Chapter Text
When Steven wakes up again, it’s night time, the stars in the sky shining through his cracked balcony windows, and he shifts his eyes away from them immediately, comfortably wrapped in Connie’s arms as she continues to doze. He wonders how her parents feel about her staying over, as it seems she’s been here the last two days. He wonders how much they know.
The thought makes him uncomfortable, and he carefully pulls himself out of Connie’s hold, grateful the girl tends to be a deep sleeper, and he slowly sits up, trying to lightly stretch his sore muscles. His mind still feels kind of fuzzy, like it was draped in a thick blanket, and he realizes, idly, that he hasn’t eaten or drank anything, or used the bathroom for that matter. The thought gets him standing, and he blinks through the dizziness that tries to get him right back down, limbs heavy, and he shakes it off, carefully inching towards the stairs, listening for any sounds of active gems or his dad.
He realizes he could’ve woken Connie up and asked for help, with how weak he feels, even after all the sleeping he’s been doing, but he can’t bring himself too, not after everything he’s done over the last few weeks. The least he could do is feed himself and drag himself to the bathroom on his own. He can handle it, way better than any emotional vulnerability he’s sure is going to be pushed more on him in the coming days.
With that thought in mind, he starts to walk down the stairs carefully, keeping his hand on the wall to steady himself, and he looks into the living room to see it’s dark, silent. Not without company though, as his dad is curled up asleep on the couch, a comforter thrown over his form. Gentle breaths escape the older man, a furrow in his brow. No sign of the gems, and Steven knows his dad well enough to know he won’t wake up from someone simply walking by, so he walks past him towards the bathroom.
Steven sighs in relief as the door closes quietly behind him, and he takes a breath, leaning against the door with his eyes shut. The silence both comforts and unsettles him, and he brushes off the lingering anxiety, quickly using the bathroom.
He debates if he should shower yet or not, he feels a little gross, and after a moment of consideration, he decides he may as well. He actually can’t remember when he showered last, which makes him cringe visibly.
He moves to wash his hands, looking in the mirror and frowning at his reflection. Dark circles were sitting under his eyes, his skin a little paler than normal, but he’ll take that over the obnoxious pink he’d become accustomed too. His curls were a little out of sorts, the uniform style he typically kept in non-existent. He looked sad, a little pathetic, and it just made him feel worse.
With a heavy sigh, Steven turns to grab a towel, clean ones hung neatly on the wall, and he moves to undress, taking off his pajama shirt and placing it in the laundry hamper. He decides to grab his skincare products while he’s in here, he may as well try to look presentable. Steven turns to open the mirror and stops, mind skidding to a halt.
Peaking over his shoulders are pink markings, light, scattered. Vaguely resembling scales, and he shakily turns, gaping at what he sees.
Scars, closed but obvious, going down his spine, evenly spaced, a light pink shade. They were slightly raised, and a few more seemed to be on his arms, two each, and he realized, distantly, why he was put in one of his long sleeved shirts. There seemed to be a few more of those pink scales scattered on his skin, not too many, but enough to be noticeable.
He exhales shakily, tongue running against his teeth anxiously, feeling what he was afraid of, his blunt canines sharper than normal, and he pulls his cheek open with a trembling finger. It wasn’t terrible, not really, more subtle than he would’ve thought, but the sight still had him stepping back harshly, and in a flash, his skin was glowing pink again.
Of course he has corruption scars, why wouldn’t he have corruption scars? Why would he be different? He buries his face in his hands, breathing heavily, stumbling to sit on the edge of the tub, heart threatening to jump out of his chest.
What if it happens again? It could, couldn’t it? Even with his energy so depleted, his powers were still flaring up, reminding him constantly of his own dangerous energy, the destructive power of a Diamond running through his veins. He didn’t want it to happen again, he’d already caused enough damage.
He doesn’t know when he started crying, he was so zoned out he didn’t register the sobs leaving his mouth until there was a knock at the door, and he flinched instinctually, eyes wide and crazed.
