Chapter Text
I’m not used to hearing news about my mum from other people. Mrs Chae rang a few weeks ago, saying Mum hadn’t been out for a few days and looked pale. Before that, it was Mr Seo; also before him, an acquaintance who’d bumped into her by chance. They all said it wasn’t serious. But it bothered me quite a bit, especially as I couldn’t take time off during the office’s busy period.
Mum never calls first to say she’s ill. I think I got that awkward personality trait from her. So when the project finished and my boss told me to use up my remaining leave, I didn’t think twice. I took Eunho and Hamin with me too. Eunho, the husky, was obviously homesick, so what made their reactions so cute was Hamin the cat; he looked curious even though he was desperately trying to hide it.
On the first night in this room, I couldn’t fall asleep straight away. Eunho had been snoring, one of his paws stretched out hugging me. Then he turned into his human form. I was also confused as to when I’d started not being bothered by his human body. When I first saw them, I was naturally panicked. I’d once had a crush on someone with the same height and eye colour as Hamin, but my ideal type is actually closer to someone like Eunho. So, of course, the first time I saw them, the part of me that’d been single for too long was in turmoil. What do they call it these days, gay panic? I don’t know; I rarely browse social media and sometimes I miss out on a lot of things in this world. But you should know that now, they’re nothing more than just cute in my eyes.
While Eunho hugged me tightly, Hamin curled up snugly by my pillow, still in his cat form. When we arrived at this house, he was just like the first time I brought him to the flat; looking nervous in the new surroundings, his eyes scanning the entire room. He didn’t even hesitate to explore every corner of the house. Now, when I bring him into my room with me, he seems more relaxed than before.
I lie between them, gazing at the ceiling I’ve known since I was a child. The guitar in the corner of the room is still the same one I used to play often, and Mum always knew that corner was its place, so it hasn’t moved an inch even though I’ve been away for a long time.
Back then, my bandmates and I used to practise here until late. We’d play songs that never saw the light of day, and laugh about things I can’t recall in detail now, though they still feel warm. We took music very seriously back then; typical of young people who hadn’t yet learnt how to make a living. It only lasted until we graduated, as each of us found a job and moved in different directions, quite naturally.
Nothing dramatic. We simply grew up, and something was lost in the process of life. Perhaps what was lost was simply our youth, and recalling it now is enough to fill my heart.
On my return home before this, Eunho was on the veranda. The little dog my mum looks after. For a few days he seemed to want to cheer me up, but I just ignored him. But he tried harder every day, so I gave him a chance. Then, before I knew it, I’d brought him back to Seoul with me.
I glance at Eunho, who’s asleep now; his body’s much bigger now, but his sleeping position is exactly the same. He seems happy when I start humming softly; his tail wags back and forth.
“Hyung, I’ve known for ages that you’ve got a good voice!”
This silly dog. Just look at the way he’s talking. He must have picked up those lines from a TV drama and is now copying them.
“I knew before Hamin did. I knew first, Hamin-ah!”
Then he goes and shows off to Hamin the cat. Especially when Hamin just gives up and doesn’t respond at all. Sometimes I start to wonder what goes on at home whilst I’m at work, does this husky often bully the cat? But Hamin also often leaves Eunho so spellbound that my position as Eunho’s biggest idol is frequently under threat.
“Go to sleep, you’ve played too much today,” was all I replied.
When I said that, it seemed as though Hamin was addressing him too. Shortly after, he fell asleep in his human form, hugging both of us from my left side.
🐾🐕🐈⬛🐾
“Hyung what is that’? Can we go there?”
Eunho asked after spotting something spinning far across the way from the bedroom window. He was already that excited first thing in the morning before I’d even had my first cup of coffee.
“A playground, I think.”
“A PLAYGROUND?” he repeated at the top of his voice. “I’ve never been to a playground! This is an emergency!”
“Why is it an emergency?” Look, he’s using strange words again.
“It’s a super emergency! Hamimi wants to go too, don’t you, Hamimi?” He turned to Hamin, who’d been sitting on the windowsill all this time, looking in the same direction.
One thing I’ve realised now is that he always calls Hamin the cat ‘Hamimi’ or ‘Haminnie’. But when he’s in human form, he sometimes copies what I call Hamin: ‘Hamin-ah’.
