Chapter Text
[Bailley Tech Support]
{6:32 TUE}
PhilAltiere: we've been hacked
PhilAltiere: by someone in dabney.
Cecil Bergoch: so i was right?
PhilAltiere: not quite; our hackers found that Ray been the one to do this, or rather, Ray's gauntlet did.
PhilAltiere: dabney glitch techs were all having a movie marathon and ray had forgotten her gauntlet at her dormitory.
PhilAltiere: its likely someone stole it.
PhilAltiere: technically both you and Zahra are right, a dangerous someone has hacked us and we assume they're planning to leak hinobi secrets
MitchFTW: they were having a movie marathon. at 10 in the morning??
PhilAltiere: that's the thing you're focused on? not the hacker?
MitchFTW: yes phil I'm more focused about their movie marathon than the hacker
MitchFTW: no phil i'm panicking about the loss of an income and the thousands of memory resets all hinobi employees would likely go through so I'm letting myself have the distraction okay?
PhilAltiere: fine. @everyone lookout and capture of the hacker will come with enough xp to make Mitch level up by 3 and we know how his level is higher than any of you so.. a possible 9 to 11 levels for the average joe. and a raise of 5 dollars.
MitchFTW has muted Hinobi Bailley Division: Tech Support
Rashid has muted Hinobi Bailley Division: Tech Support
Hi_5: uh @PhilAltiere Miko can't help because she's visiting her grandma she says she'll be gone for the week
PhilAltiere: keep her updated on the situation
PhilAltiere: you can partner up with haneesh in the meantime, bergy and nix are teamed up already.
HanYeesh!!: NO ZAHRA I MISS YOU
HanYeesh!!: COME BACK YOURE NOT A MORNING PERSON
Hi_5: oh so u hate me
HanYeesh!!: NOO ZAHRA :((((((
HanYeesh!!: Five do you want to check around Bailley or we just go straight to Dabney?
PhilAltiere: just remember to upload the footage here. thanks kids
Investigation_20241203_Bailley_01
[December 3, 6:48. Footage starts with Glitch Techs Mitch Williams and Rashid inside company issued van. Rashid is the one driving as Mitch Williams is taking medication. It is quiet for 23 minutes until Rashid asks "Why is BITT here?". "I forgot to put BITT back in his charger port is that so bad?" Mitch Williams answers. It takes them 1 second to realise a semi truck crashing into them. For a split second panic is within the small confines of the van but both have reaction times better than the average person and so Mitch Williams and Rashid both shield eachother from the impact. Evidently they do not care about me.
Investigation_20241203_Bailley_02
[December 3, 7:21. Footage starts with Glitch Techs Mitch Williams and Rashid outside company issued van. Rashid is the one checking the damage as Mitch Williams is Reseting the semi truck driver. It is quiet save for the rustle of leaves and occasional sighs of both Glitch Techs. "Zahra have you any idea on what to do if the van is totalled?" comes from a dispasionate Mitch Williams who has knocked out the driver and plans to stage a crash with the trees. "Nothing on the manual, ask Five." Rashid answers, using her gauntlet to lift the van. A wolf whistle is heard from the Glitch Tech as she assesses the damage. All is well for 5 minutes when Mitch Williams, finally done from his task, starts making his way towards the van. Hopefully they don't leave me on the road. Another 10 minutes is used before the have the van up and running. Just as they enter the van, they pause before shouting "BITT!" and running towards me. Rashid picks me up while Mitch Willaims' hand is on my head.
Investigation_20241203_Bailley_03
[December 3, 7:51. Footage starts with Glitch Techs Mitch Williams and Rashid inside the company issued van- brand new from PlixelCraft. Rashid is the one on the passenger seat as Mitch Williams is driving. It is quiet save for Rashid's music taste playing on the car stereo. "Why do you have two head units? And why does one of them accept cassettes?" asks Rashid as Mitch Williams is turning. "Nix added them." Mitch answers, flipping off another driver as he's cutting lanes. Rashid is now more confused rather than enlightened. Silence comes back despite California Gurls playing on the stereo, before someone on the road abruptly stops driving, causing the two to start cursing the driver before the loud, sharp report of a firearm is heard from inside said car. Rashid and Mitch Williams make an effort to cover my front cameras which causes them to briefly touch hands. Rashid sneered while Mitch Williams gagged.
Investigation_20241203_Bailley_04
[December 3, 8:24. Footage starts with Glitch Techs Mitch Williams and Rashid on the outskirts of town. I am at 90% of battery and state this. Mitch Williams gets 2 power banks as Rashid quietly watches with a bewildered silence. 10 minutes of extensive searching of the forest and Rashid texts Mitch Williams.
[MitchyMitchyPooBear & Zahra]
{8:35 TUE}
MitchyMitchyPooBear: what
MitchyMitchyPooBear: why is my name like. that.Don't question it.:Zahra
I just have a hypothetical:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: what is it?