“ Steven? Are you alright man? “ Amethyst’s voice whispered against the door. Steven’s chest stutters, and he pushes his lips together, trying to pull himself together enough to reassure her. He goes to open his mouth and attempt to keep his voice steady, but he can’t seem to form any words, a quivering gasp leaving him instead, which only seems to worry Amethyst more, who knocks again.
“ Steven? Come on man, can I come in? “ she asks gently, and he can tell that she’s sat down on the floor, her fingers lightly tapping against the floor. He could hear a gentle crinkle of a bag, and he realized that she was probably walking by with a snack before she heard him having yet another breakdown. The thought leaves a sour taste on his tongue, and he frowns deeply, frantically rubbing his eyes to will the tears away.
“ I’m–I’m okay Amethyst, “ he manages to force out, willing his voice to appear stable, but he clearly fails, Amethyst shifting against the door to put her mouth against the crack of it.
“ Dude, no you’re not. You know I don’t believe that, you can talk to me, you know, “ she states, sadness coating her tone. “ We can grab a snack and sit outside, if you want? Play a video game, something? “ she offers, and Steven hums, looking at his shaking hands, the pink fading as his panic ebbs.
Amethyst’s presence seemed to be calming his nervous system down a bit. Not enough for him to feel totally calm, but enough for him to stand with a sigh, shaky legs walking over to the bathroom door and opening it, Amethyst falling backwards in surprise, chip bag in hand.
“ Steven! You look like crap, “ she whispers, frowning, and Steven huffs, glassy eyes looking down at her in mild amusement.
“ Is it that obvious? “ he asks sarcastically, hands grabbing at his bare arms anxiously, and Amethyst seems to relax at the banter, standing up with a nod.
“ Very. I’m surprised to see you up, we thought we wouldn’t see you until the morning, you’ve been sleeping so much, “ she explains, humming curiously, “ what were you up too? “ she asks, looking him over with a curious expression, which makes Steven shrink into himself more, hands tightening. She squints at him, then her eyes trail on the scars and her face drops, a small “ Oh. “ leaving the gem.
“ Yeah, oh, “ Steven repeats, agitation climbing up his limbs. Amethyst frowns, moving to put a gentle hand on one of his own, which he backs up to avoid.
“ I’m…I’m sorry man, we were going to talk to you about that when you got up. “ she explains, pulling her hand back with a mildly hurt expression. Steven huffs, channeling his anxiety into his anger, moving to continue grabbing his skincare products like he was normal, like he wasn’t just crying and panicking over his scars.
“I’m sure you guys were. Look, I’m okay, as you can see, “ he gestures to his body, tone flat, “ I want to take a shower, so I kind of need to be alone for that. “ he states simply, agitation clear in his tone, and Amethyst frowns, throwing the chip bag in her mouth and crossing her arms with a swallow.
“ Listen man, I’m good with letting you shower and get yourself sorted, but you don’t need to lie to me, “ she says, and a softness settles across her features, “ I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all. “ she explains more quietly, and Steven takes a deep breath, turning back towards her, a pinch settled between his brow. Her presence wasn’t comforting him now, instead flaring his defense mechanisms, and it was jarring how quickly it changed.
“ I’m good right now, okay? You don’t need to coddle me, don’t turn this into a thing. “ he knows the stress is getting to him, he didn’t mean to get as annoyed as he did, but now he’s running off of it, allowing it to sit in place of the lingering anxiety he was feeling. His fists are clenched, nails digging into his palms, the one thing grounding him from flaring up pink again.
“ I’m not coddling dude, I just care about you, like everyone else. I love you man, “ a furrow settles between her own brow, “ but I’ll leave you be for now, clearly you need some space. You know where to find me if you need me. “ she says with a frown, backing out of the bathroom and closing the door.
She clearly hadn’t wanted to leave him be, but she had respected what he wanted, which made Steven tear up again, anger fading, and he groans to himself, pushing his palms into his eyes.
His emotions are all over the place, it’s driving him crazy. He hopes the shower helps ease the soreness in his body, helps him forget about the scars and markings littering his skin, and he quickly takes the rest of his clothing off and gets in, letting the hot water hit his face, standing in silence for a few seconds.
