Chapter Text
Be humble, be honest. Be humble, be honest. Be humble, be honest.
That was the personal mantra he and his therapist had come up with. She had said “the simpler the better” so that he’d always remember it, even long after he left her care. Be humble and be honest. Even if he did nothing else, if he followed those simple words, he’d surely put some good into the world. It definitely seemed simple but if it was, why couldn’t Kade have done it during his teenage years.
At least he was practicing it now, though. After he left rehab, he took that mantra and decided to tell his family the truth. He would’ve told his friends too if he had any left. He was gay. He’d always been gay. And trying to ignore it was in part the cause of so much of his headaches. Kade wouldn’t lie and say it was painless, but it was surely much easier than whatever he was doing before. And the fact that it was over FaceTime surely helped as well. Most of his family and community shunned him but he was already used to disappointing them anyway, just in a different way. It was kind of nice to not have to deal with everyone’s expectations and burdens on his shoulders anymore. Even if that meant he might never return home.
So he had the honesty thing down. Now came the humility part. Kade had managed to royally fuck up his life and career in just three short years. He’d never play professional football again and he doubted whether any amateur teams would even hire him as the guy who washes their away kits. So he had to apply for a regular job just like everybody else. Even though he wasn’t everybody else. Even though people still stared when he walked down the street. Even though everybody knew what he had been getting up to when he was off the pitch.
But he had to bear that shame now. He had spent the first week of rehab wallowing in self-pity over it. He was the one who imploded his own career so publicly therefore he was the one whose responsibility it was to try and do and be better.
So that’s how he found himself sitting in a small poky office explaining his (former) drug use to a man he’d just met.
“You’re not…you know… anymore, right?”
“Nah, I’m completely sober, not touched even a drop.”
“Good, good. And what about…?” Brody trailed off.
“Oh, um. Yeah. When I said I’m completely sober I meant everything.”
“Okay, great!” Brody beamed. “Look, between me and you, in my eyes you’ve already got the job but you know how these things work — got to interview everyone.”
“Right.”
“If you want, you can start Tuesday after next. I’ll email you and we’ll sort out all the kinks.”
“Right, thank you.”
Brody nodded to the door and finally the interview from hell was over. Kade left the office and went down a narrow flight of stairs before pushing open the door that led into the entryway. The woman he’d met earlier was sitting behind the front desk but he wasn’t.
When Kade was scrolling through job listings, he couldn’t believe his eyes when a link took him to the gym’s website and he recognised a familiar face in one of the promotional photos. At first he thought it couldn’t truly be him, that his eyes were deceiving him, but when he clicked MEET THE TEAM, there was a headshot of him, clear as day. Underneath was written:
Zeke Calogero, RECEPTIONIST
Zeke’s dark hair was much longer than he remembered, tied back in a low bun and he seemed to have lost some of his baby fat. His face was more chiselled, more mature, more handsome.
Kade just sat at his laptop just staring at the photo for several minutes. He truly couldn’t believe his eyes or fathom the odds of getting to run into Zeke again. He didn’t know what it was but something took over him and he was suddenly struck by the need to see him.
So he applied for the job.
His brain didn’t even register filling out the application. Kade wasn’t even all that interested in working as a trainer but he just needed a good excuse to see him and talk to him. He didn’t even know if Zeke would entertain him after all he had put him through.
Zeke had been his first and last relationship, though he could barely call it that. Sure, there were hook-ups from time to time but no one he really cared about. Not like he had cared about Zeke. He was the person who helped Kade realise he truly was gay, and the first person Kade properly slept with. Even though they were young and inexperienced and it had been awkward and fumbling, it was a night Kade would never forget as long as he lived. Retrospectively, Kade wondered whether all his acting out had just been him trying to recreate the high of having Zeke in his bed.
Kade wasn’t sure what he expected when he finally started working but it wasn’t this. To Kade’s disappointment, Zeke wasn’t at work on the day of his induction and they never seemed to cross paths in the following days and weeks either.
As a personal trainer, his schedule was sporadic and depended on client uptake and availability. And at first, he hadn’t been working long enough to have a proper roster. There was also the added layer of him being somewhat recognisable.
Only one of his clients had been kind enough to pretend they didn’t know who he was so as to not make it awkward for him. Contrarily, it seemed to make him feel even worse. Like everyone was laughing at him behind his back. Like they were talking about how he had so much potential and he could have been a generational talent but he flushed that all down the toilet in the worst way.
But he frankly couldn’t complain too much. This was a second chance at a normal life and one that could include Zeke, perhaps. Well, if Zeke would stop avoiding him.
At first he thought that their shifts just never seemed to line up but as he walked past the front desk one day, he saw Zeke’s mop of dark hair duck down as he tried to hide from him. Kade scoffed and walked right past him. He knew that it would just get more and more awkward if they continued on like this so he hatched a plan to finally get to speak to him properly.
The plan came together a week after that incident. Kade had asked Brody when Zeke would next be opening, fabricating a story about having to give him a T-shirt he had let him borrow. Zeke was definitely two sizes too small to be lending Kade clothes but Brody didn’t even blink at the story so when Zeke came to work the very next day, he was met by Kade’s tall, toned body leaning by the entrance of the building.
To Zeke’s credit, he hid his surprise or any other emotions very well. In fact, he was pretending as though Kade wasn’t standing there at all.
“So you’re really not going to say anything to me?” Kade asked as Zeke turned the keys that lifted the shutters.
Zeke just continued to stare at the key in his hand while the mechanical whirring filled the quiet between them.
