Chapter Text
Long nails nipped at the small curls on the base of her neck. She could feel the heat from the straightener as it slid along the curl. Her mother put the straightener down and guided her head to look in the mirror. They were side by side, cheek touching cheek.
“You’re so beautiful, baby,” she said. The white eye patch stuck out like a sore thumb.
“Thank you, mama.” Her mother looked her over.
“A few more strands,” she said. She grabbed another clump of the girl’s hair and ran it through the straightener.
“Do I have to go tonight?” she asked quietly.
“Of course you do. It’s a very important night for your father.”
“I don’t want to go,” she whispered.
“We all have to do things we don’t want to,” her mother reminded her. She tied a bow in her hair, shoving the bobby pins in to hold it in place. They scraped her scalp.
“Do I have to sit with Melanie? She makes me cry,” she said, “I don’t think she likes me.” Her mother stopped tussling her hair.
“I could leave you at home. By yourself. We don’t have to take you to these things,” she told her, “Is that what you want?”
“No.”
“What are you going to tell them about the eye patch?” she asked, her voice tense.
“I have a lazy eye. It's getting fixed.”
“Good.” Her mother smiled and squeezed her shoulders. “If Melanie doesn’t like you, just make her like you.”
The next morning, she woke up on the couch. It felt a little cold, but she wondered if that was her mind playing tricks on her. She sat up and listened for Kinger. The events of last night flooded in her mind, feeling less and less like a strange dream she had.
Caine was back. He was practically comatose. She had wrapped his hands in gauze.
She was helping him.
She was helping the man who tortured her friends. She had stayed up late talking to Gangle and Pomni, comforting them after nightmares kept them awake. Was she that desperate for someone to fix that she would betray them without a second thought?
She immediately felt guilty for that thought. Caine was in horrible shape. If no one helped him… well, she wasn’t sure if he could die or abstract, but it wouldn’t be good, that’s for sure! And Kinger would not survive anything else happening to Caine. He was barely holding it together as things were. He needed her help.
The others didn’t need to know yet. They felt safe in their new home. They didn’t need anything that might break that illusion.
As long as Kinger thought she was amazing she could do this.
She got up and went into the bedroom. Kinger was sleeping straight up in the chair. Ragatha conjured a blanket and put it over his shoulders.
Caine was staring at the ceiling, his eyes cracked open. She checked the gauze on his hands. She was glad she thought of it. It seemed to have held up during the night. Maybe she should conjure something sturdier, if the scratching continued to be a problem.
She checked the bandage on his chest. They were still clean. His body wasn’t anatomically correct, built more like a doll than a human body with skin and realistic muscle mass, but the wound (even though it was blue) was torn and bleeding just like real flesh.
It made her nauseous, recalling the events of last night when he had clawed into his chest. Even though it wasn’t a particularly deep cavity, that still took a tremendous amount of time and effort. It didn’t even seem he was conscious he was doing it; it was just an automated task.
Should she say something to him? Could he hear her?
Part of her was happy he was mute… she didn’t know if she could handle talking to him right now. The knife piercing her eye was still a fresh sensation.
Awful thought. Awful thought. She shouldn’t care about that at all. Look at what he'd been through! How could she even think of holding that against him?
It was true, if she had ever wanted revenge against him (she hadn’t had time to consider it, he’d been dead), that was completely satisfied. He showed her visions of living with her mom again, tortured her friends, and then spent two months in sensory deprivation and solitary. He got his karma.
He got more than his karma.
She knew enough to know that isolation drove humans insane, and while she didn’t understand everything Kinger told her, it seemed sensory derivation also came with a whole host of technical issues for an AI as well.
There was no way to tell if Caine was aware or not, but still… she hoped he wasn’t in pain.
Would the others see it the same way? None of them were cruel people, but Caine had targeted their deepest wounds. Either way, they were in crisis mode right now. Kinger was right, they couldn’t waste time having a conversation about what to do. Not when Caine needed to be stabilized. Besides, he couldn’t hurt anyone like this, so there was no reason to tell the others.
