Chapter Text
Theres a different kind of pain when you watch the love of your life marry someone else.
To be honest it was his fault that he didn't made a move. Even if he had forever he wouldn't take it thinking she would be there.
Thats a huge mistake on his part.
I mean who thought the girl who never glanced at anyone was the first in their crew to settle down? None of them expected this.
He was fine watching her from afar, being her equal and comrade in arms as they defend the crew from all. They bicker and fight but there are times deep into the night where they hang out and talk about things.
He remembers the moonlight striking her face in a gleam bath as her tanned skin shimmered. Oh how she would laugh after a tease, and Sanji would give her a smile so hung up on her.
Now, the love cook is not a stranger to love. Despite how much he wishes. For him, he finds it unbelievable to actually find someone who would love him as he is.
Not that, he would be honored to have any lady and take her hand if she offers too.
He would give her the world and everything.
But what about himself?
Sanji believed in stories and fairytales as a child. Eyes dazzling as he turned over the pages of a prince and a lady living their happily ever after, wondering if he could too one day experience those things as well.
It was hard being a hopeless romantic, to swoon over one woman to another. Acting like a fool. In practice that maybe, he could find the one for him, one that fit the glass slipper shoes the universe that gave to him.
Then he'll get to know her, love her, ask for her hand, as he get down on one knees.
And she would say yes.
And they would live happily every after in some place far away together.
However, the one he fell in love with was nothing like that. She was a brute, muscled, chiseled jaw with a cocky attitude and smug eating grin. Fierce bounty hunter 3 swords on her hips, 3 gold on her ear. Names feared in all of east blue with looks that could kill you. Literally.
But she wasn't all that. She would laugh in their early days of the journey. Sanji around that time denied the butterflies in his stomach. How she would sleep around on the deck as Sanji stared at her amused, or to how her cheeks would puff up like hamster as she ate greedily. Cute.
Those nights late at night where they would talk and the way she would relax with him. Hearing her soft breath, huffs and groans as she relaxes in the sofa. The time where she wore a tank top with a strap down and shorts. Closing her eyes after a drink, at that time Sanji thought it was erotic and told her to cover up.
To which Zoro smirked and teased him about it.
Now it was one of the only thing Sanji's sorrowful heart clung onto. Wishing maybe... wondering if he had made a move that time. Could've he changed the outcome?
He was in love with zoro for a long time now. He just didnt want to admit it. Maybe it is out of fear you could say. But mainly he thought she would stay like this forever as the other wing of the pirate king.
Oh boy he was so wrong.
Everyone in the reception cheered. It wasn't a big banquet as Zoro only prefered to keep it simple. It was more of a wano traditional style where everyone sat while she groom and bride gets married.
Sanji stared Zoro's face, painted to look like a flower blooming. She was so beautiful it hurt.
It was great he was a master of pretending. He smiled and cheered but he could feel the others stare boring into the back of his forehead.
Everyone checked on him beforehand days before the wedding. He didn't know why. He was good at pretending! Why did everyone come to him? Was it something on his face? How sullen he looked? How his back crouched and how he spaces out most of the time now? Maybe he did nicked his finger and dress blood from his kitchen knife but that was one time or two.
He just didnt feel like he had an energy to do anything anymore. What was his reason to live again?
Days before the wedding. Nami had nudged him. Robin had talked with him. Franky showed concerns with his face frowning. Brook stayed with him silently with music as Sanji stared into the window. Chopper came onto his lap. Ussop glanced at him worried, once he exclaimed in front of the group how he looked bad as a joke. The room went silent. And Sanji had to forcefully laugh reasurring them he was okay.
Obviously. It was not.
The crew weren't sure why he acted like so. Although the girls, Brook and Franky seemed to get an inkling.
They had tried pushing him only for him to snap at them. And Sanji begged them to drop the topic so they did.
So now here he is watching the love of his life getting married to someone else.
Now how should he live from then on as a walking corpse?
Everyone cheered for them happily as vows were exchanged and they kissed to seal their bond. Right. Not everyone had to be miserable as he is. In fact, he is the only one misrable here.
