Chapter Text
Kuroo left Tsukishima’s apartment and was back down on the street before he realized he was running. His hands were trembling as he clicked through his phone, his feet thudding against the pavement. It rang as he turned a corner, nearly losing his footing. It rang as he sprinted with all his might, his legs starting to ache but not stopping. It rang as Kuroo reached the front steps of Bokuto’s building, and finally, there was a click as the phone was answered.
“T-tetsurou?”
“Open your door,” Kuroo panted, leaning over as he tried to regain his breath and stop his body from shaking.
“What?”
“Your front door. Let me in. Please.”
There was silence over the line for a few moments, only broken by Kuroo’s attempts to calm his breath.
Kuroo heard movement and then a buzz from the front door. He ripped it open, dashing up the steps to Bokuto’s apartment. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, drowning out any other sound. He wasn’t sure if or when he had hung up his phone, but it was no longer in his hand. He only stopped when he was right outside Bokuto’s apartment door, his chest hurting and short of breath.
The door opened without him needing to knock.
There was a moment, when their eyes first met, that Kuroo swore all the air in the building vanished. It was suffocating, staring at Bokuto as he stared back. Kuroo didn’t notice the puffiness of his eyes; didn’t notice how short Bokuto’s hair was now, or how pale his skin was. He didn’t notice himself move forward, his arms reaching out.
It had been two weeks since Kuroo had kissed Bokuto, and as soon as their lips met it was like a breath of life for him. The kiss was wet, Bokuto all but sobbing as his arms wrapped tightly around Kuroo's shoulders as if holding on for dear life. He wanted Bokuto to never let go, to hold him tight like that until they couldn't breathe from kissing each other over and over again.
Maybe it was selfish of him to want that after all he’d done.
“Kou,” Kuroo managed to say as Bokuto's mouth refused to leave his. “I'm-”
“Sorry,” Bokuto finished his thought, pulling back but continued pressing small kisses to his lips again and again. “I'm sorry, Tetsu. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
Kuroo moved them into the apartment, his arms holding Bokuto tightly, and managed to push the door shut behind them. He kissed Bokuto again, long and slow, before forcing himself to pull away.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing,” he breathed, looking at Bokuto's shoulder rather than his face. “I… I made a mistake. I don't expect you to forgi-”
“You're already forgiven.” Bokuto stated it as if it was fact. “You were forgiven before you ever left.”
It hurt more than Kuroo had expected it to. He had expected yelling, expected them to fight. But as usual, Bokuto was too good for him. And he'd almost lost that.
Kuroo’s breath hitched and before he could stop himself he left out a small sob and buried his face into Bokuto’s shoulder. If he was being honest, he really needed Bokuto to yell.
“I'm sorry, Koutaro.”
“I told you, you're forgi-”
“ Please ,” Kuroo pleaded, pulling back to look at him fully, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Please let me apologize to you.”
He let the request hang in the air, needing Bokuto to understand how badly he wanted to say he was sorry. Bokuto’s face had scrunched up a bit, like it always did when he was thinking hard, and Kuroo stayed silent, letting him gather his thoughts.
“I don’t want you to apologize,” he said after a few moments, still holding Kuroo close to him, his grip tight as if afraid to let go. “What I want.. No, what I think.. What I deserve is an explanation. Yeah. I want to know why.”
Kuroo could easily picture Akaashi telling him what to say, whispering in his ear not to let Kuroo off so easily after what he’d done. But this time, Kuroo didn’t feel the need to defend himself against it. Akaashi was right, had been right from the beginning; Bokuto deserved an explanation.
But he still didn’t quite know what to say.
“Let’s sit down,” he suggested, buying himself a bit more time before he had to try to string together all the thoughts in his head. “Maybe make some coffee?”
Bokuto’s face went a bit red and he glanced down at the floor. “Can’t make coffee.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t have any mugs…”
“None? I thought you had a ton.”
“They broke,” Bokuto said flatly.
There was a pause as Kuroo registered what he’d said. He couldn’t stop himself from letting out a small laugh. “All of them?” he asked, taking a step to move them closer to the couch.
“Don’t laugh! The last one I just dropped by accident…” Bokuto pouted.
“Your poor kitchen,” Kuroo laughed again and shook his head.
Bokuto gave him a sheepish smile and finally loosened his grip, stepping away from Kuroo enough for them to both sit down on the couch. They sank a bit into the worn cushions, their shoulders pressed up against each other.
They sat in silence, Kuroo’s hands clasped tightly in his lap. He’d come running when Bokuto called. Hadn’t even thought about what he was doing, just ran as fast as he could back to him. And now that he was here, they had to talk, had to sort this out because Kuroo didn’t think he’d be able to handle leaving knowing that they couldn’t fix this. But how? What was he supposed to say?
Bokuto’s hand touched his and Kuroo jumped, looking up at him with wide eyes. Bokuto nodded towards their hands and opened his own, fingers separated, asking for Kuroo’s. Their fingers laced together and Bokuto rubbed his thumb over Kuroo’s lightly.
“Take your time,” he whispered, his voice still wavering a bit despite how still his hands were. Kuroo just stared at him, sitting there patiently as if they had all the time in the world. Maybe they did.
“How can you forgive me just like that?” Kuroo asked. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Kou. I wouldn't even forgive me. Or I’d at least make me work for it, but you just-”
“Well that's easy. It's because I love you, Tetsu.”
