Chapter Text
AT HOME BECAUSE FUCK PLOT
“Well yall know what sucks. We gonna have to clock in tomorrow” Sven just HAD to mention
“Im not doing that shit” Simon said, turning on the Tv to put on Pats favorite movie, elemental(totally not baised”
It is indeed not a beautiful day for Pat, which is rare it’s always a beautiful day for him. But he can sense some bullshit is gonna happen with his pat sense. It’s tingling.
“Simon, I feel off, and I don’t think this pixar allegory for discrimination is helping the mood” Patrick said
“Why what’s wrong, did you finally realize elemental is ass?”
“I don’t know… i just think……something bad will happen soon.”
Meanwhile…. Alec was hitting the joint. Or snorting crack or smoking weeds idk, he’s doing smth that involves drugs. Maybe crystal meth, you never know.
“Man why are all of my friends gay as shit 🥀” he said to Bread the cat.
Bread is definitely an evil cat, ya see, Bread has 5 letters and so does the word bitch. What does bitch usually mean? 2 things, female dogs and BITCHES, which they all have no of. They’re evil. Bread is evil.
“What’s up Alec what’s the tea. Spill the fucking tea,” Bailey said walking in.
“I DONT HAVE TEA THATS THE PROBLEM!”
“If we can’t find the tea… we brew our own,” Bailey said. Wow that’s actually a great metaphor.
“What do you mean by that? Make some elaborate ahh cheating scream or some shit” Alec questioned.
“Well let’s say… we can make up our own rumour.”
“About what? What could possibly ruin someone!”
“Who do you wanna cancel?” Bailey asked as he rubbed his palms together for work
“Someone easy to manipulate, someone vulnerable, someone like Simon? We could fuck with Patrick and make his ass go batshit crazy.
“Ooooh okay keep cooking chef!”
“Bailey I cooked the meal, you have to season it!”
“Okay well a little fake rumour to ruin Simon’s reputation first… what about… daddy issue? That always work AND would be passable, seeing his fatherless behaviour”
“RIGHT! Then we make cheating allegations!”
“YESS BAILEY. I really do love you sometimes twin”
“Hehe” Bailey's closted ass said as he blushed.
“Good thing my ticktock account has all the teachers in the school followed. Let’s play this game!”
After hours of lowkey flirting with each other and scrolling Patrick's tiktoks, they finally had the perfect rumor.
They were also giggling like evil people the entire time looking high off their ass and everyone passing by was concerned. Also Bread is doing the evil too, BECAUSE TRUST ME GUYS BREAD IS EVIL AS SHIT
The next day… at the school equivalent of Hadestown.
Simon and Patrick were in the car driving to school.
“Bro Simon, Alec has been ON MY ASS” Said Patrick
Simon had unfortunately already heard about the FUCKASS rumours and let it get to him. He’s giving Pat the silent treatment 😔🥀🥀🥀
“Helloooooooo Simon im here???????”
He gave him the nastiest (zestiest) side eye.
“Ok Simon, actually what is wrong????”
“You know what’s wrong.”said Simon like a toxic ex.
“No I fucking don’t?”
Simon stopped talking to him. They pulled up in the parking lot and Simon stormed away to his classroom.
“Simon actually who the fuck pissed on you’re rainbow what did I do????” Patrick called out.
He sighed and went to his classroom, where they’re doing weird theatre kid activities. Yknow what fine, just what he needs to take his minds off of things.
That’s when little Timmy- I MEAN A DIFFERENT KID COMPLETELY just has to make his day worse.
“Mr Mitchell…. Why are you gay ass still here? I thought you died last week”
“Okay who the fuck are you??? And NO I didn’t die last week, that was my husband, AND he came back.
“Oh… I actually kinda don’t like you.”
“Well um I actually don’t care.”
“You’re a meanie and you spread gossip about people!”
“Wait what! No that was back in college I’m a better person now I promise.” The kid ran away before Pat could get more info on what he’s on about.
On lunch break
“Naomi why the fuck does the whole staff team hate my ass???” Q uestioned Patrikc.
“Oh my gosh Patrick! You are the piping hot tea rn girlypop lemme tell you real quick-“ just then she spotted Denver walking down the hall like a normal person. “Ooooh Denver ~”
“Naomi no, isn’t Denver married, TO ANOTHER STAFF MEMBER???”
“Ahhhh, well he has two hands.”
“I suddenly don’t want to talk to you anymore”
“Welp, there goes your only ally! Even Fiona won’t look at your ass you fucked up.”
“WHAT FIONA WOULD NEVER!”
Fiona would and she did.
“Hello Patrick,” she hissed.
“THE FUCK DID I DO TO GET THAT TONE FROM YOU”
“You know what you did. I can’t believe you did that to Simon” Fiona whispered in a betrayed tone.
“WHY ARE YOU STANDING WITH HIM WHAT IF HES IN THE WRONG IN WHATEVER THIS IS”
“How could he be? You don’t even know what you did!”
“Grammer please” Said Patrick
“Im DONE speaking to you bitch”
That's when Patrick knew he definitely fucked up, Fiona was never mean to hime like ever, and the worse cuss word she ever said was “Stuped.” He knew something was up.
Patrick walked home in the rain like an emo ass that day, because Simon took the fucking car.
That night Simon slept on the couch, That's right, the simp emo twink who couldn’t physically not not sleep with with Patrick was sleeping without Patrick, WILLINGLY.
Meanwhile Patrick was crashing out, because he have no fucking idea what he did. He thinks about everything in the day again. Although without Simon’s help, he’s as stupid as it can get
“Okay well whatever I “did” must be… filmed on social media that’s how everyone knows. Even the kids. Naomi and Fiona are pretty good friends so maybe that’s why Fiona hates my ass…
I really should’ve let Naomi homewreck that happy relationship between Denver and…. Some basic ahh bitch who also teaches here?
