Chapter Text
That night, around midnight, Sanji prepared three bottles of formula and placed them in the dumbwaiter down to the aquarium bar. He started to head to the bunk room before remembering that his bed had been moved to the aquarium along with Zoro’s. He heaved a heavy sigh and decided to have one last cigarette before changing into his pajamas.
Leaning against the railing, he lit up and inhaled deeply. Why couldn’t that devil fruit user have picked Nami or Robin or literally any lovely lady to have me make a baby with? Sure, making the baby is generally considered the fun part but, fuck, by all the Blues, why did it have to be the mosshead?
He let out a heavy exhale and thought about the little girls they’d been given by some weird cosmic force that enjoyed torturing him.
Hell, even if it had to be a man, I’d rather it be someone like Usopp who doesn’t make me want to commit homicide at nearly every turn. He stared up at the stars. Stupid idiot makes some beautiful babies though… figures, with a face like his.
Realizing where his thoughts were heading, he slapped his hands on the railing and straightened up. No! We’ve been over this! The marimo is not handsome! Maybe he objectively is—but not to me! Liking men is an unfortunate defect of myself, finding Zoro attractive would be worse than that. He’s a brute! He smells! He’s… weirdly good with babies and loyal to a fault… He shook his head violently. No! Smelly! Rude! Uncouth! Alcoholic! Sword-obsessed! Oral fixation! Not that last one!
He groaned and tried to shift his thoughts in literally any other direction. Unfortunately, due to the stress of the day, that direction wasn’t too far from the swordsman. He wasn’t sure where he had come up with the names for the babies, but he was glad Zoro didn’t fight him on them.
The curly eyebrows on two of them concerned him though. What if his Germa modifications were inheritable? It was scary enough when he thought he was going to lose himself—and they only got that fixed with Vegapunk’s help. Stay calm. Chopper said they seem normal and they seem to have normal baby emotions… not that I’d know since I’ve never been around babies… oh, fuck, this is so fucked up… these girls deserve better parents than me and the moss… well, the moss might be good enough, but better than me at least…
He took a final calming drag on his cigarette, then stubbed it out on the railing, tucking the butt into his pocket ashtray. Returning to the bunk room, he changed out of his suit into some soft sweats, an old shirt, and his favorite blue hoodie. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and then grabbed a pair of slacks and a button-up for the morning, glad he’d showered after dinner.
Bedtime routine completed, he trudged over to the aquarium. He needed to get it together. Chopper and Robin had mentioned that the babies were reacting to his stress levels. If he hoped to get any sleep tonight, it wouldn’t be good to wake them up just by being stressed.
He opened the door as silently as possible and padded slowly into the room, glad he’d swapped his dress shoes for slippers. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of the mosshead’s bulk crammed into one of their detached bunks and curled protectively around the three little miracles they had obtained that day.
That’s not adorable… that’s not adorable… he tried to convince himself, while committing the sight to memory. He placed his change of clothes for the morning on the bench and then took a steadying breath, before placing a hand on Zoro’s shoulder as roughly as he could without jostling the babies.
“Oi, Mosshead,” he whispered harshly, “wake up. It’s your watch.”
Zoro snorted and blinked awake. “Is it morning already?”
“No, dumbass, it’s nearly midnight. Time for me to go to bed and for sleepy marimos to guard the ship.”
“Oh, hey, Curls,” Zoro smiled serenely, as if he wasn’t fully awake or aware of who was waking him up, “you comin’ to bed?”
The mossy boulder of a man shifted as if to make room in the narrow box that already had four people in it.
Sanji looked down disdainfully at him. “There is no way in hell I’m getting in that bed with your smelly ass. Get up and do your shift, so I can sleep.”
Zoro sighed and shifted carefully, though not carefully enough, as Sorrel blinked open her big blue eyes and noticed her heat source moving away. She flung her arms loose from her blanket, smacking both her sisters in the process, waking them up. The serenity of the aquarium was shattered by the fussing of the babies. Zoro quickly set to work soothing them, humming a lullaby that Sanji didn’t recognize as Sanji retrieved the prepared bottles of formula from the dumbwaiter cabinet.
