Chapter Text
Judy didn’t find out much in her small 10 minutes on the Fortuna. She discovered one dead crewmate, and the rest is to be discovered.
Before she could find anything linking back to Grant Kelly, the Jupiter made an emergency landing call and found a habitable canyon in the seemingly dead and not-Alpha-Centauri planet.
I understand Judy a little too well. She wants to find out if her dad really is alive and in that ship. I don’t blame her.
If I knew my dad was sleeping a few thousand miles in the sky, I’d jump at the chance to see him again.
But first, she says, we need to focus on getting back off the ground. Then we can do some exploring.
The word tastes awful on my tongue. Exploring? When we’ve just left all our parents for dead? Our mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, and older siblings are probably all mutilated on what remains as the Resolute, and we’re thinking of going on a little journey?
Gross. But it’s not up to me.
One thing at a time, right?
Well, like Penny said, there are multiple things going on at the same time.
I wish I could confidently say that I’m not freaking out a little. All of my anger and anxiety about being given a giant role of leadership before I’m ready keeps growing.
To top it off, Judy decided I’m on the team of “older kids in charge” and my opinion holds a lot more weight than I’m ready to be responsible for.
“Okay. So, what are we looking at Will?” Judy and Vijay stand across the table from Will, Penny and I. Smith leans on the head of the table with the least amount of interest on her face. Where did she even come from? And why am I always standing next to Will? This is getting obnoxious.
I feel someone half my height silently tug at my belt, and I look down, knowing who it is before I see him. My last light and my hope, always at my side even when he doesn’t really need to be. I smile in spite of myself, and I ease up a little.
I would let myself die on this mission in a heartbeat.
But if I don’t feel like Dannie is safe (which he never really is), I’ll still have a lot of fight in me. Despite being nearly 8, he still looks just as young as when we first boarded the Resolute.
I hold my hand open for him and I feel his soft, clean fingers wrap gently around my first three.
My hands are far too big for him to hold nowadays, but he still tries. Which makes me feel better every time.
“Decker?” Someone calls out to me. I snap out of my peaceful daze and wake up to a rude awakening.
Will. He holds a tablet with multiple spreadsheets overlapping the screen. He’s assessed the damage, and I’m waiting to hear the worst.
“Are you with us?” He asks gently, as if he were talking to Dannie. I feel a bit annoyed with this. We’re the same age.
The way he says it, though, so gently, I myself feel like a little girl for just a moment.
I freeze, and I’m looking straight at Will again.
A wave of everything-at-once hits me. Fatigue. Loneliness. Cold.
I feel really cold despite my constant state of rage. I really want to go to sleep.
I strangely want someone to hold me and keep me warm, maybe someone like Will. But asking for a hug feels like admitting defeat in this moment. I just want to go home and sleep. I miss Earth so much. The homesickness keeps bashing me in the head.
I want Will to hold me and talk to me the way he did just now, like he’ll be the one doing the protecting of me. I want to fall asleep in the warmth of his character and feel his arms like a heavy blanket around me.
I selfishly wish Will liked me in the way he likes that damn robot.
~
I find myself unable to speak. So I nod twice, hoping it’s enough.
“Okay,” Will smiles.
I take a deep breath and pick Dannie up, although he’s getting heavier. He doesn’t seem to care.
“Prepare for something devilish,” I whisper in Dannie’s ear, letting him know he’s not in for a good time if he stays here.
I’m ready for anything.
Something like, ‘The Jupiter will never be flight worthy again.’ or maybe even, ‘it’s the robot’s fault we’re all here, and this should be punishable by death.’
Something extreme enough to make me feel a little bit better. Like I’m not left to raise my little brother all alone. Like I’ll be dead in the next 48 hours so there’s no point in keeping an open mind.
Or even,
‘Yes, Grace, I’m oh-so-wrong about this sick and twisted alliance-with-the-enemy thing I’ve got going on. The robot is fake and you’re real, and I need to remember what’s real. Who’s feelings are real.’
Ha. Will would never say that.
What he does say:
“All things considered, it’s not as bad as our last crash landing.”
Will responds, a ghost of a smile gracing his annoyingly joyous face. I feel myself getting hot with frustration again, and it’s all directed towards Will. What does he even think he’s doing?
“The Jupiter has sustained heavy damage, though. We’re going to need a lot of Tita-”
“So, we’re not going to talk about it, then?” I interrupt, hoping I don’t have a sharp edge to my voice. My comment is general, but I look straight at Will as I ask it. It’s as discreetly condescending as possible.
“...What do you mean?” Will returns my eye contact, and for a moment I almost back down. His eyes say exactly what he’s saying, “What do you mean?”
Say what you will about Will Robinson; he is excellent at physical communication.
I am so in favor of Will and yet passionately against what he stands for.
“What do I mean?” I retort. “I’m sorry, I only mean to bring up the thing we’re all thinking. Why did you tell it to bring us here?”
Will’s brow furrows in confusion.
“It?”
“Your robot! We are supposed to be at Alpha Centauri. So why on God’s green Earth aren’t we? Also, why did it deliberately lead us somewhere it knew we would get distracted, almost losing Judy? And now, we’re stranded on this deceased rock.”
Will turns to look at Judy as if to say, Aren’t you going to stop this?
Judy just looks at me, waiting for me to finish. It makes me angry how Will has his family here to silently communicate with, he can let them in on his own personal fears and aspirations, and I have no one. I wish I had someone.
I wish I could trust him; he’s smart, he’s positive, and he’s kind. The mature kind.
But I realize all too late that he probably isn’t too fond of me already. This is my first impression, and I’m positive I’ve already made him hate me.
“I just..” I huff, expressing exhaustion and frustration. “I don’t want to be here longer than we have to be. Something about this feels… well… wrong. I don’t know.” I look at Dannie, smiling and attempting to hide it by biting his nails. I smile faintly back.
Judy sighs. She looks at me with a patient look that tells me I’m not being completely unreasonable. That makes me feel a little bit better. She does that.
“I understand entirely.” Judy nods, going back into professional-Judy mode. “I think, first, we all need some rest. The sun’s rotation around this canyon is fairly similar to Earth’s, so we can sleep for around 11 hours before we should start looking at some solutions.”
I feel myself nearly start to decompose out of sheer relief.
“Okay Dannie, It’s bedtime.” I smile as I set him down, keeping hold of his hand as a reminder of what I do have.