What else do I know? Everyone was giving me weird stares… wait Denver didn’t. Cause that bitch doesn’t ever uses social media. So I might have one ally. Ellie’s chronically online, she would know what’s up… so if I get Denver to ask Ellie then she would tell him and he would tell me! Then I can fix it!”Patrikc thought
Meanwhile, Simon was on the couch pathetically crying like a baby, as every younger sibling does. Now everyone knows his secret (💀) and also he can’t believe that Patrick would do this to him.
The next day came and Patrick woke up on the floor with the world being slightly less coloured. The world haven’t been stripped of colour for a long time and he’d like to keep it that way, he should probably hurry before it becomes colourless. Time to find out what bullshit is going on!
Patrick got to school with tomatoes being thrown at him 🍅🍅🍅
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR” Patrick shouted.
It was all of the student that once considered him the favourite teacher… now he had fallen down the rank so fast he’s even… WORSE THAN ROHAN. (But he doesn’t like kids unlike that fucking pedo)
“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT THAT WAS FOR I HOPE YOU DONT GET PAID” they shouted. That’s probably the worse thing anyone had said to him.
“EVERYONE HATES MY ASS WHY WONT ANYONE TELL ME WHY”
“Omg he do evil shits so much he doesn’t even remember what he did”
Patrick broke into a random ahh classroom that ended up being Bea's office
“DO YOU HATE ME TO???”
“… as a counselor I am not allowed to share my personal opinion” Bea said with hate on her face.
“GIRL Y’KNOW WE’RE BOTH FUCKING ADULTS WHAT THE HELL DID I DO”
“OKAY FINE YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF WHAT YOU DID. IF YOURE CONSIDERING THERAPY HERE ILL MAKE SURE ITS THE WORSE”
“WHAT THE FUCK” Patrick said. He was renning outta allies
Just then Gwen spawned in.
“GWEN DO YOU HATE MY ASS” Said Patrick.
“No Simons bitchass deserved it”said Gwen nonchalantly. Homegirl thinks she’s Rohan.
“Oh good. Well not really cause IDK WHATS GOING ON.”
“Why do you still like his ass” Bea questioned”
“Cause it’s me and twin against the world,” Gwen said, “also he once donated a bunch of genesis crystal to me and help me get a c6 wriothsley.”
“Gwen”
“Bea”
“WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR ASS ON”
“YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GENESIS CRYSTALS COST? THATS A GOOD DEED THAT MEANS MY SOUL IS FOREVER HIS”
“IF WE’RE FRIENDS YOU’LL STOP TALKING TO PATS MANIPULATIVE ASS”
“WAIT WHAT DID I DO!” Pat asked.
“SEE HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID CAUSE HES DOING IT ALL THE TIME” Bea said pointing at him.
“I think y’all are overreacting”
“We’re NOT roommates anymore Gwen your gonna have to pay for your house alone”
“We haven’t been roommates for 7 years…”
“Oh word”
Pat just left and left them to deal with their bullshits, careful not to let anyone outside see him or he might get jumped.
“WHAAAATS UP PEOPLE IT'S ME YOUR NEWS ANCHOR BAILEY CHEN. Right here we see the worst person on earth, Patrick, walking down the main hallway” he heard Bailey and the camera crew fee fi fo fum their way toward him. He made a run for it.
Meanwhile, Simon was too sad to teach, so he was crying in the corner. He went from most hated to most sympathies with. Literally he doesn't even know half of the people that’s coming to him with flowers and cookies. Even SVEN came by and said something sincere.
“Simon… you suck… but your life suck more.” said Sven
“Are you trying to sympathize for me or smth”
“Shh lemme finish. I deeply care for you.”
“Ew stop being nice to me”
“And I just want you to know that no matter how hard you fall… you can always fall more.”Said Sven pulling Simon in a deep hug.
“… what are you doing” this is the FIRST TIME EVER they’ve ever hugged despite being brothers
“I love you Simon” Said Sven.
“I’m sorry what. I didn’t hear that correctly, are you sure you’re not Patrick???”
“I said I love you. Because you’re my brother going through a tough time.”
“It sounds to me like you’re saying “I love you” but that’s impossible. Maybe it was uuuh something else you said?”
“NO Simon, I understand you’re relationship problems are bad and I LOVE YOU” Said Sven again.
“Hahah that’s so funny Sven, don't you have a class to teach rn this hug is going on for a bit too long.”
After Sven pulled up, Gwen spawned again to LAUGH IN HIS FUCKING FACE.
“WHAT THE HELL!” Sven yelped, letting out a high pitch scream. Then he ran away.
“L + RATIO IMAGINE YOUR HUSBAND LOWKEY HATING YOU”
“Don’t you have like, no bitches why the fuck are you here”
“It’s a choice and a lifestyle actually 🤓☝️” Gwen said.
“Arent you broke????”
“Only one of us make thousands per day by doing something they love. And it’s not you.”
“FIRST OF ALL, your little “ted talks” ain’t gonna pay the bills, SECOND OF ALL, im rich, THIRD OF ALL, GET YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE COMMENTING ON OTHERS" Hollered Simon.
“FIRST OF ALL, me on gooner impact pays THOUSANDS EVERYDAY, and SECOND OF ALL, YOU SOMEHOW HURTED PAT AND I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHATS GOING ON BUT I KNOW I DONT NEED TO BE A RELATIONSHIL TO KNOW WHATEVER GOING ON IS FUCKED UP”
“WHY DO YOU PLAY A GOONER GAME? ARE YOU ONE!”