He shouldn’t have been so harsh towards Amethyst, he knew. His defenses flared, agitation flooding his veins when he was called out. He never wanted them to know, and now they all do. They were all aware and were going to be trying to talk to him and comfort him, and he doesn’t know how he’s going to handle it.
His talk with Connie earlier was already stressful, though the girl had a way of cooling him down, settling his feelings. His family though? That’s a whole other can of worms he hadn’t wanted to open anytime soon, if ever.
He moves to wash his body and hair on autopilot, allowing a gentle hum to dance between his vocal chords, a nonsense song leaving him as he goes about his routine. It’s the most normal he’s felt in awhile, a familiar dance with himself, a comfortable familiarity. He loses himself in it, taking a long shower, steam filling the room instead of his own pink glow.
Eventually, his skin starts to wrinkle at his finger tips, and he takes that as his sign to get out and face himself again, face the reality of the world he is now living in. He turns the water off a bit solemnly, wishing he could just stay there forever, settled under the warmth of the water, pelting his skin in a comforting beat.
He realizes, after a moment, that he didn’t bring a change of clothes, and he groans out loud, wrapping the towel around his waist. It felt like his own head wasn’t completely attached to his body, and he ran his hands through his hair with a sigh, shaking his head to attempt to clear it. It didn’t do much other than reignite his dizziness, and he places his hand on the wall to steady himself.
After his vision settles, Steven moves to do his skincare, focusing on ignoring his visible scars as he moves through the routine with ease. He’d gotten into it a year ago after a conversation with Sadie, the older girl giving him recommendations of brands to try when he expressed interest in her own collection.
He found the repetitive motions comforting, plus, it benefitted him, leaving his skin shiny and fresh. He gets through it quickly enough, skin feeling refreshed, and he sighs gently as he moves to open the door slowly, peeking out before sneaking past his dad again, moving up the stairs and peeking into his room.
Connie still seems to be asleep, gentle breaths leaving the teen as she slumbers, and Steven takes the opportunity to make a quick dash for his closet, grabbing a pair of boxers and a new pajama set before setting back down the stairs and into the bathroom.
He hates how winded he feels from such a simple thing, a thing he’s done multiple times with ease. He hates how weak he feels, like a simple breeze could knock him over if he pushed himself too hard. He could only imagine how Jasper might react to his current state, even with her new found respect for him, and the thought of the gem makes him shiver, shaking his head to rid his mind of the intrusive images that flashed in his brain.
He gets dressed, humming softly to himself, grateful to his own subconscious that he grabbed another pair of long sleeved pajamas, and he looks himself in the mirror one last time, scanning his own features for a moment. He wants to be normal, he really does. He wants to try, but he’s self aware enough to know that right now he’s barely hanging onto that thread, and the only reason that thread exists is all the sleep he got, but he’ll take what he can get.
He remembers that he still needs to eat, the weakness in his body still hanging over his shoulders, and he moves towards the kitchen, trying to find something small and easy to snack on. The area was clean, aside from the big hole in the front of the house. Everything seemed to be cleaned, organized and meticulously placed, clearly Pearl’s work.
He still can’t believe that this was him. The worst part was that he barely remembered it, bits and pieces floating around in his head, pieces he hadn't managed to put back together. The sight made his heart clench, the fact that he’d caused such a huge mess and left it behind for his family to pick up the pieces.
He knows, deep down, that they wouldn’t want him to think about it that way, but he couldn’t help it. The last thing he ever wanted to do was inconvenience any of them, and he went and made the biggest inconvenience of all, the house, torn open by an angry, raging monster painting the image clearly for him.
His hand clenches his shirt, right above his gem. He hates to admit it, but for a while now his gem has felt like more of a curse than a blessing. What had started as something that he thought was cool, something he wanted to learn everything about turned into something that more often than not inconvenienced him in recent times. It scared him, more now than before, the fear he feels around it now surpassing his fear from before. He loved being a gem, deep down, and he knew that. It just became a source for so many of his issues, and it was difficult to think of it more positively.
He blinks, realizing he’s just been standing in the middle of the kitchen staring outside for too long, mind almost lost within his own spiral, and he shakes his head, willing his legs to get moving so he could accomplish this small task.
