Archive of Our Own

Dear viewers, you must be wondering what a typical day is like for your favorite TV host. What does he do? What does he eat? What’s his morning routine? Well, we’re going to answer all your questions today because we’re going to follow our star! And that way, we’ll find out what the routine of our number one host is like!

To be honest, I don’t think that came across very convincingly. I need to try again... I wonder what people are looking for? Maybe it needs more ★excitement★?  

Everything seemed so much easier when I was still up there. I think spending all this time at the Dump has left me rusty (literally and metaphorically, hehe). Besides, things have changed a lot. The world has moved on, and I feel like I’m falling behind in a way. I just wanted to get back on stage, do what feels right to me.  

Now all I can do is train for when I become a famous host again; I need to work really hard to be as good as Mettaton. No... Better than Mettaton!!! So, I decided to write an autobiography/documentary for when my fame is at its peak, and people wonder how their favorite TV personality went from obscurity to fame, from fame to the trash heap, and back to fame. I can already hear the cheers of the crowd  

So how about we start this with:  

Our star’s day begins by waking up to the sound of the waterfalls at Waterfall.  

No, that’s not it yet...  

How about:  

How to make the most of the day: by Mr. (Ant) Tenna  

Perfect!  

But I need to write about my daily life... What’s my daily life like? 

Today I woke up when someone threw a package down the waterfall and it hit me in the chest. It wasn’t heavy enough to hurt me, but it gave me quite a scare. So, I looked to see what was inside the box, and there was old paper, magazines, some crumbling books… And there was a scrap of electrical tape. Maybe that’ll work to tie up my loose cables.  

The first thing I do every day? I put my cables back in their place, but that can’t go in the documentary about my daily life. I say that because, let’s face it, what TV host walks around all broken and rusty? I’m a bit clumsy, I know. But we’re working on it. Today I’m much better off than when I first got here.  

When I arrived, I didn’t even have anything to wear. I was lying among other things that had been thrown away. I used to work in a TV studio, my body was created by humans to help them with their productions and be a supporting character on a fun little show. And I loved all of that. But from one day to the next, I was here: outdated, abandoned, alone among piles of trash. It’s just human nature to do that kind of thing to others.  

Well, why dwell on dark times when I have such wonderful memories to think about? Spamton has helped me a lot since I met him. At first, he seemed like a skittish cat, he wouldn’t even come close enough. But now he fixes my broken parts with his own little hands. I can even walk decently since he got me a crutch (my right leg still needs a major repair).  

Cables sorted (I won’t include that in the script), I do my second favorite activity: writing a letter to Mettaton.  

I love his show. It has everything! Mettaton is the most creative monster in the whole Underground. He makes you roll with laughter after making you cry a river of tears. Their shows aren’t even that long, but when I watch them, I savor every moment, and then 40 minutes turn into 3 hours.  

Yesterday’s show was a continuation of Tuesday’s. It was about a cowboy facing all the hardships of the drought in the West, and then he meets a young lady… It’s so beautiful and melancholic. He loves her, but he can’t provide for her, so her parents marry her off to a rich guy. But the rich guy was a jerk who made the poor girl suffer. Mettaton was playing the cowboy, and the girl... and the rich guy too. He’s so talented!  

See, back when I was still up there and humans loved me, I used to get letters like these all the time. Many of them say how fun I was, others with questions, and a few more with suggestions for new games. And I know better than anyone how good it feels to be loved by those you work hard for. So why not give Mettaton a little bit of attention? I’m sure he’ll love it.  

After writing the letter, I tidy up the Dump. And today in particular, while I was cleaning, I was thinking about the script for the documentary of my life. I put the cans next to the nails and screws, the bottle caps, and the rusty cutlery. Everything made of paper went next to the metals, and what was made of plastic went on the opposite side. I put all the glasses in a cardboard box to prevent accidents. I collect fabric to make clothes and patches... And then, within an hour or two, my house is all clean.  

Then it’s time for his visit. 

Spamton is always very punctual. I already knew he was coming, so I walked toward the entrance to the Dump. And there he was, in his small frame, walking slowly and calmly, his mailbag swinging, his hat perfectly perched on his black hair, despite his worn-out clothes. He’s like music, brightening the atmosphere and drawing you in with his smile, with his unique way of being...  

– Spamton! – I called from a distance.  

And what better way to welcome a friend than with a hug? Let me tell you a secret about my Spammy: he LOVES hugs (the really tight kind). But I think this time I might have hugged him too tight because I felt his little hands asking me to let him go. And so, I did.  

I could tell from his expression that things weren’t going well at work. To be honest, one of the reasons I send letters every day is to give Spammy something to do. He tries hard to be a good mailman, but how is anyone supposed to do that job if there are no letters? I could send the letters all at once, just once a week. However, Spamton seems to enjoy delivering the letters. In fact, he always looks very pleased when he does anything for me. He’s a guy who shows affection through actions.  