Sanji handed two bottles to Zoro and then picked up Marisol, cradling her the way Chopper (and Zoro) had shown him that afternoon. The less said about his first attempt at feeding the babies, the better. He was glad to be raising these babies with someone who had a vague idea of what to do. The golden-haired baby looked at him with stormy grey eyes and a look of utter determination as she sucked on the bottle. He glanced over at Zoro who was managing to feed Laurel while keeping Sorrel calm on the bed. It was mildly impressive. Not that I can ever let that shithead know that.
Once all three babies were fed, burped, and their diapers changed, Sanji was ready to pass out. It was almost one in the morning. He crawled into his bunk and immediately started to drift off, only to be jerked back to consciousness by whimpering in the bed next to him. Zoro wasn’t quite out of the room yet, but the babies were starting to fuss again. Sanji groaned.
“What’s wrong, babies? I'm here,” Sanji cooed as he sat up and reached for the babies in the other bed. The only one that sort of settled was the one he was able to set his hand on.
“I think they like sleeping next to us,” grumbled Zoro’s low voice behind him. “The physical contact is probably soothing or something.”
Sanji hummed. “Yeah, makes sense, I guess.”
“Get comfortable and I’ll put them in the bed with you.” Sanji took off his hoodie and laid down on his side under the blanket with his pillow tucked under his arm. He lifted the other arm and beckoned to Zoro. One by one, the babies were laid into the bed. They slowly began to calm down and settle into sleep, except for the green-haired baby. She began to fuss again the moment Zoro set her down and started to walk away. He paused, then started to take his robe off. What the hell is that idiot doing? I just want to go the fuck to sleep.
With some struggle, Zoro got his haramaki over his shoulders and he tossed it into the bed. “Here, this might help her.”
“Ew, gross, when’s the last time you washed this, Mosshead?”
Zoro rolled his eyes. “Dunno, Cook, you’re the one who does the laundry on the ship.”
Sanji grumbled but laid the nasty thing over the legs of the crying baby. She immediately began to settle into sleep, her tiny fist grasping the green cloth tightly.
Zoro and Sanji both smiled at the sight. Zoro leaned in and dropped a kiss on each girl’s forehead, then awkwardly punched Sanji in the shoulder. “G’night, Cook. I’ll let you sleep. See ya in the morning.”
Sanji grunted and slowly drifted off to sleep.
🦋🐸🐥
A few hours later, Sanji woke up feeling overheated. He blinked blearily, trying to figure out what could be making him so warm. To his front, he counted three warm bundles gently breathing. Okay, that makes sense, I remember the babies being put in bed with me… but why is my back so sweaty? He moved his hand behind him, smacking into a solid mass of muscle.
He craned his neck and confirmed his suspicion. For some inexplicable reason, the mosshead had crawled into the bed with him and the babies instead of getting into the empty bed next to them.
Dammit, Mosshead, what the hell, Sanji thought. He felt conflicted. Constrained. The bulk of moss wrapped around him on one side, the three delicate lives tucked into his other. He had to get out of this bed. He had to start breakfast. He needed to prepare more bottles of formula…
But he was… so comfortable…
Dammit.
He tried to extricate himself as gently as possible. Not gently enough though, as his movements jostled the golden-haired baby awake. She blinked and cooed, reaching for his nose. He instinctively tried to back away, but had nowhere to go. His back was pressed against the mosshead’s front in a nearly compromising position.
“Shhhh, little lady, I gotta get up,” he murmured to the baby holding his nose. She pouted as if she understood. “Stay here with your sisters and your mossy. I’ll be back later.”
Slowly, he continued to pull himself out of the cocoon of blankets and bodies, until, finally, he tumbled onto the floor. He stood up and quickly changed into the clothes he’d brought the night before, folding his pajamas and placing them in the other bed.
Marisol began to fuss more as he headed to the door and something in his chest ached at the thought of leaving her. But he had work to do. He glanced over his shoulder one last time and saw Zoro’s arm feeling the spot he’d left and finally resting on the tummy of the fussing baby.
