Chapter Text
Twas a weekend, however, Aki was at Silicon Central, since he had promised Bert he’d listen to his presentation. And Aki was bored out of his mind.
“If I program the speed of a slug, a snail and a tortoise into my Wily Pants 2.0, it would be so slow, it could potentially stop time.” Bert said as Aki stared forward, with a ripple glowing across him every 2 seconds. Bert noticed and waved his hand in front of Aki.
“Uh, Aki?” Bert asked. No change. He tried to whistle to get his attention. Didn’t work.
“Look out!” Bert shouted. Aki fell out of his seat! He got up.
“Bert! Science, yes, snails. I’m with you. Go on.” Aki tried and failed to pretend like he was paying attention.
“Aki, you haven’t been with me since I began my thesis forty minutes ago!” Bert complained. Then he noticed the weird ripple glow. “You OK? What’s with your glow?”
Aki turned to look in a nearby mirror, seeing the rippling glow on himself. He sighed.
“Sorry Bert. I’ve just been so stressed lately. I can’t even focus. I just need to have some fun.” Aki admitted. Not that he could reveal why he was so stressed.
“I can relate… to the Vanderwaals pressure equation derived by Johannes Dierdik Vanderwaals in 1873 and-“ A blur went past, a small gust of wind following it. And suddenly there was clown make-up on Bert’s face, which got Aki to crack up a bit.
“I know, when you say it out loud, ‘Dierdik Vanderwaals’-“
“Bert, your face!” Aki laughed.
“What, huh?” Bert touched his face only for the blur to rush by again, attaching a clown nose to Bert.
“Hey, clown boys! Why so serious?” Came a voice. Sitting on a desk was a spotted salamander mer. She couldn’t have been older than Suna, and she had high tech roller skates on all four feet. She got up, laughing as she skated out, doing a peace sign before vanishing at an amazing speed!
“Boss, I’ve never seen a mer that fast!” Mini, who was in Aki’s hair, said.
“Funny and fast.” Aki muttered. “Bert, I’m gonna-“
“A wise gal, eh?” Bert said, “Stay put, Aki. Bert Wily and his Wily Pants 2.0 will handle this! Ka-zooooooom!” And with that, Bert ran after the salamander. He wasn’t nearly as fast as her but still.
“We’re not gonna let him-“
“Ah, no.”
“Woah! On your left, coming through! Watch out!” Bert tried to chase down the salamander through the water, bounding around uncontrollably while she swam with speed and grace. She laughed and turned around, throwing a rope that tangled the Wily Pants up and sent Bert spinning around wildly before smacking into a boat. The girl laughed and sped off.
The mergirl swam past a guy walking on the sidewalk, pantsing him at superspeed.
“Hey!” He yelled as she laughed and hung up his pants like a flag. Mega Man was swimming after her, but stopped to look at the pants flag and snickered.
The girl sped across the side of a building, drawing her head and arms doing a peace sign. Bert finally caught up with her and watched her spray paint the building alongside a crowd. The girl got in front of the crowd, still laughing, mimicked the pose she drew, and sped off again. Bert crossed his arms in annoyance.
Dr. Light was giving a presentation.
“Thank you all for coming. I’d like to begin by saying-“ The girl sped by, placing a party hat on the doctor. Then she put a foam hand on him. The crowd laughed until she put hats on them too.
The girl rounded the corner to a dead end, laughing hard. Bert finally caught up with her.
“Uh, Miss, I herewith order you to stop these acts of, um…”
“Let’s call it hilari-o-ism.” The girl skated around Bert. “Oh, you still have a little something on your face.”
She honked the clown nose she’d placed on Bert earlier. “Mr. Clown Boy.”
“My name is Bert Wily! Expert roboticist, amateur hero.”
“Mr. Clown Boy suits you better.”
Bert grunted in indignance as Mega Man dropped down.
“Mr. Wily.” He said.
“Mega Man!” Bert had stars in his eyes seeing the squid kid.
“Nice pants.” Mega Man turned his attention to the salamander. “And you are…?”
“Late for my next prank, but also, Chaotique, at your service.” Chaotique took a bow.
“Well, Chaotique, your pranks should probably stop.” Mega Man said as she circled him.
“Friends call me Kay-Kay. Can we be friends? P.S Why stop?”
“Why? What do you mean why? Because they’re pranks!”
“And pranks are funny! You look like you could use a chuckle or twelve.” She booped Mega Man’s nose. “Maybe more”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Mega Man said.
“Lookit, life is short so you gotta have fun, fun, fun! I’ve seen you around heroing all over the place. I can tell you’re not getting your recommended daily allowance of vitamin Kay-Kay. Take a day off and enjoy!”
