Chapter Text
Chuuya stared at the front of the classroom blankly. Because he sat as the back of the class, he was able to detach himself from reality for a while. Class hadn’t actually started yet, and the room was pretty much empty. Dazai sat next to him, also staring blankly at nothing.
It was honestly bad that Dazai sat next to him, because all they’d do is chat and fuck around. The both of them had particularly low grades, which was expected. The both of them were absolute idiots.
Chuuya was pulled back to his senses as he felt someone or something grab his shoulders. He instinctively grabbed onto Dazai, then his face flushed and he pulled his hand away. Dazai also came back when Chuuya grabbed his arm, and audibly winced.
Chuuya didn’t think he grabbed Dazai’s arm that hard. But he didn’t think anything of it, not for now. His arm tingled again. Huh… not important right now. He then looked up to see who grabbed his shoulders. It was Yosano, with a bright smile on her face.
She cleared her throat, and began singing happy birthday. Very loudly. Very horribly.
"Happy birthday to you~!" Chuuya covered his ears.
Happy birthday to you!" Chuuya groaned, looking to Dazai, only to see him join in, along with what sounded like Ranpo and a less-than-enthusiastic Kunikida.
"Happy birthday dear Chuuya!"
"Happy birthday to you!"
Chuuya sighed as it finished, but he couldn’t resist his face warming up and smiling widely. He did notice Dazai singing ‘my dear dog’ instead of ‘dear Chuuya’, and punched his shoulder. But he looked up, seeing Yosano, Ranpo, and Kunikida standing there.
"Thank you," Chuuya began, and opened his mouth to speak more before someone grabbed his wrist. He almost pulled it away, out of habit, like he had done earlier with Dazai, but didn’t.
"Ooh~!" Yosano hummed, tracing Chuuya’s symbol with her nail. It tickled, and Chuuya pulled away his wrist. She then called over Ranpo, and he didn’t hesitate. Chuuya felt like this was some fucked up version of fortune telling, only it was his soulmates fortune and not Chuuya’s.
He felt slightly shakier hands grab his own, again, tracing over the symbol, but then Chuuya heard a muffled gasp.
Ranpo’s usually squinted eyes opened wide looked at Dazai, who tilted his head.
"So?" Chuuya asked, "What’s it mean?"
Ranpo hummed, like he was trying to think of the meaning. But maybe he was stalling.
"Uhm," Ranpo began, looking around to see if anyone was looking or listening before taking a breath. "so, there’s a paw of a cat, so your soulmate acts a bit like a cat. The colour of the paw is blue, so your soulmate’s favorite colour must be blue. Someone like-" Ranpo cut himself off and cleared his throat, beginning again. "But the meaning is much more, uh, concerning."
Chuuya swallowed thickly, studying Ranpo’s concerned facial expression. He got this guilty feeling in his stomach, the same one that made him feel sick last night. "Go on…?"
Ranpo took a short breath, then tried to get his sentence out as fast as possible. "Well, considering the claws, the cut, and the blood drop-" Chuuya didn’t realize it was a drop of blood. He bit his tongue.
"The shortest answer would be that your soulmate may possibly- as in, not absolute- has self-harmed or has been doing it."
Yosano and Kunikida flinched, then looked at each other with worry on their faces. They stood back, a bit wary of Chuuya’s reaction as well.
Chuuya took a second, a long second, to process Ranpo’s words. He stiffened, taking his trembling hand out of Ranpo’s grip.
What. The. Fuck.
"What the fuck?!" Chuuya echoed his own thoughts, jumping out of his seat and walking a few steps away. He was lucky there was no one in here except for the group of them. He had expected- or wanted- his soulmate to not have the same problem he had a couple years ago.
He then almost gagged, remembering the tingling. He felt so, so sick. A few more steps away from Ranpo, he spat out "T-this morning, my arms, thighs, and ankles tingled weirdly. Is that because-" Ranpo didn’t let Chuuya finish his sentence, just not nodded and looked away.
Chuuya gasped sharply, tangling his fingers in his hair and pulling at it sharply. "Oh my god. Oh my fucking god- I’m gonna… fuck…" Chuuya began to feel extremely nauseated, grabbing his stomach and gagged.
Ranpo ran forward and grabbed Chuuya’s shoulders, followed by a worried Dazai. Ranpo told Dazai to go sit down. "Okay. Chuuya, I think you’re having a panic attack. You need to calm down before-"
Someone gets hurt.
That’s what Ranpo was about to say.
Chuuya cut him off with a punch to the jaw. Ranpo let out a pained gasp and retreated back, clutching his jaw tightly.
Dazai then went over and grabbed Chuuya, pulling him into a hug. Chuuya was about to push Dazai away and punch him, but Dazai held tighter.
"It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re fine. Calm down, please. Focus on your breathing." Dazai soothed, and Chuuya followed. He closed his eyes. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
Chuuya took another deep breath, then whispered "I’m okay…" and Dazai pulled away, still holding Chuuya’s hand.
