Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Eight grade, last year of middle school. All those years flashed before Jude’s eyes, as if he doesn't hold years of memories from his previous life. He slumps forward onto this table, slotting his forehead on top of his cross arms.

Fourteen and going through puberty– Jude remembers going through the same thing in the past, being an angsty teenager side-by-side with Sharpness then– and he was going through the same scenario now with the exact same man, but in a modern setting.

He sighs into his arms, peaking his head through his arms. Sharpness sat right next to him, diligently going through his textbook.

Jude took the chance to observe him– the same blonde, long hair that was tied with a satin black ribbon, his olive-green eyes which traced the contents of the book he had buried himself with, biting the insides of his cheeks as he tried to concentrate while his pink lips pouting slightly, long-slender fingers graced on the hard covers of the book– he was the same exact Sharpness that Jude once knew, but he was alive, breathing even.

Not afflicted from the reminiscent of war, not crying from their tragic impending doom of death– alive and well, only one of them had carried this knowledge of their past relationship in this life.

And unfortunately, it was Jude.

He winces in his place as he thinks about it, snuggling his head deeper into his arms. It draws Sharpness’ attention, a concerned look on his face. “You alright there, bun?”

Bun. It hit Jude like a truck– or maybe like that rubble which had struck him when they were attempting to fleet from the bombs. The same pet name Sharpness had called him then, still always haunting him even in this life.

He shudders at the thought of it, he really had to get it off his mind.

Jude peaks over his shoulder to look over, “It's nothing.. Just think about how this is our final year of middle school, that's all.” He adjusted his arms slightly, making himself comfortable. “It’s kind of scary how fast these past few years have been flying by, don't you think so?”

Sharpness tilts his head a bit, closing the book in his hands as he thinks about it. “Kinda? But like, I also can't wait to figure out what our future has in store for us.” He said enthusiastically, stroking the slight dirty-blonde stubble that nature (puberty) had blessed him with.

The future, huh? His Sharpness had also said the same thing back then, going on and on about how excited he was for their future, together.

This Sharpness doesn't know what meaning his words bear to Jude, and he never will. “Oh, yeah? Then what do you wish for us?”

Us platonically, of course.

Sharpness tucks the book away in his drawer, then brings his hands on top of the table. “Honestly? The most is that I hope our friendship lasts for years to come.” He drums his fingertips onto the surface of the table, Jude stares off at them, the same fingers that were intertwined with his before their last moments.

Sharpness continues to give his insight on Jude’s question, but the purple-haired man had long lost his attention on his friend's words.

Jude had his eyes back onto Sharpness, looking at him. The way his fringe perfectly framed his face, how he always had the slightest hint of glimmer in his eyes whenever he spoke to Jude. He was busy admiring the man, his heart thumping hard.

Ba-dup. It was louder than usual, Jude knew what that meant.

He had fallen in love with Sharpness, again.

Jude felt his cheeks slightly redden at the realisation, but it didn't surprise him at all. It wasn’t his first time and he doubts it'll be his last too, how hilarious.

“–So, yeah! That's what I think, sorry if I went on for so long, I just couldn't help mysel–” Sharpness faces towards Jude, who has been staring at him. His magenta eyes were locked onto Sharpness’ face, but it carried a deeper emotion in them.

“Jude? Were you even paying attention?” He asked, reaching his hand over to wave it in front of Jude.

It draws his attention back, Jude quickly recovers himself, pushing himself upright against the chair. “Uhh- you were talking about how you want me to be friends with you in high-school and more…?” He tried to guess with the most predictable answer.

Sharpness grins widely at him, good call Jude…

They continued to talk about other things from there, getting lost in their conversation as topics change from time to time– but Jude couldn't shake off the feeling, how warm his heart felt as of now.

He truly missed feeling this for the first time, being able to experience it again for the same man made Jude feel… content.

His soft, young fingers played with the hem of his sweater, not the same ones covered in cuts and blood anymore. He lets the blush on his face blossom as he converses with Sharpness, sometimes the other man would throw teasing remarks about it.

But Jude will let it slide, as long as he gets to relive his life with Sharpness once more.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

It has been two months since Jude rediscovered his feelings for Sharpness, and it hasn't dampened once in those past few days.

It sure has been a couple of years since Jude last felt like this, young and helplessly in love. They weren't that old either when they passed, but Jude still relished every minute of his past experience– and he was facing them again.

His heart beating out of his chest whenever Sharpness was nearby, holding back the urge to confess right there and then, feeling absolutely nerve-wrecking at the slightest touch from the other man– Jude really missed being dumb and infatuated with someone. The way his hands would linger on top of his much longer than needed, feeling in the touch of Sharpness’ alive skin.

It was good.

Sometimes Jude will catch himself starting at Sharpness during classes, losing all his focus from the teacher to admire the blonde.

He was only just a seat away, but sometimes Jude wishes he could reach over and hold his hand underneath the tables secretly, away from the eyes of their teachers and classmates– if only they were together like they once had been. Jude sighs at the thought, to think that Sharpness didn't reincarnate with the same memory as Jude, it'll make him look crazy.

For all Jude knows, Sharpness probably doesn't even love like him back. All those years they had spent together, gone in a blink of an eye.

Jude could only hope that his feelings would be reciprocated.

Even out of school, the two would occasionally meet up. A random skatepark that had become their usual spot, surrounded by trees and plants. People tend to avoid the area, which gives them more freedom.

Sharpness has learnt some skateboarding tricks throughout his current life, always taking the chance to show it off to Jude, who happily watches in awe. This Sharpness wasn't much different from the previous life, both always adventurous in trying out new things– whether it'll be a hobby or habit.

Jude would sit underneath a big oak tree, a few steps away from the rink. Its compact leaves gave a nice, cooling shade, he would always sit underneath it with his legs crossed and a book in hand.

However, Jude would never open the book, his eyes always stuck onto Sharpness.

Sharpness would have the biggest grin on his face, soaking in the afternoon sunlight. He'd let sweat roll down his slightly sunburnt skin, making it glisten underneath the sun. Most times, Sharpness would have his hair tied up into a ponytail– but if Jude is lucky enough, Sharpness would let down his hair. Watching the long, luscious golden locks dance with his movements was mesmerising.

He always looked absolutely gorgeous.

A blush would creep onto Jude’s face as he watched, poor Sharpness would often ask him if the harsh weather was taking a toll on him, if only he knew….

By the time Sharpness would have drained his energy, he'd crawl to wherever Jude was sitting at. They'd usually hang out underneath the oak tree, lying on the grass as they talked away– the occasional breeze would blow gently.

Other times, Sharpness would nap next to Jude or on his lap, letting him read his book. Jude's hand would tremble as he attempts to gently comb the sleeping man's hair, trying not to wake him up. His legs would go numb as he let Sharpness sleep there because he was afraid to move, as if the blonde was the most precious thing in the world– which he was.

Sharpness would also let Jude braid his hair, giving him a chance to properly play with his hair. Jude’s entire concentration would stay on the task, taking it to heart. He wanted Sharpness’ hair to look perfect, just like he was. He'd take the time to make sure each strand has been properly tucked, decorating the braid with random flowers that Jude handpicked.

Sharpness would always whip his head around and tell Jude how much he loved it, it made Jude feel all fuzzy and warm in the heart.

If they were free, they'd spend the afternoon cooped up in a nearby cafe– a walking distance from the school. Ran by an elderly couple with some hired college students, the homemade recipes and smell of roasted coffee beans hits the spot. The little bell that would ring whenever Sharpness pushes the door open but never entering first, always insisting that Jude should instead. The worn-out leather booth seats right next to the windows, Jude and Sharpness would always occupy the one at the very corner.

Jude would get himself an iced tea with carrot cake on the side,whereas Sharpness would always order himself a cup of hot chocolate and a poached egg sandwich. Jude winces at his lover's friend's options, it was so strikingly similar to the Sharpness he once knew– always making scrambled eggs in the morning for the both of them before work, the two different Sharpness’ clearly share the same love for eggs.

They'd talk for a while, sometimes they would simply enjoy their food in comforting silence as they watched people out the window.

On other days, they were cooped up in school till the late evenings. Busy working on assignments and projects or studying together in the library, every minute that goes by in their lives were always spent together, never apart. Discussing homework, teaching the other about topics they didn't understand. There were times where Sharpness would fall asleep on the table while Jude was writing notes, he would always take the chance to brush his long blonde hair away from Sharpness’ face, admiring the boy. His long lashes casted soft shadows on his cheeks, his soft pink lips parted slightly as he breathed, Jude truly couldn’t pry his eyes away from him.

Sharpness had always looked gorgeous, even now.

But Jude still can't help himself as he checks on the sleeping man, as if they were still stuck beneath all of that rubble, gasping for air.

He always has to remind himself, it's okay, they're safe now.

Jude would take his sweater off and cover Sharpness away from the coldness of the air conditioning, he'd gently place a book over his head to cover his eyes from the bright LED lights, then only go back to work. Whenever he awoke from his slumber, Sharpness would be confused on why there was a book on top of his head or how Jude’s outer clothing was wrapped around his back. His study partner would simply chuckle fondly, telling him that it was nothing.

But every now and again, Jude would be the one who falls asleep and Sharpness doesn't hesitate to return the favour.

Every time he would wake up with Sharpness’ school varsity jacket, Jude would cling onto the material as if his life depended on it, taking in the soft smell of whatever cologne his parents got for him. It was a mix of fruity and floral– raspberries, linden and lavender– sometimes a tinge of citrus, it reminded Jude of his Sharpness who always sprays cologne from his hometown before work, this Sharpness was still the same person he once knew.

Their relationship was so good, too good in fact. Jude felt like he might have a chance with Sharpness again, to live until they were old in his arms, filled with sweet love. The desire to shower this man with his utmost devotion, to bestow him with puppy love. Jude yearned for Sharpness, yearned to continue the love they had.

But Jude could only wait as he was afraid to reveal his affection towards Sharpness, terrified of rushing things.

So, he waited.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

The third quarter came around eventually, it has been five months since Jude fell for Sharpness. The January cold air and snow-filled fields still linger in the atmosphere as school opens back up after winter break, students come flooding into the heat insulated indoors to escape from the cold. Jude walks into school with Sharpness by his side, talking like they usually do, but this winter break was different. They had spent winter break together– going to festivals, skating on frozen lakes, sleepovers at Jude’s house, visiting Sharpness’ grandparents for Christmas, and watching the fireworks together on a field at the New Years countdown. The two had a grand time, their moments spent entangled with making memorable memories.

“Dude, I still can't believe how much you kept on slipping at the lake! You were practically gripping onto me the entire time!” Sharpness teased, flicking his finger at the big, fuzzy purple pompom on top of Jude’s beanie.

Jude scowled at the tease, a slight blush spread across his face– both from embarrassment and at the gesture. “Fuck off, dude..” He replied, tugging the hat off.

Sharpness wasn't wrong per say, Jude was in fact clinging onto him the entire time they were skating. It wasn't his fault that he didn't have the skill unlike his friend, fumbling around like a fish out of water while Sharpness gracefully skated with ease. He had his arms wrapped around the blonde’s neck, barely keeping himself balanced. The other only laughed at him, before sneaking his own arm around Jude’s waist to support him. The touch made his head spin, he could feel how secure the hold was despite the multiple layers he was wearing that day.

“We could always talk about how atrocious your gingerbread house was!” Jude playfully fought back as he shoved the hat into his pocket.

Sharpness gasps as he reaches for his locker, “You wouldn't dare.. it still tasted good anyways!”