“IF IT PAYS THE BILLS IT PAYS THE BILLS- STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT IM HERE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FAILING RELATIONSHIP. WHAT DID YOU DO”
“ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT I DID ITS ABOUT WHAT PATRICK DID TO ME”
“AND WHAT DID HE DO? UNLESS HE SLEEPWALKED WHILE DOING IT HE SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING CLUELESS ABOUT WHATS GOING ON”
“OU HE KNOWS DAMN WELL WHAT HE DID HES USING HIS BUBBLY HAPPY PERSONALITY TO MANIPULATE YOU”
“HE'S LITERALLY SOBBING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF YOUR ASS, WHAT DID HE EVEN FUCKING DO”
“LEAVE MY FUCKING CLASS RN GWENIVERE DONT LET ME CATCH YOU AGAIN”
“OR WHAT YOUR TWINK ASS IS GONNA FIGHT ME? HOE LETS ONE V ONE RIGHT NOW”
“OOOOO YOU ME PARKING LOT 3 PM THIS AFTERNOON”
“BET, ITS GONNA BE FUNNY TO SEE YOU LOSE”
Later that day at 3 in the parking lot, the entire staff faculty was gathered around hyping them up.
“Who do you think is gonna win?” said Naomi trying to start shit.
“I’m putting my life saving on Gwen,” Jonathan said, “I’ve coop with her she’s a freaking monster”
“I think-” Rohan was starting before getting booed for being a fucking pedofile.
“IM PUTTING MY ENTIRE FAMILY FORTUNE ONTO SIMON” Sven shouted.
Rip the Gwon they used to be rich 🥀
“SVEN YOU KNOW SIMON CANT FIGHT FOR SHIT! I HATE TO SAY BUT OUR BROTHERS COOKED I FEAR” Said Scarlet.
“ siiiighhh okay fine. Only 100 dollars on Simon then.”
Simon and Gwen engaged in the toughest fight of all… a chess game 💀 on chess dot com 💀💀They were sat criss cross applesauce on the driveway, computers in hand cause they're to broke for a chess bored.
“AND ITS A TIE!” Alec shouted, hyping them up even more. Boi casually ignored he’s the entire reason why this is even happening.
“AGAIN AGAIN 🗣️🗣️” people yelled jumping up and down
Just then, Patrick showed up outta nowhere.
“SIMON BABE THIS ISN'T LIKE YOU” Patrick screamed.
Aint nobody listened to his ass cause the fight is too good rn. Literally it’s just two people on computer this is like twitch but irl.
Just then Alec walked over to him, “hey Pat!”
“Woah before we talk, do you hate my ass right now.”
“No silly, I just wanted to check on you” Said Alec in a condescending ass way.
“Oh okay good. Yeah I’m fine 😁 how are you doing Alec”
Just then Rohan popped out.
“Hey Alec do you also hate my ass,” he said sounding like a pedo.
“YES YOU LIKE KIDS EVEN I HATE YOU”
“Why does everyone hates me 🥀”
“YOU GET A LITTLE TO CLOSE WITH THE LITTLE GIRLS WE SEE YOU”
As Alex started roasting him, he saw Bailey walking by and Alec dumb homo closeted ass turned red.
“Ooooo you like him” Said Pat like an annoying middle school kid.
“NO I DONT 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹” Alec almost turned into a demon there.
“OK DAMN, YOU DO KNOW THE WHO CHILDHOOD FRIEND GROUP IS GAY AS HELL RIGHT?”
“NOT ME 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹” he got too defensive again.
“THE ODDS AREN'T IN YOUR FAVOR, WE HAVE A GAY ASS MOTHERFUCKING, AND AROACE LESBIAN, AND A BISEXUAL WHO IS PLAYING IN TWO COURTS AND STILL CANT SCORE!”
“WORRY MORE ABOUT YORU RELATIONSHIP THAN MINE👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹”
“IM JUST SAYING LIKE GEEZ- okay im gonna go home now lemme know who win that match.”
Meanwhile
Tanya is bitch fighting Naomi's homewrecking ass.
“THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU KISSED MY WIFE I CAN GET YOUR ASS FIRED”
“WE DID MORE THEN KISS TRUST ME”
Tanya:
“FYM BY THAT”
“OH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. PLAYING TWISTER TYPE SHIT”
“THATS NOT POSSIBLE SCARLET IS THE MOST LOYAL WOMAN I KNOW”
“Tanya, I have something to tell you…..” said Scarlet's cheating ass.
“What….” Tanya said already ready for divorce.
“Me and Naomi did what Zach said he’d do to my dad……” she said.
“… who started it..”
“I did………..”
Meanwhile… back at the parking lot…
“Damn this fight is going for really long,” Penny said, “and I thought I was good at chess.”
Just then she saw Ellie joining the circle, her short 4 foot nothing ahhh and looking like a kindergartener that she teaches.
“Hey Penny what’s going on?”said Ellie.
“Oh hi ellie! Simon and Gwen are chess fighting”
“Oooh! Who’s winning?”
“Its an indefinite tie”
“Oh. Well do you wanna go out of here and iuu grab dinner?”
“Well, Tanya's also fighting, and she has my keys and you can’t drive so we lowkey stuck here.”
“We can walk! The closest tims is only 45 minutes away!”
“I don't have better shit to do i’ll drive you” Bea said ready to leave this fuckass school”
“Awesome!!!” The three of them left toward the sunset
I wonder how Gwen's getting home.
She isn’t they stayed there for the next 19 hours because they kept on tying.
So that night, Alec and Bailey were flirting while planning the next phase of their plan. The tension is HIGH in every way possible, and it helps that they’re really high and drunk and wasted at this point.
They were staring deeply into each other's eyes, faces close together. They’re yearning so hard.
“So Bailey… what are you doing later tonight
“Going out with you” AHH SO SMOOTH ATE THAT UP BAILEY
“Oh yeah? What if I take you out first” Alec replied.
“What if I “take” you first?”
“Eheheh how do you plan to do that” their faces are getting even closer and closer
“I guess you're gonna have to find out? Want a demonstration?” Siad Baileys gay ass. The closet is thrown out the window.
“Okay. Show me”
Bread was unfortunately a homophobic piece of shit cat.
Their faces are literally almost touching. They forgot about how not gay they are. Bread just had to squeezed in between and ruined it 🥀🥀🥀 he just HAD to.