Can someone with haneesh and five's skill trees beat the warden from minecraft?:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: you're asking me if someone who has allocated most of their points to support
MitchyMitchyPooBear: and another guy who's like that but he's more inexperienced
MitchyMitchyPooBear: if they could beat the warden.
MitchyMitchyPooBear: they COULD if they actually had people with them to support.So no?:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: no I just made that up for dramatic effect.
MitchyMitchyPooBear: in reality if they used their brains they could use alpha to dig a big hole & trap the warden inside it
MitchyMitchyPooBear: then they climb up the trees and shoot at it till it drops dead
MitchyMitchyPooBear: or hope Nix or Bergy are there, why do you ask?Take a big wide guess mitch.:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: THOSE NOOBS ARE DEALING WITH A WARDEN??
MitchyMitchyPooBear: I'm checking my radar why are they so near it.Technically they're 5 kilometers away from it.:Zahra
As long as they dont provoke it they should be fine.:ZahraMitchyMitchyPooBear: okay i have a question for you now.
shoot:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: what's a kilometer?
Investigation_20241203_Bailley_05
[December 3, 9:29. Footage starts with Glitch Techs Mitch Williams and Rashid inside a sewage system, both chasing after a glitch. Rashid is wielding a backup gauntlet as Mitch Williams is holding a metal pipe, both yelling out expletives that I must censor- it's better said that Rashid is the one yelling 'you little piece of shit!' as Mitch Williams is the one adding how he'll gut the glitch (currently taking form of of a Minecraft fox but modded so it's tail is more chunky) and eat it's remains. This is not all that is said, there will be a transcript later. It currently has both of their gauntlets in it's mouth. It's nearing on choking on Mitch William's gauntlet.
[MitchyMitchyPooBear & Zahra]
{9:41 TUE}
MitchyMitchyPooBear: oh boosh
what happened??:Zahra
mich r u dead answer me:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: that fox spplashed sweage water on me.
ur phone too if the typos say anything:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: zahra its taunting me
MitchyMitchyPooBear: it wants me to murder it.NO. I DONT WANT TO SEE HOW A MODDED FOX WOULD REACT TO BEING BEAT BY A PIPE:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: zahra youre too nice
MitchyMitchyPooBear: im using my hands.MITCH NO.:Zahra
I DONT WANT TO SEE HOW THE GLITCH WOULD TRANSLATE THAT IN REAL LIFE.:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: youu dont have to see itt
MitchyMitchyPooBear: jjust look at the ratswait mitch i think BITT powered down:Zahra
i shouldve taken the pipe:Zahra
why did you give me the gauntlet you know youre more likely to find it:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: where are you zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: ZAHRA WE CANT LET BITT DIEi found the exit:Zahra
or entrance i dont quite care, we're in the woods??:ZahraMitchyMitchyPooBear: maybe i shouldve listened to your advice
1 that wasnt advice 2 that was an order 3 HWTA DID YOU DO?:Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: I killed it.
MitchyMitchyPooBear: I forgot abt this fact but you can just hold the root form.
MitchyMitchyPooBear: if its injured enough
MitchyMitchyPooBear: I drowned it in the water.
MitchyMitchyPooBear: Zahra
MitchyMitchyPooBear: could you. take it
[Bailley Tech Support]
{9:46 TUE}
PhilAltiere: does anyone have any idea where Mitch and Zahra are?
PhilAltiere: their signals went down oh nvm it went back up as im typing this.
Hi_5: nope did something happen
HanYeesh!!: we're gonna be honest with you phil
HanYeesh!!: me and five are under a cave system
HanYeesh!!: because we got the bright idea that we should enter it
Hi_5: and we've found nothing yet!
Hi_5: DID I JUST JINX IT
HanYeesh!!: we have NO idea where those two are.
HanYeesh!!: HOLY FUCK
HanYeesh!!: @Cecil Bergoch we found minecraft axolotls
Cecil Bergoch: awww they're so cutee
Cecil Bergoch: did you find the warden?
Investigation_20241203_Bailley_06
[December 3, 9:56. Footage starts with Glitch Techs Mitch Williams and Rashid outside in the wilderness, specifically under the cliff where the police found a camper's body 1 week ago. Rashid is scanning the area as Mitch Williams is still holding a metal pipe. "Fucking fox.." Mitch Williams mutters as he wacks a bush to reveal the backpack of the camper. Rashid raises an eyebrow, "This might be the first ever time I've heard you swear," she says, leaning on a tree, arms crossed as Mitch searches the backpack. "Well that's also the first time I've heard you scream," he notes, gagging as he throws a moldy pack of sandwiches over his shoulder, landing on a raccoon. Rashid steps out of the racoon's way. "Why don't you swear?" she asks.