Jude hummed in reply as he opened his own locker, he could easily debate against that. They had a gingerbread house building competition over at Sharpness’ grandparents, right on Christmas eve night. Jude successfully managed to build one, even decorating it with his leftover icing and sprinkles. He couldn't say the same for Sharpness, it did look like a mess. The two did laugh it out in the end, munching on the diabetic gingerbread with cups of tea in front of the fireplace after they dismantled the houses.

Sharpness rolled his eyes as he sheds off his coat and shoves it into his locker, grabbing a few books before he closes it shut. Jude followed suit, it wasn't long till homeroom started.

The two walked and talked some more, entering their class and sitting right next to each other– the usual routine they had established since elementary. The class was crowded to be exact, familiar faces slowly morphing into mature ones as a wave of puberty continues to hit the kids. Some grew taller over the break, others gained a completely new complexion, but it was nice to see everyone again.

Chatter filled the room in no time, everyone was exchanging words about their own winter break. Their peers would come up to Sharpness to ask about his holidays, Mr. Popular here was always basking in attention from them. But Sharpness never ignores the fact that he and Jude had spent winter break together, some might say that he was even boasting about their well spent time together. It made Jude’s heart tingle in joy, the butterflies in his stomach reacted at his words.

The bell rings out in the hallway but it doesn't dampen everyone's conversations, talking away until their homeroom teacher enters the classroom. Students rush back to their seats and their teacher begins to welcome them back to school. He asked how their winter breaks were and the classroom erupted into a bunch of people sharing their experiences. Jude and Sharpness simply just gave each other a knowing look, they didn't really have to share much themselves.

Everyone eventually settles down, allowing the teacher to take their attendance. So far, almost everyone had attended– but there was one seat empty on Sharpness' right, was someone absent or did they move out?

The teacher eventually clears up their confusion, “Alright, so we will have a new transfer student to this class! Everyone, please welcome your new classmate.”

That perks both Sharpness’ and Jude’s interest, a new student? Especially to transfer during their third semester, it must've been a hassle.

The door of their classroom slowly cheeks open, a student dressed in complete white walks inside. He had fluffy, short platinum blonde hair, jet black eyes and the palest skin that Jude has ever seen, he could already tell that the guy had a rather laid back personality based off how he dressed as well– it wasn't just the singular colour palette, but he was also just wearing a hoodie, sweats and plain sneakers, a small, black smiley face graphic pasted on the chest of the hoodie.

The teacher gestures towards the crowd of students towards the new kid, assuring him to introduce himself.

“Hey..” The kid mumbles, tone completely flat. “My name is Saparata and I just transferred from State Middle School, I hope I can get along with you all.” He blurted out, shrugging his shoulders as he did.

State Middle School? Like, as in the private school? Jude glances over at Sharpness who was already looking back at him, apparently he must've had the same question in his mind.

The blonde leaned towards Jude, whispering into his ear. “He doesn't seem that bad, let's become friends with him, shall we?”

Jude simply shrugged, “I mean, sure, why not? What could possibly go wrong?” He meant what he said, but for some reason, he feels something thug against his beating heart.

The boy walked past all of the students, occasionally greeting them and exchanging pleasantries before making it to the sole empty seat, right next to Sharpness. The blonde doesn't waste time and introduces himself to Saparata, leaning over from Jude to him.

The purple-haired man watched them from where he sat, he could faintly hear the sound of Sharpness’ introduction which Saparata happily indulges in.

“Oh, yes! And this is my best friend, Jude!” Sharpness exclaimed, pointing his thumb behind him towards Jude who waves at Saparata. “Sup, dude.” He waves back, giving him a polite smile.

The two continued to talk while Jude eavesdropped, getting to know more about Saparata. The boy had apparently transferred school due to reasons he wouldn't disclose, which Jude doesn't blame him. Came from an extremely well-off family but was sponsored to attend his previous school by someone else, Saparata was still humble and kind– unlike some kids Jude could name out in their class…

Saparata was unlike Jude, he was more like Sharpness instead. Saparata used to be the treasurer for the debate club back in State Middle School, just like how Sharpness dominated the sports association in Strength Middle School. They share other qualities too, their love for ice skating and Christmas, PVP video games that Jude can’t seem to wrap his head around, and so much more. It was almost like they were meant to be friends, Jude chuckles at the thought of that.

The kid was interesting to say the least, but when Jude turned to face Sharpness, he could see his dear friend with pure, unadulterated awe in his eyes. His stomach churns at the sight, something about his reaction made Jude uneasy, but he couldn’t place a finger on it.

Maybe it was because Sharpness used to look at him like that, in their past life anyways.

Jude shakes the thought out of his mind, he probably should dwell on it too much.

The bell rings throughout the hallway, muffled by the closed doors. Right, time for the first period… Sharpness’ and Saparata’s conversation was cut short, the blonde immediately faces Jude, a wide smile on his face. “Jude, we gotta show him around! He’s in the same class as us!” He ushered Jude to stand up, the boy was fidgety– Sharpness was practically bouncing on his feet as he stood in front of Jude, he looked like a puppy.

Both Jude and Saparata were dragged out to the hallway by Sharpness, his hand grabbing them by the arm. Saparata looks at Jude awkwardly, “He does this often?”

The purple-haired boy sighs, “To me? Yes. To new students? Ehhh…..” Jude shrugs, unsure of what to answer. “Just hold on tight, would ya? Sharpness seems to like you very much, so you’re gonna go through this for a while.”

Saparata grinned slightly, even he could see that.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

The last few months of eighth grade were fun, especially with Sharpness’ and Jude’s new addition in their friendship, Saparata. The duo became a trio, an unexpected one in Jude’s eyes– Saparata leaned into Sharpness’ interest more, but he finds himself enjoying his company too.

They spent almost every day together, eating in the cafeteria, going through Physical Education– despite Jude’s complaints– and playing softball, hanging out at their usual cafe or skatepark. It was nice, just a bunch of fourteen year olds hanging about and wasting their last middle school year together.

Although, Jude does have a bone to pick– he has noticed how quickly Sharpness and Saparata had gotten closer in those remaining five months. It wasn’t like it bothered him…

No, it did. It bothered Jude so much, and he doesn’t even know why.

He would find the two of them at the skatepark without Jude, not bothering to call him over, doing the things Jude and Sharpness would've done together. Maybe it was the fact that the two of them would spend a lot of time together without Jude, he frankly feels a bit replaced by Saparata.

Jude was probably just overthinking it, it wasn’t a big thing– he was just reading into the situation too much.

With his graduation cloak on, he straightens the fabric with the palm of his hands. Today was their graduation ceremony, an end to their middle school life. Jude was excited, the possibility of continuing his studies in high school was barely just a step away and not to forget the most special part– going to their school dance tonight with Sharpness. The blonde had personally asked him to be his partner for it– almost as if they were having prom in senior year and he was asking Jude to be his prom queen. It made Jude feel special, it made him feel loved, but he knew that love was different in Sharpness’ perspective.

However, that doesn’t dampen Jude’s mood, not one bit. He was overjoyed nonetheless, he couldn’t sleep last night.

Jude rather spends his life with an alive Sharpness if it meant to exchange his love for his life; he rather die than to see Sharpness underneath all that rubble again.

When was the last time he had felt like this? Back in his past life, when his Sharpness had asked him out for the same exact event– but it was different, the two of them were tangled in a dance of cat and mouse as they played chase with their tiny crushes on each other, blushing all night long and acting shy. Jude missed that, he felt like his current life would’ve been the same, but he knows that Sharpness doesn't feel the same.

Jude looks at himself in the mirror, his fingers styled the tips of his hair. The fourth floor west corridor bathroom was always empty, he always liked it there– he’d usually be here whenever he felt like skipping Physical Education, only when Sharpness wasn’t at school. Sometimes the three of them would hang here, whether it’ll be after Sharpness’ extra coaching sessions or Saparata’s debate competitions. He drums the surface of the tiled counter top, the blue material slightly chipped and colours had started to fade after so many years.

Jude hums as he continues to examine himself in the mirror, he wants to look good, especially in front of Sharpness.

He must’ve been too focused on his appearance because Jude failed to realise someone had entered the bathroom. The door swings open gently as a head of white hair walks in, they do notice Jude standing there, leaning against the counter. “Jude? What are you doing here?” The figure calls out.

Jude didn't turn his head around, he simply glanced behind him at the mirror– it was Saparata. “Oh, hey Sapa– Just checking my hair out.”

Saparata chuckles as he approaches him, resting his arm on the sink as he leaned against it. “Don’t stare at the mirror for too long, you might just break it with your looks.” He snorted out, looking at Jude. The purple-haired boy simply scoffed as he playfully nudged his friend’s chest with his elbow, which made Saparata laugh. “Shut up, dude.”

“I just knew you would be here…” Saparata said, straightening his posture. He was also checking out his robe– unlike Jude who was wearing something ‘fancy’ out of his closet, Saparata had finer clothes on, truly bringing out his actual status in wealth. The boy had his debate team’s vest underneath too, simply showing off his achievements as if he wasn’t set to receive cords during the ceremony. “What do you mean by that?” Jude asked, finally turning his head to face Saparata.

Saparata shrugs, “You weren’t in your usual spot nor with Sharpness, I thought the two of you would’ve been stuck at the hip by now.” He admits, a sly smirk on his face. Jude rolled his eyes, of course he would’ve said such a thing– because it was true. But Jude wanted to wait until the ceremony to see Sharpness, as they were going to be together for the dance anyways. “You ain’t wrong ‘bout that.”

“I’m never wrong, Jude. You would know that.” Saparata replies as he uses his hand to gesture at the vest that is laid underneath his cloak.

“Right, right…” Jude sarcastically remarked, combing his hair with his fingers. His friend doesn’t say anything back in a long time, it leaves them in a comforting silence for a while before Saparata takes one good look at him, “Ya’know…. You guys seem really close, like, closer than best friends should be. I know you two knew each other since elementary school but if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve assumed that the two of you were in some sort of relationship.” He joked, giggling as he spoke.

Jude chokes on his saliva, his face going slightly pink. What? “Dude?!” He coughed out, covering his face with all his might.

“Oh my days– You’re going red! Is it true? Do you like him or something??” Saparata started bombarding him with a ton of questions, his hand trying to grab Jude’s wrist to pry his hands away from his face.

“Don’t be absurd, Sapa! We’re just friends!” He retaliated, playfully pushing Saparata away from his hands. Does he know?

Saparata bursts into a fit of laughter as he’s being pushed off by Jude, wheezing away as if it was the most hilarious thing ever. Jude was as red as a tomato, he couldn’t tell if it was out of embarrassment or the fact that he almost got outed for his crush on Sharpness. Saparata had his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. “Okay– Okay– Don’t hit me!”

Jude grumbles, a bit pissed off. Saparata takes a while to collect himself, wiping away his tears from the corner of his eyes. “But seriously though, do you like like him? Like do you have a crush on him?” Saparata asks, giggling slightly at the whole situation. He really sounds like Flow or HD whenever they found out that someone liked somebody in their entire batch, basic middle school shenanigans.

Yes “No, that is final.” Jude rejected the accusation, “He doesn’t like me like that, and I don’t either. I have no idea where you got the idea from, it better not be from Flow or something.” He wanted to say yes so, so badly. Jude was fighting the urge to let out his actual feelings for Sharpness to Saparata right there and then.

Saparata raises an eyebrow at Jude, “Well… do you know if he likes anyone currently?”

Jude tilts his head, trying to figure out where Saparata was trying to take this conversation’s direction to. “No…? I’m guessing that you’re asking me because I’m the closest with him, right?”

Saparata nods, but it seems rather sheepish. He doesn’t say anything after that, he doesn’t even dare to look at Jude in the eyes. The purple-haired boy studies his behaviour, it wasn’t every day that Saparata would be acting like this– shy and docile– it was really out of him and Jude could see right past him. “Is there… something you want to tell me?” Jude decides to bite, he was always the curious kind.