I like his style; he’s so small he looks like a doll compared to me. Actually, he’s shaped like a marionette (I find that extremely interesting to myself). His joints can turn in every direction, he’s so flexible. The texture of his skin is somewhere between wood and plastic, but his hair looks like feathers for some reason (it’s cute). But, on the other hand, he has a complicated temperament. He’s generally calm, but that’s just a facade (anything can make Spamton lose his temper). All it takes is a pencil falling a little way from him, and he yells at the pencil itself, as if the inanimate object were to blame.  

I like him... I like him a lot, to be honest...  

We chat back and forth, I hand him the letter, and he leaves. We agree to bet on Napstablook’s snail race again, we do this pretty much every day to see who gets to keep the radio. I don’t care about the radio, what I really love is the time we spend together. After the bet, we walk through the echoing flower fields here in Waterfall; we talk, eat something, laugh a little... it’s always so perfect.  

However, sometimes I find myself thinking that when Asgore opens the barrier, maybe Spamton will leave me. Every time I think about it, my internal system starts racing in a way that’s not fun at all. Maybe that’s what humans call anxiety. It’s just that every time something big happens, there are people who suffer the consequences, and I don’t feel like going through that again.  

I shook my head to push the bad thoughts away and looked for something to do. 

I lay down on a bed of flowers right here beside me. With paper and pencil in hand, I continued writing about my life. Of course, in the documentary I mentioned Spamton; I recounted some of our silliest adventures. Despite everything, I knew how to make the most of the day with what little I had, and that was enough for me. 

At some point, furious shouts, curses, and complaints (almost inaudible because he was so angry) erupted. And it was all coming toward my house. I went outside and found Dummy, my neighbor, who looked like he was about to have a stroke from sheer rage.  

– TENNA, YOU TOOK THEM!!! – said Stress Inc. himself, coming toward me.  

– Dummy, what are you talking about?  

– MY Dummy Bots, you took them! – Oh, he was talking about those little things that look like him, only smaller...  

– Sorry, I didn’t take any of your Dummy Bots. 

– It’s Dummy BOTs, and I KNOW you took them! I left them near your house and now they’re NOT THERE ANYMORE!  

– I swear I didn’t see any of them near my house today... Maybe they just turned themselves on and went for a walk. Who knows? Why don’t we look for them together? – I tried to calm him down.  

– YOU’RE A THIEF AND YOU’RE LYING TO ME! They don’t turn on by themselves! Besides, we’re the ONLY two people here, and if it wasn’t me, it must have been YOU!!!  

I’m not one to hate anyone, but Dummy is one of the few things that can make me extremely nervous and anxious. He never listens, he yells, he accuses, and when he realizes he’s wrong, he walks away without apologizing... he’s difficult, to say the least. 

– It wasn’t me, I didn’t steal anything of yours.  

– YES, YOU DID!!! YOU STOLE IT!!! – By this point, he was just screaming like a maniac. – I’M GOING TO GET IT BACK EVEN IF I HAVE TO USE FORCE!  

For a moment, I thought that mannequin was going to jump on me; I even shrugged my shoulders.  

And right in front of me appeared a little creature, in that friendly mailman’s uniform.  

– Listen here, you nutcase, if Tenna said he didn’t take it, it’s because HE DIDN’T TAKE IT! – It was Spammy. Of course I could defend myself, but why complain?  

– Tenna’s pretty doll is here, GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PLASTIC TOY! This is between him and me. – Spamton’s cheeks, which were already red, turned even brighter at being called my “pretty doll.”  

– COWARD! Yelling at him like he’s the worst person in the Underground, when did Tenna ever steal anything from you? Huh?  

Dummy was silent for a moment.  

– Nothing explains my missing Bots. I was fixing my missies, so I put the Bots in a box near his house, and then, when I came back… THEY WERE GONE.  

– AHH, AND JUST BECAUSE OF THAT IT’S TENNA’S FAULT?  

– WE’RE THE ONLY ONES HERE!!! NO ONE COMES TO THE DUMP!!! 

– I KNOW, but I’m also absolutely certain it wasn’t Tenna.  

I can’t explain how I was feeling, but I was definitely happy to see Spamton defend me like that. And it’s not the first time he’s done this. Every now and then Dummy finds an excuse to pick a fight with me, and whenever Spammy sees it, he comes to yell at the mannequin for me. Like that time some monsters tried to take my stuff, he fought for me too, or when the librarian was questioning me about a missing book… I mean, she wasn’t even accusing me, she just asked if I knew anything, and Spamton came over and said I’d never do that and stuff.  