“Sure, if I’m allowed to go there, I’d like to,” replied Hamin.
Two against one. I give up.
🐾🐕🐈⬛🐾
The playground isn’t very big, but it’s kinda quiet today, which means Eunho can run from one ride to another without me having to worry about a thing.
Before we got here, Hamin told him that playing in their animal forms might be more fun because all the rides would feel big and spacious. Eunho nodded in agreement when he heard the idea.
Eunho tried the jungle gym first, climbing and sliding at breakneck speed and nearly landing with a tumble. I operated the seesaw from the other side whilst he sat at the end with Hamin in front of him. Their expressions were far too serious, if I may say so.
“Again! Again!” he said as now I pushed the merry-go-round for him.
“This is the eighth time.”
“Again! I’m dizzy but this is fun!”
“Shouldn’t you have asked first if my arms were still strong enough to spin this?” As I was tired, I stopped and sat down on the seat, “Now you spin it for me.”
“Oh, take turns with hyung, that sounds fun!” Luckily he’s a bit of a daft one.
At the edge of the field, Hamin walked along the edge of the park, stopping occasionally to look at something before continuing. He hadn’t tried any of the rides after Eunho had forced him to go on the seesaw earlier. But when Eunho and I moved to the swings, he sat down on the swing next to us without being asked.
“Did you ever play here when you were little, Hyung?” Hamin asked.
“I did when I was little. It was ages ago tho.”
He stared at his swing for a moment, “So I’m playing in the same place as you did when you were little.”
“Me too, me too,” Eunho chimed in, then asked a silly question, “Was it more fun playing back then or now, Hyung?”
I knew what answer he wanted to hear; his tail couldn’t lie.
“Because I used to play on my own back then, maybe it’s more fun now.”
🐾🐕🐈⬛🐾
The patch of grass by the side of the park was where we ended up spending the most time. I’d brought a packed lunch, and this spot was perfect for a little picnic. When Eunho started grumbling around one o’clock (both Hamin and I were used to this by now) I spread out a mat under a tree whose shade was wide enough for the three of us.
“Here’s the packed lunch that made me hungry first thing this morning!”
“You’d definitely polish it off if Yejun-hyung didn’t tell you off.”
“Hehe, because it smells so good. Hyung’s cooking really is the best.”
“But I helped make it too.”
“Me too!”
“Tsk, that’s not what I meant!”
They can be that noisy sometimes. That silly Eunho is too naive; even I know what Hamin wants to hear from him.
After eating, Eunho lay down straight away. It didn’t take five minutes for him to fall fast asleep. His arm stretched out in all directions, his mouth slightly open. Just exactly like always.
“Why do you always take photos of him when he’s asleep?” Hamin asked as I took out my phone.
“Not always, just now and then. Don’t start overreacting with your comments, just like Eunho,” I replied with a slight giggle.
“You do it often.”
Eunho shifted slightly in his sleep, her hand moving to her stomach. I took another photo of her before answering Hamin.
“Don’t you think he looks quite pretty when he’s asleep?”
Hamin looked confused for a few seconds. “He always looks dumb.”
“Then when do you think he looks pretty?”
“When he begs for something, his eyes look as if he’s about to cry, but in fact he’s just too excited. Then when he admits that I’ve taught him things he never knew before. When he eats too much and sleeps anywhere, he just looks like a silly dog.”
I replied, “But you like seeing that silly side of him, don’t you?”
Hamin looked even more confused, but his face was flushed. Haha, I love teasing him like this.
Still with his flushed cheeks, he replied, “You haven’t answered my question.”
Oh right, what was the question again? I couldn’t remember for a moment because I was still busy laughing at him.
“Because when he sleeps, he looks exactly like the first time I saw him. Back then, his sleeping posture was also ridiculous. Legs up, head tilted,” I paused, glancing at Eunho again, “Now his body’s much bigger. But when he sleeps, it’s still the same.”
Hamin joined me in looking at Eunho, “You don’t want him to change?”
“It’s not like that. I’m just happy that there’s a part of him that hasn’t changed.”
Hamin nodded. He really is a clever cat.
We chatted for a while after that, munching on snacks and enjoying the breeze rustling through the grass. We let Eunho sleep until the sun had set and the tree shadows stretched out in different directions.
When Hamin dozed off shortly afterwards, I quietly took another photo. Using the front-facing camera so all three of us could be in the shot.