His appetite wasn’t huge, but he was hungry enough for something simple. Protein shakes were an option, but if he was being honest with himself, he was a little tired of them. They’d been a constant for months now, and he didn’t think he could handle choking another one down right now.
He opts for a banana with some peanut butter, a simple option that’ll give him some energy. He grabs the jar of peanut butter out of the cabinet, taking a large scoop of it with a spoon and placing it in a small bowl. He grabs a banana from the counter and brings it upstairs, settling on his bed gently, careful to not jostle Connie, and he begins to eat his snack in silence.
He feels awkward, sitting in the dark quiet room, and he shifts, finally looking at his alarm clock, the bright numbers blaring into his eyes, reading 2:35am, and he frowns. He’d essentially slept for two days, if his timing was correct? He doesn’t think he’s ever slept that long, Steven tended to be an early riser after all. He’d grown up loving mornings, getting right in on the action of the day, the sun beaming on his skin. He’d loved experiencing life for all it had to offer, could laugh off a scrape of a knee or bump on the head, grateful to just experience things.
Now though, he felt like he had experienced too much. A starry eyed kid shown what lay beyond the stars, and he didn’t like what he saw. He feels foolish, looking back, his innocence and naivety being his greatest weaknesses during that time. He’d been twelve when his powers first started manifesting, and then proceeded to spend the next almost three years experiencing various events, trauma after trauma, the tip of the iceberg being when he was a decent way into fourteen, a large white hand reaching out and—
“ Steven? “ a voice cuts him out of his train of thought, and he blinks, looking back at Connie, who's sitting up, eyes still lightly dazed with sleep. She looks him over, taking note of his changed clothes, more fresh appearance, and the snack in his hand, which he realizes he’s only taken a bite of.
Steven clears his throat, awkward, moving to put some peanut butter on the banana, smiling nervously at the girl in front of him. Be cool, Steven.
“ Connie—good uh, good evening, “ he manages, quickly taking the bite of the banana to avoid having to say anything else as Connie shifts closer, looking into the bowl curiously, amusement dancing in her eyes.
“ Are you really eating a banana with peanut butter at two in the morning? “ she asks, and Steven huffs, moving the bowl into his lap.
“ Hey, it’s a good combo, “ he states with a dramatic turn away from the girl, and she giggles, the sound loosening up some of the tenseness in his shoulders.
“ I’m not complaining, I’m glad you’re eating, “ she says, a hesitant tone to her voice, and Steven’s mood dampens immediately at the statement, eyebrows pinching. He doesn’t mean to, really. The response is instinctual, a heaviness that settles in his chest. He forces himself to take another bite of the banana, suddenly finding the stray thread on his pajama pants incredibly fascinating. He hears Connie sigh, and suddenly she’s sitting fully next to him, leaning carefully into his arm, her warmth seeping into his skin.
“ I’m sorry, I’m sure you don’t want someone pointing it out every time you do something, right? “ she asks, and Steven nods, leaning onto her, weight on his chest lifting some. She always had a way of doing that, it never ceased to fascinate him.
“ Yeah, not really. Feels a little…I don’t know, infantilizing? Demeaning? I know that isn’t the intention of course but… “ he trails off, but he knows Connie understands, the gentle nod he feels against his shoulder confirms that fact.
“ I understand, I’ll try to be more mindful of that. I do apologize in advance for any slip ups, though. “ she says quietly, and Steven hums, taking another bite of his food.
“ I appreciate it, Strawberry, “ he says in a lighter tone, and Connie snorts, shaking her head. She shifts, and he can feel her eyes on him, looking him over, a finger poking his cheek.
“ You showered and did your skincare? When? “ she asks curiously, and Steven finishes the last of the banana and peanut butter, putting the bowl and peel on the ground next to him.
“ A bit ago, you were asleep and I felt kinda…gross so I got myself up, “ he explains simply, then he gestures to the bowl, “ I realized I haven’t really eaten or drank anything, so I decided to do that before I felt any worse. Speaking of that…I just realized I didn’t grab a drink. “ he realizes with a groan, and Connie hums, moving to stand, stretching her muscles with a wince.