Saparata finally looked into his eyes, but his fingers were fidgeting with the hem of the graduation cloak. They travel to the door of the bathroom, the same one that Saparata used to enter just a few minutes ago, before looking back at Jude. “Well.. you see…” He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, almost like he was going to tell Jude a secret.

“Don’t tell Sharpness or anything, but.. I kinda like him.” Saparata’s eyes travel to the floor, an awkward smile plastered onto his face as his cheeks start to redden slightly at the confession.

Oh? Oh? Jude’s heart sinks at the newly gathered information, it felt like it almost stopped beating all together. Saparata liked Sharpness, just like how Jude loved him. He didn't know what to say, his friend wanted to know if Sharpness was seeing someone or had feelings for them– so he came to Jude for help, if only he knew that the person he came to had feelings for the same guy.

Jude’s breath hitches, he doesn’t really have an answer for Saparata either. “Oh.” Was all he let out, he couldn’t speak at all, his lips trembled and his mind was clouded.

“Yeah, ‘oh’” Saparata repeats Jude’s reaction, chuckling at himself. “I– I know, it’s a stupid question, but it doesn’t hurt to ask..”

“Y-yeah, it doesn’t hurt to ask.” Jude copied, his eyes locked into the mirror in front of him. God, he felt his fingers tremble. What was he supposed to do in this situation? “Uh–”

Saparata looks at him after he made the noise, fuck, Jude spoke without his head registering. “You okay, Jude?” The while-haired boy asked, looking a bit concerned.

Jude inhales, “Well– You do know that I’m going to be his partner for the dance, right?– later tonight..” He asked, using his hands to gesture towards the bathroom door. Saparata nods back, a confused look plastered on his face. “If you want to– We could switch? Like, I don’t know who your partner is– but if you want to be his partner, I wouldn’t mind switching..” What on Earth was Jude saying?! He was waiting for this dance with Sharpness, why was he switching?!

Saparata’s face instantly lights up at the suggestion, like a kid finding presents underneath the tree on Christmas morning. “Really?! You’d really do that, Jude? Even though I don’t have a partner??” He asks again, making sure that his ears weren’t deceiving him. He had his hands clamped together, only an inch away from Jude’s chest. He was much taller than him, the purple-haired boy had to look up to look him in the eyes.

Jude bites his lips, was he really risking his chance with this Sharpness? With his Sharpness? “Y–yeah! If Sharpness agrees as well, of course!”

Saparata happily squeals from where he stands, jumping in joy. “Thank you, Jude! I’ll definitely pay you back somehow!” He quickly rushes out of the bathroom, Jude assumes that he had gone to tell Sharpness about the switch. He sighs as he brushes his hair with his fingers again, but filled with anxiety and disappointment in himself. Sometimes Jude was such a dumbass….

He pushes the bathroom door open, trailing behind Saparata and descends to the ground floor where the atrium was at.

Sharpness is really ought to talk to Jude about this…

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

Jude ignores Sharpness and Saparata for the rest of the graduation ceremony, it wasn’t really hard to commit to it anyways– He had different initials compared to the two, there was a huge gap between “J” and “S” afterall.

Jude was up first to receive his certificate, it wasn’t much as he wasn’t an active student in anything; he was just a normal, regular student. There were no cords to give him nor any special prize for him to win, he wasn’t like Sharpness and Saparata– who both received multiple certificates and club cords to congratulate them on their achievements throughout middle school.

Jude didn’t bother to wait for either of them though, he was far too upset in himself for letting go his opportunity to dance with Sharpness. As soon as he got his things, he quickly returned the borrowed graduation cloak and hat, exited the hall and didn’t bother to stay and cheer for the two of his friends.

It wasn’t like Jude had a reason to stay, both of his parents weren’t even here to celebrate– too preoccupied with work to even attend.

He made his way to his usual spot– the library– just like the first place that Saparata had gone out of his way to find Jude earlier. Jude liked the library, nobody really ever came here because they were just a bunch of preteens who didn’t like to read– it used to be a Sharpness-Jude activity to come here, but recently Sharpness has only been bringing Saparata.

Jude’s eyebrow furrows at the thought, maybe he doesn’t like the library as much as he used to.

He walks to their used-to-be usual spot, grabbing a book on his way. Jude doesn’t have intentions to leave this library anytime soon, he just wanted to hide away from them and his feelings. So, he does the next best thing– buries himself deep into a book.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

Jude was preparing for the dance in his bedroom when he was supposed to be in Sharpness’ house– since he and Saparata switched, Jude doesn’t really have a reason to be with Sharpness right now. Admittedly, he was a bit upset about it– he probably should’ve told Sharpness about the switch himself.

But Jude being Jude, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He walked back home on the same path that Sharpness and him would take every day, but he was missing his usual person by his side.

Jude straightens his red bowtie, the velvet material complimenting his dark indigo cropped blazer and trousers. He looks himself in the mirror and suddenly he feels ridiculous looking– he knew formal outfits like these were horrible for middle school dances, but his mum was adamant about him wearing it. Jude contemplates changing it out for something simpler, but even his graduation outfit was horrendous– so he simply just stuck to it.

Jude walks back to school by himself, the evening sky was now a pretty ombre colour compared to the plain light blue in the afternoon. According to plan, Jude was supposed to carpool with Sharpness– but now without his dance partner, he had to hike to school by himself.

He wonders if Sharpness and Saparata were having a grand time, getting dressed together and maybe spending time without Jude. It burns a hole in his beating heart, he feels terrible.

Throughout Jude’s mopping, a car pulls up at the road– just beside where Jude was walking. It caught his attention, especially with how the passenger window was rolling down. Tai, his classmate, sat in the passenger seat, his arm draped out of the window. “Jude! Are you seriously walking to the dance party alone?” He asked-shouted, blasted music coming from the car probably deafened the boy.

Jude blinks humbly at him, “Uhh- yeah!” He chuckles awkwardly, not expecting anyone to catch him like this.

Tai turns his head towards the driver seat, asking the person– who Jude presumes is his mother– before turning back to him, “Come in! We'll drive ya there!” He shouted, using his free hand to gesture to the back seat.

Jude nods and reaches for the door, he finds Noob, Tai's best friend, sitting at the opposite side. The boy gave him a nod back, something like a greeting as Jude slides his way onto the seat, before closing the door.

The car began to move slowly and the loud music was banging at Jude’s eardrums, but despite all that, he could feel Noob eyeing him down. Jude gives him a confused look, which he simply tilts his head back as a reply. “I thought you were carpooling with Sharpness, aren't you his dance partner?”

Jude lolls his head to the side with shame, even Noob could tell what was going on. “It's… it's nothing, Noob. I just simply switched partners with Sapa cause he wanted to be with Sharp instead. So, I don't really have a reason to carpool with him anymore.”

Noob's eyes widened in shock, “Wow, that's unexpected of you.” Which Jude simply answered with a sigh, he knows how weird this comes out as. “What’s with the sudden change?”

Jude shrugs, his focus was out of the window. He didn't want to out Saparata’s crush right in front of the popular kid, Tai nor his subordinate, Noob. “He just wanted to, I supposed..”

Noob hums in understanding, before leaving Jude alone to his thoughts. Thank god that boy wasn't as troublesome as his best friend and for the loud music to block out their conversation.

The three of them eventually reached school, it was only a five minute ride anyways. From Jude’s window, he could see the decorations– bright neon lights that covered the entrance of the school, signs with the words “congratulations to the graduating class!” and “Happy Dance Party!” that was littered all over the school– he felt overwhelmed simply by looking at them! Was it too late to turn back around and skip this event?

The three of them hopped off the car and gave their thanks to Tai's mother for the ride. Now back to facing the neon concoction of a hell house, Jude seems to be having trouble following Tai and Noob into the building. The former seems to notice his weird behaviour, “You alright there, Jude? You've certainly been acting weird since the ceremony..”

“Y-yeah.. I'm alright, I think I'll just wait for Sapa and Sharp right here.” Jude replied, shoving his hands into the pocket of his pants. Tai shrugged at the reply but Noob's eyes lingered on his face with a slight scowl, studying it. “Alright, if you say so! C'mon Noob, let's go in first.”

And with that, the two of them entered the school without Jude.

Jude sits on a bench, watching the evening sky turn indigo. More and more students start to pool at the entrance, filling it with laughter and conversations. He bounces his right leg as he waits for his friends, eyes glued to the road.

Eventually, after dozens of cars, a familiar black Mercedes pulls onto the driveway– it was Sharpness’ family car. Jude perks at the sight of it, the bouncing of his leg stops abruptly.

The door opens and Sharpness was the first to come out– and everything stops moving for Jude, he looked absolutely ethereal. Sharpness wore a jet black tailored suit with red accents, the colours complimented his long blonde hair which he had decided to let down, a sight Jude rarely got to see. Dashingly handsome, the thing that topped the whole outfit off was Sharpness’ bright pearly smile and olive beautiful eyes shining.

Jude felt like he saw an angel descend from heaven, his heart practically leaped out of his chest and he felt his pupils dilate in awe. Sharpness was chuckling about as he held his hand out to the car seat and another person took his hand.

There, Saparata emerges from the car with his hand holding Sharpness’. He wore a pure white tailored suit with white wings embroidery at the back, he looked just as good, but not better than Sharpness. He had a matching smile on his face with Sharpness, closing the car door.

Jude felt… angry at the sight– No, furious was a better fitting word. He could've been in Saparata’s position right now if he hadn't given him the opportunity. He sighs as he shamefully hangs his head, his leg continues to bounce. He couldn't stand to see Sharpness with Saparata like that, he just couldn't.

By defying all odds, Sharpness spots him in the corner of his eyes. He tugs Saparata with him, bringing him to Jude. “Hey, bunny– you alright there?”

Jude could sense Sharpness crouching in front of him, a hand sliding onto the knee of his bouncing leg. The purple-haired boy tilted his head up slightly, just to get a glance of the beautiful blonde. His light eyebrows were furrowed slightly, concern filled in those garnet-green eyes. Jude couldn't hold his anger for much longer the minute he got a close-up of that face, he felt his heart softening at the sight. “Sharp… I didn't see you there..!”

“Hey bun-bun,.. stop mopping around and let's go in, shall we?” Sharpness said softly, rubbing Jude’s knee with his thumb. His leg immediately stops bouncing at the touch, he felt his face reddening. “Y-yeah.. let's go.”

Sharpness stood up from where he stood and gave his free hand to Jude who gladly took it, lifting himself up. Saparata waves at him, saying hello and telling him about how amazing he looks, but Jude couldn't ignore how Saparata was hugging Sharpness’ arm. It pissed him off so, so much.

The three of them head inside, passing by the hallway that they'd usually take to their classes together. Barely a few feet away, Jude could hear the booming bass of whatever music the speakers were playing, the vibrations hitting straight to the centre of his core. Saparata seems very delighted at this fact, dragging Sharpness and Jude through the entrance of their atrium.

The minute the doors flew open, the music got way louder. Jude could spot some of their classmates dancing away and hanging by the snack bar, everyone seemed to be having a grand time. Everyone but Jude that is, who was trying his best to ignore his feelings for his best friend.

Sharpness immediately matched Saparata’s enthusiasm and the two made their way to the dance floor immediately, leaving Jude to stand by the entrance. “Sharp! Wait–” He reached his arm out to the fleeting pair, but his legs were stuck to the ground. He didn't really feel like dancing, didn't feel like socialising much.

As Jude watches the two figures disappear into the crowd, he makes his way to the bleachers at the corner– the only place that wasn't brightly lit by stage lights or whatever.