And when Spamton starts making a big fuss like that, I can’t help but laugh. It’s so silly and, in a way, so passionate... It makes my legs weak, and my mechanical heart rejoices at his antics.  

– Oh yeah? THEN WHY DON’T YOU GO LOOK IN HIS HOUSE YOURSELF? YOU’LL SEE THERE’S NOTHING OF YOURS THERE! – Spamton shouted and walked off toward my house. Dummy ran to keep up with him.  

– WHEN I FIND MY DUMMY BOTS, I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOU BOTH! – I just sighed as I watched Dummy run toward my house.  

And I went along to make sure those two didn’t mess everything up. 

Let’s be clear: this whole situation is pretty stupid. Maybe it’s because I’m so tall, but from where I’m standing, it looks like two ants fighting over something I definitely didn’t take. And it’s funny how this kind of thing seems to only happen to me, seriously, I’ve never seen Shyren get into a fight, or that Snowdrake having to break up a fight between two Ice Caps…  

I think we spent a whole hour looking for those little robots without any luck. We searched every inch of my part of the Dump just to find out that only my personal belongings were here, yet Dummy didn’t seem satisfied. Spamton went around showing every corner of the house to prove to the mannequin that I hadn’t stolen anything.  

– I still don’t believe you! – Dummy started staring at me.  

– We searched the whole house, you can see there’s nothing of yours here – I said. 

– I’M GOING TO FIND THEM – He raised his voice. – THEY HAVE TO BE HERE. 

– Are you sure you looked thoroughly on your side of the Dump? – I asked.  

– ARE YOU SAYING I’M SLOPPY? THAT I DIDN’T LOOK PROPERLY?! 

– No, no, no… I’m just saying that maybe you left them somewhere else… 

– I KNOW WHAT I DID!!! – He growled as he approached me. – You and your pretty doll are messing with me, you put them somewhere else! –  

Spamton was rummaging through some boxes and drawers when he suddenly turned toward us. But I had the impression that I saw him put something in his bag before he came over. My Spammy arrived with a scowl on his face, it looked like smoke was about to come out of his knuckles, and his cheeks were now red as fire.  

– Listen here, Dummy, we all saw that THERE’S NOTHING OF YOURS HERE. So why don’t you just leave?  

– I’m not leaving until I get my Dummy Bots back  

– Seriously, Dummy, get out of here before I drag you out. There’s nothing here, you saw it yourself, go look for them again at your place... – Then I saw a mischievous smile form on Spammy’s face – Or maybe they just ran away from you...  

Why do they have to be like this??? What’s so hard about having a civilized conversation? AND WHY DID THEY HAVE TO COME FROM EVERY CORNER TO FIGHT INSIDE MY HOUSE?!?!  

– Say that again – Dummy said.  

– I said your bots ran away from you. Come on, who wants to be around someone as “unstable” as you? – And the smile grew.  

– WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO, PRETTY DOLL?!  

– DON’T CALL ME THAT!  

And there they were, both on the floor, tearing each other apart...  

– What’s the matter? Don’t like it? But you’re the one who gets all all over the old TV, following it up and down...  

With no choice, I stepped closer to them to break up this senseless fight. But then, a tiny thing darted past outside.  

– Look! It’s one of the Dummy Bots! – I pointed.  

The two of them looked at the little thing running in a zigzag.  

– Don’t let it get away, Tenna! – Spamton shouted.  

I tried to run, but because of my leg, I couldn’t catch up to the Bot. Then the Dummy managed to wriggle out from under Spamton to chase after his Bot. The other one followed right behind, and I trailed after them as best I could. We made our way to the field of echoing flowers where we found a group of Bots playing tag.  

It’s not the kind of thing you see every day.  

– Ahh, so that’s where they were. – I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.  

– See, Dummy, they weren’t with Tenna. – Spamton narrowed his eyes at the dummy.  

– Shut up! – Dummy wasn’t going to admit he was wrong; he was just going to pretend nothing happened and walk off with a scowl, as usual.  

The little figures were running and having fun, jumping and rolling among the flowers.  

– FORM A LINE, YOU LITTLE DEVILS! GO HOME!  

Dummy yelled at his Dummy Bots and made them form a small, cute single file line. Then he stood at the front of the line, and the Bots followed the mannequin (though they didn’t seem happy about it. I felt sorry for them.)  

It was just the two of us left in the field of flowers. Spamton’s arms were crossed with utter stubbornness, and he didn’t even want to look at my screen. But it was okay; it was something I was already used to dealing with. I took a deep breath and put my hand on his shoulder.  

“Hey, forget about the bet. Let’s just take a walk for now, since we’re already here...”  

It might have been a little selfish of me, but all I wanted at that moment was Spamton’s attention.