He took one look at Zoro's face. His heart crumpled as he saw her face filled with love and devotion. All glimmering just like those times when they had been talking to each other in each other company all those years ago.
It hurt.
It hurts. To see her laugh.
Everyone else was up in their faces, Luffy too had gradually accepted that if Zoro is happy he doesn't mind. Sanji realized he was the only one still sitting down and he forced himself to get up.
Sanji watched, approching them. As Zoro say her thanks yous to everyone her eyes find it's way to meet blue.
And oh how she smiled so brightly.
"Congratulations", Sanji said.
"Thanks cook", Zoro returned it with a smile before she turned away. Like he was some other person the crowd she needs to greet out of modesty.
There was no tease. No banter. No implications underneath it. It was like they were world apart and Sanji couldn't bear to step into their world and watch her smoother he love over her new husband.
She didn't call him names, and that hurt it more than he thought it did.
While everyone was preoccupied he slipped away from the party and crumbled.
Nami then found him after a while, it has been hours since then and the man hasn't moved. There was an almost empty pack on the ground and ashes all around him.
She said with a sigh, "I told you so" sitting next to him.
Sanji hasnt cried. But every single inch of him is tried and breaking. He just wanted to bury himself in the ground, pass out in his bed and cry to sleep. But they cant leave now. This was Zoro's party not his. And he would be doomed to ruin a lady's wedding because of him even if it's the mosshead.
Sanji sighed into his kness curling as much as he could into himself. He wanted to respond but he couldn't find the strength to reassure her he was alright.
He was not alright.
What should he do now? He wants to go home into the sunny and cry in his own room.
So he waited and waited. And he never moved from the spot.
Everyone one by one went on to check on him.
One complained to Luffy of not letting them talk to Zoro about Sanji. Luffy looked at them dead in the.
"This is his fight not ours, if he doesn't want to say anything then we should do nothing"
Luffy pointed looks at Sanji. It was stern. It was funny how he seems to be the only unemotional one in this room but Sanji understood why he did so. It didn't made it hurt less although.
"If you ruin Zoro's happiness. Even you Sanji I wouldn't let it slide", Luffy words sounded cold but there was also a pained look in his eye.
It was true.
"That's true but how could you say such a cruel thing–"
Franky holds Nami's shoulder back in a reassuring way.
"Luffy is not wrong girly"
They all know they were up against a losing battle.
They all saw how in love Zoro looked with her husband they couldn't bear to strip her away from the one happiness she seemed to pick for herself after a long time sacrificing for her group.
"Im with Luffy", Ussop also spoke up, crossing his hands.
"It's not a time to be selfish", his eyes went to Sanji still curling in the corner and his eyes flickered with guilt at that same second.
"It hurts me as much as you all to see him like that but I don't want to hurt Zoro as well"
They all nodded. It was a big dillemma
"And if Sanji decided to confess after this–"
"It's practically too late– Zoro would reject him", Nami cried, she understood a long time ago. She wished there was a better outcome to this.
How could've they all known that Sanji loved Zoro all this time? How could've they known that Zoro is meant to be bethored to someone else.
"It's fine everyone"
Everyone looked behind into the corner. Sanji looked tiredly with a smile on his face.
"Luffy and Ussop is right it's my fault. I
"I just thought maybe she would stay with me forever–", Sanji heart ached, blinked his blurry eyes. As tears threatned starts to fall, his hands pulling
"It's such an improper thought to have for a woman I never tried to court"
"I knew all the ways to woo a woman yet for the one I really wanted I never did. Its stupid. Im an idiot", he continued as everyone looked at him with sad eyes.
"It's no surprise that she fell for another man" , Sanji tears then fell as he cried tiredly. He doesnt know how much he could take this. He just wanted to go back to the Sunny and hide in his room.
"Were going back to the Sunny", Luffy suddenly annouced.
"Eh Luffy?", Nami said in disbelief.
Luffy adjusted his hat, "Were done here are we? Theres no more reason for us to stay"
"But what about Zoro?"
"Shes fine. Shes happy here. We'll leave her here"
"And what about us?"