He climbs his way to the very back, plopping himself down on the plastic surface. Maybe he should've gotten a drink before sitting, but he couldn't care less about it anymore. Jude shrugs off his blazer and undoes his bowtie, setting them both aside for the time being. The air conditioning was on but he still felt feverishly hot, an uncomfortable kind.

Despite this, Jude couldn't help but watch the dance floor, watch Sharpness and Saparata boogie together. They looked happy, having the time of their life– Jude and Sharpness were just like that barely a few months ago before he came along. Jealousy strikes his already heavy heart as hard as lightning, the feeling weighs his consciousness down. He hated it, feeling like this without any control over it. It was pathetic, Jude was pathetic.

The way Sharpness has the brightest smile he has ever seen on that boy and the cause of it wasn't Jude, it was Saparata.

Jude finally pries his eyes away from the scene, but they start to blur slightly, the feeling of tears swelling his eyes. He uses his hands to hide his face away, not daring to let anyone witness him in this state.

Jude missed his past life, he missed his Sharpness. He wanted to go back in time and give him hundreds upon thousands of kisses, making sure that his blonde knew that he loved him and absolutely adored him.

Jude groans as he lets his head fall back, hitting the support metal bar behind. The tears still threatened to fall, his eyes stung from holding them back.

It was stupid really– Jude had waited almost a half a year for this event with Sharpness when it first got announced, determined to make this the best night he'll ever have– but now he's here; sitting on a bleachers, a sob threatening to escape his throat.

Jude waits for the next two hours on those disgusting bleachers, watching Sharpness have the time of his life without him, with Saparata. He didn't bother to get something to eat nor to drink, he didn't feel like getting up and having people approach him at this time. He wanted to go home really, really badly.

By the third hour, Jude checks his watch– 9 pm, about the time he walked back home.

Just like his arrival, he was supposed to follow Sharpness back home; but he didn't. He snuck past the dancing duo, exchanging goodbyes with some of his peers who seemed rather surprised that he wasn't with the blonde. By the time Jude reached the main entrance, there were already some students mingling around, waiting for their parents. With his accessories in hand and his cellphone in the other, Jude thinks about ringing his mother– but he doesn't, he shoves the cellphone back into his pockets, walking to a nearby fence to lean against.

Jude lets the cool wind blow past him, he barely felt a thing. He watches the stars in the night sky, some barely visible from the light pollution.

Jude misses watching the stars with his Sharpness back in his previous life, where their shared home had a sky rooftop in their observatory. His Sharpness always liked the stars, being able to name which star was which– this Sharpness that he had fallen for didn't fall too far from that tree either, the two of them would sneak out at nights when they couldn't sleep just to stargaze at the skatepark… before Saparata came along anyways.

A singular teardrop finally released from his eye, but they were still admiring the shining dots in the black silk sky. How he wishes Sharpness was here right now, he could use a fun fact about a star.

Just as Jude sits on the ground as his back slides against the fence, he hears the sound of wet grass being stepped on. He lolls his head to the side, only to find someone he was least expecting but definitely needing– Sharpness.

The blonde was huffing for breath, his hands resting on his knees. “Jude… why did you leave? I saw you exiting the atrium..?” He asked, looking down at the purple-haired boy.

Jude shrugs, “I got.. overwhelmed? Didn't want to stay inside there any longer.” He half-lied, it wasn't the complete truth but it wasn't a full-on lie as well. He simply didn't want to see Sharpness and Saparata having a fun time without him on the dance floor. “Aren't you supposed to be with your boyfr– I mean, dance partner–?”

Sharpness idly plops himself besides Jude, sighing as he did. “Well, Saparata had to go anyway. Besides, aren't you supposed to be my dance partner? Why did you switch with Sapa suddenly?” His green eyes shine in the dark, underneath the moonlight– Jude is instantly captivated like always.

“Oh, well.. He's new and he didn't have a dance partner, so I offered to switch! I didn't want him experiencing a terrible graduation dance party after all.” Jude lies again, rubbing the back of his head against the fence as he looks at Sharpness.

The blonde's eyebrows furrow immediately, “But.. you've been planning to be my dance partner for almost half a year now, ever since the announcement got released. You were looking forward to it, was that really the reason why you swapped?” His voice was soft, as if he was speaking to something fragile– which he was. He was speaking to Jude’s beating heart.

Jude couldn't out his friend Saparata like that, he could tell that he didn't confess his feelings to Sharpness at all. “Mhm, that's the only reason. Besides, I'm sure you had much more fun with him.” He replied, eyes locked onto the gravel pathway.

Sharpness doesn't say anything for a while, staring intensely at Jude while he tries to figure out his motive. “But I also would've enjoyed it with you, you're my best friend.”

You're my best friend. It rang in Jude’s mind, he wanted to be called so much more than just a best friend, but it flattered him to hear such praise from Sharpness. “Are you insinuating that Sapa isn't your best friend?” He tries to joke about it, clearing the tense air between them.

Sharpness’ eyes widened instantly, “WHAT?! No– I mean, c'mon Jude! You know exactly what I mean!”

Jude bursts into a tiny giggle fit, covering his mouth with his hands. Sharpness simply rolled his eyes at him, “Seriously, we've known each other the longest.. Besides, did you come out here to cry by yourself?” He said, reaching his hand out to hold Jude’s cheek.

The purple-haired boy's mind instantly went haywire, the touch was electric; he felt Sharpness’ callous thumb graze the soft acne-scared cheek of his, wiping the singular tear that fell. “Wh– What? Nah man, your eyes must've been deceiving you.” Jude prays that it was dark enough to hide his blush.

“Then why’d you leave the party?” Sharpness asked one more time, his hand doesn't leave Jude’s face.

Jude's hand sneaked up, gently pressed against Sharpness’ bigger one. “Like I said, got overwhelmed. Came out here for fresh air..” He mumbled, not keeping eye contact with the blonde.

Sharpness doesn't push further as usual, “Well, do you want to get back home? My dad is on the way, you were supposed to carpool with me home.”

“Yeah..” Jude answers, Sharpness lets go of his face but holds onto his hand. “That'll be nice, Sharp.”

Sharpness squeezes his hand, before abruptly standing up and pulling Jude up to his feet. He then led the two of them back to the entrance, where they patiently waited for Sharpness’ dad to arrive.

Maybe Jude was just overthinking things, everything was going to be fine..

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

With the end of the middle school era, everyone went on to study in Strength High-school. The trio soon had to split up, sometimes they didn't even share a class together. Jude was a bit different from the two; he took a STEM major while Sharpness and Saparata were leaning more into humanities. Jude was in computer science and information technology, Sharpness went on to focus on his athleticism, and Saparata decided for social studies– at most, they only see each other during breaks, lunch, after-school and English class.

It doesn't affect their friendship at all, despite the lack of time for each other; matter of fact, it just strengthens their bond.

But right after Sophomore year; in the middle of their Junior year, Jude notices a change in something, a shift if you could say.

He starts to notice how much… closer Sharpness and Saparata had gotten. Not the closeness Jude thought he saw back in middle school, No, this was different.

It started small, their arms touching whenever they stood next to each other, playing footsies underneath the tables during lunch, their pinkie intertwined whenever they walked down the hallway; Jude felt his heart sink every waking day the more he witnessed what was going on between them.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months; but they just kept going with the playful flirting. How Sharpness’ eyes would linger on Saparata’s figure when he thinks the other wasn't look and vice versa, the way their hand would linger on the other's arm longer than it should, when they would sneak off without Jude to god knows where and leave the purple-haired man to find them hanging out in a janitor's closet.

Jude feels horrible, to say the least. It was so, so painfully obvious in front of his eyes, Sharpness and Saparata were in love with each other.

Sometimes Sharpness would ask Jude if he knew what Saparata’s favourite snack was, as if the blonde didn't know himself, or maybe how Saparata started asking Jude if Sharpness were to like the way he dressed, trying to impress the blonde.

Jude couldn't deny it much longer, he was practically third wheeling over here.

His heart shatters day by day just like a mirror receiving a fist to its surface, shattering it into a million pieces. All Jude could do was go back home, cry his miserable heart out into the pillow, and go back to studying. It was his only distraction.

It was painful to watch Sharpness and Saparata pin each other, especially when their friends were shipping the two together. Poor Jude only had one of his newly made friends from his class, Parker, to support him.

There was a time where Jude had caught Sharpness and Saparata sleep-cuddling in the blonde's house, despite it being a study session only for Jude and Sharpness. He wanted to scream right there and then, to yell and confess his ever longing feelings for Sharpness– but he couldn't, looking at Sharpness’ content sleeping form with Saparata curled up right on top of him made him gag, Jude wanted to throw up. Instead, he ran out of that house as fast as he could with tears streaming down his face.

He did the most logical thing a sixteen year old who was in love would ever do, he called up Parker in tears, begging him to pick him up from the skatepark that he and Sharpness used to spend their middle school years together. It was bitter to his tongue to even mention the name of the skatepark and despite his cracking voice from sobbing, Parker, like the good man he was, immediately understood Jude and came to his rescue.

Not even a few minutes after the call ended, Parker arrived at the park with his motorcycle. His friend immediately rushed over to Jude’s side, giving him a tight bear hug which he happily accepted, crying into the yellow sleeve of Parker's hoodie. The vitiligo man simply held Jude for as long as he needed, as if he was the most fragile thing in the world.

When Jude started to calm down, Parker handed him a spare helmet, telling him to hop on his bike. They travelled for a while, Jude's eyes never left Sharpness’ house plot when they drove past. They reached Parker's house sooner or later, it wasn't as big as Sharpness’ mansion but it was cozy and nice.

Helping Jude inside, the purple-haired man couldn't help but notice how there were two extra sets of shoes near the entrance. Was it his parents or did Parker have friends over? Whatever it was, Jude felt guilty for making him rush over to his aid.

Parker brings him upstairs, all the way to his bedroom. Jude could hear the voices of two people conversing inside, now Jude feels extra guilty.

Two very familiar faces appeared inside, Godis and Bitzel, two other members from their robotics club. They immediately quiet down when they saw Parker with Jude, more over how concerned they were when they saw his state. “Jude, dude, are you okay? You look absolutely horrible.” Godis called over, reaching his hand over to help Parker hoist him towards the bed.

Horrible was simpler than how Jude truly looked like, red eyes and nose from crying, tear stained cheeks, hair was a complete total mess and not to mention how absolutely destroyed he looked. Jude could only whimper in reply, he had completely fried his voice when he cried earlier. Parker and Godis brought him to the bed, laid him down right next to where Bitzel was sitting.

Jude just laid there, hands on his chest as he didn't say a word. Godis and Bitzel both exchanged looks, it wasn't everyday that you'd see Jude crying. Parker simply sighed, gesturing to the pair to meet him outside of his room. They left with the door shutting gently and Jude was left alone with his thoughts.

Jude rolls onto his stomach, burying his head deep into Parker's pillow. He didn't want to do much, all he wanted to do was cry and hide away.

The three eventually came back and Parker took a seat right next to Jude, “You feelin’ better?” He asked, patting his friend’s back. Jude just hummed at the gesture, sniffling against the pillow. “We can leave if you’d like, Jude.” Bitzel asked, crouching down right next to Parker.

“It’s fine.” Jude mumbles out, his voice getting muffled by the pillow. “I disturbed your time anyways, I shouldn’t bother you guys.”

Godis leans against the doorframe, taking a good look at Jude. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, it’s clearly eating you alive. I say you tell him your feelings, better to get shit out before it hits you back.”

“I do not need advice right now, for all I know they could be together right now.” Jude whines, Parker must’ve told them about what happened. “Besides, the last thing I need right now is Sharp hating me.”

“Oh, you’re being dramatic, Jude. He’s not going to leave you or anything like that, you two have been stuck by the hip since elementary!” Parker reassured, rubbing his back.