🐾🐕🐈⬛🐾
Tonight I’m cooking pork rib kimchi stew. When I opened the fridge and saw the rather old kimchi and the pork ribs in the freezer, I knew straight away what I wanted to cook. I always make that when I’m feeling happy.
Two minutes after the smell of kimchi started wafting from the pan, Eunho was already in the kitchen.
“Hyung, what’s that? It smells delicious–” he didn’t finish speaking because his nose was almost touching the lid of the pot.
“Step back.”
“I just want to have a look!”
“You can see it from there.”
“I can’t from there, Hyung. My view’s blocked!”
“Blocked by what, Eunho? You’re standing right in front of it.”
Eunho took two steps back but his eyes didn’t leave the pot. Hamin came in later, sitting in the chair furthest away.
“Is it dog-friendly?” he asked.
“The less spicy ones, yes.”
“I can handle spicy food,” Eunho said straight away.
“But it’s not good for your stomach. Don’t be naughty, Hyung,” Hamin scolded Eunho. Sometimes I wonder how that cat manages to discipline Eunho better than I do.
While I was cooking, Hamin asked again, “Where’s your mum?”
“At her sister’s house. She said she wouldn’t be long, but usually if it gets too late, she stays the night there.”
Hamin gave a small nod, saying nothing more. I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time. It was only later that I remembered cats have an instinct for things like that.
Dinner was lively and had a warm atmosphere; I’ve always liked that. Eunho asked for seconds after his first portion was finished; Hamin ate slowly but finished everything.
After dinner, I sat on the terrace. Hamin came out shortly afterwards, sitting down beside me.
“Is your mum all right?”
“I think she’s fine now.”
“But you were worried before you came here.”
I looked up at the sky. “It wasn’t her who called. It’s always someone else who tells me. Everyone says it’s not serious,” I paused for a moment, weighing up whether Hamin would understand or not, “if it’s not serious, why does it need to be reported tho.”
“Did you sing back then because you felt relieved?”
The patio door opened. Eunho appeared with his hair a mess. I wondered if that was because of the task I’d given him after dinner. I found it amusing to imagine it; that clumsy dog must have struggled to clear the dining table and wash the dishes. That’s right, the task I’d given him was to tidy the kitchen table and wash the dishes because he hadn’t helped with cooking dinner. Hamin almost helped him, but I’d asked Hamin not to spoil him this time.
“What are you two doing here? It’s cold, you know.”
“Just sitting around. The view’s quite nice here,” replied Hamin, automatically turning to greet Eunho.
“I want to join too,” he flopped down on the other side, his head immediately resting on my shoulder. “There are so many stars, aren’t there?”
“There aren’t this many in the city,” Hamin chimed in.
Back in the day, I never paid attention to the stars since I was too busy practising with my bandmates until late. So to be honest, this is also the first time I’ve enjoyed looking at the stars like this.
🐾🐕🐈⬛🐾
The next morning, Hamin was already gone by the time I woke up. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. Hamin often went off on his own; he always did what he wanted without asking permission. That’s the free-spirited side of him, unlike Eunho, who’s afraid to do anything without my permission. But the afternoon passed and he still hadn’t returned. Even as night fell, he was still nowhere to be seen.
Eunho was the first to start getting anxious. He’d already stood by the front door three times before turning back, his eyes frequently glancing in the same direction.
“Hamin usually only goes out for a short while,” he muttered.
“But it’s been a long time. Aren’t you worried, Hyung?”
I didn’t reply. That was enough to answer.
We tried calling him, but it turned out he’d left his phone behind. Eunho began to wonder if he’d gone out in his cat form, which was why he hadn’t taken anything with him. Then he sat down by the door, hugging his knees, his ears drooping. I stood by the window watching the street outside.
“Last night he asked about my mum twice.”
Eunho looked up. “Why?”
“I don’t know. But I have a feeling.”
“Hamin’s a cat,” Eunho said after a moment’s silence. “He can sense when someone’s ill.”
We both fell silent, sharing the same understanding: that Hamin hadn’t left without a reason. And that he’d done it in his own way, just as he always did without saying much.
“Hyung, I’m worried. The thing is, this is a new place for him… and there are lots of dangerous animals in the forest!”
Eunho was right. We had to find him immediately.