“AHH! BAILEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING SO CLOSE TO ME WERE NOT GAY!” Alec shouted snapping out of it.
“WHAT WAS ALL THOSE DRUGS DOING TO US” Bailey said, secretly wanting the moment to last longer.
“YOUR RIGHT IT MUST BE GAY DRUGS. WE HAVE TO FOCUS ON RUINING SIMONS LIFE NOT THIS!”
“RIGHT RIGHT! LETS DROP AN EVEN BIGGER BOMB”
They both were lowkey flustered the whole time mutually pinning for each other. They gazed into each other's eyes and yearned. All that planning time was spent fucking eachother with their eyes.
Actually they lowkey might ended up fucking that night 🤯If they found somewhere to go so they didn’t traumatize bread. They went to Simon’s and Patrick’s house because it was the closest to wherever the fuck they are.
“What the fuck…” Patrick mumbled as he opened the door for them.
“WHY THE HELL ARE YALL MAKING OUT BUTT ASS NAKED ON MY BED”
“Shut up Patrick get the fuck out”
“MY HUSBAND HATES MY ASS EVERYONE HATES MY ASS AND NOW I HAVE TO SEE UOUR FUCKING ASS ON MY FUCKING BED???” Patrick stormed out
“LET US SPEND QUALITY TIME BETWEEN TO BROS” Said Bailey.
“OKAY BUT WASH THE FUCKING SHEETS AFTER!” Pat shouted from outside, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE WAKE UP TOMORROW”
“WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PLANS”shouted Alec.
Pat had no choice but to sleep on the floor again. It wasn’t a good nap thank you for asking they were LOUD AS FUCK! LIKE BITCH DO THIS SHIT IN YOUR OWN HOUSE?
Simon came home late (HE LOSS THE FUCKING CHESS MATCH) to a fucking surprise.
Gwen was fucking screaming about how she's better like that and shit, then she remebered her car was fucking gone.
“Heyyyy so uh, Bea lowkey took my car so I can’t really go to my house lowkey” said Gwen
“… are you asking if I could give you a ride home” Simon questioned.
“Possably maybe”
“Why don’t you tell Bea to just turn around”
“Simon it’s 3 AM. She’s asleep. Everyone’s asleep.”
“Then wake her ass up with your loud ass ringtone when you call her”
“Uuugh this is why people hate you until now.”
“So are you gonna take me or……”
“FINE” Simon was lowkey gonna crashout when he get home. Then he remembered he’s mad at Patrick currently so he have absolutely no one to go to.
“Aye thanks twin! I lowkey don’t know my address Bea always drives” said Gwen.
“…” Simon gave her a death stare. “Do you know the way at least”
“No:3”
“…….. yeah no im going home, this is going to be, as my brothers and sissters had said. An issUe not an issME”
“No Simon I actually gotta go home”
“Try calling to get your car back, if that fails THEN come whining to me.
Gwen watched as Simon got into his car. Then she climbed into his trunk because she’s a menace to society.
“GWEN CALL YOUR FUCKASS ROOMMATE OR WIFE OR WHATEVER AND TELL HER TO PICK YOUR ASS UP”
“No you don’t know that I’m in here 🤪”
“IT TAKES TO FUCKING SECOUNDS TO DAIL A NUMBER.
“FINE”
Ring ring
“Uuuhh what who is this I’m getting my beauty sleep”
“Bea can you bring back my car please, im lowkey stuck”
“Uuuuhghhhh just get an uber”
“NOOOO I need our car”
“Why the hell do I live with you again??”
“Cause I’m generating 6 figures”
“Then why do we share a car?”
“Idk sentimental value??”
“Fine see you in 10”
“Okie love you twin”
While she was on her phone Simon already drove away to avoid being asked again.
He walked into his house to see Patrick on the couch.
“SIMON WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT WALK INTO OUR ROOM” Warned Patrick.
Simon is not in the mood rn and since he’s feeling petty and still pissed at Patrick, that is the first place he went. He should’ve listened to Patrick.
He walked in to see Alec and Bailey playing naked twister, ON HIS BED.
“Oh hey Simon…” Bailey said, “nobody ever taught you how to knock?”
“DO NOT GET ATTITUDE WITH ME I LIVE HERE”
“Patrick said we can be here,” Alec said, leaving out the full truth.
“Did he now…”
“HE SAID THAT WE COULD BONE IN HIS ROOM NOW GO AWAY”
Simon slammed the door and walked across the hallway, vro is angry.
“I told you not to go in there,” Pat said sleepily.
“… why on god greenest earth and bluest sea would you let them do that here! You’re in an asshole streak lately!”
“ I only said that so they would leave me alone”
“I didn’t expect you to go this far ever!”
“Simon, I love you very much, and I hate to see you mad at me, what's wrong????”
“HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WHEN YOU DID IT?”
“I didn’t do anything Simon, I have no fucking clue why everyone hates my ass”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Really think about it Simon, everytime we fight, I usually end it by now. I don’t know what I did to hurt you so badly, but if you just tell me, I could figure it out and apologize."
“I’d like to believe that you didn’t, but logically, only you could’ve done it!”
“Simon babe, what happened?”
“You should know. Because only you know about it, I’m so fucking stupid I shouldn’t have told`
you anything”
“We’ve been at it for like 2 weeks or smth idk, but I assure you that I WOULD HAVE FIGURED THIS OUT BY NOW. Just tell me Simon! “
Simon didn’t say anything and turned his emo pathetic ass away. Patrick only scooted closer.
“Simon, you can tell me anything”
“Not when I don’t know if I can trust you with it anymore”
“What did I tell? Who did I tell? Whats going on???”
“You told everyone! I know because I woke up and suddenly Jon sent me a “I’m sorry” text. THAT GUY HATES MY FUCKING ASS!”
“Well what did “I” say?”
“My past apparently. AND MY DADDY ISSUE”
“Ok. Okay… well now I know what’s going on… but it wasn’t me.”
“Who else would even know??”
