Chapter Text
They lie in silence for a few minutes as Erin pulls up a meditation and starts it. They're about two minutes in when Holtzmann rolls out of bed awkwardly.
"Gotta go to the bathroom," she explains quietly.
Then something flickers across her face and Erin sits up, all too aware of how difficult it is to face even basic tasks alone when she's anxious.
"You need company?"
Holtz nods mutely.
Erin slides out of bed and gently laces her fingers through Holtz's. "C'mon. I got you, honey."
Holtzmann squeezes her hand gratefully as they make their way down the hall to the bathroom.
Erin reaches in and switches on the light in the bathroom before Holtz goes inside. She smiles softly. "You don't need me for this part, right?" she checks, a half-smile on her lips. Holtz shakes her head and shuts the door.
Erin makes herself scarce – her stomach is always upset when she's anxious and she doesn't want Holtz to be embarrassed. She hasn't seen her friend eat anything since yesterday, so she slips down to the kitchen. She finds some plain crackers and an apple for Holtz.
Holtz is leaning on the bathroom doorframe, pale and shaking.
"Are you okay?" Erin puts an arm around her shoulders, scared that she's going to fall over right then and there.
"Just… not feeling so great," she responds breathily.
"Have you eaten today?" Erin admonishes her gently.
"I was sick all day-" She stops short, obviously embarrassed.
"My stomach always plays up when I'm anxious, too." Erin kisses her forehead lightly, still trying to get Holtz to realize that she gets it, she understands. "I do think you need some food though," she adds.
Holtzmann grimaces at that. "I really don't think that's a good idea."
"You look like you're about to faint!" Erin whispers. "Some plain crackers and apple won't upset your stomach anymore, I promise. Come on." She laces her fingers in Holtz's and leads her back to the bedroom. Holtzmann sits on the bed, staring at her feet, as Erin bustles and switches on a lamp and sits beside her.
She offers Holtz a cracker. Holtz takes it and puts it in her mouth, chewing slowly. She relaxes a little after a moment, and takes another one. Erin watches as she eats some apple too. Once she's finished her head drops to her chest and she just sits there robotically, staring at her twisting hands.
"Let's lie down," Erin says, gently guiding Holtzmann. Right now it seems like she's coming down, tired out from her over-emotional night. Erin rubs her back gently. "I'm here for you," she whispers.
"I just need to be held by someone who gets it," Holtz whispers back, looking away from Erin.
"I can do that." Erin pulls her friend against her, trying to provide a steady space in a world that's been too harsh.
***
Erin wakes up first, and is surprised that Holtzmann is still there. She's rolled away during the night, and is drooling on the other side of Erin's pillow. Erin smiles. At least she eventually slept. Erin had been worried that they'd be up all night before she calmed down.
Erin stretches out and clicks her back. Holtzmann opens her eyes.
"Morning," Erin says softly.
"Oh jeez-" Holtzmann yawns widely. "Morning."
"How are you feeling?" Erin asks, looking her friend up and down.
"I should go," Holtzmann says, not answering the question. She rubs the sleep from her eyes.
"What?" Erin blinks in shock.
"I was so stupid last night," Holtzmann says.
"Huh?" Erin rubs her eyes, confused.
"Last night-" Holtzmann kicks off the blankets and struggles out of bed. "You shouldn't have let me interrupt your night, I was fine." She crosses her arms across her chest, unwilling to meet Erin's eyes in the harsh light of day.
Erin groans, rubbing her eyes. "It's too early for drama, Holtzmann. You've helped me through enough, you know? I'm here for you." She hopes she's strung together enough words to get her point across, but it's early in the morning and she's not particularly coherent.
Holtzmann deflates a little. "I'm sorry. I just feel like I need to be strong."
"You are strong, Holtzy," Erin says quietly. "Come back to bed."
Holtzmann sighs, half-shrugging. "Thanks, Er. I think I need to be alone, though."
Erin's eyes soften. "Okay. I'm just through the wall if you need me," she reassures her.
"I know now," Holtz says, smiling. She waves and blows a kiss as she pads out the door.
***
"When I said… if you needed me… I meant… oh shit-" Erin gasps as Holtzmann lays kisses on her pulse point.
"Say the word and I'll stop," Holtzmann smirks against her cheek.
"Fuck me," Erin responds, and Holtzmann does.