He needed input, to be interacted with. That’s what Kinger said. Every word, every facial expression was fuel for him (what did it mean when he got negative interaction?). She put on her best smile.
“Good morning, Caine,” she said, “I hope you feel a little better today.” She watched his pupil, but it didn’t move. She wondered if he could see out the other eye or not. She’d ask Kinger later.
“Do you want to sit up?” She asked. She didn’t get an answer, of course. She was wary of touching him, but there was no way lying in bed was healthy for him.
“I’m going to help you sit up, okay?” She slid a hand behind his back and pulled him forward. He was pretty light. She tucked some pillows behind him. There! Hopefully that was comfortable. At least he could move around a little bit.
She didn’t have any medical training whatsoever, but she did help her family with the farm animals. That included giving them medicine and shots. She watched a horse give birth once. She doesn’t think any of that will be useful at all, but at least she could lift Caine up pretty easily.
Kinger’s eyes fluttered open.
“Is he sleeping?” He asked. Ragatha looked at Caine. His face hadn’t changed.
“No, I don’t think so,” she said, “Does he need to sleep?”
“Yes he does. He needs to review his memories and defrag,” Kinger replied, sounding exhausted, “I’ve been tracking his sleep. He’s sleeping in these short bursts, then he's waking up.”
“Is that bad?” She asked. Kinger nodded.
“He isn’t completing repair cycles. He’s accruing technical debt.” That went over Ragatha's head, but Kinger seemed very concerned.
“Why do you think he can’t sleep?” She asked.
“I don’t know,” Kinger lamented, “I’m locked out.”
“Well we should be able to figure it out,” she said, trying to sound positive. “We just need to help him sleep.” She thought for a second. What helped her sleep? Nothing really. What helped other people sleep? “We could keep the lights low, play some white noise?”
“We can try.” Kinger nodded. “We need to keep his stimulation low for now. Keep the room quiet and dark. Don’t touch him unless you have to.”
“Okay,” she said, “I can conjure a white noise machine. Why don’t you get more sleep?” Kinger looked exhausted. He must have been up all night, but it was okay. Ragatha could take this shift!
There was a knock on the door.
Shoot! What time was it? Kinger didn’t have a clock. No wonder he never showed up on time for meals. They probably missed breakfast, which would have everyone come looking for them. She turned to Kinger.
“I can answer it,” she told him. He nodded.
“Just tell them I’m helping you conjure an oven again,” he said. That was believable! She nodded and went to the door.
“Coming!” she called out.
“Ragatha?” Pomni called back through the door. “You and Kinger didn’t come for breakfast.” Ragatha opened the door. Frigid air blasted her in the face. Pomni was dressed in mittens, a hat and a scarf. The ground was covered in an inch of white. Snowflakes drifted in the air. Ragatha took it all in.
“It’s winter,” Pomni said, her voice trembling, “What do you think that means?”
“No…” Ragatha said. She wanted to invite the poor freezing girl in, but it would be too hard to keep Caine hidden.
“It just started snowing this morning,” Pomni explained, “It’s only getting colder. What are we going to do? We can’t conjure heaters or anything!” Ragatha tried to think. How to keep them warm and get Pomni out of here? A heater was too complicated, but…
“Have you been camping before?” Ragatha asked. Pomni nodded.
“With friends.”
“Can you conjure a bonfire?” she asked.
“I can try,” Pomni said, "I'll ask the others too. But where’s Kinger? Can he tell us why this is happening?”
“I’ll ask him,” she said, “Just keep everyone warm for now. The houses seem to have some kind of insulation.” It wasn’t too cold in here, although she expected that as the temperature dropped that would change.
“Okay, I’ll come back after,” Pomni said, “Try to stay warm until then.” She gave a determined nod and headed off to help the others.
When she left, Ragatha went back to the bedroom and shut the door behind her.
“Who was that?” Kinger asked.
“It was Pomni,” she said, “We have a problem.” He looked up.
“We missed breakfast?” He guessed.