Kade tried again, “I don’t want it to be awkward betwee–"
“You were the one pretending not to recognise me,” Kade finally replied, still refusing to make eye contact.
“No I wasn’t. Not really anyway. I definitely haven't been hiding like you have,” Kade accused.
That seemed to get his attention. He swivelled his head to glare at Kade.
“What,” he started, “did you expect, huh? That I would fall at your feet and wax poetic about how much I missed you?”
“You missed me?”
“Like a fucking hole in the head,” Zeke deadpanned.
“Yeah, I guess I deserve that.”
Zeke scoffed and rolled his eyes. He thought Kade deserved much more than snark.
“You’re looking fit, you know.”
Zeke raised an eyebrow as he went to unlock the front doors.
“I don’t mean like that. I meant you look well. Like, I don’t know…leaner. And I like the new hair.”
“I guess I’ll take it as a compliment, then. And the hair’s not new.” Zeke rolled his eyes and huffed. He was simultaneously chuffed and embarrassed.
On one hand, it was validating to know that other people could see the effort he was putting in and that he had lost weight and was looking ‘fit’. On the other hand, he hated that his body could be perceived so acutely by someone else.
Every time someone looked at him, he felt like they were analysing his body. Were they noticing the softness of his arms or the roundness of his cheeks? Maybe they were cracking up inside over how ugly and fat and sloppy he was.
And for Kade to compliment his hair? He had initially grown his hair out as a way to cover his face and neck but Charlie had promptly let him know that he looked like he had crawled out of a bog and took him to get it styled by a professional. Even still, he was so insecure about it.
“Hey, are you okay?” Kade’s voice cut through the silence in the entryway and Zeke’s spiraling thoughts, bringing him back to himself. He rested a strong hand on Zeke’s shoulder. “You were looking a little pale there.”
Zeke shrugged him off. “Yeah, I’m good, just felt a little light-headed.”
“Well, I was gonna grab something to eat before work, wanna join me? I noticed there’s a smoothie place down the street.”
Zeke let out a sharp, shrill laugh. Oh, he was definitely going to spiral if this conversation went on any longer.
“You know what, maybe another day. I’ve got to disable the security system and do some admin, you know, actual work instead of coming in once a week to teach people how to use the treadmill. I’ll see you around.”
“That’s no–”
Zeke didn’t wait to hear Kade’s response before he bolted away.
He spent the rest of the day hiding from Kade and feeling like an idiot. He should have been flustered by his semi-psycho ex trying to spend alone time with him but was instead driving himself crazy over the thought of eating in front of him. Or anyone.
God, he was a total nutcase.
A couple of days later, Zeke had managed to steer clear of Kade and avoid the conversation they had started. Like he usually did after his shift, Zeke changed into his gym clothes then completed a gruelling hour-long workout before showering and heading upstairs to collect the rest of his stuff from his locker.
Thankfully, Brody was around so he didn’t have to lock up for the night. He was convinced that one of these days he’d lose the keys or forget the codes and Brody would have enough and he’d be out of a job.
He put one earphone in as he pushed open the staff room door. He was expecting to be greeted by an empty room and was surprised by a very familiar frame sitting on the bench in front of his locker.
“Jeez! What are you doing here?” Zeke exclaimed, nearly jumping out of his skin.
“I wanted to ask you again if you wanted to catch up,” Kade replied as he rose to his feet.
After their disastrous encounter earlier in the week, Kade had no idea where he went wrong but he’d be damned if he let their situation end up even worse off than it was before. He’d thought about approaching Zeke during the day, but he always appeared to be extra busy or talking to someone else so his last resort was to catch him at the end of the day.
“So you waited for me to get off work.”
“Nah, I wanted to talk to you earlier but you seemed to be avoiding me again. And since you won’t talk to me–”
“We’re talking now.”
“Yeah, well,” Kade sighed.
“How did you even know I'd be here?” Zeke interrogated while stuffing his belongings into his frayed backpack.
“I asked Stevie.”
Zeke narrowed his eyes and shook his head incredulously. “I think I need to have a serious word with her about stranger danger.”
“She’s not a stranger, she’s my colleague. Anyway, she told me that you usually stay back after your shift to workout…”
If Kade was anything, he was certainly persistent.
Zeke tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, “So…?”
“So what do you say?”
“What do I say to what?” Zeke retorted.
“Us catching up. Maybe over dinner,” Kade offered.
Zeke studied his face intently. He seemed genuine. Maybe he wanted to apologise and finally leave him alone. Or maybe he was trying to weasel his way back into his pants. The last thing Zeke wanted was to end up hurt with his stupid heart broken again. But what if Kade had really changed? What if he had matured a bit and really wanted to be friends again? It wouldn’t hurt to mend bridges, surely. They definitely couldn’t do dinner, though. Maybe a drink? No. This was such a bad idea. Absolutely nothing good could come out of Kade coming back into his life.
Zeke looked up to meet his eyes, ready to turn him down again.
“I know I fucked up,” Kade interjected before he could get a word in, “and I’m not trying to worm my way back into your good books or make it up to you.”
Zeke looked at him sceptically.
“I know, I know. I can’t. I just…” he trailed off.
Zeke didn’t know what it was about the look in Kade’s eyes but he found himself giving in before the rational part of his brain could come alive. He could hate himself later.
“Fine. But no funny business.”
Kade stepped towards Zeke and tried to wrap him in a hug but was stopped by a firm hand on his chest.
“What the fuck did I just say?”
“Sorry.” Kade at least had the decency to look sheepish. He watched as Zeke gathered the remainder of his things and it wasn’t long before they were slipping out into the evening together.