As soon as he was out of the aquarium, he lit up his first cigarette of the day. He took a deep inhale of the warming tobacco, feeling the first rush of nicotine calming his nerves. The sun was peeking over the horizon, which meant whoever was on watch after Zoro would be coming into the galley for caffeine soon. But first he’d need to get the bottles prepared.
Arriving in the kitchen, he retrieved the bottles they had used the night before from the dumbwaiter and took them to the sink to wash them for reuse. They really needed to get at least one more set of bottles at the next island. Once the bottles were washed and while they sanitized, he started the coffee maker and the kettle for tea. Looking in the fridge, he saw they had a chunk of leftover ham that needed to be used and had somehow miraculously escaped Luffy’s attention.
With the ham, some wilting spinach, and the last of the eggs, a frittata seemed like the best option for protein and he could always make pancakes to feed anyone else. He got everything prepped, then made up the bottles for the girls. Just as he was screwing the cap on the last bottle, the door opened and familiar heavy footsteps entered, accompanied by whimpering.
“Mosshead, what did you do?” Sanji snapped, looking up at the man carrying a crying Marisol in one arm and a calm Laurel in the other. “What the… where the fuck is Sorrel? Don’t tell me you lost her already!”
“Relax, Cook, she’s right here,” Zoro sighed as a tiny hand poked out of his haramaki.
“Why the hell is she in your nasty-ass belly warmer?!”
“She kept crying when I tried to take it from her to put it on and wouldn’t stop until I put her in it. Same as how Marisol only stopped shrieking now that we walked in here. Apparently, she already has a favorite.”
Marisol was crying and making grabby hands at Sanji, who just looked stunned as Zoro passed her to him. Immediately, she calmed and snuggled up against him.
Sanji looked at Zoro with wide eyes, unable to articulate the mess of emotions he was feeling. He thought maybe he’d gotten better about accepting the fact that people might actually choose him after Luffy told him as much on Whole Cake Island, but apparently he was still grappling with that three years later. Kissing Marisol on the forehead and trying to banish his feelings of self-loathing, he handed Zoro two of the bottles, then began to feed her.
“We really need to figure out some sort of baby holder thing if they’re gonna be this clingy. How am I supposed to cook and hold a baby at the same time? Hell, how are you supposed to train? There’s no way in hell these girls are going to the crow’s nest before they’re like five years old.”
“We’ll figure it out. Maybe Franky can build a playpen or something and they can stay in here with you when I’m training? When I got manipulated into babysitting for a family on Water 7, they made me some sort of sling that helped me carry three infants, so it’s definitely possible.”
Sanji blinked. “Wait, when you what? Is that why you’re so calm about all this?”
Zoro sighed. “After all the shit at Enies Lobby when we were waiting for the Sunny to be finished, some random kids spilled on my shirt and basically held me hostage to help babysit, like, seven kids, including three babies, while my shirt was getting cleaned. But the dojo I grew up in also functioned a bit like an orphanage, and I had to help take care of the younger kids sometimes.”
“Damn. I think we found the one area you beat me in.”
Zoro laughed. “Just the one? I’m pretty sure I’m a better swordsman than you.”
Sanji smirked. “You’ll never know. Maybe I’ve been hiding secret swordsmanship skills underneath my knives this whole time.”
🦋🐸🐥
After breakfast, Zoro was planning on taking the girls back to the aquarium for a nap until they arrived at the restock island but he was thwarted by a lecture from Chopper. Apparently, they made many mistakes last night. Chopper was apoplectic to learn that not only had the babies shared a bed with both Zoro and Sanji, which was dangerous enough for one baby, let alone three, but they did so not long after Sanji had smoked a cigarette. Chopper had been trying to get the cook to quit smoking for years without success, but he might finally have found his opportunity. However, this led to a screaming match in the kitchen between the cook and the doctor and left the swordsman feeling really awkward with three crying babies. Nami and Robin offered to watch the girls while he worked out in the crow’s nest, with the implicit agreement that he would stay on the ship with the babies when they got to the island to restock. He readily agreed to this as he had missed his workout the day before.