Bokuto smiled, and Kuroo was sure the room lit up around them as he did. It was the best smile, the one from high school when he'd won a match, from college when he'd had too much to drink, from three years ago when they first said ‘I love you’. It had been just as easy for Bokuto to say it then as it was now. No hesitation at all, just that beaming smile and charm he’d always had.
“I love you too, Kou.”
Kuroo couldn’t smile as widely, couldn’t light up the room the same way Bokuto could, but it didn’t make it any less true. He loved him, more and more everyday, especially the days when they were apart. He loved him with all his heart. He’d never stopped. He couldn’t have stopped even if he tried.
“Do you think we can talk then? About what happened? Because I still just don’t get it.”
Kuroo took a deep breath, and started talking.
“You can be a lot, Kou. And most of the time it was fine, I actually really love it when you’re a lot, but sometimes I needed you to not be. I needed time to focus on me and shit I was dealing with, but you never seemed to notice when things were wrong. And it started to feel like you just didn’t care at all. It was like my problems didn’t matter.”
“But you never told me when you had problems.”
“I know, I realized that. I guess I just expected you to know.”
“How though? I’m not like one of those mind reader people.”
Kuroo couldn’t help but laugh a little, both at mind reader people and at the fact that Tsukishima had basically told him the same thing earlier that night.
Sounds like you’re just punishing him until he understand something that you won’t explain to him.
“I know. But at the time I guess I was too frustrated to think about it like that. I mean, you would just complain about stupid stuff like practices or whatever and-”
“Sorry,” Bokuto cut in over him. “I know you hate it when I interrupt you but I think I understand what you’re saying. And I know I just talked over you but can I say something without you interrupting me?” Bokuto paused, waiting for Kuroo to respond. He nodded, knowing they’d get nowhere if he didn’t listen. “I know that I can be a lot to handle sometimes and that I complain about things that seem stupid to you. But you know, they’re not stupid to me. I knew you hated when I complain about practice but practice can get frustrating and if I didn’t at least vent a little I was gonna end up hating it. And I didn’t want to hate it, because I love it. I needed that, for me. And so, if we’re gonna do this again - which I really, really hope we are - you have let me complain about it. And you have to be able to vent to me too, okay? Even if it’s about me. Because I don’t want you to end up hating me again.”
Kuroo took a moment to take that all in. Bokuto may have never realized when things were wrong from him, but he never realized just how much Bokuto needed him to know he wasn’t always okay either. He’d been selfish, again. But he could fix that.
“I never hated you,” Kuroo assured him, squeezing Bokuto’s hand tightly.
“Okay but you left me and that sucked and I don’t want you to do it again,” Bokuto laughed, almost covering up the crack in his voice. “It sucked so much, Tetsu. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I think Akaashi was getting tired of me calling him fifteen times a day since he said I wasn’t allowed to call you.”
Kuroo squeezed his hand, wondering if Bokuto would believe him if he said how much it sucked for him too.
“I know what you mean. I called Tsukishima,” Kuroo laughed. Bokuto’s eyes widened and his head whipped around so fast Kuroo was sure he must have given himself whiplash. He spoke again before Bokuto had the chance. “He was just as unhappy to hear from me as you’d think, but we went and got a drink.”
“Tsukki actually agreed to be in your presence?”
“I was shocked too,” Kuroo smiled. “But it was awkward. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Bokuto was quiet for a second, and Kuroo could practically see the gears turning in his head. He waited, letting Bokuto figure out what he wanted to say.
“Well I guess I win then,” Bokuto said with a firm nod.
Kuroo smiled. “You win.”
“I always won against Tsukki anyway.”
“That’s true. Ever since high school.”
“Remember when I spiked it really hard and I almost hit him in the face?”
“Yeah, he complained about it for about six months. I swear he said your name more than he said mine.”
Bokuto laughed and leaned into Kuroo’s side, putting his head on his shoulder.
"Speaking of high school,” Bokuto started, “do you remember when Konoha told us we should date? I remember it. I remember thinking 'No way, I could never date him . That’s ridiculous. He's my best friend.' And besides, you were totally into Tsukki back then. But then flash forward four years, and I couldn't even imagine what it was like not dating you. And I didn't have to imagine it for such a long time, and that was awesome.”
Bokuto paused, and Kuroo looked at him. He was staring ahead, a smile still splayed across his face and a flush in his cheeks.
It was a really charming smile.
“Two weeks seems like nothing, you know? Compared to three years. But man, those weeks freaking sucked. Worst than when we had that really bad flu, do you remember? When I was really sick and then you got sick and neither of us could even get out of bed and Akaashi had to come bring us food cause we were dying?”
“I remember,” Kuroo breathed with a laugh. “He got sick right after we got better and he wanted to kill us.”
“Yeah, yeah. Worse than that.”
Kuroo couldn’t wait any longer. That smile and those lips were too appealing in that moment to stop himself. He turned, pushing Bokuto off him enough for him to lean in and press their lips together. He had two weeks worth of kisses to make up for, and he sort of wanted to make them all up tonight.
“We’re really going to fix this, right?” Bokuto asked against Kuroo’s lips, arms around his waist as he tugged Kuroo up into his lap.
“I promise we will.”