“Yeah, until Sapa came along.” Jude spat out bitterly– it wasn’t like Saparata was a bad person, he was a really great friend, but he practically had Sharpness wrapped around his finger. Parker sighs along with Bitzel, Godis makes his way beside the bed with the rest.

Jude was practically inconsolable, being sixteen and going through hormonal phases sure does something to the mind.

But this Jude was well aware of the relationship he once had with Sharpness in another life, he missed that life. He missed his Sharpness.

Suddenly, his phone starts to ring in his pocket. It breaks the awkward silence between the four as the tune plays out, Jude reaches to pick it out. He checks the caller id, not fully expecting it but it was Sharpness who was calling him. Parker’s face contorts in confusion, the duo exchange glances at each other.

“What the…” Jude mumbles before pressing the answer button with his thumb and setting it on speaker, but he doesn’t say anything as soon as the line connects.

“Jude? Where are you, bun-bun?” Sharpness’ raspy voice rings out, he had just woken up from his nap with Saparata. The realization makes Jude’s stomach upset, he feels sick. “Somewhere, why does it matter?” Jude replied, a bit harsh with his words.

“Wh– Why does it matter? You’re supposed to be over at my house, we had a study session?” Sharpness confirms, confusion strained his voice– he couldn’t figure out why Jude sounded so bitter.

“We were going to, but someone was having a rather nice time with Saparata.” Jude shot back, sitting up straight from the bed. Sharpness’ nervous laughter was heard from the other side of the line, “Ahaha– you… you saw that?”

Jude feels his blood boil by the minute, “Yes, Sharpness. I saw that.” He gritted out of his teeth, jaw clenching. Sharpness goes silent for a moment, so does everyone in the room with the purple-haired man. “Did.. I do something wrong? You rarely call me by my actual name…” He asked sheepishly, a bit scared if you will.

Jude breaks at his voice, he couldn’t stand to be mad at Sharpness forever. “N..No, Sharp.. It’s just– I, uh… It’s nothing, I just didn’t want to disturb the two of you.” He stutters, his voice slightly cracking at the end.

The silence becomes uncomfortable again, seeping deep into the atmosphere. Parker just looked at Jude, he couldn’t tell if his friend was disappointed or concerned. Godis had his hand on Jude’s shoulder, looking back and forth from the phone. “Right…” Sharpness’ voice cuts through, “Do you.. need me to come and get you?”

Jude shuts his eyes tightly, he really didn’t want to leave Parker’s house and see Sharpness, but there was something that has been bugging him. “It’s okay.. but I’d like to talk with you tonight if possible.”

“Sure, yeah, of course, bunny.” Sharpness immediately agrees, but Jude could hear someone shuffling in the background. “Uh– I’ll see you later, I have some things to do..” He continued, Saparata’s voice faintly calling out behind.

“See you la–” Beep. The call ends before Jude could even finish his goodbye, he scoffs in disbelief at Sharpness’ urgency to leave. He immediately throws his phone towards the wall in a fit of rage, grunting loudly. Godis and Bitzel immediately flinched out of the way, Parker reached out to hold Jude’s shoulder, “It’s okay Jude. It’s okay.”

“Stupid, stupid Saparata!” Jude screamed in pure, unadulterated resentment, tears well in his eyes again. Parker tried to hold him down in his paroxysm, Godis tried to help out while Bitzel went to fetch the abandoned phone on the floor. “Jude! Calm down!” Parker begged.

They would spend the next hour or so trying to comfort the very distressed Jude.

Evening eventually came around and Parker dropped Jude off at his house, the sky was more purple from the elongated nights of late fall. He hung his head low as he entered the house, making his way up the stairs. He enters his bedroom for a change of clothes, Sharpness was ought to pick him up any time soon now. Grabbing an outfit and his towel, he heads to his bathroom for a quick shower.

The water falls onto his bare shoulders, his eyes stuck to the glass panel that separated the shower and the sink. It fogged up with steam coming from the hot water, just like how Jude’s brain was fogging up with thoughts. Sweet, sweet Sharpness, every time Jude closed his eyes, he could see his past life.

The memories play like a broken record, leaving Jude to feel like he's truly missing something. It made this body, this exact vessel, feel like it was the one who experienced those recollections, making himself feel a sense of reminiscence that he was not supposed to feel in this life. The visual image of Sharpness holding his hand with love, running through a dandelion field somewhere in the 20th century, made Jude’s heart break even more to find out that he would never experience those events again with Sharpness, not in this life again.

Sometimes Jude wishes that the rubble that once buried the two of them took his memories instead of Sharpness’, because he knows that he'll always fall in love with his princess in every other universe without them.

The shower dies off and Jude goes on to change his clothes, before making it out of the house. He sits on his porch, waiting for Sharpness to fetch him.

Right on que, that familiar black Mercedes pulls up to his curb, but Jude notices something– Sharpness wasn't alone, Saparata apparently had tagged along and was sitting at the passenger seat.

Great. Now Jude has to third wheel in something that was set up for only him and Sharpness, how could his day get any worse?

Being able to read the situation, Jude naturally slides to the back seat. He doesn't say much, maybe a soft “hey” to the two of them as he straps himself with the safety belt. Sharpness notices his unusual behaviour, draping an arm behind the seat as he turns his head. “Bun, you alright?”

Jude kept his head low, he didn't want to see Sharpness’ gorgeous eyes. “Yeah, everything is alright.” He lied, eyes glued onto his phone in his hands. The screen was slightly cracked, probably from when he threw his phone against Parker's wall earlier today.

Sharpness doesn't say anything about it as he turns back to the wheel, moving the gear from Park to Drive. They drove for a while in silence, the soft hum of the radio playing in the air, but Jude could tell Sharpness was stealing glances at him through the rear view mirror.

They reached their destination, one that was rather familiar to Jude– it was a diner that Sharpness’ mother used to bring them to whenever Jude had sleepovers with Sharpness. It was bittersweet to see it, especially since he hasn't been there in a while after Sharpness started hanging out with Saparata much often.

Once the car parked, they made their way into the restaurant– by that, it means Sharpness and Saparata were walking in front of Jude while holding hands, letting the purple-haired man trail behind. Jude's eyes burned at the sight, he wanted to pry their intertwined fingers away from each other.

They took their seats in a booth, but even then Sharpness and Saparata sat next to each other, leaving Jude to sit opposite of them. They looked happy together, looking at the menu– Saparata seemed fully concentrated on the variety of options, while Sharpness was busy admiring him. It made Jude feel sick, him and Sharpness used to do that all the time, why now was he replaced?

Jude leans deeper into the cushioned seats, letting the old leather sink under his weight. Sharpness turns towards Jude, a smile so bright that he almost thought that it was meant for him. “Jude, do you want anything?” The blonde asked, nudging the menu towards him.

Jude simply glanced at the menu once, “I’ll just have a cup of espresso, I’m not hungry.”

Sharpness tilts his head to the side, a confused look appearing on his face. “Are you sure? You love the food here, you’d never leave a chance to order.”

“I’m sure, Sharp. Besides, that was years ago..” Jude mumbled out, “You haven’t brought me out here in years.”

All three went silent, it was the truth– Both Sharpness and Jude knew that, only Saparata was unaware of their shared childhood. A waitress came around to take their orders and within a few minutes, everyone’s food and drinks arrived. A milkshake, a cup of hot tea and espresso, and a basket of fries.

Jude doesn't say much the entire time they sat at the booth, the only conversation was between Sharpness and Saparata. He simply sipped on his coffee, scrolling aimlessly on his phone.

By the time he was done with his drink, Jude figured that asking Sharpness to talk was a waste of his time. He sets the ceramic cup on its saucer, pulls out his wallet and takes out a ten dollar bill before sliding it towards Sharpness. It catches the blonde's attention, “What is this for, Jude?”

“For my coffee.” Jude replies, standing up from the booth seat. “I'll take my leave now, since it seems like I won't be able to have a conversation with you.” He announced, before walking towards the exit. Sharpness quickly stood up and followed right behind him, “Jude! Wait!”

However, Jude was already out the door, the cold air made his nose itch. The only thing keeping him warm was the cup of coffee that he just consumed, so he pursues his walk.

But Sharpness manages to catch up with him, his fingers curl around Jude’s wrist. “Jude, seriously, what's wrong? You wanted to talk, so I brought you out here.”

And Jude’s anger hit an all-time-low, “Yeah? Well I wanted to talk between the TWO OF US! Not with Saparata involved, but you just had to bring him!” He exploded on Sharpness, finally facing him eye to eye. The height difference was there, Jude had to look up to even catch a glance of Sharpness’ face.

Sharpness’ face twisted from confused to guilty, “I– yeah, well I'm sorry for bringing Sapa but he wanted to come along too! I didn't think it would be a big deal since, y'know– since we're all friends.”

Jude tries his best to tug his wrist free, but Sharpness practically had a death grip on it. “But I wanted to talk privately!” His voice cracked as he continued to free himself, “He's the reason why I wanted to talk with you!”

Sharpness freezes at that, “He's– what?”

Jude stops fighting the hold altogether, letting Sharpness hold onto his wrist. “I– it's just that..” He pauses for a bit, trying to find the words to use. “It's just that… ever since Saparata came along, it feels like you started to forget about me day by day, year by year. I– I know that I sound like a selfish prick right now, but I do not feel like your best friend anymore.”

“We don't hang out anymore, all of our usual places are now just you and Saparata, not us anymore..” Jude takes a deep breath, the tears hugging the corner of his eyes. “I feel replaced, invisible in your life.” He breaks down, choking on his words. “I don't feel special to you anymore.”

Sharpness’ face was drenched in shock, he took his free hand to bring Jude into a hug, his hand wrapped around his back. “Bun.. I'm so sorry– I didn't know that was how you felt all this time…” He tried to apologise, hugging him tightly.

Jude hugs him back, gripping onto his hoodie as if Sharpness might dissolve into the air. “You– fuckin’ hell, Sharp..” He sobs into Sharpness’ shoulder, he needed this oh-so badly.

Sharpness continued to hold Jude until he was done crying, the purple-haired man was sniffling as he rubbed his own tears away with his sleeve. “Tell me, Sharpness–”

The blonde looked at Jude in his eyes, those magnificent green eyes stared back at him. “Are you and Saparata.. in a relationship?” Jude bites, seeking the answer he needed.

Sharpness goes tense, he bites his pink lips as he thinks for a while. “Is it that obvious..? We've been trying to keep it lowkey for the past few weeks..”

And Jude's precious heart shatters into a million pieces at those words, he feels it hit the ground. Jude did ask and he got an answer, but he had the tiniest inkling of hope that somehow, against all odds, that Sharpness was not dating Saparata.

But as luck would have it, Jude wasn't the luckiest person on Earth.

“I understand, I see why you two have been getting closer than usual.” His voice was flat as he pushed himself off from their embrace, “Thank you for being honest with me.”

Sharpness looked at him, even more confused. “You're my best friend, Jude. Obviously I'll be honest with you.”

You're my best friend. Those words made Jude’s already broken heart ache. He didn't want to be Sharpness’ best friend, he wanted to be something more. He wanted to be his lover again.

“I'll take my leave now…” Jude quivers out, turning around but Sharpness had caught him by the wrist again.

“Where do you think you're going? We came here together by car, how are you going to go back?” A bombardment of questions hurled out of Sharpness’ mouth, but Jude didn't have the heart to entertain him any much longer.

“Look, it's okay, I can go back by myself. Your boyfriend is waiting for you inside, it's best if you return to the diner.” Jude reassured Sharpness, but he was the one who needed reassurance.

