? Who is it?"
"Bruce Banner, sir. He is requesting entry"
A sigh of relief swept out of him. "Let him in, it's ok."
The steel doors swooshed open and the scientist hesitantly entered. "Tony?"
"Here, Brucie-bear," Tony answered softly, carefully indicating to Bruce to speak quietly too, pointing to his ears and shaking his head slightly.
Brow furrowing, he quietly picked his way through the organised chaos to get to the red couch Tony had returned to after realising who was at the door.
Sitting down, he spoke in a quiet tone, "First of all, I told you not to call me that." He gave a small smile before frowning again. "But also, are you ok? What happened back there?"
"I- just, well, sometimes I used to kind of struggle in really loud or bright or crowded places. But I'm over that now! Well, I thought i was..." Tony trailed off, a sad sort of resignation on his face.
"You know that it's ok if you're not, right?" Bruce began, and was about to continue before being cut off by the doors swooshing open again.
Rhodey strode in, and immediately turned their way, knowing where Tony would be to feel the most safe.
Bruce's jaw dropped as he began signing frantically to Tony, and Tony - albeit slightly less frantically, and with a dramatic eye roll - began signing back.
"I'm ok to talk, Rhodey," Tony said quietly.
In a barely audible whisper, Rhodes answered, "You sure, Tones?"
A nod from Tony, and a sigh of relief from the colonel.
Assured that his best friend was at least moderately ok, he raised his volume the tiniest bit. "Is there anything you need before I go find your dick of a captain?"
Tony chuckled a bit and shook his head.
It was at this point that Bruce cut in with a sigh. "I'll join you, Rhodes. Cap needs some things explained and he won't take it in without a good cop to your bad cop. We'll leave you to have some peace Tony, but remember you don't have to bottle it up."
"Come to me, or Bruce if I'm away, if you feel like an attack is coming on, yeah?"
"Yeah," Tony replied, reluctantly agreeing.
As the unlikely duo walked carefully out of the workshop, Tony lay down and closed his eyes again, his heart calm in the quiet of his safe space.
And so four people knew.