“No, it’s snowing,” she said. Kinger lifted his head up and looked at Caine.
“He’s still conjuring,” he realized, “Even in this state.”
“What are we going to do? Can we get him to stop?” she asked. Kinger shrugged. “Pomni is coming back. What do you want me to tell her?”
“We’ll just have to tell her the truth,” Kinger said. Her heart fell. So much for protecting the others.
“Are you sure?”
“We can’t hide it. It’s affecting the world,” he said, “Maybe Pomni can help us.”
“Right,” she agreed, “Good idea.” Of course he was right. Lying to people was wrong, Ragatha! Especially in this instance. She was quiet. “What else does Caine need?”
“Sleep.” Kinger’s worry was palpable. She didn’t know what would happen if Caine didn’t sleep.
“Can Caine abstract?” she asked. Kinger fell silent, considering the question.
“I think if he could abstract he would have already,” Kinger said. He slumped forward, tears flooded his eyes.
“Hey, hey,” she said, “It will be okay. Caine is going to be fine. We’ll get him to sleep.” She tried to think of some good news. “I checked his wound. It looks pretty good.”
“His wound…” Kinger said,” That’s how he’s bleeding. He’s conjuring that too.” Ragatha frowned.
“Why would he do that?” she asked. Kinger shrugged.
“I highly doubt he’s doing anything intentionally right now.”
“How do we get him to stop?” she asked. She wondered if Caine could understand anything right now.
“He needs to wake up,” Kinger said.
"Okay," Ragatha replied, "We can brainstorm ways to get him to sleep! We already have the idea of white noise. And we'll have to think of ways to keep everyone warm too." Her mind latched onto the challenge after so many days of sheer boredom.
"I already told Pomni to conjure a bonfire." Kinger nodded.
"I'm not super familiar with heaters," Kinger said, "I think a fire is going to be our best bet. Probably warm clothes too." He looked at Caine. "I think Caine can feel temperatures too. We should make sure he's warm too."
"I can knit him some winter gear," Ragatha said, trying not to sound ecstatic. It was bad the whole world was frozen, even if it gave her stuff to do. There was another knock at the door.
“That must be Pomni,” Ragatha said. Kinger nodded.
“Bring her in,” he said, “I- I don’t know if telling the others is the best idea yet. We can talk to her about it.” Ragatha nodded. That made sense. Pomni might be prone to anxiety, but she had a good head on her shoulders.
She went to the front door and opened it. Pomni was shivering outside.
“Come on in,” Ragatha said. The jester girl stepped inside.
“I got a bonfire going. Zooble helped. The houses seem to be holding up, but it’s only getting colder,” Pomni reported, “Can Kinger help us get a heater or something?”
“He said he's not super familiar with heaters. He thinks natural fire would be the best,” Ragatha said, “There’s uh- something I need to tell you. Kinger and I know why this is happening.”
“You do?!” she asked, “Do you know how to fix it?” Ragatha shook her head.
“Not yet,” she replied. She took a deep breath in. “Caine’s back.” Pomni froze and her eyes widened. Ragatha anticipated a panic attack, but Pomni didn’t seem afraid.
She seemed relieved.
“We didn’t kill him?” she asked, “Is he okay? Is he mad at us? He’s not doing this to punish us is he?”
“No, no,” Ragatha said firmly, “He’s not doing this on purpose at all. He’s not even awake. Kinger accidentally sent him to a folder where he’s been alone for the past two months.”Pomni was silent.
“He’s not like a human, is he?” she asked, finally, “Like he’s okay, right?” Ragatha shook her head.
“He’s not okay,” she told her, "It's pretty bad, actually." Pomni was quiet again. She looked sick.
“Can I see him?” she asked, “I won’t say anything to him.”
“Let me just ask Kinger…” Pomni looked up.
“Is Kinger okay? I mean, he must feel awful,” the jester said. Ragatha didn’t want to say too much since she was pretty sure Kinger could hear them.
“He’s really worried.” Pomni nodded.
“Okay, I can stay here.”