Sharpness doesn't say anything, trying to read Jude’s face. His grip around Jude’s wrist loosens, which he took as a chance to wiggle free.

Jude starts to walk away from the diner, he could feel Sharpness watching his back. It just made Jude sprint faster as tears rolled down his face, god he felt pathetic.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

Junior year went by with Sharpness and Saparata announcing their relationship during Home-coming– Jude didn’t bother to go that day, Sharpness had called him a week prior to tell him his plan. Jude simply wished him good luck and called-in sick for the event, he spent that evening mopping around at the skatepark, underneath the tree that they used to spend their evenings at after middle school.

The instagram posts started to roll in and Jude deleted the app immediately, the post of them kissing on the dance floor. Jude felt disgusting, still being in love with a taken man– absolutely filthy of him.

The stars look magnificent tonight, he wondered if Sharpness would like them. Jude swore he saw a shooting star fly past and being ever so childish, he wished upon it. He wished that he was back in his past life, back in the arms of his Sharpness who loved him back. Someone who he could kiss and whisper sweet, little things into his ear. He had his eyes shut tightly so that when he opened them, he’d be back in time.

But alas when he opened his eyes, Jude was still in the skatepark. Fucking hell, get him out of this nightmare now.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

The SATs went by like a breeze for Jude, especially since he has been using studying as an excuse to distance himself from Sharpness. Anything to not see the man for too long, otherwise his heart would call out for the blonde. After days and weeks spent in the school library or studydesk, he managed to get a good amount of studying hours in– but Sharpness somehow always seemed to find Jude every time, popping by with his favourite snacks or drinks and always with Saparata.

Jude hated seeing that platinum-haired boyfriend of his, always reeling in the envy of their relationship. He hated, loathed Saparata, he wanted to be in his place so badly, but Sharpness was just delightful for having Saparata be his partner. He loved Sharpness so much till he was okay to let another man love him, at least Jude had the blessing to love him once in another life.

He was willing to let Sharpness go, unlike the time they were stuck beneath all of the rubble, fighting for their lives.

Now, Jude finds himself stuck in his bedroom, a pair of formal wear laid on his bed. Prom was just a few hours away and he didn’t want to attend, he wanted to skip just like Junior Home-Coming. Unfortunately, mum was very adamant about him going– “It’s going to be your last event of high-school!” She’d say, ushering her son back into his room to prepare. “You’ll regret not going!” She’d repeat all over again.

So Jude is sitting on his bedroom floor, contemplating his choices right now. He could simply just run away the minute he reached the entrance, but he also really wanted to see how Sharpness dressed. Despite his head screaming for him to avoid prom, he agreed to go.

Jude held the necklace he was going to wear to the party, he had gotten something simple with a green pendant to match Sharpness' eyes, but it felt ridiculously heavy in his hands now. Fiddling it in his hands, he felt like he was yearning for something he couldn’t earn.

After a quick shower and putting on some simple make-up, Jude was ready and checking himself out in the mirror. The necklace was still in his hand, dangling down with its golden chain. He wrapped it around his neck, before manipulating its clasp with one hand to secure it in place. Jude tucked the pendant into his dress shirt, making sure it didn’t peek out one bit.

And with that, Jude was off to prom alone again.

This time, there was no Tai and Noob to scoop him off the roadside, they probably had reached the school way before Jude did. He could've driven himself but he liked the wind of the cool evenings, the smell of fresh grass from a nearby garden calmed his nerves.

Jude made it to the school eventually, but he didn't bother to wait for Sharpness and Saparata– he went straight inside to find someone else, Parker.

By the time Jude had found him, Parker was already talking to someone, Cow, another member of the engineering club and a good friend of Sharpness. The purple-haired man thought maybe it'll be a bad time to intrude, but Parker caught him before he could even leave. “Yo, Jude! I thought you weren't coming?”

Cow turns around to face Jude, who sheepishly turns around and starts walking towards them. “Ahaha– yeah, well, that was the plan but things changed…” He tried to explain himself, tugging on his blazer.

“Lookin’ rather good there, Jude. Didn't know you had a sense of style in ya!” Cow complimented, ruffling his hair as he did. “Oh, please. That's the same exact design he wore during the middle school dance.” Parker said, bumping him with his hip.

Jude chuckles at the two, “So, whose y'all partners?”

“This hunk of a man is mine, he wanted a dance partner after seeing two people in his trio become a couple. So, he asked me out platonically.” Parker chuckled, patting the taller man on his shoulder. “I wanted to know how it felt and Parker just so happened to be free.” Cow shrugged.

The two friends of Cow were Sharpness and Saparata.

Ah, even his own friends have plans. “That must be nice..” Jude tried to be nice, but it came out rather bitter instead.

Parker seemed to pick this up, tilting his head. “Got nobody again?”

Jude hummed in reply, he crossed his arms as if trying to seem like it didn't bother him. Parker and Cow simply gave him a look of sympathy, there was nothing that they could do for Jude and he knew that. So, the purple-haired man took his leave soon after saying goodbye to the pair.

Jude eventually reaches the atrium, it was definitely much bigger than the middle school– but he still felt the same isolation as he did back then. Like clockwork, he makes his way to the bleachers, climbing to the last panel and taking a seat. He didn't feel like dancing around or whatever, sitting alone in a corner felt better.

Students slowly started to pool in, Jude can spot his classmates from where he sat. Everyone was talking to each other and enjoying themselves, all while he was mopping around like always. He closes his eyes, thinking about his past life– back when high-schools weren’t so extravagant, Jude and Sharpness had thrifted suits but they were happy. Dancing together with the school’s music band playing behind, their fingers intertwined.

Jude opens his eyes again, they were just memories that he once lived through, nothing more.

But something else catches his attention, two familiar figures enter the atrium– Sharpness and Saparata, hand in hand. Jude’s breath hitches, blonde and white hair fly by as they skip inside, receiving compliments from their friends. He felt bitter at the sight, they both looked good together, but Sharpness looked absolutely gorgeous by himself.

He wore a black suit, something similar to what he wore back in middle school, some red fabric complimenting the black. Sharpness had some silver jewelry on, earrings dangling and rings decorated his fingers. Jude lazily blinks his eyes at him, he felt like he was dreaming.

Sharpness had always looked amazing.

Jude’s magenta eyes travelled to Saparata right next to him, his hand had travelled up to Sharpness’ arm, hugging it with all his might. His eyes narrowed down, jealously burning deeper in them.

With a sigh, Jude tucks his head between his hands, prying his eyes away from the couple. He hated this, hated himself for letting go of Sharpness so easily.

He closes his eyes one more time, a little nap wouldn’t hurt since he wasn’t doing anything..

Jude drifts to sleep, a dream away from his own problems. There, he sees himself sitting in the double seats of a red convertible with Sharpness, parked on a cliffside and watching the ocean shining underneath the moonlight. He remembers looking over at his Sharpness, he was absolutely captivated by his beauty. His Sharpness leaned over and kissed him gently, his lips soft as ever while his hand holding the back of Jude’s head. Jude had his hands on his chest, letting Sharpness do what’s best. Jackets chucked onto the floor of the car after prom night, it was just him and his boyfriend under the moon together.

Jude’s physical body tried to lean closer into the kiss in his dreams, but it simply awoke him from his slumber. The loud music comes back screaming into his ears, the bright lights flickering– since when has prom turned into a rave?

He rubs his eyes for a while, stretching his aching body. Jude looks around once or twice, the room certainly got even more crowded since. Students were dancing to the music, some lingered nearby drinking stations. It felt all too familiar, like he was back in middle school.

And there in the middle stood Sharpness and Saparata, the blonde had his hands on his boyfriend’s waist, swaying with him to the music. They were looking into each other’s eyes with so much love, even Jude could see that.

His lingering gaze was soon interrupted as the speaker rang through the hall, HD had the mic in her hand. “Good evening, seniors! I hope you all are having a lovely prom night!” She announces, both hands holding the mic. “As you all know it, I, HD, the co-coordinator for tonight's event, will be announcing our prom king and queen!”

The crowd goes wild, cheers and shouts ring out. People hollering and whooping, it was loud. HD takes an envelope out of her pocket, waving it around proudly. “Alright, settle down, settle down! Strength SMP high-school held the votes through social media since last week and today is the day we reveal the final scores! Tonight, our prom king and queen shall be–”

Everyone goes silent, the deafening sound raises the tension. HD opens the envelope and takes out the card, she reads it for a few minutes before announcing; “Sharpness and Saparata! The high-school sweethearts!”

The crowd erupts into another round of cheers, everyone congratulating the couple, everyone but Jude of course. He watches as Sharpness lifts Saparata up and twirls him around in the air, watching them laugh and smile at each other. Jude wishes he was in Saparata’s place, but he isn’t and he had to accept it. Whilst everyone was distracted by them, Jude makes his way out of the atrium, pushing the double doors open and letting them swing shut behind him.

He marches out of the high-school, not bothering to look behind. All of this seems too familiar, the same thing he had done in middle school– but there was no Sharpness coming to his safety to comfort him anymore, no Sharpness chasing after him as he fled.

Jude walks all the way back to the neighbourhood, passing by Sharpness’ mansion and off to the skatepark again. Tears were flooding down his eyes at this point, the burn of the liquid stinged against his skin. The skatepark was now his sanctuary, especially when Sharpness stopped bringing Saparata there. Jude goes there to relive the memories in this life and his past life, to escape the sad truth of his situation.

With the continuous tears streaming, Jude cuddles himself against the old oak tree– the same one that he would watch Sharpness do his little skating tricks at. He let the back of his head hit the rough tree bark, letting it roughen his hair up. He didn’t feel like going home, he wanted to get out.

If only that incident took Jude’s memories instead of Sharpness’, if only. Then he wouldn’t be suffering such a heartbreak.

He let his eyes flutter shut, he didn’t want to see the day anymore.

Jude falls into a slumber again, hoping that his memories will bring him good dreams.

He flickers his eyes open again, but finds himself on a beach. The warm, summer sun was hot against his skin, the sound of the ocean waves filled his ears. Jude felt eerily calm at this new location, he lolls his head to the side to watch the sea. He breathes in and out, letting the salty scent fill his lungs. His nerves were calm, unlike the sobbing mess he was at prom. The atmosphere made him drowsy, he wanted to sleep again.

But from the coast line, Jude saw a familiar figure standing by the ocean, letting their toes get dipped into the water. Their golden long hair blew with the breeze– it was undoubtedly Sharpness who stood there. He turns around but has a pair of shades on that blocked his olive eyes away from the harsh sun. He starts to approach Jude, shoulders swaying as he walks.

Sharpness kneeled right next to where Jude was laying down, the sunglasses tilted slightly down, revealing those green eyes that Jude yearned. “Bunny? Are you awake?”

“Sharp…” Jude called out, lifting his hand up weakly to reach his face. Sharpness takes that hand, guiding it to where he wanted to be held. “Yes, my love. I’m right here.” He reassured him, using his free hand to caress Jude’s thigh.

Jude doesn’t say anything for a while, taking in the absolute beauty in front of him. “I.. I love you, Princess..” He mumbles out, lips parting slightly.

Sharpness smiles back at him, leaning into Jude’s hand. “I know, and I love you too, bun-bun.” He leans towards Jude, just barely gracing his face. They were so close, Jude felt like his face was burning.

“But you need to wake up, Jude. I’m not real.”

What? “H–What? What do you mean–” Jude stutters.

“I’m not real, wake up.”

What?

“Jude.” Sharpness calls for him, but it seems to be getting muffled.

“Jude.” “Jude!” A second voice overlaps him.

”Ju—” “Jude!” It became louder, and Jude’s eyes finally fluttered open.