Luffy eyes looked at Nami in a solemn understanding. There was somethimg he wanted to say through his eyes.
__
Luffy then thinks back to his disucssion with Zoro. They've known each other for years now. Captain in his first mate. They knew each other by the back of their hands and just a single glance they could tell what the other wanted to talk about.
"I don't think i'll be returning cap"
Luffy gave her a resolved look.
"Doesn't mean im leaving its just that, I'll probably not venture with you anymore if thats okay"
"Yeah", Luffy said that. His hat hiding his face. Of course it hurt him as much.
"This is what you want right?", Luffy then spoke up.
Zoro looked at the sunset for a while, her hair flowing in the wind as she smiled, "Yeah, I'm happy here"
Luffy smiles, a big wide grin. The same one he shown Zoro the first day they met.
"There will be always a space for you Zoro. Don't forget that. Don't forget us"
Zoro nodded, "I know"
And so they kept staring into the sunset. Zoro in her white dress and Luffy red royal cloak fit for a king moving in the wind.
"I'll miss you", Luffy suddenly addmited too.
And Zoro finally let out one of her sad smile.
"Me too"
Luffy finally then broke into tears as he looked at Zoro now with tears forming in her eyes. Luffy pulled her into a tight hug, curshing her into his embrace.
"I'll really really really miss you"
"Me too"
"I really do, you're my first crew and friend Zoro"
Zoro tears finally fell, "Mhm", Her face on Luffy's shoulders, hugging him as she closed her eyes and breathe in his scent of meat and the sun itself.
"You'll be alright", She said.
They then parted and looked at each other. Luffy wiped his tears away and laugh shishishi. And zoro smiled calmly as usual.
"I'll come back to you one day, I promise you", Zoro looked at Luffy with a determined look as Luffy smiled on his adoring face.
"Then it's a promise"
_
Luffy stared down at Sanji walking haggardly. From Zoro's village to their deck Luffy had his eyes on him for a long time. Everyone then parted into their own thing, Nami ordering everyone to set their sails as Jinbe pulled up the anchor.
And Sanji...
Just went into his room without a thought. And Luffy stopped there staring holes onto the now closed doors before he then helped the other to set for sail.
Zoro herself watched from her new home as the Sunny left, smiling before looking back at her husband.
"Are you missing them already?"
Zoro shook her head, "They'll be fine", she leaned onto her husband shoulders and kissed him walking back to their room.
She glanced back once more, as the sunny powers up and coup the burst into their new journey.
__
Sanji stayed holed up in his room for days. On the first day there were sounds of sobs, cries and choking. Those who knows never commented. The walls has been quite thin and sometimes the voice seeps through.
Second day is when problems starts to happen, Sanji didn't come out of his room and they had to knock on their door. They didn't have breakfast that day as the cook overslept. Sounds of falling were heard from his room, rustling and tumbling about as the door finally opened.
Sanji has puffy red eyes and sweat in his face. Chopper and Ussop who went to get him frowned.
"Shit I'm sorry", Sanji leaned himself over the door, hands on the handle. Trying to support himself. He just looked so small.
"Hey no worries, we just wanted to check on you. How are you feeling?"
Sanji dazed before reigstering his question, "It's fine", he choked.
"Are you going to make breakfast?", Ussop wasnt saying that cause he wanted to eat. He just wanted Sanji to come out of his room, maybe giving him something to do would distract him from his thoughts.
Sanji looked at him puffy red eyes hurts as he blinked. He hissed and touched them. It does look swollen.
"I look like shit"
"Yeah we know", Usopp crosses his arms.
"We could get ice on your eyes, I can take a bath with you as well. I'll scrub your back", Chopper said enthusatically.
Sanji lets out a tired smile at Chopper.
"Sure. (I would like that)"
"I'll help you out in the kitchen... Though uhh don't scream at me if I do something wrong Mr. Perfectionist", Ussop smiled at him. He held out his hand at Sanji, which that he took.
They then walked out into the galley. Some people were there sitting on the other side giving their hello's but they didn't point out how bad Sanji look. Or even teased him for that matter.