Ragatha popped her head in the bedroom. Sure enough, Kinger had already heard them.
“She can come in, just have her keep her voice down,” he said, “I’m not sure how he’ll react to everyone.”
“Okay,” she agreed.
“And warn her,” Kinger said. Ragatha nodded. She went back to the living room.
“Kinger said it’s fine,” she told Pomni, “We’re just trying to keep things quiet for him.” She paused and tried to think how she could warn Pomni. “ It’s not good,” she said, “He looks really- small.” That might be true, but it was hardly adequate.”He’s hurting himself,” she said. Pomni’s face fell.
“I bet,” Pomni replied, “I bet that’s all there was to do.”
Shoot, she made Pomni upset. She should have said that better! She didn’t need to be worried about all this
.
“Let’s go in,” Pomni said. Ragatha led her into the bedroom. Kinger gave them both a wave. She watched Pomni’s face.
She stared at Caine, her mouth in a tight line. Ragatha realized she didn’t prepare Pomni for the sight in front of her at all.
How could she be so stupid as to completely not tell her about the gauze around his hands or that he was wearing a robe like a hospital patient? Great job, Ragatha!
Pomni walked closer to him, as though approaching an injured animal.
“He hasn’t been talking,” Kinger explained.
“He’s awake,” she said. Kinger nodded.
“Yes, but we’re not too sure how aware he is right now.” Pomni wrung her hands together and nodded.
“Hi Caine,” she whispered, “Glad you’re back.”
“Is he catatonic?” she asked. Kinger and Ragatha looked at each other. Ragatha had heard that word before. She vaguely knew it was someone who wasn’t responding, but that’s where her knowledge stopped.
“What’s that?” Kinger asked. Pomni looked at him.
“Oh, I’m interested in psychology. I used to watch videos online,” she explained, “It’s like a mental state. You’re awake, but you’re like…frozen.”
“How is it treated?” Kinger asked.
“Medication, I think,” Pomni said, “I don’t know that much! I watched a few videos, that's all. Have you moved him? Does he stay in place?” Ragatha stepped forward.
“Yes,” she said, “You can like… pose him. It’s really weird.” Pomni nodded.
“Yeah that’s catatonia,” she said, “That’s how you can tell. I forget what it’s called though.”
“What else do you know about it?” Kinger asked urgently. Pomni shrugged. “He’s not sleeping,” he explained, “Do you know how we can get him to sleep?” Pomni shook her head.
“I just know what its called,” she said. Kinger looked down.
“We need to give him a steady stream of data without overwhelming him,” he said, “I’ve been trying to keep it dark and quiet here to help him sleep, but he keeps waking up.”
“Maybe melatonin?” she suggested, “That helps me sleep?”
“Is that a pill?” he asked, “That’s not going to help him.” Pomni blushed.
“Right, of course,” she said.
“We were thinking of a noise machine,” Ragatha said, “ Do you use one to sleep? I don’t, so I’m not sure I can conjure one.” Pomni shook her head.
“Sometimes when I’m anxious,” she began, “I’ll use a weighted blanket.”
“What is that?” Kinger asked. Ragatha had never heard of that either.
“It’s a blanket, but it’s heavy,” she explained, “It, like, applies pressure to you.” Kinger tilted his head.
“Oh!” he exclaimed, “That might be perfect! Can you conjure one?” Pomni nodded excitedly. In a minute she had a thick, heavy navy blue blanket. Kinger felt it.
“Yes, this is great,” he said, “This will give constant data to his hit boxes. Great job!”
Ragatha frowned, realized she was being completely ridiculous and immature, and put a smile back on her face.
“Yeah, great call Pomni!” She complimented. Why was she so awful? It was great Pomni was able to help!
Ragatha took the blanket and laid it over Caine.
“Try to have his whole body covered,” Kinger suggested. She wrapped it firmly around Caine until he was swaddled inside the blanket. For a moment no one said anything.
The harder they fall… Ragatha thought. Caine had always been a creature of pomp and circumstance and now… it just felt uncomfortable.