The morning sun shined through his eyes, but it was partially blocked by three head silhouettes. Jude groans, he feels hands shaking him by the shoulders, their hold was tight. He lets his eyes adjust to light, only to realise how familiar they looked– Sharpness, Saparata and Parker. They all looked so concerned at him and not to mention.. they looked very different from the party. Jude looks back equally confused, where was he?

“Jude— Were you really here the entire time? Sleeping in the skatepark?” Sharpness asked frantically, he looked like he was about to cry. Jude’s head was still foggy, he squinted at them. “Yeah..? I guess so?”

Parker who was right next to Sharpness scoffed in disbelief, Saparata who stood behind them winced at the answer. Sharpness was looking at him up and down, “We were looking for you the entire time after prom ended, but nobody was able to find you! Not me, not Sapa, not Parker, not Tai nor Noob, nobody! We then thought you went home but I had a nudge that you weren’t.” He told Jude, “So, when I went to check on you this morning, your mother told me that you didn’t even return home, she thought you were at my place! Bunny, you could’ve gotten seriously hurt or worse!” Sharpness continued to scold him, clearly worried about his safety.

“Thank god we found you curled up near this tree somewhere familiar, I was going to lose my marbles trying to find you.” He said, lifting up Jude to his feet with the help of Parker. Jude couldn’t really bother to say much, all he did was hang his head low and; “I’m sorry, Sharp.” was mumbled out.

Sharpness just sighed as he let Jude lean into him, “Just be careful.”

Jude nods.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

High-school passes and University arrives, and for some reason, Jude finds himself in the same college as Sharpness. At first, he was kind of pissed, the thought of having his crush best friend flirt with their partner in front of him was not for the weak. But to his surprise, Jude found out that Saparata would be attending a different college– State Private University. Apparently, his family thought it would be better to return to the institute that Saparata used to go to during elementary, which means Jude could spend more time with Sharpness. He was ecstatic to say the least, it has been a while since Jude had gotten Sharpness all to himself.

Of course, Saparata would drop by every once a week to see his boyfriend– but Jude still had Sharpness most of the time.

They shared a dorm with Parker and Cow, a four room dorm with a big living room and kitchen. Jude felt like he might enjoy University unlike high-school.

Years pass and Jude partially starts to accept that he’ll never have Sharpness for himself as the blonde’s relationship with Saparata continues to grow. He matured enough to come with the terms, but the memories never stop flooding in. They were in their fourth year of their courses, their last semester to graduating.

Jude finds himself daydreaming in a cafe, staring out at the window onto passing traffic. He sips on his cup of coffee, he had been waiting for Sharpness to arrive since he was the one who called for the meeting. It was a location they’d usually come and study together during exam seasons, so they had no problems when it came to booking seats.

The door swings open and Jude notices Sharpness queuing up to order something from the reflection of the window.

Sharpness eventually shimmies his way into the seat right next to Jude, resting his bag on the floor. “Hey, sorry for keeping ya’ waiting, Bunny.. I had to uh– grab something to show you.”

Jude raises his eyebrow at Sharpness, that was odd. “Oh, yeah? Well, what is it?”

Sharpness looks around nervously, as if he was hiding from someone. He ruffles his hand into the pocket of his jeans, “Well, since Saparata and I have been in a relationship for almost six years and he’s set to graduate next month, I wanted to.. surprise him.” He said, bringing his hand to the table, but it was closed.

“I– I don’t know if this is too fast or anything, but I was planning to propose to him.” Sharpness chuckles a bit as he reveals a box held in his hand, he pries it open for Jude to see the inside.

There laid a golden ring with a diamond resting in the middle, its high karat cutting shining back at Jude. He felt his heart drop at the item, he felt upset for some reason when he was supposed to be happy for Sharpness.

And the worst part? It was the same exact ring that Sharpness used to propose to Jude in their past life. It was just there, slotted between the red cushioning, right in front of Jude– but it wasn’t for him this time.

“It’s… gorgeous.” Jude swallows hard at the compliment, “When do you plan on proposing?”

Sharpness giggles, “That’s why I wanted to talk to you! I wanted you to help out with the plan! I wanted to do it next Saturday, so do you think you’ll be able to help?” He asked, eyes bright.

Saturday.. He was free but Jude didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to see Sharpness propose to another man. “I’m sorry, Sharpness.. I don’t think I can…” He lies, trying his best to seem apologetic. “But please do send me the pictures.”

Sharpness made an upset noise, but he understood. “Yeah, sure sure! But you better be my best man at our wedding if he says yes!” He playfully said, nudging Jude at the shoulder.

Jude laughs back, “Of course.”

But he felt so empty.

‿̩͙⊱༻☂︎༺⊰‿̩͙

The instagram posts came rolling in, Jude saw all the pictures of them laughing and kissing, especially with the ring around Saparata’s finger. Throughout all the pain and tears, Jude still liked the post and commented on it, wishing the pair a happy future.

Everyone graduated from their courses after that, Sharpness went on to become a professional ice hockey player, Jude was continuing his studies in bachelors of engineering with Parker and Cow by his side. From what he heard, Saparata finished his law studies and had recently moved into a big house with Sharpness. The two newly engaged partners started to plan their wedding together, as well as the three engineers and some peers from high-school.

The invitations came swift and quick, everyone had their names engraved into the white envelope with the MR. & MR. Conexion in big bold words on the top. Jude used to be that MR. Conexion in another life, but not this life.

Jude had received a different invitation instead, a special one to commendate his title as the best man. Best man, the title felt heavy on his tongue. He didn’t like it one bit, but he swallowed his love for Sharpness and accepted it.

With the days slowly passing by, Jude feels himself crumbling underneath. It was terrible, he’d find himself waking up from a repeated nightmare– when him and Sharpness died, suffocating in rubble as their hands intertwined with each others– it was torture for Jude. He’d wake up in cold sweat after the same ending repeats over and over again in his mind, he wanted to get out of this paradox.

On other days, he doesn’t even bother to get up from bed. Jude will call in sick from work and his courses, laying in his bed till god knows when, no food nor water consumed. He wanted to wither away in his bed, alone and suffering.

Eventually, Parker does find Jude in this state. The man was horrified to see the purple-haired man when he forced his apartment door open with a spare key after getting worryingly concerned. Jude felt guilty for Parker to find him like this, but the other man didn’t dare say a word about it– he knew the cause and there was nothing that neither of them could do.

Jude was stuck in his depressive state for so long, Parker had to call Cow for help. They’d stay by his side, making sure that he was eating well and taking care of himself. Sometimes when the duo thinks Jude isn’t listening, he can hear Parker’s cries of worry through the walls, accompanied with Cow’s consulting. He felt bad to put them through this, but he also didn’t have the energy to make himself feel better– he barely had the will to live anymore.

Whenever Cow and Parker couldn’t make it, their good old friends Godis and Bitzel would drop by, Jude had the suspicions that Parker had told them about his situation, so he begged and begged Parker not to tell Sharpness.

He couldn’t stand the thought of making Sharpness worry about him.

But now with Sharpness’ and Saparata’s wedding day approaching, Jude decides to fix himself up for a while. Parker, Cow, Godis and Biztel were proud of him, but he didn’t want their pity– not anymore at least. He didn’t want to drag them down with him any further, this was all on him and only him.

Jude got himself a nice tailored suit for the wedding, there wasn’t really a fixed outfit for the guest to follow– So, Jude just kinda got what he thought was appropriate. A pure black suit from head to toe with a purple tie, nothing more and nothing less.

The night before the wedding, he spent a good three hours writing a heartfelt speech as per Sharpness’ request. At first, he couldn’t get his words right– everything seemed wrong. But eventually, he found his wording. The scratching noises of his pen against the paper intensifies, usually Jude would’ve used his laptop to type it out– but it felt good to write it with his own handwriting, something about it released some stress.

But Jude wrote another letter, an extra which he kept into the pocket of his slacks.

And the next morning came, Jude got himself ready with a long, warm shower. He rested his head on the tile of his shower, letting the water fall down his body. He felt stupid, getting ready for a wedding that he hated. His heart ached at the thought, wasn’t he supposed to be over Sharpness by now?

Like a robot, he slides on his clothes, grabs his car keys and makes his way out of his apartment.

It was a half an hour drive from his place, a small chapel located somewhere out of town in a less bustling city. The scenery was really good, the morning sun shone and reflected back on the land of grass on the roadside. Jude falls into a daydream again, realising that he and Sharpness never really got to get married in their past life– their lives were taken from them way too early, they only got engaged.

After a while of sight-seeing, Jude arrives at the location. It was a bit early, guests hadn't arrived but he was asked to come before the event started. Sharpness wanted him to help around a bit and Jude agreed, like always.

He makes his way past the chapel doors, rows of teams decorating the inside. The entrance had a floral arch, all sorts of flowers were chosen but for some reason, Jude could see purple flowers peeking from the abundance of white and red.

Jude walks around for a while, asking around if anyone knew where the groom’s suite was– which someone thankfully goes to guide him to. Face to face with the wooden oak door, Jude gave it a hard knock. With a bit of shuffling, someone opens the door– Twirps, a good friend of Sharpness. “Oh, Jude! Just in time, Sharp was about to call ya on his phone.”

Jude chuckles as he slips past Twips, he spots Cow and Flow adjusting the collar of Sharpness, who had his back turned against Jude. “Bunny, is that you?” He turns his head around and Jude feels his airways get blocked.

Sharpness was dressed in all black, gold and red ascents decorated his suit. He held a short black veil in his hands that were fidgeting with the item, his olive eyes looking into Jude’s magenta ones. He immediately softens at the sight of the blonde, approaching him with his arms open.

Sharpness immediately gets up from his seat and swoops Jude into a bear hug, his arms wrapped around his waist. Jude wraps his own arms around Sharpness’ shoulders, leaning into the touch. “You look amazing, Sharp.”

Sharpness loosened his grip around Jude, pulling back a bit but his hands still stayed at his waist. “Speak for yourself, you got a really nice suit!” He giggles, a big smile on his face. Jude slid his hands down to Sharpness’ arm, he just smiled back at his best friend.

“Have you gotten your best man speech?” Sharpness asked, finally letting go of Jude.

He nods, reaching into his breast pocket and pulling out an envelope. “It's all right here, don't worry.” He reassured, waving it around.

Sharpness’ smile just got wider, he looked extremely happy.

“Hey, Sharp! It's almost time, guests are starting to pile in.” Flow said, readjusting his own bowtie with the help of the mirror.

Sharpness nods and quickly puts on the veil, it was a bit lopsided but Jude helped him adjust it. The blonde, Flow and Twirps went out of the room first, Cow following behind but he stopped at the door. “Jude, aren't you coming?”

“Yeah– just, give me a minute. I want to check my appearance real quick.” He replied, tucking the envelope back into his breast pocket.

Cow looks at him for a few seconds, a pitiful look on his face– he knew what Jude was going through but doesn't mention it, he gives him a nod and trails behind the groom and his other groomsmen.

The minute Cow was out of his sight, Jude reached into the pocket of his slacks. He whips out the spare envelope and gently places it on the dresser, the surface had Sharpness' name written on it. A small gift for him to read.

And with that, Jude takes his leave to the main hall.

Guests were piling into the ceremony hall, Jude stood at the front with Sharpness and the other groomsmen at the altar. Saparata’s groomsmen were standing opposite of them– Jude barely recognised any of them, they probably came from a different school or area.

Music started to queue and the chatter of guests died down, it was time for the wedding to start. The officiant walks to the podium, wishing Sharpness a congratulations on his way. Jude could tell Sharpness was on his nerves, he was about to cry– after all, it was his wedding. It was natural for him to feel an explosion of emotions.

But then why does Jude feel like crying as well?

Guests turned their heads to the entrance, where the floral arch was, as the large doors swung open gently.