A rough start to the day.
—
Chuuya zoned out for the next three lessons, but got excited as lunch began. He skipped down the pathway outside, holding Dazai’s hand tightly as they sat down with the rest of the group.
Chuuya leaned back on the fountain, alongside Dazai. It’s where they usually sat. Chuuya grinned as he opened his lunchbox and pulled out a brownie his mum had made for him the day before.
Chuuya split it in half and looked at Dazai who was talking to Yosano. He nudged Dazai’s elbow. "My mum made me brownies, do you want half?"
Dazai looked at Chuuya with a grin. "Enticing offer, but nah. I’m not hungry."
Chuuya’s smile faltered for a second. Dazai hadn’t been eating lunch for a while. Why didn’t he? And he swore he heard Dazai’s stomach grumbling in class. But he wouldn’t push.
Chuuya put the brownie half in his lunchbox. "Alright, but it’ll be here if you want it."
Dazai didn’t say anything more, just smiled at Chuuya and continued his conversation with Yosano. It was at this point when Ranpo came to sit down, along with his boyfriend Poe. Ranpo gave a reassuring smile to Chuuya, and a glance at Dazai.
Chuuya sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. Poe seemed a bit tense, so Chuuya figured Poe knew. Although, Poe was always a bit tense. "Ranpo, earlier you said ‘short answer’. What’s the long one?" Chuuya offered his wrist to Ranpo.
Ranpo took it and began speaking carefully. "So, just a side note, because the paw is blue it means your soulmate is a boy." Chuuya let out a breath of relief, although he could’ve sworn it was black when he woke up. He wasn’t going to worry about that, though. It was probably just the lighting.
"But the cut," Ranpo continued, and Chuuya tensed slightly. "means that your soulmate often, accidentally or not, cuts themselves." Chuuya felt sick again. Dazai wasn’t paying attention, more focused on his conversation with Yosano.
"I’m not exactly sure what the blood drop means, but the claws are a sign that your soulmate’s injuries are self-inflicted." Chuuya seethed, then took a deep breath. He also noticed that Poe wasn’t listening, just mindlessly playing with Ranpo’s hair while reading his book.
"Well shit," Chuuya sighed, "out of all people, my soulmate had to be the mentally unstable one?!"
Ranpo sighed and leaned his head back a little. "Unfortunately. I’m sorry." Chuuya nodded in acceptance, and stared at his food.
"My appetite is ruined now." He scowled.
"Well, I’m sorry for ruining it. But if you’re not going to eat it, can I have it?" Ranpo asked, a smile creeping onto his face. Chuuya groaned and pushed his lunchbox towards Ranpo. "Yay! Thank you, chiibi-kuuuunnn~!"
Chuuya’s jaw dropped slightly in response to Ranpo’s nickname that Dazai usually gave him. "Hey! What the fuck?! Only Dazai can call me that!" Chuuya didn’t mean to say his last sentence.
Ranpo just snickered with a knowing look and mouthed ‘fag’. Chuuya gasped loudly and immediately leaned forward to beat the shit out of Ranpo, only to be stopped by Dazai.
"You’re being a bad dog, chibiko-kun!" Dazai said with a wide grin that just made Chuuya even more furious.
"I’m not your dog, idiot!!" Chuuya growled, punching Dazai’s chest. Dazai let out an over-dramatic yelp and half-hid himself behind Yosano. Yosano just sighed and took a bite of her sandwich.
"You wound me, Chuuya." Dazai giggled, shuffling back over and leaned his head on Chuuya’s shoulder.
Chuuya sighed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I’m tired. I’m gonna take a nap." Chuuya leaned on Dazai, dropping his head in Dazai’s lap.
"Lap dog." Dazai hissed, and Chuuya just groaned and turned his head away slightly. The warmth of late spring on his skin felt nice, and made him feel even more tired. So he quickly fell into a deep sleep.
—
While he slept, he was able to think of what happened this morning and his minor panic attack. It was a somewhat rare occurrence, but did happen. His panic attacks were quite violent and intense as well, but he’d never really remember them.
He knew that he would cause fights or damage, but someone would calm him down before Chuuya could do anything too bad. Especially after…
…the incident.
—
Chuuya barely remembered Dazai waking him up, going to his last classes or walking home. The next thing he knew he was sitting on his bed next to Dazai. Chuuya’s mum had baked (or bought, knowing her) a chocolate cake.
Dazai politely declined.
Again.
Chuuya felt a bit concerned. But he knew not to push. He just wanted to make sure Dazai was alright. "Dazai, you haven’t eaten much today. Are you okay…?" Chuuya then realized it was very out of character for him to say something like that, so followed it with a sharper "I just don’t want you starving yourself or anything, mackeral."
"Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine! Just not hungry.." Dazai said with a convincing smile. Chuuya tilted his head slightly in worry. He knew that Dazai wasn’t exactly right in the head. "But that’s not important!"
It was. Well, in Chuuya’s opinion. "What’s more important is gifts! It’s your birthday." Dazai continued and pulled a small box out of (seemingly) nowhere.
Chuuya let out a sound of surprise, grabbing the box. But before he could open it, Dazai gasped sharply and grabbed it back.
"Wait, no, sorry. That’s the wrong thing." Dazai yelped, then composed himself and looked back to Chuuya.
"Oh. Okay…" Chuuya couldn’t help but feel a bit of worry and curiosity. What was in the box? Eh. He’d ask about it later.
Dazai then took another box from his box, one longer in length. Chuuya grabbed the box from Dazai’s hands a little too quickly, but he was careful for their fingers not to brush.
Chuuya stared down at the box, dark grey cardboard with a golden brushstroke in the shape of a crescent in the middle of the box. He also noticed a less-than-carefully ripped-off sticker in the top left corner. He smiled and rolled his eyes, then carefully opened the box. His eyes widened as he stared down at a glass dip calligraphy pen with golden details.
Chuuya let out a soft exhale of admiration as he carefully picked up the pen, running his fingers along the carefully carved details, holding it like it would break any second now. He then looked up at Dazai, his face heating up as he remembered this gift was from Dazai.
"Wow—, Dazai, this is beautiful…" Chuuya exhaled, and Dazai looked away, his face heating up as well.
"I just thought.., since you like to write and do poetry…" Dazai grinned sheepishly, tucking his hair behind his ear and trying to calm his racing heart, but then Chuuya hugged him.
Chuuya wrapped his arms around Dazai and shoved his face into Dazai’s chest, hearing his heart pound. "Thank you," Chuuya muttered, holding Dazai tighter. They just stayed like that for a second before Chuuya looked up at Dazai. He looked unfairly beautiful from this angle and Chuuya resisted the underlying urge to kiss Dazai until the both of them couldn’t breathe.
His hand twitched at Dazai’s waist, then Chuuya pulled away. Dazai froze in place for a moment too long, recovering from what just happened before looking back at Chuuya. He then let out a small ‘oh!’ and grabbed a notebook from his kangaroo pocket and handed it to Chuuya.
Chuuya grinned as he stared at the notebook, running his fingers along the golden brushstrokes that matched the box that the glass pen was in. "Thank you.." Chuuya whispered, looking at Dazai.
"Look at the back!" Dazai said, and Chuuya turned it over to look at the back.
There was a painting of himself, Chuuya, on the back. He could tell it was Dazai’s painting because of his initials in the corner, alongside a date. O.D, 24th April 2026. Chuuya then looked at the painting, seeing almost an identical version of him focusing on writing something, one hand tugging at his hair and the other holding the pen that he was chewing. Chuuya studied it closely, realizing how attention-to-detail it was, right down to his swollen lip from chewing it and the scars that just barely peaked under his sleeve. He then looked up at Dazai, shocked that he had painted this for Chuuya. It looked like an art piece that would actually sell for money, maybe one or two thousand pounds.
"Wow…" Chuuya whispered, his eyes visibly gleaming. "You’re telling me that you of all people painted this?" Dazai nodded with a grin, his face bright red. "This actually looks like it’s worth money, how did you—" Chuuya was cut off with a buzzing from Dazai’s phone.
Dazai groaned and rolled his eyes, grabbing his phone out of his pocket. He then stifled a gasp as he read the notification. "Shit— uhh, I gotta go now..! I’m sorry, it’s just Mori."
Chuuya frowned, feeling disappointed at the fact that Dazai had to leave right now. "Oh… okay." He looked away from Dazai and brought his knees to his chest.
Dazai matched Chuuya’s frown, but then leaned down to look Chuuya in the eye, then grabbed his face carefully and kissed his cheek.
It was short, but also very sweet. Chuuya stared up at Dazai as he waved to Chuuya and left. Chuuya then grinned and shoved his face in his pillow, muffling his scream and kicking his feet like a middle school girl who was hopelessly in love with a boy.
Chuuya lifted his boiling face from the pillow, and ran his hands through his hair. God, he wasn’t going to sleep tonight.
Both Chuuya and Dazai always knew that they were a little more than friends, a little closer to lovers than simply ‘best friends’, but neither of them said anything about it.
Maybe the two of them would always sit on the line between friends and lovers. Maybe neither of them would take the leap of fate and tell the other that he loved him. Maybe they’d never leave the ‘denial’ stage of having a crush.
Chuuya stared out of his window, watching as the sun began to set. Sunset was always his favorite time of day. He took a picture of the sunset with his phone, then opened his window and breathed in the still-warm spring air.
He leaned back on his bed, and closed his eyes, trying to force himself into sleep.
Tomorrow was going to be a good day. Hopefully.