“Alec and Bailey's nosy asses.”
“They weren’t even there when I told you.”
“Simon, you gotta trust me”
“That’s the problem I don’t rn.”
“Simon,” Pat started, “think about it. Why the hell would I ever do that?” He leaned back on the couch, “I’m tired as hell and I don’t know what to do to earn your trust back.”
Meanwhile in the bedroom.
ALEC AND BAILEY WERE DEFINITELY EACESDROPPING
“Wait wait shut up. They’re onto us. We need to do smth” Alec said.
“I mean, what the fuck do we have to do Alec?” Stated Bailey
“Idk break them up? It’s pretty fun.”
356
“Is it.”
“Yeah it had been really fun working with you and spending time with you plotting stuff hehe.”
“And fucking hehe no homo”
“Yeah Ofc. Maybe… okay I’m just high so don’t take what I’m bouta say seriously, but maybe it’s not about wrecking people relationships that’s fun… maybe its buildings ours.”
“Yeah? Yeah youre right. I think I’m in love with you”
“I think, that I love you to” Alec said, acting like they didn’t just fuck 5 secounds ago.
“Bro…”
“Bro…”
Alec stared into Bailey’s purple orbs lovingly using his sky blue soulless eyeballs.
“You wanna like, make out?” said Alec
“I wanna do a lil more then that” Bailey said cause why not? As if their asses didn’t fuck 5 seconds ago.
The next morning… Bea left with the car again… without Gwen… again.
Ring ring
“Hello?”
“FUCK YOU MEAN HELLO YOU FORGOT MY ASS”
“Don’t you have fucking spawn power can’t you just spawn in here”
“Well I like it when you drive me to work”
“Too bad what do they call this agai-“
“If you say issUe not issME I’m going to pull a JD on the school”
“You’re not gonna do that, IM gonna be in the school”
“After you get out”
“Aww you still care”
Bea then hung up.
Whatever, it’s not like Gwen have a class to teach anyways, she just likes to use random people computer to stream her games. She could spawn somewhere if there’s amazing food. She sniffed in the air for amazing food she’ll, detected one and activated her power. However she did not spawn at school. She spawned into Pat’s kitchen where he’s burning eggs. How tf do you even manage to burn eggs that’s actually pathetic to another level. It’s just eggs come on 😭
“Tf. Pat Bea is mad at me I think what do I do twin”
“I DON'T FUCKING KNOW MY RELATOINSHIP IS FAILING”
“Come on Pat but this is mine it gotta works!”
“DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN HELP???”
“Idk man wait you must be sleep deprive.”
“Yeah that can happens when YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND IS FUCKING MAD AT YOU ANS TWO GUYS DOES THE NASTY IN YOUR FUCKING BED”
“WAIT I RELATED TO THE FIRST BIT, WHT DO YOU MEAN TWO MEN ARE FUCKING IN YOUR BED”
“Gwen I DONT think I can do this anymore. Leave me alone this is my day off”
“WAIT BUT WHO THE FUCK WAS IN YOUR BED”
“I JUST WANT PEACE AND QUIET IS THAT TOO MCUH TO ASK FOR”
“Please I need to know who shaboinked”
“ASK LIKE DENVER WHY BEA HATES YOUR ASS OR SOME SHIT JUST NOT ME”
“But you’re the miserable one right now, your life is currently far worse than mine and everyone hates you. You’re more experienced in this!”
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE”
“You good twin you don’t sound too good”
Pat was in the verge of mentally breaking down at this point
“THIS IS WHY YOUR SITUATIONSHIP HATES YOUR ASS”
“Cause I ask for advice and check on her too much?”
“KNOW CAUSE YOUR A FUCKING BITCH!!!”
“Whaaaaaaaat. That’s not true! Yknow I’m your only ally left right.”
“Well, FUCK YOU THIS IS WHY YOU RASS SLEEPS ALONE AT NIGHT NO ONE WANTS YOU”
“Hah you sleep alone too lmao”
“… that’s it I’m done that’s the final fucking straw, I’m gonna write a suicide note AND BLAME YOY FOR MY DEATH. I HOPE YOU STAY BITHCLESS YOU FUCKING CUNT”
“You’re so funny Pat! As always. But seriously tho when yall normally argue, how do yall resolve it. Not counting this one”
“WE HAVENT ARGUED IN TEN YEARS I DON'T FUCKING KNOW”
“You sure…”
“WHEN WE ARGUE WE RESOLVE IT PRETTY QUICKLY SO IM GONNA SAY THAT THIS IS A YOU PROBLEM.”
“:3 so what do you say is the best way to get her not mad at me no more”
“Leave her the fuck alone, why is she mad at you again???”
“I DONT KNOW- wait it could’ve been when I woke her up at 3 to pick me up.”
“Well there you fucking have it.”
“So do I like, do some cringey pinterest ass apology or”
“Sure whatever the fuck you fell like I don’t care Gwen I genuinely don’t fucking care anymore”
“I don’t feel like doing any of this shit, why are situationships so har d to mantain”
“YOU FUCKASS- Oh my gosh Gwen just pick are yall dating or NOT CAUSE IF NOT GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOSUE PLEASE GWEN I BEG OF YOU”
“I DON'T KNOW PATRICK”
“THEN FIGURE IT OUT I CANT DEAL WITH THIS TODAY”
“HOW DO I FIGURE IT OUT???????"
“YOURE JUST RAGEBAITING AT THIS POINT”
“IM NOT I GENUINELY DON'T FUKCING KNOW”
“OH MY GISH THEN FIND SOMEONE WHOS ACTUALLY GOKD AT THIS STUFF CAUSE CLEARLY I FUCKED UP”
“IF YOU CAN GIVE ME ANOTHER GOOD SUGGESTION, I’LL GO
“Okay… okay… okay, how about… YOU PUT ACTUAL EFFORTS INTO YOUR FUCKASS FAILING RELATIONSHIP AND NOT PUT NE I TO IT” he practically yelled.