“I have been… stressed.” Mega Man admitted.
“Generally speaking, harmless pranks can be fun but they can also lead to-“ Bert got interrupted.
“See? An endorsement from Sir Sidekick. This is a guy who knows how to party!” Chaotique said.
“Ok, ok. So long as it’s a few harmless pranks.” Mega Man agreed. “Let’s do this.”
“I can’t do this!” The three kids were behind a bush. Bert looked confused, Mega Man looked nervous, and Chaotique looked excited!
“Trust me, it’ll be a real crowd pleaser!” She ran off as Bert and Mega Man watched.
Chaotique painted Principal 100100’s tail and tailfin to look like underwear with large red hearts. Bert looked nervous but Mega Man smiled. The school laughed seeing the principal. That’s when he noticed what happened.
“If I actually wore pants, this would be terribly embarrassing.” He said. Mega Man burst out laughing as Chaotique went back to his side, also laughing.
“Giggles are good food! Ready for more capital F fun?” Chaotique asked.
“Yeah!” Mega Man cheered. Bert gasped when he noticed the principal starting to hide his tail beneath himself.
“Actually, it is still terribly embarrassing.” 100100 said.
Out by a park, Mega Man switched to Cut Man’s abilities. He blasted a tree with cutters and turned it into a topiary of a chicken. Then he made one of a dolphin, then one of a bunny, and one of a mushroom. Chaotique and Mega Man laughed while Bert looked annoyed.
“What else you got?” Chaotique asked.
“Haven’t we had enough, uh, “fun” for one lifetime?” Bert demanded.
“To the street mall, ya’ll!” Chaotique declared, ignoring Bert.
“All right!” Mega Man yelled.
A balloonfish mermaid was selling helium balloons. Chaotique went over to the helium tanks while the mermaid was distracted.
“Ha ha! Helium! Oooh, this is gonna be high-pitched hi-larity.” She grabbed the tank and sped off while Mega Man smiled and Bert looked worried. Mega Man chuckled and followed Chaotique.
Chaotique skated across the sidewalk, releasing the helium as did. She also put a hat on Bert, irritating him further.
“Your change, Ma’am.” A man selling something said after Chaotique ran past. “Hey!”
“Your voice is ridiculous!” The woman buying from him said. “Wait, so is mine!”
“And mine!” A random guy yelled. Mega Man swam after Chaotique, laughing hysterically. That’s when an alert went off in his helmet.
“Alarms? For funny voices?” Mega Man asked.
“Hey, Chief, picking up from the security cameras. Your buddy Bert’s been busted!” Mega Mini told him. Mega Man gasped.
“No…” he said in disbelief as the Good Guild went to Bert.
“Ok, sticky fingers, you’re coming with us.” An officer said.
“B-But, I’m innocent!” Bert cried.
“You didn’t even bother to rip the security tag off your stolen hat.” The officer said. A blur rushed passed and the tag was now on the hat.
“Huh?” Bert asked.
“And your weird pants are leaking stolen goods.” The officer continued. Sure enough, suddenly there were several items like wallets within Bert’s pants and on the ground near him.
“Bert would never do-“ Mega Man heard Chaotique laughed and turned to her. “Wait. You? You stole stuff and framed Bert? Why?”
“Giggles, man. Giggles! Life’s about kicks, ya dig?” Chaotique explained. “Look, Bert may be a sparkplug in training but he’s just a human. He can’t keep up with us. We’ll have a ton more fun without him!”
“No. Fun time is over. You’re gonna clear Bert’s good name, or else.” Mega Man got into an attack stance.
“No one or-elses Chaotique.” The clothing she was wearing turned out to also be armor, as a heart shaped visor formed over her face and holographic wings came from her back. She wall jumped out of the alleyway, with Mega Man chasing after her! She ran behind him and spun him around, causing his tentacles to get twisted. He tried to fire at her and free himself but it just ended up making him miss as she skated backwards and waved at him. She laughed and ran up the side of a building.
“Quick Switch, Air Man abilities!” Mega Man commanded, and he used the abilities to propel himself up. “Quick Switch Ice Man!”
He fired but Chaotique spun in the air and kicked the blast back at him! Mega Man dodged but she got behind him.
“Icy shots, but I’m spicy hot. No dice, Double-M.” She grabbed him by one of his two long tentacles and spun him around before throwing him. “We could’ve made such sweet mayhem together.”
“Quick Switch, Elec Man Abilities.” Mega Man ran after her with Elec Man’s speed, but she just kicked him off the building again. She skated off again and he gave chase. But while he matched her speed, Mega Man had far less control over his speed than Chaotique did hers, causing him to end up running into things.