“ I can grab some water for you, I was going to get up to get some anyway, “ she offers with a smile, and Steven stands up immediately, intending to do it himself. That was his goal today after all.
“ No, no I can go down with—woah, “ he cuts himself off as a dizzy spell hits him, and he stumbles as Connie reaches out immediately, helping him sit back down. Clearly, his body wasn’t going to allow him to be any more independent.
“ Yeah I don’t think so, I think you exerted enough energy for now, mister. “ she states sternly, and Steven frowns, grumbling to himself as Connie walks downstairs, leaving him with his own thoughts once again.
He didn’t deserve Connie, he really didn’t. The girl had her own problems to deal with, he never wanted to add his own to her stress.
She had gotten a therapist after everything happened with the Diamonds a few years back. She had told him that she was okay, but that she needed an outlet, a professional, to help her balance out her life and emotions, which Steven was immediately understanding of. She spoke to him about issues of hers, of course, there had been plenty of conversations over the years of that, but not always. He never expected her too, it’s not like he was very forthcoming himself.
She trusted him with her life, and could tell him anything, and she knew that. There were just some things she preferred to keep more vague with him, and speak more in detail about with her therapist, and it definitely helped her. She found ways to cope, things that helped her relax and keep her head on straight, and it warmed Steven’s heart that she had found something that made her feel better. He told her as much many times, and she’d always smile, warm, pretty, grateful for Steven’s kindness.
He remembers the day he came over to her house, maybe a few months before the whole Spinel situation, and she had shown off her small collection of stim toys she had acquired after some therapy sessions. They were perfect for her stress, as well as keeping her mind steady while she did her schoolwork, and Steven was fascinated by them.
The two of them had spent a while just testing them out while listening to music, the various clicking and spinning sounds blending nicely with the rock music they had thrown on that day. She had even gifted Steven one, a small cube with various buttons and switches, a conveniently pink shade as the base.
He hadn’t used it in awhile, but it used to be in his hands often, especially during the days of forming Little Homeschool, the quiet clicks following him around as he worked. He enjoyed using it, a mixture of it being genuinely comforting and it just being a gift from Connie, warmth swirling in his chest from the small token of her care. Plus, it fit his aesthetic.
He loved Connie, he’d known that for years, and he’d really thought he’d messed everything up with her after the beach, something that he still can’t really think about, especially not right now. It didn’t change anything between them, and he was so grateful for Connie and how understanding she was. The girl didn’t hesitate to call him out when it was needed, the realism to his optimism when they were young. She still did so now, but it was always out of care, out of love for her best friend, her other half.
As guilty as he felt for everything that had happened, he couldn’t help but be selfishly relieved that Connie was in his life, and that she hadn’t left, after everything.
“ Your beverage, sire, “ Connie announces as she steps back into the room, two glasses of water in her hands, and she bows dramatically, much like a prince to his princess, and Steven snorts, taking the water with a hand to his chest, batting his eyelashes.
“ Oh you shouldn’t have! So kind… “ he teases back, and Connie smiles, eyes sparkling. She’s happy he’s playing along, allowing some light to return to himself, and Steven can’t help but smile back, the two settling together on the bed comfortably.
“ I’m shocked you ate that peanut butter and didn’t need a drink, “ Connie comments as he takes a sip, grateful for the coolness coating his throat. He gives a grateful hum at the sensation.
“ Eh, I’ve been through worse. “ he says simply, and Connie makes a weird face at that before chuckling, taking a sip of her own water, and the two bask in the comfortable silence for a few moments.
Steven clears his throat, looking over at Connie with confusion in his eyes.
“ Your parents know you’re here, right? “ he asks, and Connie nods, raising an eyebrow at the question.
“ Yeah, why wouldn’t they? They’re fine with me being here for as long as I have been, before you ask. “ she cuts him off as his mouth opens, and it closes with a click.
“ Oh. Well—well that’s good…then. “ he finishes awkwardly, taking another sip of water and looking away. Connie’s eyebrows furrow, and she leans forward to catch his eyes again.