“ERM ACTUALLY ITS A SITUATIONSHIP”
“GAHCRJEJDBKS SHUT THE FUCK UP” he almost threw the knife he was holding at her but then he set it down, “STOP BULLSHITING WHERE I HAVE ACESS TO KNIVES AND STUFF”
“WELL I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET ADVICE”
“FIX YOUR ONE FUCKING PROBLEMS ITS NOT MY SITUATIONSHIP”
“YOURE SUPPOSED TO HELP THATS WHAT BUDDIES PALS DO”
“TELL HER YOU LOVE HER I DON'T FUCKING KNOW”
“But loved a big word… strong word… I don’t think we’re there yet!”
“COMMIT TO HER TWIN THAT'S WHY SHE HATES YOUR ASS YOUR NONCOMMITAL LIKE THAT FUKCING SIMS TRAIT”
“Geez I’m just tryna get advices AND I FEEL VERY ATTACKED RIGHT NOW”
“IF YOU LOVE HER TELL HER THAT”
“IDK IF I LOVE HER LIKE THAT WHAT IF WERE NOT THERE YET”
“YOU LIVE WITH HER ITS BEEN TEN YEARS HOW ARE YOU NOT THERE YET”
“Cause we’re a SITUATIONSBIP 🤓☝️”
“WHAT EVEN IS THE “SITUATION”
“It’s like yknow a situation relationship…”
“GWEN I AM TRYING HARD NOT TO CRASH OUT RIGHT NOW BUT IT SOUNDS TO NE LIME YOU NEED A FUCKING COUPLE COUNSELOR AND I AM NOT THAT”
“So like, what's the advice?”
“COUPLES THERAPY"
“Oooo see we have this thing where uum we don’t do that. That’s a no no”
“WHY IS THAT I NO NO GWEN”
“Cause that’s like someone judging our lives yknow, and then telling us what to do.”
“ARE YOU GUYS ACTUALLY IN LOVE FR”
“Yeah, well as I said, half half, 50/50.”
“Oh. Really. Oh REALLY. REALLY GWEN OH MY GOSH YOUR FUCKING STUPID AS HELL HOW DO YOU THINK A RELATIONSHIP WORK IF YOU DONT FUCKING PUT EFFORT OR TIME OR SACRIFICES INTO IT”
“CAUSE ITS NOT LIKE FULL ON”
Pat started to laughed like he’s going through it, while crying, “OH MY GOSH THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT IT TO BE? DO YOU WANT IT TO BE FULL ON OR NOT”
“IDFK PATRICK YOU TELL ME”
“ITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP AH PARDON ME. “SITUSTIONSHIP”. ITS YOURS. NOPE NOT MINE. YOURS”
“ITS ONLY BEEN 7 YEARS IT MIGHT BE TO EARLY TO GO ALL THE WAY”
“SEVEN FUCKING YEARS IS ENOUGH TO… I DONT KNOW S LOT OF THINGS. JUST DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU FEEL IS RIGHT I DONT CARE ANYMORE.”
“IF I HAD SOMETHING I FELT WAS RIGHT WE WOULDNT BE HERE RN”
“THIS IS MY MENTAL HEALTH DAY AND YOURE MAKING A BACKWARD STEP ON IT. MY PROGRESS IS GOING DOWN YKNOW. YOUR ACTUALLY JUST RAGEBAITING ME I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES”
“You wanna hear something crazy Patrick?”
“Yeah FUCKING ENLIGHTEN ME”
“We’ve been married for seven years”
Pat gave her the longest stare ever with ugly tears across his face like a mess. “FUCK YOU TOO” he screamed into a pillow “ARGHHHHHHHHHHH”
Meanwhile
Tanya and Scarlet were sorting out their own shit.
“So um errr, listen Tanya, I love you, I do. I just have 2 hands yknow. It was really good with Naomi.”
“I SHOULD HAVE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT HER ASS” Tanya shouted
“Tell you what,” Naomi said as she walked into the office, “what if you join us 😏”
“And what do you mean by that?”
“Yknow your office is pretty hidden, pretty big…” she smirked, “wanna join us this time”
“I- NO YOUR FIRED NAOMI”
“C’mon, you know you want to” Said Naomi like she was Mariah reonylods.
“What-“
“Stay~”
“Hey… stop that”
“Hey~”
“FINE ILL FUCK YOU STOP THAT”
“WHO said anything about fucking?” Scarlet said pulling out AN ACTUAL TWISTER MAT AND SPINNER
“Wait… you were being deadass? You were quite literally playing “naked “twister””
“Naked? No snake. I said snake” gaslighting ahh Scarlet, she pulled out a snake, “no see uuuh the snake spin the spinner for you.”
“She's gaslighting your ass btw” Naomi said wanting to get head and start problems.
“Um yeah no Naomi get out me and Scarlet will play snake twister by ourselves.”
Who's gonna tell her…….
“Do I still get my job…”
“Yes but only because I need you to be the fun counselor so we’re not stuck with Bea and her relationship issues.
“Awesome sauce!!! What was that relationship problem? Is the tea I see cooking???”
“STOP WRECKING HOMES”
“NITHER OF THOSE TWO WOULD WANT MY ASS ANYWAY THEY’RE LUCKY”
Later on…
Gwen was still RAGEBAITING 💀
“Yknow my Gwen sense is tingling someone had a thought of ruining my situationship”
“YOU MEAN YOUR 7 YEAR MARRIAGE??????"
“You’re so silly Pat”
At this point Pat had no more tears left to cry and crashout so he’s just sitting there and pray for Gwen to leave. Unfortunately he is an atheist so it didn’t work.
“Hey Gwen… school is over go home with your FUCKASS WIFE SLASH SITUATIONSHIP SLASH SOMETHING.”
“Can I use your phone to call her??? Mines dead.”