Which was how he found himself alone on the ship a couple hours later, the early afternoon sun streaking through the galley window, three babies screaming for reasons he was struggling to fix. Sorrel had apparently started teething. Marisol wanted Sanji. And Laurel had pooped through her diaper.
“Godfuckingdammit, Robin’s devil fruit would be really useful right about now,” Zoro grumbled as he moved to the peg where Sanji stored his stupid pink apron. He tied it on and hoped that the scent of Sanji was strong enough on the apron to at least partially calm down Marisol.
It… sort of worked. She was still crying but her wailing was less ear-splitting. Good enough.
As for Sorrel’s teething issue… His gaze fell onto the crock of utensils Sanji stored by the stove. He’s gonna fuckin’ kill me for this… Moving as quickly as he could, he grabbed Sanji’s most worn-out wooden spoon from the crock and handed it to Sorrel to chew on. She immediately whacked Marisol, making her cry harder into the apron.
Zoro groaned. Luckily, he had grabbed the diapers when he came into the galley, but how the hell was he supposed to change Laurel’s diaper, while keeping Sorrel from hurting herself or her sisters, and keeping Marisol close to the cook’s apron?
He had an idea. It was not a good idea. But it was the best he could come up with as three infants screamed at him in discomfort. With a sigh, he placed all three girls on the table, unsure how this was going to work, as he’d only done it without swords once before, back in Wano.
“Demon Aura: Nine-Sword Style, Caring for Life," he exclaimed, twisting his torso rapidly as the weird power that multiplied his arms, head, and torso washed over him. With each set of arms, he began tending to a different baby. His right side kept Sorrel balanced on the table, holding the spoon securely. His left side kept Marisol tucked into the meat of his chest where she could smell the cook on his apron. And his center, core body took the task of wiping Laurel down and changing her diaper.
After getting the most egregious poop off Laurel and a fresh diaper installed, Zoro started to breathe more normally, Ashura starting to fade as Laurel giggled at the sight of the three heads. Though it was at that exact moment that a harried-looking Sanji fell through the door, panicked gleam in his eyes.
“Holy shit, Marimo, what happened?!” he panted, placing shopping bags on the counter, then reaching for Marisol, who had immediately stopped crying when she heard Sanji’s voice.
“Nothing happened, I just needed an extra set of hands or two when they all started having issues at the same time. But I figured it out,” he gave the cook a once-over as the last vestiges of Ashura faded away. “Are you alright though? You look like you sprinted here from the market.”
Sanji hugged Marisol close and kissed her on the nose. “I was just worried about our—THE girls. I had a bad feeling the entire time I was shopping.” He nuzzled Marisol close, walking her over to the sink, where he dampened a rag to wipe tear tracks from her face.
Zoro smirked at Sanji’s hasty attempt to cover himself calling the girls “theirs.” Maybe there’s hope for us yet… Keeping his composure though, he instead focused on poking at the cook’s anxiety. “Hang on, wait, you were worried? What, don’t you trust me?”
Sanji turned from the sink as he gently wiped Marisol’s face to throw an exasperated look at Zoro. “Of course I trust you, Mosshead. We’re crewmates. Your ultimate role in the crew is protecting everyone. I just… I dunno… I’ve never had anyone relying on me like this. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Zoro softened at that admission and decided to take a risk. Picking up Laurel and Sorrel in each arm, he walked over to Sanji and bonked their foreheads together, just like when they argue and fight. This time, however, instead of yelling, he closed his eye, not trusting himself this close to the man he’d been pining after for five years, and in his calmest, steadiest voice said, “I don’t think anyone knows what they’re doing when they become a parent. And our situation is unique. But we’ll figure it out, Cook. We’ve got the crew. We’ve got each other.” He opened his eye, staring straight into Sanji’s worried blue eyes. “We’re the Wings of the Pirate King. We got this.”