“ What’s wrong? “ she asks, simple, straightforward, and Steven shrinks a little under her gaze, relenting after a moment with a sigh.
“ I just—I feel bad, that’s all. You didn’t have to stay here, it’s been two days of me, what, sleeping? “ he sighs, placing his water on his side table, lying back on the bed, throwing his arm over his eyes. He doesn’t hear Connie move or anything for a moment, then she lies down next to him, threading her fingers through his free hand.
“ I didn’t mind Steven, really. You’re right, I didn’t have to, but I chose to because you’re my best friend, and I wanted to be here for you. Plus, it’s not like I spent every moment in your room, I spent a good portion just talking to the gems and your dad, took a shower, ate, I’ve been all good, “ she says gently, tightening her hold on his hand, “ you deserve to have people care about you, you know. Be doted on. “ she smiles gently as his eyes meet hers, an uncertainty etched across his face at her words, but he nods gently, taking her words in.
Connie knew Steven absorbed every word she said like a sponge, the two of them a bonded pair since they met. He’d always give her his full attention, eyes wide and sparkling as she spoke about everything and nothing, and it feels nice that he hasn’t changed. He always held her in high regard, and it was glaringly obvious how much he respected her.
“ It’s…it’s not that I don’t like people caring about me, don’t get me wrong. I just… “ Steven trails off with a frown, fiddling with his fingers idly as he thinks, “ I think I got so used to helping everyone else, that anything I felt just kinda…went to the backburner, it didn’t feel important. “ he admits quietly, eyes stuck on the ceiling. Connie stays silent, letting him speak, sensing he had more to say.
“ I guess now it just feels like it isn’t worth it? There’s still so many gems to help at Little Homeworld, but it feels like I lost my purpose, what I had to offer, and all of my problems pushed themselves to the forefront of my mind. “ he explains, voice getting quieter as he finishes, obviously uncomfortable.
Connie hums, expression pinched as she looks at him, heart heavy. She can tell this is hard for him to talk about, to admit out loud. The fact that he’s even trying to makes her smile, a small, gentle thing, and she moves closer to throw an arm over his chest in a sort of hug.
“ I can’t believe you’ve just kept this in all this time, you don’t deserve this, “ she mutters into his shoulder, and Steven scoffs lightly, his energy shifting to something more tense, negative.
“ I kinda do. “ he states sharply, and Connie sits up in surprise, taking in his agitated expression, staring at his cracked windows. She raises an eyebrow, taking in his tense body language, and she immediately deflates.
She knows Steven getting better isn’t going to be easy, especially this early on. He had a lot of baggage that he’d never sorted through, left to sit in the back of his mind until it became overloaded, leading to the situation they were in now. The aftermath of an explosive breakdown that he didn’t seem to want to talk about, much less what led up to it.
He was damaged, and the damage was so extensive he seemed to pick up some self loathing on the way, and it made Connie’s heart squeeze painfully in her chest. She was no therapist, she knew that, she knew that there was only so much she could do as his best friend.
Steven though, he’d played therapist to a bunch of thousands year old gems since she met him, a boy with a big heart and smile that seemed to soothe anyone who came across it. He loved helping people, but it seemed that same sentiment didn’t apply to himself.
“ What makes you think you deserve it? You’re not some terrible person, Steven, “ she asks gently, and Steven sits up, clutching at his shirt above his gem, something that seems to be a habit of his now.
“ I’ve done some bad things Connie. I wasn’t lying about what I told you guys, after all… “ he admits quietly, but with a fire behind his voice she wasn’t used to hearing often. She knew what he was referencing, of course. Jasper, White Diamond, the destruction he’d been causing with the gems and Little Homeworld. A result of his powers going haywire, reacting to his distress. A new thing for him, that was never an issue in the past. It’s not too surprising that he’d have new abilities show up as they got older, especially after the reveal of him being a Diamond, not a Quartz.
She knew the Diamonds unsettled him, even if he never said it. Awkward glances and subtle shuffles away were things she witnessed a few times over the last few years. She wasn’t around them when he was often, but the few times she was, she could feel the tension settled over the four heavily, and she was unsure if the three larger Diamonds could feel it too. She’d mentioned it one or two times offhand to Steven, and he always found a way to steer the conversation away.