“Do you think it's okay?” Pomni asked.
“Hard to tell,” Kinger said. Ragatha realized the blanket would also keep him restrained if he had another fit. Another reason it was a good idea. Yay.
Kinger turned to Pomni.
“What do you think about telling the others?” he asked her.
“I mean, we have to, right?” Pomni asked, “It’s snowing.”
“Do we?” Ragatha replied, “I mean, Caine really hurt them. What if they aren’t super forgiving?"
“Who would want to punish Caine in this condition?” Pomni answered, “They need to know.” Maybe she was the only one who had thought about retribution. Maybe the others were far more merciful than she gave them credit for.
“My concern isn’t them wanting to hurt him,” Kinger added, “It’s just Ragatha and I need to focus on Caine. Having multiple opinions and people to manage is just going to distract us.”
“I mean, I love the others, but do you think Zooble and Jax are going to listen to us?” Ragatha said.
"We need to make sure Caine gets clean, positive data," Kinger added, "Do you think the others will understand?" Pomni thought about it.
“I guess the others might struggle with that,” she replied, “But they have to know at some point!”
“We were thinking when Caine was up and talking,” Kinger said, “Until then we need to control the inputs he gets. I’m not sure the others will understand.” Pomni nodded.
“Okay, what should we tell them about the snow?” she asked.
“I tried to install a weather update, and it went poorly,” Kinger said, giving two thumbs up, “Ragatha and I are working out the bugs.” Pomni frowned.
“Could you come back with me?” Pomni asked Kinger, “They’re waiting for answers now, and I think they’d trust it more coming from you?”
Kinger agreed and asked Ragatha to hold down the fort. They both left.
Ragatha put her head in her hands. She was lying to her friends and getting Pomni to do the same. She recalled her jealous, petty thoughts. Really? Pomni’s suggestion had helped Caine and that was the whole point of this. Didn’t Ragatha want him to get better?
Well, she could help him now. She thought of a noise machine. Gradually, a radio looking device materialized. She held her breath and pressed the on button. Loud, grating static played. She rushed to turn it off, but before she could a young girl's scream cut through the noise. She slammed the off button.
“Sorry!” she cried, “I’m so sorry!” Mercifully, Caine didn’t move.
What was wrong with her? She knew she didn't have enough experience to conjure one. She just wanted to be useful. God, she was just going to make him worse, wasn’t she? She should quit now and apologize to Kinger.
A tear escaped her eye, and a familiar, empty ache flooded her chest.
She looked at Caine.
Kinger said he was conjuring his own wound.
“You feel like this too?” she said, rubbing the tear from her eye, “It’s the worst, isn’t it?” She was sure it wasn’t the worst thing anyone could experience.
Kinger told her to talk about positive things. She didn’t think the mutual feeling of being empty counted. She crept closer. Kinger said no physical contact, but if the weighted blanket was helpful, surely human touch-
She knew he was an AI, so maybe that didn’t matter as much to him. But no one in the circus except her was the touchy-feely type, and she often craved physical contact. She didn’t know if anyone had ever touched Caine. Maybe-
“I’m going to hold your hand, okay,” she told him, hoping she wasn’t crossing a line. She wrapped her fingers around his wrist. Positive thoughts. Happy thoughts.
“You made it snow,” she told him, “I never thought I would see snow again. Every day was starting to be the same.” She watched him for any sign that her touch was agitating him. It seemed to be alright. “Winter is my favorite season,” She continued, “I used to make snowmen, and my horse would knock them down.”
“I guess you’ve never had a pet before. Unless you count Bubble.”
She took a few deep breaths in and squeezed his wrist. “I’m sorry you felt this way. I wished I knew before,” she whispered, “Maybe we could help each other.”
A silly, stupid thought. Caine couldn’t help anyone in his state. Ragatha seriously doubted she could help anyone in hers. She hadn’t been able to help Ribbit or Kaufmo.
When she heard Kinger come in, she let go and tucked his arm back in the blanket like it never happened. She was sure she was just projecting on him anyway.