Chapter Text
The castle halls had fallen into a strained silence. No one had heard from Pure Vanilla for 3 days. Whispers and rumors began to spread throughout the staff trickling into the kingdom. Vanilla was sure this truly was the end of it all.
There he was, curled up in bed, his eyes red and puffy, the feeling of existential despair sinking deep into his chest. His hands tightened around his souljam uncertainty plaguing his mind. He never believed that he could stray so far from what he thought he was.
Time kept moving anyway. His ears focussed on the sound of clock ticks, his breathing slowing down. A tear slid down his cheek soaking into the pillow. He held back tears as he thought to himself, for the love of earthbread he was rather pitiful.
He pulled the blanket over his head in response to light entering the room. He assumed the wind must’ve blown the curtains open. He wasn't done sulking. He deserved this mess. He deserved this dread and misery. The birds hadn't come back either. It's obvious nobody wanted him around. He curled into a tighter ball, his stomach protested at him. When did he eat last? He didn't deserve food anyway.
The repetition of his ever swirling thoughts made him feel heavy. He was convinced that if he lay here and sobbed long enough, his body would become so heavy he would sink into the mattress and disappear from the world. Gone for good. This was all his fault, why would he do such horrible things? Why was he horrible.
“Nilly?” A voice echoed through the room pulling him to the surface. He flinched, and shot upwards, panting like a cornered animal. “Bluebird?” the word scratched out of his throat barely audible. They stared both caught in their own minds, vision blurring at the edges.
Shadowmilk stood there breath faltering. He had seen this before. In himself many years ago. The feeling of an aching loneliness and self hatred seethed into you and ripped at your soul with bare teeth. The very fundamentals of your life flipping like a discourteous coin.
He didn't want that for Vanilla. Not for anyone. He couldn't bear the sight of someone stripped of everything they knew, heart pouring out in front of them wordlessly. He knew this story all too well. He mustered up a single step forward, hands shaking.
A pinching noise grew in Vanillas' mind, churning at his stomach and piercing his chest like a rusty scalpel. A buzz grew over his skin creeping over the edge, a cold sweat dotted his anatomy. He gripped at his hair, fingers begging to find something to latch onto. He felt bile crawling up his throat pricking painfully.
Fingers grabbed onto his own, soft desperate words too fuzzy to grasp. He held onto them, a warmth washing over him. His chest stung bitterly, his lungs struggling for air. “You’re okay” He held them tighter. “Focus on your breathing” Gentle words assured him as circles were traced softly on his hand.
His chest started to settle into a rhythmic steady thrum. He opened his watery eyes. “There you are..” a hand cupped his face wiping his tears away. “My silly vanilly..” He saw a face of understanding and care. “I-” His words caught in his throat coughing as pain hung there like a numb reminder. “I'm horrible.”
Arms embraced him, squeezing him tight. He hoped it would squeeze all his problems away, leaving only this slow spreading bloom of warmth, radiating in their chests, settling in their limbs. “Nilly, you are everything but horrible, there isn't another person more caring and amazing as you.” His words that had been kept behind lies spilled out with all the devotion of the world. “You bring so much light to those around you… and to me” His gaze anchored him to the earth, tears spilling down already pink cheeks.
Vanilla pulled him closer, a painful smile pulled against his cheeks as he cried into his arms. They held each other in a comfortable silence. Breathing in each other's scents, not daring to let go.
Shadowmilk felt as Vanillas heart rate slowed down, the breath that ticked his neck organising itself once more.“You don’t deserve this…But I promise it will get better..” He pulled away from the hug looking him in the eyes,“You certainly showed me how.” Vanilla laughed gently, intertwining their fingers.
Shadowmilk’s ability to to be open faded as a blush crept onto his cheeks, his usual demeanor returning as he realises their proximity. Vanilla looked down at the others hands, they felt.. Rough, not like they did before. Then he saw the cuts on his fingers and let out a small gasp.
“How did you get these?”Pure Vanilla spoke with bottomless empathy. Shadowmilk looked away, about to explain when a warm glow was emitted from Vanilla's hands, onto his. He stared in awe as the sting of the wounds slowly faded, skin patching over. Right, Vanilla was a healer, he had forgotten in the midst of the emotional moment. He mumbled a thanks, not pulling away from his grasp.
“Ive just been working on something, just a small project” He looked over to the table where he had left the present when he walked in. Vanilla's eyes locked onto it like it was a star that crashed through his window and he had the fortune of it being on his desk. The box was the same moonlight blue as the flowers were.. Handpainted speckled stars and swirls danced over the box.
