Chapter Text
Andy, in fact, did not go to sleep. She didn’t even finish her leftover work from Friday. She quickly did her nightly routine and lay in bed, staring into the darkness. She felt a constant sense of derealization, as if something had disconnected her from her own body. It was all so absurd, she couldn't piece it together in her head. For a moment, she wondered if she should text Emily and tell her about it. If she should even mention it at all.
On an impulse, she reached for her phone and opened her chat with Charlton. She hesitated for a long moment. For God's sake, they had been friends for ages and knew everything about each other, she could just as easily turn this whole thing into a joke.
Andy: hey
She sent it before she could change her mind. The reply came in a split second.
Emily: hello? why so mysterious?
Andy: what are you doing?
Emily: was just getting ready for bed, why?
Andy: just asking
Emily started typing something but stopped. Andy could feel her heart hammering in her chest: the ball was in her court.
Emily: is everything alright?
Another moment of hesitation. She could still back out of this.
Andy: yeah, can’t sleep.
Emily: aww, do you want me to read you a bedtime story?
Andy: hah, i don't think that'll be necessary. i was just bored, sorry.
Emily read the message almost instantly, but no reply came for the first, second, third, or the next dozen minutes. Andy turned off the light and closed her eyes. She really needed to sleep.
But it didn't last long. She reached for her phone again and saw that Emily still hadn't responded.
"Oh, fuck it" she muttered and opened her browser.
She went back to the fanfiction site. For a while, she scrolled through several pages, reading the summaries, tags, and stats of each story. Ridiculous. This is ridiculous, she kept repeating to herself. People were actually creating elaborate narratives about how she and Emily worked together, the twisted ways they confessed their love to each other... and worse.
She wasn't sure if she should read any of it. She wondered if it would make her feel even more detached from her own body, or if she would never be able to look at Charlton the same way again. She paused on one title. Most of them were blending together, distinguishable only by their tags and specific summaries. Just as she was about to click on it, a FaceTime call flashed across her screen. Emily.
She quickly sat up in bed and flipped her nightstand lamp back on. She debated whether she should answer or pretend to be asleep. Ultimately, she pressed the green button.
"Sorry I left you on read. I wanted to finish my skincare routine."
"It’s okay, i was about to... read... for a while."
"What are you reading?"
"Ummm... nothing... nothing important. I mean... nothing interesting. Just some boring work research, you know."
Emily was wearing her large brown glasses, her hair falling wildly over her shoulders in loose, messy curls. She looked so effortlessly pretty.
Oh, wait.
"Are you still having nightmares? Is that why you're not sleeping?"
"Sometimes. I haven't had much time for sleep lately anyway. Neither have you."
"Right. You're clutching a pillow, so I assumed it was the 'emotional-support-pillow' again."
Andy was, in fact, squeezing one of her pillows in her arms. She always did that when she felt insecure and needed a bit of comfort.
"You are like... a pillow princess, but on a very... different level."
"Oh my god, Em" Andy felt a blush creeping over her face.
"Maybe I should finally buy you a proper stuffed animal. Or find you a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend, obviously."
"I am hanging up right now."
"No! I'm sorry. Someone's in a bad mood today, huh?"
Andy started to wonder if she should add another lie to the ones she had already spun over the last half hour.
"A little, I'm just tired."
"FaceTime sleepover?"
Andy smiled more to herself than to her friend. But Emily took it as silent permission and, settling into bed, placed her phone beside her. Once Andy found a comfortable position too, she felt a wave of sleepiness wash over her. They had fallen asleep talking on the phone a few times before, but never on purpose.
They were silent for a long moment.
"I missed talking to you" Andy whispered after a while. "About all of this... random bullshit."
"We talk every day, Andrea" Emily mumbled without opening her eyes.
"True, but... this past month was a mess. We were constantly just catching each other through work. And I... missed talking to you about stupid things. And in general... i missed... you."
"God, you are such a yearner, Sachs."
Yeah. She was a yearner. A stupid, confused yearner.
"But i missed you too" she heard. "Now sleep tight, babygirl."
***
Their first meeting in the office afterward was different. Meaning, Andy was acting differently, or at least she felt like she was hyper-analyzing every single thing she did, making everything come off completely unnatural.
Emily didn't seem to notice anything. Or she was just too busy to. She probably also chalked it up to Andy being sleep-deprived and just having an off day.
When they saw each other at the office for the first time that week, Andy caught herself wondering if she liked the way Emily looked. Like, for real. Her attention was drawn to the soft red curls falling over Emily's shoulders. The red lipstick, and a new, oversized shirt.
She wanted to be close. Throughout the week, whenever Charlton was around, Andy found excuses to be near her, even though most of the time she had nothing meaningful to say since there was much less critical work after the big event.
Whenever Emily touched her without thinking twice about it, Andy analyzed the origin of every single touch. Was it necessary? Was it forced? Did she do it on purpose?
Now she was sitting at her desk, watching from a distance as Emily talked to Serena. She couldn't hear their conversation, but she could see that Emily was talking animatedly and smiling. God, she had such a beautiful smile.
Andy started to wonder if she wanted to kiss her. Had that ever even crossed her mind before? She imagined what it would feel like, how Charlton would react. Oh, she definitely looked like the type of woman who kisses her girl best friends when she's drunk.
"Are you two communicating via telepathy now?" she jumped at the sound of the voice behind her.
"Jesus, Nigel, are you trying to kill me?"
"What are you whispering into our little devil's subconscious from this distance?"
"What? Nothing, I just got lost in thought."
Nigel stood in front of her, opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it at the last second. He dropped a stack of papers, which landed heavily on Andy's desk.
"I need this ASAP. So please, take a quick break from eating your girlfriend with your eyes in front of everyone and do me a favor, Andrea."
Before Andy could even respond, he walked away. She felt frustration building up inside her. Was everyone around her aware of something she wasn't? Or had she just become hyper-aware of everything happening around her? Or maybe she had just become too sensitive, whereas a few days ago she would have just laughed at the joke?
She needed to focus on work. Yes, work was the best way out of this situation. She started looking over the script, but her thoughts kept drifting back to Emily every few seconds. She had to do something about this, she had to take this weight off her shoulders.
"Oh, fuck this shit."
She picked up her phone and typed out a message to Emily.
Wine, trash TV, and popcorn tonight? My place x