Chapter Text
When he had calmed down enough, he put his shoes on again and left the house, determined to find her. He went to the Crow Club first, but she wasn't there. Kaz raised an eyebrow at him, surprised to see him alone so late. Matthias hesitated before walking towards him, even if they had been friends for years now, Kaz was still a bit scary.
"Hi" he said a bit sheepishly. "Have you see Nina?"
"Why? Should i have?" answered Kaz with a clipped tone.
Demjin thought Matthias, before answering, "We…uh we fought and she left..i don't know where she went"
"You fought? Never thought i would see that one day" said Kaz with a snort. Was it disbelief or was he just being cynical as usual? Matthias couldn't tell.
"Don't be mean, Kaz" chastised Inej, appearing behind Matthias, soundlessly, making him jump, he would never be used to that.
Matthias turned to her, not before scowling at Kaz, and asked Inej "Do you know where she is?"
"She's safe don't worry" Inej answered gently.
"Where is she? asked Matthias again, getting desperate, he needed to know if she was okay.
"At ours" answered Inej softly, pointing her head to Kaz, "but I don't know if she wants to see you…"
"Did she tell you what happened?" asked Matthias, breathing a little better already, glad that his girlfriend was safe.
"Briefly, yeah" Inej nodded, and put a hand on Matthias' shoulder, squeezing it gently when she noticed his guilty look.
"Hey, it's okay, it's not your fault. I mean, it's not hers either but that's just something that happens, mh? Don't beat yourself over this too much." she tried to reassure him.
Matthias nodded, "Can I go see her? If she really doesn't want to talk, I'll leave her alone and go home, but i have to try at least."
"Yeah alright, you can go alone? You'll have some privacy, and I have to talk with Kaz anyway.
"Okay," answered Matthias and waved to say goodbye to them.
***
He arrived to Inej and Kaz' flat a few minutes later and knocked. A few seconds later, Nina opened the door, chuckling, and probably expecting Inej, "you know you don't have to knock, it's your- oh" she stopped, seeing Matthias. She had a baby blanket around her, and her cheeks were red from her tears. Matthias wanted to kiss them to make the pain go away.
"Hi..can i come in?" he asked instead.
"Why?"
"I just want to talk to you"
"Well maybe i don't want to talk" she said, crossing her arms.
"Nina, please" he pleaded, stepping inside, making her flinch.
"Oh" he whispered, stopping in his track. "I won't hurt you i promise, never. I never wanted to hurt you."
They both knew that it was a lie, despite all these years, the memories of this boat were still a difficult topic for them, but Nina pretended to believe it, just today. She knew that he would never hurt her again, not on purpose anyway.
"Okay…" she said eventually, stepping aside, letting him come in.
They stood awkwardly in front of each other before Nina started crying.
"Oh darling…" Matthias said, "can i hug you?"
When Nina nodded, he wrapped his arms around her, putting his head on top of hers.
"I'm sorry" she whispered
"Don't be. You have nothing to apologize for", reassured Matthias
"But I do..." she weakly argued
Matthias shook his head and lifted her chin to kiss her nose softly.
"I think we need to talk, mostly, what do you think?", he asked, gently
"Yeah that's probably for the best" sighed Nina, pulling away but staying in Matthias' personal space.
"Do you think we can sit on the couch or Kaz will yell at us?" joked Matthias lightly, hoping to ease off some of the tension.
Nina chuckled, "well i don't know for Kaz but Inej said it was okay so…"
"Mmh okay, we all know that she's the boss in their relationship anyway" Matthias answered, making Nina snort, then leading her to the couch, still holding her hand. Nina sat cross-legged, facing him.
"Okay so.." they both started, chuckling, and Matthias motioned her to start.
"I'm sorry for how I acted today, I know you said that I didn't have to apologize but I feel like I should. I should have explained you what was the issue directly instead of creating all this mess. I should have done better, and I'm sorry.
Matthias squeezed her hand, rubbing his hand in the soft part of the back of her hand, taking her words as if he was drinking them, and smiled at her. Nina smiled back and he started speaking.
"I'm gonna be honest, I don't really understand what happened. I mean, I understand some of the stuff you said," he specified, both of them grimacing at the memory, "but I don't know what caused it, could you explain to me please?"
Nina looked embarrassed now, "oh… i just .. i was just wondering why you never fight back whenever we argue. I mean, i know that sometimes I'm gonna say something and and you'll agree immediately, even when you probably don't actually do?"
"How is that a problem? asked Matthias genuinely confused. "Most of the time it's not important stuff, so there is no point in getting worked up.
"because I want you to feel comfortable contradicting me, you know? Even if it's about who forgot to do the dishes or something as silly as that"
"But…I'm afraid of what I'll do if i actually get angry", he mumbled.
"What was that?"
"I'm scared to lose my temper, I don't want to lose my temper, or like yell at you and making you scared, not after-"
"Oh" Nina cut him, her mouth opening in understanding, but she quickly continued "you won't though, you never did, and i doubt you will. I trust you Matthias, and i feel safe with you"
"You don't know that. You can't know that for sure", he argued, ignoring her last words.
"Alright" she said gently, instead of arguing with him. If it was Matthias' belief, it would take more than one conversation to convince him otherwise. "What can we do then?"
"Hm?"
"if we're fighting, what can we do to release the tension?" she specified.
"I mean…" said Matthias, wriggling his eyebrows, winking at her.
"Shut up" she groaned, throwing a cushion a him. "But more seriously, maybe if we disagree on something, we can talk about it calmly? And I'll make sure to ask your opinion every time. You know like fighting the issue together, instead of fighting each other"
"You sound like those couple counseling things" said Matthias, rolling his eyes playfully.
"Hey! I think that it could work honestly." defended Nina.
"okay then, we can try that.
They both smiled, and Nina untangled her legs, joining Matthias on the side of the couch, laying herself on his chest. They stayed like that for a while, just listening to each other's breathing.
That's the time Kaz and Inej chose to come home. Inej chuckled, saying something about not expecting them to still be here, and Kaz grumbled,"people have lost their mind".
"We aren't doing anything" laughed Nina, hiding her face in Matthias' chest.
"Move, I wanna seat" said kaz, rolling his eyes.
All of them giggled, while Kaz was just glaring at them, but Nina and Matthias did stood up, letting Kaz sit and stretch his leg.
"We"re gonna go anyway I think?" said Nina, turning to Matthias for his approval.
"Yeah, thanks for leaving us your flat" Matthias said, giving inej a grateful smile.
She smiled back, and they said their goodbyes, Nina and Matthias heading to the door. As they were walking outside, swinging their joined hands between their bodies, they were mostly silent, just enjoying each other's company.
They raced in the stairs, and Matthias let Nina win, earning a playful dirty look. When they were inside their flat, she led him by the sleeve to their bedroom wordlessly, but they didn't go as far, Matthias stopping them at the entrance of the room to kiss her, putting his hand delicately in her hair.
"I love you so so much" he whispered.
"I love you so much too" she answered, whispering back, pulling away a little to look into Matthias' deep blue eyes.
They stayed like that for a while, just hugging and appreciating each other's scent.
Eventually, they moved to the bed, and they fell asleep quickly, holding onto each other.