Vanilla looked at the box and back at Shadowmilk in pure adoration. The bluer of the two pulled the other upwards to stand and guided him over, not letting go of his hand till they were at their destination. He missed the feeling of the other's hands in his but it would be worth it to see him smile.
“Well it isn't going to open itself, is it Nilly?” Pure vanilla shook his hands in a nervous excited way before reaching for the lid of the box, it was decorated with a pale yellow bow. The silk ribbon gave way as he pulled on it. Lifting the lid, the walls of the box fell open to show the birdhouse.
Vanilla gasped. “It's beautiful..” He took it in gentle hands, as smiles crinkled their faces. “Gosh the birds will love this, I love it” Vanilla rushed over to the balcony and looked around to find a place to put it. He reached to a nearby tree that hung close, almost reaching it but he was just ever so slightly too short.
Shadowmilk chuckled amusedly, walking over and offering to take the birdhouse in his hands. Leaping up onto the balcony edge he floated over to the tree and secured it to the branch making sure the other approved of the spot. Pure vanilla smiled “It's perfect.” As shadowmilk stepped back down into the balcony Pure vanilla stole a hug. Squeezing the other tight, spinning him around till they were in the centre of his room, giggling softly.
Shadowmilk looked away, a flush coming to his cheeks. “I'm glad to see you smile again.. As silly as you look.” Vanillas hand cupped Shadow milks cheek softly, “thank you.” Their eyes met again, a wordless exchange of understanding passed through them worth more than either of them would admit outloud.
There was a crackling noise and a spark of light, split seconds to decode the source, Vanilla's body moved on instinct, pushing Shadowmilk out of the way, meeting the brute force of the blast he cried out sending him into the nearby bookshelf.
The last thing he saw was the cloudy look of horror of White Lily’s face and a scream of terror that faded from static to nothingness.
“VANILLA” A scream escaped Shadowmilks lips as he rushed over to check on him, he held onto him watching him quickly lose consciousness. He checked his pulse, he was still alive. There was an obvious burn on his side, the clothes burned away in that spot leaving skin red raw and angry. Books scattered all over the floor next to red splatters. “no..” Shadowmilk really wished he remembered more serious healing spells.
“I-” White Lily froze, her hands shaking the world spinning. She wasn't meant to hit Vanilla… she thought that she had figured out why Vanilla acted so strangely.. Why is he helping him? How could she mess up so badly..
Shadowmilks hair stood on an end, his knuckles growing white. “YOU.” His vision narrowed in on her as his heart rate escalated,muscles coiling tight. He stood up slowly, his jaw clenching painfully. She tried to get words out, tears pricking at her eyes, “I didn't mean to..” Shadowmilk scoffed. “DIDNT MEAN TO? IM PRETTY SURE YOU AIMED THAT WEAPON AT US PRETTY KNOWINGLY .” he took another agonising step forward "either someone's telling lies or they're in denial~”
White Lilies mind was racing, what on earthbread was going on? Was pure Vanilla on the Beasts side now? Had he really betrayed them? No that can't be it. Even if he lied he wouldnt.. It looks like he did… she didn't know what to think, her faith faltering as the situation played out in front of her.
“Why are you here, beast.” Her words spat out cruelly as she gripped her flowered staff. Shadowmilk responded with a shallow laugh, “haha, hahaha! why I here for a conversation over some delightful tea! Isn't it obvious?” White lily took it as sarcasm, but it wasn't that far from the truth in reality. “Im not falling for your tricks.” She stood her ground, the question still lingering in the air. White lily really wasn't expecting to have to fight a beast today.
Shadowmilks powers activated as an illusion clouded White lilies eyes, she was blind. Or rather her vision was clouded by darkness, hundreds of eyes staring down at her. Back in reality shadowmilk watched at white lily clawed at her eyes trying to rub the illusion away. It wouldn't last forever, he had to act fast.
He ran over back to Pure Vanilla checking him again, the wound on his side festered angrily, black burns dotted the leathery skin that bled causing his garments to become red soaked with iron. Shadowmilk knew at the very least not to touch or cover the burn with something other than gauze. In other words Vanilla needed proper medical attention. And quickly. He gently picked him up, ignoring how much red there was, heavier due to being passed out and unable to make the trip easier with consciousness. He stood with Vanilla in his arms as Whitelily broke from his illusion. His face twisting from empathy to anger.
