Chapter Text
Give me a call if you ever get lonely
I'll be like one of your girls or your homies
Say what you want and I'll keep it a secret
You get the key to my heart and I need it
Give me a call if you ever get desperate
I'll be like one of your girls
“Are you drunk right now, bitch?”
Zahir had just wanted a normal night at the bar. Not even a hookup night, or a night about guys. Just a night with him and his friends—which, in all honesty, he was surprised he was calling Herm a friend. But Herm was Alice’s boyfriend now, and he was actually rather good to her. Great, even. They were sweet and both knew how to communicate about the things that they wanted with each other. It was very nice. The night would be very nice—they would hang out and all go home for a massive sleepover.
What Zahir was not expecting was Robert. Here. In a gay bar.
“I peachy.” Robert said before hiccuping. “I’m peachy. Me? Peach.”
A talker, then.
Zahir looked around before sitting down across from him. “What’re you doing here, Robbo?”
“Getting wasted.” Robert said before furrowing his eyebrows. “What’re you here?”
Zahir snorted. Robert was way too wasted on the alcohol he’d been drinking. Pure vodka, from the looks of it. “This is a gay bar, bitch. I’m like, always at one of these.”
Robert blinked before nodding. “That’s nice.”
“Why are you in a gay bar?” Zahir asked. He didn’t want to force him to come out—that was someone’s own personal business that they should come to on their own terms. But being at a gay club kind of ruined the whole point of that idea regardless of what he thought.
Robert looked up at him before snorting. “I’m bi.”
“No shit?” Zahir asked. “Wait, like seriously?”
“I think so.” Robert said before yawning. “I never got to experiment as a hero.”
“Bullshit, dude. You flirt with so many people.”
“Flirting is not the same as actually having sex.” Robert rolled his eyes. “A lot of villains talk more when you flirt with them. I just play along with the tunes. Is that how the saying goes?”
Zahir snorted at Robert. He was so fucking wasted. By the looks of it, he’d had at least four glasses of vodka. Which was insane. Who the hell casually drank vodka? That shit burnt, and Zahir would know, because he controlled the fire and the flame and his skin never burnt.
“Do you need someone to take you home?” he asked. “Bitch.”
Robert hiccuped. “That bitch sounded like an afterthought.”
“Shut the fuck up, I’m taking you home.” Zahir said. Guiding a drunk man out of the bar—and making sure to inform Alice so she didn’t think that he’d gotten kidnapped—he helped Robert into his Firebird and drove home. He made sure that his speed never went above the limit, Chase would kill him if it did. And he walked Robert to his apartment.
“Did you feed Beef before you left?” Zahir asked him.
“He’s at Chase’s house.” Robert mumbled as he opened his front door. “Do y’anna come in?”
Zahir looked at Robert, over at the shitty walls that made up the hallway and stairs leading up to his apartment, and then back at Robert. “Sure, bitch.”
Robert’s apartment was sad.
Sad was, well, sad wasn’t even able to cover much about it. Zahir was almost certain that this was worse than an insane asylum. At least you could lose hope in the fact that there was nothing in a white room—this was absolutely pathetic. Not even pathetic, or sad, but miserable. Atrociously horrific.
“Sorry I don’t have a couch.” Robert slurred before making his way over to a chair. A white plastic chair.
Zahir blinked. “You’re joking.”
“I didn’t say a joke?” Robert said confusedly.
“Robert, what the fuck is this?” he spat out. He was looking around a bit harder now, trying his best to analyze everything. A look into his cabinets and his sink appeared to be empty. Not even fucking dishes. And his fridge was completely empty too.
“There’s no way you live like this.” he spat out.
Robert hummed confusedly.
“Oh my God, no wonder you’re this fucking skinny.” Zahir muttered to himself before walking over to Robert. “Do you– ugh, this is so stupid. Do you have any coping mechanisms, dude?”
Robert’s eyebrows furrowed. “Copin’ mecha’ism?”
“Mind telling me why your apartment is like this, bitch?” he asked first.
Robert huffed before shrugging. “Hero work gets expensive, I didn’t get paid. Everything important goes to that or to Beef."
“That’s insane.” Zahir said before looking around the place again. “This isn’t going to work.”
Robert blinked confusedly.
“Get up bitch, we’re going to my house.” he said to Robert. “We’re going to my house.”
Robert snorted. “D’you hav’ more vod’a?”
“Even better, I have a bed that is calling your name.” Zahir smiled as he grabbed Robert. “C’mon Bob bob.”