Patrick too a deep breath to not give in the urge to kill someone and handed her his phone, “please just leave”
Ring ring
“PATRICK WHAT THE FUKC DO YOU WANT”
“Hey so this is Gwen. I’m at pats house can you pick me up. He’s lowkey scaring me”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE DONT YOU HAVE A JOB”
“Radgbaiting, I told him we weren't married for 7 years”
“Gwen, please hurry up and leave,” Pat said.
“So r u still mad at me/ coming to pick me up?”
“Fine im coming… but you should seriously get your own car.”
“But it's less special that way”
“But it’ll benefit us both”
“But our car is special”
“Then I’ll get a new car”
“With what money????”
“With the one I made from giving free therapy to strangers online.”
“… fine if it’ll make you happy”
She hung up.
“Good news Pat, we solved it and she’s coming to pick me up!”
“Wow. Awesome sauce. Huzzah. Good for you. Now leave my fucking house”
“Yeah lmao you look like a fucking mess”
Pat stared at her with the most disappointment he could muster up and sighed, 67 he said with all his energy.
“Damn twin you seems tired” no fucking shit Sherlock “anyways my wife is coming to get me teehee my wife that loves me very much”
“YOU FUCKING SIMP I HOPE YOUR WIFE LEAVES YOUR ASS”
“Woah there just because your relationship is going south doesn’t mean you get to say that. My situationship is stronger than anything” flextapes said otherwise but okay.
“HOW R U IN A SITUATION SHIP IF YOUR MARRIED”
“Cause it’s like… somewhere between I like her and I love her.”
“I MEAN YOU SHOULD LOVE HER ALL THE WAY YOUR FUCKING MARRIED”
“It’s for the benefits! Ooh she’s here! Teehee bye!” Gwen got up and walked to the door”
“I HOPE YOUR FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS SITUATION SHIP CRASHES TO THE GROUND”
Gwen completely left the house and slammed the door behind her. Finally… some peace and quiet for Pat. Absolutely nothing can ruin that now… right…
Then he remembered, ALEC AND BAILEY WERE IN HIS FUCKING HOUSE!
He can still hear them. Yknow what he had enough of this bullshitery he’s gonna kick them out rn.
“HEY CAN YALL FUCK IN LIKE, YOUR SECRET LAIR”
“Noooo bread is homophobic” Bailey said.
“Well idk follow Gwen home and fuck there”
“Noooo they’re gonna fuck there that’s freaky,” Alec said.
“Are yall homeless or some shit don’t you guys have a house”
“Uuugh you’re ruining the mood Patrick,” Alec shouted, “fuck off.”
“I LIVE HERE BRO,FUCK IN A BUSH LIKE THIS IS SIMS AND GET OUTTA MY HOUSE” Screamed Patrick.
“That’s unsanitary,” Alec muttered. I’m surprise he even know such big word.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW MY BED NOT UNSANITARY BITCH?”
“WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING” Bailey said.
“I THINK YOU FUCKING KNOW”
Pat finally had enough and he booted them out the fucking window, launching them 100 feet into the air and then crashed in fuck no where bum ass nowhere in the middle of Ontario Canada. “DONT EVER COME BACK”
He then crashed down onto the floor and cry like a lil bitch. Or sob or smth idk. Is it physically possible to cry for an entire day or do your body run out of tears 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Meanwhile at school, Simon was finally teaching a class for a full hour without anyone clowning or shitting on him. His ass was still crying though. This is so strange to him that nobody is trying to murder him for the first time ever.
Simon was still at work dwelling. Dwelling on the fact that the one support system in his miserable life ended up betraying him. He knew he would forgive Patrick, he just didn’t know when.
Just then a knock came on his door. It was a short ass 4 foot nothing ginger girl (omg she’s playing on max difficulty)
“Hey Simon, how are you?” Ms Elenor Sato asked, “rough uuuh 2 weeks or smth huh?”
“Um hello?” He forgot how to talk for a hot second there. “Yeah I guess. Now the whole school knows about my daddy issue and my last. I guess the good part out of it is my parents getting cancelled.”
“I said um hello not a question r u ok???” Ellie said worried.
“What I must be hearing things wrong then…”
“You know, Bread just came by with a whole recording of Bailey and Alec um fucking or smth.”
“WHAT”
“Yup turns out that bread was so homophobic, he wanted revenge on Bailey and Alec being gay as shit”
“WHAT DOES THAT MEANS???”
“We got the whole recording of them plotting this. We all know your daddy issue is real I guess from how you reacted but they were just bullshitting. They didn’t expect it to be real”
“WHY WERE THEY FUCKING AND PLOTTING 1, TWO I HOPE THOSE GAY BITCHES GO TO HELL, AND THREE SO PAT ISN'T A FUCKING BITCH!”Simon exclaimed.
“Um, 1, because they wanted to fuck around with you and Pat, 2, I don’t think that exist and 3, yeah I guess so.” Ellie said.
“SO THE WHOLE SCHOOL HATES HIM FOR NOTHING”
“Yeah, and it wouldn’t have been so bad if you didn’t react to it so violently or whatever. We would’ve bought the fact that it’s a fake rumour if you'd just denied it!”
“Well, i mean fuck you to where were you when the rumor started”
“What! Waaaaaah! What am I supposed to do!
“… shut up Ellie grow up… like actually you can be short but not act like Rohan's type”
“But 🥺🥺🥺”
“THATS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT KITTEN EYES- yknow what- I have to go” he hopped out of his desk and went down to the parking lot.
He immediately called Patrick.
Pat in fact did not answer. AS HE SHOULD SIMONS A BITCH!!!!!
Simon panicked and hopped into his car, I forgot what car he have but it’s a car! He quickly drove back home in his uglyass car. Once he got home he found Latrick lying on the floor staring blankly into the ceiling in the middle of the living room. I SURE LOVE LATRICK!
“Do you still hate me,” Pat mumbled quietly.
“No Pat I was wrong, and I never hated you” Simon said, panicked, with his voice barely louder then a whisper.