She regrets letting him do that now.
“ Steven, even knowing these things about you, it doesn’t change how I view you. I still think you’re a good person, “ she says, soft and light, and Steven looks at her in disbelief, lips parted as he studies her face, almost like he was trying to see if she was actually being serious.
“ How? How can you think that? “ he asks, getting up and beginning to pace back and forth, and in a blink he’s pink again. Connie’s eyes widen in brief surprise, but she doesn’t stop him, letting him get out whatever he seems to be trying to convey to her.
“ I shattered Jasper, Connie. Shattered! My mom never shattered anyone, and I managed to do something worse than her, even after everything! “ he’s gesturing wildly as he says this to the girl, who’s listening intently, “ The worst part is…I liked fighting her. I’ve never felt like that before, that free to let loose, but I went too far! “ he cries, voice raising, then he stops, looking at his hands, the pink, glowing shade catching him off guard as he steps backwards, putting distance between him and Connie.
“ And this is still happening! I feel so drained and weakened, I haven’t even tried using my powers on purpose yet, but this is still flaring up! I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t know how to control this… “ he trails off, chest heaving as he looks at the floor, “ I don’t want to change into that again… “ he mumbles, hand gripping onto his shoulder, brows furrowing, and Connie frowns, eyes focused on the tightening grip of his hand.
His scars, she wasn’t even thinking of that. He’d definitely seen them when he was getting ready to shower. She was as aware of them as everyone else, including the sharpened canines left behind in his mouth.
Garnet had been the first one to bring it up, discussing it with the group while Steven was asleep, Connie crawling out of her spot on his bed to join the conversation. She had no clue how he would take them, he was always so gentle and caring with the other previously corrupted gems, but when it came to him having them…
Connie stands up carefully, moving to grab his free hand with her own gently, feeling the tremors in his muscles, and her eyes burn, the heaviness of the situation weighing on her eyes.
“ Steven…you’re not going to do everything perfectly all the time, you’re human too you know. Humans mess up, make mistakes, gems do the same thing! You fixed your mistake with Jasper, and last I heard she was fine. And I know I don’t have the full story on what happened, and you can explain that in time, but I know for a fact you didn’t just decide to fight her for no reason, “ At Steven's hesitant nod, she continues, “ I can completely understand it being scary, especially with your powers getting stronger, but it’s not your fault that you don’t have full control over them yet. This is new, and you can work on it. “ she eases him, voice steady, honesty pouring through her voice.
“ The gems said your powers would likely be drained for a little while, but not completely, especially with you being a Diamond, you have a lot of power. It’s not surprising that it’s still reacting to your distress, but you haven’t grown larger at all, have you noticed? I don’t think you have enough power currently to do more than just glow, it seems. “ she explains, rubbing her thumbs across the back of his hand comfortingly, watching his skin tone fade back to the peachy color she was used to. Steven deflates, putting his other hand against his head.
“ I don’t—I don’t know. My head feels all over the place… “ he admits solemnly, and Connie gently guides him back to his bed, pulling him down to sit with her. She keeps his hand in hers, and she reaches up with her other hand to brush a stray curl from his forehead.
“ That’s to be expected, you’ve been through a lot. Maybe you should go back to bed? Sleep through the night? “ she asks, and Steven shrugs, fiddling with his shirt absentmindedly, “ I guess so… “
“ Alright, come on, “ she says quietly, pulling him gently by his hand back to his bed, the two crawling in and under his covers, Steven immediately being pulled back into a position similar to the previous day, curled up against her, head propped carefully against her shoulder.
“ We’ll work on it Steven, okay? You’ll be alright, “ she says, fingers stroking his shoulder gently as he huffs a breath out of his nose, clearly not fully sold on the words, though he doesn’t offer up a rebuttal, eyes fluttering shut as he settles.
Connie’s own eyes flutter, and she lets them fall shut, the warmth of the boy next to her comforting against her body, drifting off to sleep with visions of diamonds and monsters following her.