As if like an angel, the morning sunlight shone behind Saparata, who stood at the entrance. His pure white suit sparked a contrast with Sharpness’ black one, his white veil reaching the floor. His heeled shoe clacks against the marble floor of the chapel, drawing in more and more attention. Holding a bouquet filled with red peonies, Saparata’s face blushed at the same colour.

He truly looked like a god.

By the time Saparata reached the altar, Sharpness had tears swelling in his eyes. Saparata gave him his hands, which Sharpness happily took them.

“If you two are ready, we shall start.” The officiant stated, before clearing his throat. “Today on this blessed morning, we are gathered to commemorate the wedding of Sharpness and Saparata. This lovely couple had spent their high-school years in a relationship so bonded that it brought them here today, to finally tie the knot.”

“If there are any, you may exchange your vows.” He continued, before handing the microphone between the couple to whoever was willing to take it.

Sharpness took it first, without sniffling he spoke; “My dearest Saparata, my moon, I am truly grateful and honoured to be the one you chose. When I first saw you in middle school, I thought you were the most interesting person in the whole world. Nobody could ever replace you and the love I have for you. I hope that our relationship will last beyond this marriage, as I love you from the moon and back.”

Wow, that hurt much more than expected for Jude.

Saparata took the microphone from Sharpness, tears streaming down his face. “My Sharpness, my sun, words can't express how much I love you. When I thought that I couldn't find love after my first relationship and when all hope was lost, you came into my life. You restored me to love again and it made me a better person, I cannot thank you enough. To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides, I love you, Sharpness.”

That catches Jude’s attention, first relationship? But he swore that Saparata had only dated Sharpness the entire time.

The officiant takes the microphone back from Saparata, before bringing it to his lips. “If there is nothing else to be said, we'll move on to the declaration.”

“Sharpness, do you take Saparata to be your lawfully wedded husband?” He asked.

Jude’s stomach churns, here comes the part that he was afraid of.

“Yes, yes I do.” Sharpness replies, he holds onto Saparata’s hand.

“And Saparata, do you take Sharpness as your lawfully wedded husband?”

Saparata nods, tears flowing down harder. “Yes, I do..”

The officiant pulls out a box, inside laying the chosen rings for both partners. Sharpness picks out a ring and slots it into Saparata’s finger, the golden material shining under the sunlight.

Saparata does the same, a silver wedding band for Sharpness.

“With that, I pronounce you as husbands, you may kiss!” The officiant said with a smile on his face.

Without a second to waste, Sharpness reaches over to hold Saparata, closing the distance between them on their lips. The crowd erupts in cheers, congratulating the newly wed couple.

Jude couldn't stand the sight anymore, he felt himself getting sick– he might just throw up. Pushing himself past the groomsmen, he rushes to the bathroom, locks himself in a stall and vomits out all of last night's dinner into the toilet.

Tears streamed down his face, Jude felt pathetic for loving Sharpness. He was a married man, he couldn't.

Jude cried in the stall alone, coughing occasionally from the rough stomach acid that burned his throat. He gripped onto the toilet seat, his ears ringing. His chest heaves in and out for air, he felt horrible.

The bathroom door swings open and the person knocks on the cubicle that Jude was in, “Jude, are you okay? I saw you rushing out earlier…” –it was Parker.

Jude just lets out a broken sob and that tells Parker everything he needs to know, “Alright, alright– I'll pick the door open, just hang in there, Jude.”

The door unlocks open without the help of Jude and Parker lets himself into the cubicle, locking the door when he is inside. Parker has a concerned face on, he takes out a handkerchief from his pocket and starts to wipe the excess vomit on Jude’s chin. “It's okay, I got you, Jude.” He reassured, rubbing circles on his back.

Jude continued to cry into Parker's shoulder, letting his friend hold onto him. Parker had to flush the toilet and clean up Jude, who was frankly still a mess. “F-Fuck, Parker! I feel horrible..”

Parker doesn't say much, he didn't need to.

A few more people entered the restroom after Parker, they all asked if Jude was okay or not– he could tell who they were, Cow, Godis and Bitzel again. Parker tells them that Jude was just going through it and asked them to look out in case anyone else were to stumble into the bathroom. Jude simply tucked himself deeper into Parker's shoulder in pure embarrassment and shame.

After a few minutes, Jude was sane enough to get back on his feet and face the public again. His eyes were swollen from crying and his voice was fried from throwing up– but he was feeling better now.

The five of them exit the bathroom, Parker trailer next to Jude cautiously, keeping an eye on the purple-haired man.

They brought him to the reception area where everyone was having their brunch, somewhere located outside the chapel– on a nice meadow field. Jude had to get his act up because it was almost time to give his best man speech.

At the front was a table for the two newly wed, they were greeting people and having even more congratulations thrown at them. Sharpness and Saparata were all bright smiles and bittersweet teary eyes– they couldn't believe that it was their special day.

Sharpness watches as the guest takes their seat and the minute he turns his head, he locks eyes with Jude. His expression immediately changes, walking all the way to where Jude was– huddled up between Parker, Cow, Godis and Bitzel.

“Jude, there you are! Where were you? You just disappeared right after the kiss, are you okay?” Sharpness asked, holding onto Jude’s arm as he inspected the man.

Jude shys his head away from the sudden attention, “Y-yeah, just wanted to get my shit up, ya'know? I cried when I saw you two exchange that kiss, it was absolutely heartfelt.” He lied through his teeth, his voice still raspy.

Sharpness’ face immediately softens at the explanation, he squeezes Jude's arm. “God, you scared me for a bit. Quickly get to your seat, reception is about to start soon.”

Jude nods, swallowing down the vomit that he felt resurface his throat.

Seats were taken and speeches began, Jude didn't bother to listen to the first few– Sharpness’ parents, Saparata’s parents, his siblings, cousins and so on. Jude was too busy fiddling with his script, he was holding down the urge to vomit again.

The only person he bothered to listen to was Saparata’s best man, a guy named Wifies.

Wifies took the microphone, taking out a small card from the pocket of his blazer. “My speech is rather simple and short, I cannot say much about Sharpness as I only met you once or twice and had only heard about you through Saparata’s rambling.” The guests chuckled at that, Saparata covered his face in embarrassment.

“But with that, I still managed to get permission from him to talk about a specific person. So, thank you Sharpness and Saparata for giving me the honour.”

He clears his throat, “I met Saparata back in elementary, when State Elementary School and Unstable Elementary used to share a building together. We met in the park, alongside someone who isn't with us today anymore, Fluixon.”

“Fluixon was a good friend of mine and the former partner of Saparata before he passed away in middle school, leaving behind a heartbroken Saparata. With facing the grief, both his and Fluixon's family decided it would be a better option for him to move to a different school. And that's where he lands himself in Strength Middle School, in which he found his now husband, Sharpness, at.” Wifies continued, looking at Saparata.

“Despite our unfortunate loss, Saparata and I continued to remain as close friends– to the point where I have been graciously blessed to be chosen as his best man.” He spoke, walking a bit on the small stage.

“My dearest friend, Saparata. I hope this marriage will bring prosperity in your life and I know that Fluixon is looking over the two of you in his spirit, I'm sure he's happy that you have managed to find someone who is good for you.” Wifies tucks the card back into his pocket, “That is all from me.”

Claps roared the entire room, Saparata had tears in his eyes as Sharpness held him. Huh, so that was what Saparata didn't tell them back in middle school.

Last but not least, it was Sharpness’ best man's turn. Jude stands up from his table and walks towards the stage, taking the microphone away from Wifies. His hands trembled as he took out the letter from the envelope, revealing a rather long letter inside.

It peaked Sharpness’ and Saparata’s interest, only now they have someone who was going to give a long speech today.

Jude brought the microphone towards his mouth to prepare himself to read the speech, but the other letter he had prepared for Sharpness lingered in his mind.

“Congratulations to the married couple, also known as my best friends, Sharpness and Saparata.” He started.

“My dearest Sharpness,”

“Let me start with how I met Sharpness and Saparata.”

“Let me tell you a secret that I have been keeping to myself for a long time.”

“I met Sharpness in elementary, it was our first day and we just so happened to be in the same class. He was an interesting kid to say the least, but we immediately clicked.”

“I haven't been honest in my speech, I actually met you in a different life. A past life if you could say. I remember your long blonde hair and those gorgeous olive eyes everywhere. We had a relationship before this life, but only I remembered it, not you.”

“Sharpness had helped me through tough times, we were always conjoined to the hip. Everyone was always asking where the other was if they saw only one of us, that was just how close we were.”

“We were much closer back then, we weren't just friends– we were lovers. We died in a war, I still remember you being stuck under rubble as you begged me to say. Which I did, I held your hand through it all and we died together. Being able to see these memories but live in a body that wasn't your just felt like torture, the universe was just torturing me.”

“Then eighth grade came around, Saparata spawned into our lives. We became friends really quickly, but the relationship between Saparata and Sharpness grew bigger than just friends. And in a blink of an eye, I found out that they had feelings for each other and were practically head over heels.”

“And because I still retained those past memories, I fell for you again. Like the time I managed to guess that you disliked bitter melon? That wasn't luck, that was from a past experience. Our eighth grade dance party? I switched with Saparata because he had told me that he liked you, it was something I still regret daily.”

“They soon revealed their relationship in junior year of high-school. I was the first to find out during a night outing together, I was ecstatic for the new couple!”

“When I found out you two were dating, my heart completely shattered into a million pieces– because I just knew that I would never stand a chance against Saparata, I knew you loved him so much. But I loved you too. That information broke everything I had in me, I didn't have the will to live anymore– but I kept pushing because if the universe gave me one last chance to have the memories of our past life, then so be it. I was meant to relive this life without you as my partner. I didn't come to junior HOCO cause I couldn't stand the thought of you kissing another man.”

“Sharpness had also come to be about the engagement. We were in our last semester of University and he called me out for lunch. He came rather late but he had his reasons– he wanted to show me the engagement ring that he had gotten for Saparata. It was a beautiful golden band with a diamond cut on the centre, I was extremely proud of Sharpness! It was a shame that I couldn't make it to their proposal.”

“When you showed me the engagement ring you had gotten for Saparata, it was reaching my breaking point day by day. Not only did I want to be the one that you married in this life, but I was engaged to you in our past life, the ring you gave Saparata was the same exact one you gave me then. I was bonded to you, I always have been. I didn't want to see you propose to another man, so I declined the invitation for you with a lie. A lie to protect myself.”

“And now, the blessed day has finally come– we all gathered here to celebrate Sharpness’ and Saparata’s wedding. I am so grateful to be able to witness this love blossom in front of me in all those years. It was truly a wonderful experience.”

“And now that you're married to him, I am no longer relevant in your life. It pains me to let you go like this, especially since I had you once in a different life. I never wanted to attend this wedding, but you're just so precious to me– I couldn't say no.”

“With that, I want to wish the two of you a blessing that your marriage will last for eternity.”

“My love for you will last an eternity, no matter how much it harms me– I will always love you, Sharpness.”

“I hope that I will always be able to keep this friendship between the three of us as long as possible.”

“By the time you're reading this, I have disappeared from your life. I have decided to leave– whether it is through death or just moving across the world away from you– I cannot keep this up any longer, my sweet Sharpness. It is killing me alive day by day, month by month, year by year.”

“—For as long as I live,”

“For as long as my memories will keep intact,”

“I will always love and care for the two of you.”

“I will always love you, my Princess.”

“With lots of love, Jude.”

“Always yours through death and sorrow, Bunny.”

“I will miss you.”

Jude and Sharpness were safe from the existence of war, but only one of them felt alive.

And it wasn’t the one who held all those past memories.

Jude had to let go this time, against all of his promises to Sharpness in his past life.