Pat turned his head toward him, he’s too exhausted to deal with literally anything right now. He looks like he just cried for 24 hour straight which is probably true. He didn’t say anything.
“Babe im so, so sorry, I was wrong”
Pat didn’t respond. He went back to looking staring at the ceiling.
“I let my emotions take over and I wasn't thinking logically, I didn't mean to hurt you”
“… I’m so tired Simon. I can’t do this anymore,” he muttered.
Simon sat down next to Pat on the cold hard floor. Patrick appeared to be sobbing all afternoon.
“I-I made a mistake, and I'm so, so-so sorry it had such an effect on you” Simon said, still panicked and stuttering.
“It’s… not your fault.”
“No it is, and im sorry I didn’t realize that it was so out of character you to do that. I was blinded by emotions, and I didn’t remember that I matter to you, that you love me. It was foolish to let my feelings lead me to majorly overreact, I love you Patrick” Simon said, not in his usual theatrical monologue way.
With all of the energy that he have left, Patrick rolled over to look at Simon face to face.
Simon gazed into Patrick's soft green orbs, his blank space of an eye color staring at Patrick.
“Simon. You know I always love you. But these past two weeks… I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I can keep going. Everything’s just black and white, there’s no light anymore”
“I know you love me and im so sorry I forgot that, but please tell me you aren’t considering what I think you are” Simon said, knowing damn well he was right.
“I had many reasons to live. But I’m just too tired… I can’t keep going in this… colourless world.”
“If you jump off im coming with you, Patrick. Your the only thing that get s me going. Life without you would be like-like how you’re describing it. I guess if your leaving, im leaving to”
“Are you threatening suicide.”
“If you go, so do I, I cant live without you”
Patrick was gonna cry again but he physically can’t anymore.
Simon gave Patrick a hug. He was also too drained to do anything else. He felt, foolish. He felt Pats thoughts were all his fault he felt, he felt like dying.
“Okay…” Pat mumbled, “because I care about you too much… I guess I can’t be the reason why you’ll die.”
“So does that mean your staying or…….if your not my notes are drafted im ready to drive to the bridge rn” Simon said prepared for anything.
“… yeah. It’s a good thing Gwen exhausted all my energy earlier today or I would’ve killed myself already.”
“Welp, next time you're thinking about jumping, call Gwen I guess…”
Normally he would’ve laughed, but right now Pat feels his body struggling to stay awake, but for the first time in 2 weeks, he’s finally relaxing.
They didn't sleep alone that night.
That night the air was cold, soft, It wasn’t like they’ve never fought before, but it was like the fight made their relationship stronger. “I love you” They said before drifting off to sleep. It felt more pleasant then it ever had. The feeling of relive through the air.
Until Simon’s stress caught on to him because of his shitty behaviour. It caught on to him in his sleep. He woke up. It felt like he was in real life, any normal day. He tried to get up, nothing. He attempted to turn his head to see if Patrick was there, nothing. He tried to scream, to shout, but none of that worked.
There was a demon floating in the NPC pose right above him. It looks like little Timmy in his demon form. That’s scary as shit. The demon slowly grabbed onto him(ayo) and started to pound him with its fake fist(ayo). He couldn’t move he was stuck, paralyzed having to watch a demon slowly destroy him on the outside. He kept closing and opening his eyes but nothing suddenly he felt a weight on his chest.
He woke up.
The weight he felt was Patrick softly sleeping on him. It was 11:32, barely after they went to bed an hour ago. He woke up aggressively standing up straight and gasping.
Pat fell off and woke up too, yawning.
“What time is it” Patrick asked.
“11:30 pm” Simon sleepy replied.
“… okay… we can still sleep,” Pat said as he lay back down. ”Why did you wake up?”
“It was…..A bad dream that's all”Simon said running his hands through Patrivks fluffy hair.
“What is it?” Pat said sleepily.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Simon said”I just wanna go back to bed right now”
“Okay… I’m right here… if you.. need me…,” Pat said before he fell asleep again.
Simon barely slept that night. Everytime he heard a slight noise he snapped awake again. Luckily, Patrick was a heavy ass sleeper and failed to wake up at every flinch. He just subconsciously held harder.
Although by the time the morning comes, neither of them are well rested.
Meanwhile
“Okay so ummm Gwenivere this is the brake you brake when you need to stop 🤠👍”
“Okkkkkk”
Gwen was questioning why the hell she decided to do this.
“And when you wanna go, gas pedal.” Said the instructor
“And uh, where is that???” Gwen asked seriously.
“Next to your goddamn brake pedal.”
“Which is where?”
“Up your ass bitch”
“WHAT”
“Nah bruh I quit you will NEVER learn to drive”
“Okay Bea will take me im good”
Meanwhile….
ANYWAYS, so while Gwen cannot get a driver liscene, the gays are being disasters. AGAIN
“Wow Simon you looked like you didn’t sleep at all last night,” Patrick commented as he watched Simon poured some black coffee.
“Yea I really, really didn’t” Simon replied, wantting to say “No shit sherlock,” but loves his bf so didn't.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No I just wanna, stay here, with you” SIMP SIMP SIMPO.
“Mkay…” luckily it was the weekend so they DONTHAVE TO FACE THE WRATH OF EVIL DEMON SPAWN CHILDREN “yknow what would rlly suck rn…. If Timmy respawned…”
“Don’t push it”
“Okay sorry babe”
“Its okay I love you” HYPERSIMPOTHEY
“I love you too”
Elemental was still playing in the background, but together they felt their own silence.
Also a random plot point… they never checked if Timmy actually died 😨 ANYWAYS BACK TO THE STORY
They were stuck in an infinite group of “I love you’s” it was so fucking cringey.
“So uuuuuhhhh… wanna beat up Bailey and Alec’s ass like idk later?” Simon suggested. “For the bullshitery they caused.”
“I don’t think that’s healthy for either of us but we can call up the entire gang to beat them up.”
“Um Pat about yesterday…”
=================