“Quick Switch, Spark Abilities!” Switching to the powers of Elec Man’s younger brother, Mega Man could almost teleport short distances, but had even less control!! Chaotique at one point stopped running just to laugh!
The two of them ended up at the school.
Mega Man fired electricity at Chaotique but she dodged with style and laughter:
“You’re totes adorbs, Mega M, but you’re outclassed.” Chaotique said, casually dodging more electricity. “I can dodge anything you got. I just zip around!”
More attempts to hit her, but again, she managed to dodge. “Get it? Zip around? Because electricity zips and zaps?”
She then ran at Mega Man, attacking too fast for him to react in multiple blurs as she laughed! She grabbed his buster and tapped it.
“Hello? This thing on?” She said before tripping his tentacles and making him fall. Mega Man scrambled up.
“Quick Switch, Ice Man Abilities!” Mega Man commanded. Ice was usually a weakness for speedsters. Or so the Flash comics featuring Captain Cold led him to believe. He charged a blast but she ran at him, spinning midair and smacking him in the chest with her tail. Hard.
“Don’t think I didn’t do my homework. You gotta tell the little guy in your helmet what to switch to. It's easy to dodge when I know what I’m up against, Double M.” Chaotique taunted, removing the visor and wings. “And you’re no match for my speed.”
And with that, she ran off.
“She’s right.” Mega Man admitted.
“Way I see it, kiddo, you can’t outpace her, but you can outTHINK her… I THINK!” Mega Mini said.
“Maybe… but how?” Mega Man sat up. “She’s all about and-“
Suddenly, Mega Man had a realization. “Thanks, Mega Mini!”
“No sweat, champ! That’s why I’m her- wait what’d I do?” Mega Mini asked.
Mega Man landed in front of Bert, currently handcuffed, and the two Good Guild members arresting him.
“One moment, officers.” Mega Man said. He walked towards Bert and whispered. “Bert, I’m going to need you to trust me.”
“Of course, Mega Man. Always. I know you’ve got my back.” Bert said.
Mega Man climbed atop the Good Guild police car.
“Learned and wise members of the Good Guild. I’ve come to address the matter of all the shenanigans that occurred today, culminating in the rash of thefts at the mall.” Mega Man declared. Bert let out a sigh of relief. Until Mega Man pointed his finger at him. “Bert Wily did everything!”
“What?! But, but Mega Man!” Bert felt betrayed!
“He was the mastermind. From the totally hilarious hijinks, to the exquisitely crafted topia-“ Chaotique appeared and covered Mega Man’s mouth.
“Are you kidding me? You’re gonna give all the credit to this goody-two-shoes?!” She jumped down from the van. “It was me, Chaotique, princess of pranks! I’m the brains behind it all! The boxers on Principal 100100? Me! The pantsings? Helium hilarity? General chaos? Seulement moi!” And then a cuff was placed on her arm and she realized why Mega Man was blaming Bert.
Mega Man chuckled.
“Well played, Double-M. Well played. I honor your wits with my surrender.” Chaotique then immediately turned on her skates. “Psych!”
She sped off, laughing as she pointed at the cuffs hanging off her wrist. Mega Man just watched.
“Thanks, Mega Man. How’d you know she was gonna confess?” Bert asked.
“There’s no way her ego could stomach you taking credit for her handiwork. She looks for cheap thrills. Guys like us, we like to blow off steam, but we know when to quit. Take it easy, Mr. Wily.” And thus, Mega Man leapt to the top of a building and left.
“It was awesome, Mega-“ Mega Man was gone by the time Bert stopped himself. “Man…”
“I gotta say, Mega Mini. As whacked as Chaotique was, I do feel a lot less stressed.” Mega Man admitted. A blur rushed past. Mega Mini poked his head out of the helmet, holding a piece of paper with a drawing of Chaotique on it..
“Uh, this is for you, boss. Not even sure how she got it in here” He said, and Mega Man took the paper, reading it aloud.
“‘I know who you really are.’? Nevermind. Very stressed!”
Later, Bert was walking on the sidewalk when Aki swam up to him.
“Boy, Aki, you missed everything! I hung with Mega Man. Me, Bert Wily. Like pals. And that super-speed mermaid? She was trouble.” Bert told his friend.
“She sure was.” Aki muttered. “And will be again, I bet.”
“What was that, Aki?”
“Nothin’, pal. Let’s go study those snails and slugs of yours.”
“Aw, you were listening! And tortoises, Aki. Don’t forget the tortoises.”
“Of course, Bert. Of course.”