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Dickie was staring at his clone-sons with a look Jason had seen on Bruce’s face after an end of the world event involving all his kids. It was honestly kind of wild how dead inside Dick looked after only just one week with the Peters. Jason decided he’d keep parenthood off a few years based on this scenario.
“Peter One, don’t eat that!” Dick yelled. Jason turned to see Baby Peter quickly moving to shove a slug in his mouth. Peter Two thankfully stopped him and the slug was thrown half way across the garden. (RIP innocent slug. Oh wait, Jason saw it slug away. #JasonSlug.)
“You can’t keep calling them numbers. It’s weird.” Jason said. “And like I crawled out of my grave. Tim forced his way into our family. And Damian exists.” Jason said offering validly equally weird scenarios.
“Bruce has..” he mouthed the word ‘sex’. “…Damian existing isn’t that weird.”
“With Talia though? I’m surprised he doesn’t have a kid with Selina.”
“I mean it’s not for a lack of trying, I’ll tell you that.” Dick said. He made a face. “My bedroom used to be closer to Dad’s room.” Ew.
“Ew.” Jason said as well.
“I know. I didn’t even know that until I asked why…they sounded like that. I got it when I was older. You can thank me from not hearing that.” Double ew.
“You know, being the eldest is overrated.” Jason said. This was emphasized by Peter Three catching Peter Two from falling off the tallest branch of a tree. He’d’ve been fine. Tim had shown them some training footage. The kids were basically tanks, not Kyrptonian hardy but a hundred times hardier than humans.
“I don’t know what to name them. Like none of them look like a John or Bruce.”
“You’re such a suck up.” Jason said. Of course Dick would name his kids after his dads.
“Shut up, Jason, or I won’t give one of them your name as a middle.”
“I already won. My middle name is their name. All of theirs.” He said smugly. Dick flipped him off. Peter One saw it and copied it. Great. Just great.
Jason was letting Alfred know what had happened. He wasn’t going to be blamed on that just because he was crude sometimes. It was for effect. It bothered Bruce so he did it more to be an asshole. Look, he missed a lot of crucial teenage rebellion moments, Jason had to catch up.
“I’ll come up with names. I’m mean we are rich enough them all being named Peter isn’t the end of the world.” Sick said.
“I wanna be Ben!” Peter Two called. “If I can’t be Peter I wanna be Ben. It’s our middle name.”
“They all have the same name.” Dick said in realization. Peter One just flipped them off again and laughed.
“Okay, that one can be Jason.” Dick said.
“Hey! I don’t flip people off that much. Name him Duke!”
“Duke doesn’t do that either.”
“Exactly, don’t be weird.”
“You can name him Parker, Daddy.” Peter Three said. “That’s our last name.” Or may he had said ‘lastname’. Honestly Jason didn’t really know.
“Peter. Ben—“
“It’s short for Benjamin!” Peter Three yelled.
“Benjamin. Parker.” Peter One giggled then flipped them off again. Yeah, Jason wasn’t going down with that ship at all. Dick could take Alfred’s wrath and one of the babies having them middle name Alfred as a result or worse, Bruce.
“Huh. I like it.” Dick said. “Okay, starting tomorrow we’ll start introducing you guys by those names.” Ben smiled, tooth missing already. Parker giggled and flipped everyone one off with two fingers, having mastered folding the fingers on both hands.Peter Three, OG Peter, sighed.
“Could be worse. They could be named Aloysius or something.” Jason agreed.
“If they’d all been Aloysius I’d have still gone with this same pattern. It’s their name.” Dick said, though he was clearly lying. Yeah he’d have convinced them to ditch that name. Jason was glad his mom (the real one not the one who sold him) hadn’t named him that when he got home. His old land lady had mentioned wanting to name him Aloysius. The only reason his middle name was Peter was because his dad had shot that down.