She began to run towards them knowing what was about to happen. Shadowmilks form took a new shape as he took a step backwards into a shadowy portal behind them, leaving White Lily cookie alone in the empty room.
Shadowmilks new form was one of his practiced cookie disguises, he didn't have time to come up with a new one on the spot. An alias known as the ‘lady in azure’ or rather ‘Azure cookie’ is what he chose. He had teleported them to a quiet street, just a block away from the hospital. He hadn't actually been to the hospital in Vanilla's kingdom, but it had been mentioned in his little tour talking about how great the healthcare is, something along the lines of that Shadowmilk wasn’t really listening intently.
He ran through the emergency doors of the hospital ignoring the whispers of the cookies that noticed them. A terrified nurse ran up to them “what happened?” Shadowmilk was struggling to think properly. “Electrical burn. He’s been unconscious ever since. He might have bruises as well.” She took hurried notes as shadowmilk put vanilla on a bed that had been wheeled over in a hurry. He followed them as they began to escortl him away. Shadowmilk’s chest stung uncomfortably.
A nurse held him back as they went into another door. “Ma’am you can't follow him in there, he’ll be alright.” He glared at her angrily "Don't ma'am me.” The nurse looked frightened. Right he's supposed to be a normal citizen. “I apologise” he gritted through his teeth, "I'm just distressed.” He was more than distressed, in fact he was absolutely furious. He released his tightened fists he hadn't even realized he was squeezing, as the nurse ushered him to a waiting room.
He sat down, nervousness taking over him. He’s Pure Vanilla cookie, he's taken far worse hits and been fine, this is tiny, miniscule even. “Miss.” The nurse spoke again, who seemed scared to talk to him and held onto a clipboard like a shield. Was there something wrong with his disguise or something? Or did he just look that crazed? He looked down at himself, His blue dress was smeared with blood. His blood. “We need your and the patient's information due to his loss of consciousness..” Right he forgot about hospital procedures. He shook himself, regaining some sort of control.
He annoyedly took the clipboard from her and angrily filled out the papers, of course avoiding using any of his real information for himself. His hand stopped as he read ‘relationship to patient.’ Now that was a personal question he was not ready to ask himself. His cheeks grew a shade bluer even if he just put ‘castle staff’ on it knowing this information didn't matter anyway it was all fake. He handed it to the staff when he heard someone burst through the doors.
Just his luck that White lily cookie showed up now. He knew she saw his disguise, and he knew she knew that he was here. He turned around quickly to avoid detection, and to try to blend in by just sitting back down. But unfortunately being bright blue was enough of an indicator that it was him.
She stormed over to him “WHO DO YOU THINK-” He quickly shushed her. “you don't want to cause a scene now do you?” She looked around and saw that she had caught the attention of almost every cookie in the room. “Mhm not very heroic of you” She took an angry seat next to him glaring at him, angrily whispering. “What are you planning?” Shadowmilk grinned “whaaat you don’t trust me?” He raised an eyebrow at her. Those words stung painfully close to her chest, she did not need to be reminded of that right now. “No. Not you. Not ever.”
He pretended to be hurt “Ouch. and you call me evil! No wonder he turned to me and not you.” Those last words came out lower, filled with spite. Her fists coiled as she struggled to contain her anguish. His grin darkened "Let's not forget who caused this mess.” A voice interrupted her possible outburst and Shadowmilks hatred filled smirk. “Azure cookie?” A bored nurse spoke. Shadowmilk walked over to the nurse with an innocent face. “Vanilla is awake. He was asking for someone…” The nurse looked him up and down “blue..” Shadowmilk would have punched that woman in the face for even thinking about being so frustrating if it wasn't about Vanilla.
The nurse had begun to explain where he was situated when White lily cookie insisted that she had to see him as well. ‘Ugh the nerve of this woman.’ The bored nurse, obviously not getting paid enough to care, simply stated “Miss, we cannot let you in that room unless you're listed as a visitor.” Her eye twitched uncomfortably and Shadowmilk gave her a smirk as he left. Good riddance.
As he walked through the hospital halls, they felt much narrower the closer he got to Vanilla. He fidgeted nervously with his hands. The memory of him unconscious on the floor replayed in his mind, the scent of blood, the feeling that things weren't going to get better. He promised it would. And he will make sure it will. He hesitated at the door, his hand shaking. It will.