Something about it comforted him. Made his eyes sting a little bit more. But his heart was still heavy and gloomy and he still walked with a hunch.
Sanji then approached the stove, cranking up the heat and outting a pot as he told ussop to get some ingredients out. Chopper has been lovely, stirring the pot about. And Sanji kept chopping the veg on board.
Lunch is finally finished.
"Sorry for the wait up", Sanji voice was hoarse but that didnt stop Luffy from jumping at the meat.
"MEATT!!!!", Luffy grabbed at the bone straight from his hands and starts eating it. Sanji didn't stop him like usually, he just smiled.
Everyone then came pouring in their respective seats and Sanji stood up as always but eyes then lingered on the empty seat beside Luffy.
And his heart tinged once again.
"Sanji come sit–", Nami looked over to him just to see his tired stare at the empty space. Her smile dropped.
Everyone then seemed to notice and the room and bustling went silent.
Sanji then snapped out of his daze. To see the crew quiet all sullen as much as him.
"It alright Sanji, We miss her too", Brook spoke up.
And it was silence before words slipped out of his tongue. Half lidded eyes and his mouth parted with a slouchef back, unbeckoning for a gentle man who prided on his appearance. He sighed a long time.
"I think i'll miss her forever"
Everyone then stared at the empty space again. Luffy kept eating but his eyes also looked over the empty space.
"You should sit there Sanji", Luffy said unawarrated.
"Eh?", Luffy grimy hands then tugged on Sanji shirt and put him on the seat. His feet stumbled on the wooden floor as Luffy dragged him around the table. Once he was sat, Sanji blanked out, silent. His eyes falling to the table, hands moved spontaneously, feeling the wood carvings on the table.
Then he laughed, it was a weak soft one but it was the first instance there was any sembelance of joy from him. It stupid. He and Zoro used to compete over the smallest things and theres was one instance where they fought about the spot next to luffy.
It's funny how its real now. He could feel her wamrth on the spot, he was being delusional.
His face fell on the table. Maybe he did want to feel her warmth on his body once more. Remmembering how electrifying it feels when their hands brushed. Sometimes he could hear her calling after him 'cook', only to look back to find out it was just the wind speaking. Now he was just chasing a ghost of her.
He wanted to hold her so bad.
Luffy went back to eating, maybe it is a good thing. He didn't want to show his face right now, facing away from the crew as much as he could. The crew seemed understanding of that at least. They all went back to eating but Sanji could still feel probes and stares at the back of his head.
He understood why so but it is still so annoying...
Then there was a pat on his shoulder.
"Sanji... you should eat. It's fine you don't need to eat much, just a little will do", Ussop nudged him a plate as Sanji turned around with the plate in front of him.
The stench of food made him gag as he moved to avoid it. He felt horrible doing that, the food was perfectly fine. Sanji was not.
He rummaged through his pockets only to remember he was in his sleeping outfit, not the usual dress pants and collared shirt. Both his cig and lighter was no where as he pats his chest down.
Right he was using T-shirt and shorts. Sanji sighed, while grabbing a fistful of his hair, pulling it at the root while looking down. He tried hiding from the rest of them as he face planted on the table. A small whine as his fingers dug into his skin at his self inflicted humiliation.
Ussop glanced at Nami who shrugged then at Robin who gestured a cigarette. Her eyes glanced at Franky, they all know the cook kept a stash of it on the kitchen cupboard near him. Since franky was sitting close to it, following Robin's pointing finger. He grabbed one of those and a lighter and approached Sanji slowly.
"Here cook-bro", his tiny finger pulled out a cig and puts it gently on his mouth. Sanji bit into it like a fish out of the water, then Franky lit it up.
Sanji groaned in relief as he took a smoke. Franky stayed there crouched down, his left hand patting his back while the other is holding Sanji's shoulder. Franky face was serious. In fragile emotional moments, he could really be someone to depend on.
He then embraced Sanji into a gentle hug, still patting his back. It was warm.
Sanji finally sobbed, curling into himself as Franky engulfed him with his warmth. Choking, stiffling his cries in Franky's shoulders.