"Thank YouTube for that." Mitch Williams says. I cannot ascertain his current expression but there's a 97.34% chance that he's frowning. Rashid nods before opening her phone. "Signal's so bad here," she commented. A few minutes go by before Mitch finds a Hinobi Gadget so broken even I cannot tell what it is. "You started streaming when you were eleven?" Rashid asks at the same time Mitch Williams exclaims that he'd found the cause for the Minecraft Glitch. Both blink and stay quiet before they cough to fill in the awkward silence. "Mm, I did. I started my channel when I was younger. Likely nine or eight." Mitch Williams recounts. "Why do you ask?" As he turns around he finds a Minecraft creeper 2 meters behind Rashid. Rashid notices his look and quickly shoots the creeper, easily killing the green bastard. Creeper, my apologies. She contains the glitch easily, which surprises her. "Is this gauntlet.."
She finds herself staring into the eyes of a resigned Mitch Williams. "BITT is there," he says. Rashid walks up to me and places a hand on my head.
Investigation_20241203_Bailley_07
[December 3, 11:12. Footage starts with Glitch Techs Mitch Williams and Rashid inside Mama Miyamoto's Spaghetti In A Bucket. Mitch has taken to setting me up on a highchair. Rashid raises an eyebrow but doesn't comment. It doesn't seem as if they notice I'm recording. I power down. There is no work related visual in which I need to record.
[Bailley Tech Support]
{11:20 TUE}
Rashid: we're alive
Rashid: we're alive and eating spaghetti
PhilAltiere: oh good you're alive
PhilAltiere: you signals went down. care to explain?
Rashid: sewage system. glitch had our gauntlets in its mouth. i was using a spare and Mitch was stuck with a metal pipe he tore from the walls
PhilAltiere: that explains alot
PhilAltiere: im going to guess it isnt salvageable?
Rashid: its not. im using my phone right now.
Cecil Bergoch: Hi Zahra
Cecil Bergoch: say if Hinobi mistakes you for a new hire
Cecil Bergoch: what do you do?
Rashid: what did you and nix do?
PhilAltiere: Zahra could you explain why BITT is with you?
PhilAltiere: [Image]
Rashid: no
MitchFTW: no
BITT [ADMIN]: I have edited the footage!
BITT [ADMIN]: [Video Attachment]
Cecil Bergoch: why is it a rick roll??
Rashid: what??
Rashid: it works fine bergy
Cecil Bergoch: not for me it's just a rick roll :(
Hi_5: HELP HELP PLESE
Hi_5: I FORGOT THE WORD BUT HERS THE CORDS
Hi_5: 42.86570, -124.3837
HanYeesh!!: WHY DID WE THINK GOING INTO A CAVE WITH A MINECRAFT GLITCH WAS A GOOD IDEA??
Hi_5: WHY R WE TYPING INSTEAD OF FIGHTING.
Cecil Bergoch: so you guys DID find the warden
TheScorekeeper: we'll be there. just dont mention the change in wardrobe. at all. please.
TheScorekeeper031224_02
[December 3, 11:29. Footage starts with Nix and Bergy in a cave system, fighting the Warden from Minecraft. Haneesh and Five are currently supporting the two. It's evident that Bergy goes after low tier and low level glitches, as Nix orders him to take on the role of support. Nix and Five are now melee while Haneesh and Bergy support. Bergy is primarily support while the others band together to defeat the warden. It takes Bergy 5 minutes into the battle to remember the joke update Hinobi made that allowed them to lower the volume of their gauntlet's attacks. After about 20 minutes of buttkicking, they have finally defeated the warden. Thank Nix for his favorite drink being milk despite his obvious lactose intolerance and Bergy for his weird taste in outfits- that being a fur coat. But there's obviously a question as to why Bergy or as their radar's think; CHRISTA, is wearing low leveled gear but this mystery is overshadowed by the fact Nix is wearing an identical replica of Nameless' helmet. Incomplete with the usual voice changer.
"You guys okay?" Nix asks the same time Bergy does a victory dance in the background. Bewildered silence fills the collective air in Five and Haneesh's lungs; for a second they almost got fooled that Nix was Nameless. "Why do you have Nix's helmet?" asks Five, pointing at Nix as Haneesh practically screams "So you ARE Nameless!" . Nix sighs,"Did I not tell you kids to stop saying that?". "You can't really blame them Nix; if you didn't speak we might've just thought you were Nameless on a bad day." Joan speaks from Nix's comms.
Before Five and Haneesh could respond Joan appears from the shadows with an enchanted netherite pickaxe, spooking Bergy. Five and Haneesh are also spooked but at least they didn't shriek.
Nix sighs, the helmet revealing an unamused expression as he pinches the crook of his nose. "We'll report back at HQ." He sighs. "And explain to your manager why you thought identity theft was a good idea." Joan adds. "It is not MY fault if you thought I was Nameless." Nix started as Joan argued that "Well maybe if you didn't go along with it, this wouldn't have happened!"
Five and Haneesh stare at the scene with bewilderment then a portal opens to reveal Bergy. Then Bergy reveals that Joan showed him how to get out, "We could probably use our gauntlets now. If we can't..." Bergy reveals the netherite pickaxe enchanted to hell and back.
[Bailley Tech Support]
{11:52 TUE}
PhilAltiere: @TheScorekeeper
PhilAltiere: Office. Now.