He felt Sanji’s free hand squeeze his shoulder as Sanji sighed. “Yeah, we got this, Moss. Thanks.”
Sanji moved away, clearing his throat a little. Zoro mourned the loss of contact. He knew he was pushing the cook’s boundaries with how clingy he’d been the past day, but he was genuinely struggling to resist. He had looked so content and relaxed when Zoro found him curled around the girls that morning with what looked like Zoro's old white henley from his bounty hunting days, and Zoro was so sleepy, so he just sort of wiggled his way around the cook’s back even though there was absolutely no room for him.
There was a rustling from the counter as Sanji started to put away groceries with one hand. Instinctively, Zoro wanted to help, but with his arms full of babies and concern about overwhelming the already anxious cook, he decided to hang back, sitting on the couch instead.
The cook moved like he was going to grab a cigarette when he stopped, clearly remembering his fight with Chopper that morning. He looked at Marisol sadly, then kissed the crown of her head and went back into his grocery bags, this time bringing out a huge package of gum and a small box of toothpicks.
“What’s with the gum, Cook?”
“Chopper’s making me quit smoking, remember? I’m gonna try nicotine gum so the withdrawal doesn’t turn me into an absolute monster.”
Zoro hummed in sympathy, glad he’d escaped the doctor’s wrath, for the most part, but knowing that Chopper would probably start nagging him about his booze once he’s satisfied with Sanji.
With the groceries sorted and stowed, Sanji led Zoro through the process of preparing the babies' bottles of formula. When Sanji's back was turned, Zoro tasted the dribbles of formula on his wrist from checking the temperature. It was sort of sweet but not in an off-putting way. He had a sudden realization that baby formula was essentially protein powder for babies.
A commotion on deck alerted them to the return of the crew. Tidying up the bottles and picking up the girls, they went out to greet them. To Zoro’s surprise, everyone was standing around in a circle like they were trying to arrange something. Unsurprisingly, however, the first to notice them was Luffy.
“Hey, guys! C’mere! We gotta show you some stuff!” Luffy crowed, practically vibrating with excitement.
The circle of the crew parted to reveal a triple-wide stroller, each seat of which had a stuffed animal. There was a duck, a frog, and a bear.
“Surprise!” the crew yelled. Nami stepped forward, thrusting a shopping bag at Sanji, “We got some gifts for the girls and for you two.”
Zoro peered into the bag and saw what looked like a bunch of baby clothes.
“I dunno, Witch, I don’t think any of that’s gonna fit me.”
Nami rolled her eyes and flicked Zoro in the forehead, while Sanji stepped on his foot, hissing, “How many times do I need to tell you to stop calling Nami that?!”
“I lost track around Loguetown,” Zoro whispered back with a smirk.
“Zoro! Sanji! Look!” Chopper bounced over with another bag that he reached into to reveal the next present. “We found towels with hoods that make you look like animals! We got one for each girl AND you guys!”
“And I got one too!” Luffy crowed, putting a towel with a monkey face on the hood over his hat and cackling with glee.
Chopper beamed as he showed Zoro his tiger towel and Sanji his fox towel. The girls looked like they were going to be a shark, a frog, and a duck.
This is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Why does it make me want to punch someone?
“Now, bros, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m gonna take this stroller down to the workshop and tinker with it. It’s not super enough as it is. Do you have any requests?”
Sanji stroked his chin thoughtfully and suggested, “What about a built-in cooler, like for formula and stuff?”
“Just make sure there aren’t any rockets or anything like that,” Zoro grumbled. Franky pouted at that but added the note to the little notebook he had whipped out of nowhere and held in his tiny (well, normal-sized) secondary hands.
“Anything else, bros? Storage compartments? Sword hooks? Cupholders?”
Sanji and Zoro looked at each other and shrugged. “So long as I can still get groceries taken care of, I don’t really care what you do. But I agree with the marimo: no rockets.”
“I get it, bros, no rockets. I’ll just have to figure out some other defenses for my nieces…” Franky grumbled as he made some more notes in his notepad.