Chapter Text
He screamed at the top of his lungs. He had once screamed words, names, his pride shattered by the fear of death enough for him to call for Wendy and Lord Kazalim despite the futility of such an action. Lord Kazalim was dead, and Wendy was soon to be, already on the brink from having tried to save him.
He shed tears unashamedly, his screams echoing in his mind as the pain bore down on him for what felt like an eternity. He was in too much pain to even feel angry at the slime for inflicting this extra cruelty on him. He could think of nothing but the pain. He longed for comfort, but he had been cut off from Wendy, his soul screaming in agony as much as his body and mind.
Something was different now, but he continued to shriek, unable to discern anything about the reality around him.
"Clayman, Clayman, Clayman," a familiar voice, and he felt pressure around him. He flinched wildly, expecting pain, but none came. The voice continued speaking, saying words he couldn't understand in his panicked state. Had the pain stopped? He had been in agony for so long, he could not discern the truth.
Something warm sparked in his chest. The Soul Corridor. The connection-
Wendy.
It had grown so dim before- even before the pain, even before he had been killed, or was being killed. It had gone dark entirely in those last moments, or what he had thought were his last moments. But now, it flared to life, as if a barrier had been removed.
He felt their love flowing into him once more, and he clung to them, crying and repeating their name over and over again.
He didn't understand what was happening, but he didn't need to.
"You're safe with me, Clayman. You're safe."
He trusted them with everything he had.
To Clayman, it felt like only yesterday that he was inexplicably confronting the Demon Lord Rimuru. But even as Wendy limited him to spending time in their new (unfamiliar to him) home, he could easily tell that many things had changed. Wendy was much stronger than he had ever imagined, and Yuzu had grown noticeably. He didn't miss the markings on her head that resembled his own, or the way she spoke in full, proper sentences now.
He didn't miss his own mask hung up on the wall, either. He found himself staring at it often.
Wendy rarely left, taking care of him in mind, body, and soul as he recovered from his death.
He had died. He had actually, truly died.
It was boggling that he had been brought back, years later.
He shuddered as he thought of it, hugging himself.
Yuzu jumped onto the couch next to him, and he felt her weight shift the cushions. Even something as small as that grounded him in this reality. He wasn't dead. He was alive. His heart was pounding in his chest.
"Would you like to cuddle, Clayfather?" Yuzu stared at him with eyes that had gained so much intelligence, looking almost sheepish.
"I- I suppose I would."
He lifted his arms, and Yuzu laid down, putting her head across his lap. He began to pet her, focusing on the sensation. It was pleasant, and he felt some of the tension leaving his body. He felt a bit restless despite this, peering over his shoulder towards the kitchen. He was searching for Wendy. Certainly, he could just reach out with Thought Communication, but he felt pitiful doing that when they were cooking for him, and had only been out of the room for a paltry amount of time. But this was Wendy, and they would never-
"Mother is almost done cooking," Yuzu said softly, lifting her head to look at him. Ah. When had he stopped petting her? He was really a mess. "I can smell it."
"…I see," he replied lamely, exhaling loudly and returning to petting Yuzu. "I suppose I can as well." After a long moment, he found himself speaking again. "Aren't you being too gentle with me?"
His relationship with Yuzu had always been stormy. It had evolved into friendly banter that disguised true care between the two of them, but it had never been like this. They had always been teasing and bickering and driving each other just a little bit crazy.
Yuzu hesitated, staring at him for a long moment.
"I don't think so," she mumbled, looking away. Clayman could guess at what she meant, but even so, he wanted to push it, to make her bicker with him, to-
"It's time for dinner, you two!" Wendy's peeked into the room with a smile that Clayman thought was just a bit too wide. It was clear that they were aware of the heavy mood in the room, and Clayman felt a pang in his chest. "Noodle stir fry tonight."
Yuzu jumped down from the couch without fanfare, looking back at Clayman expectantly. He got to his feet, brushing imaginary dust off his thighs.
"What about for me?" Yuzu asked, leading him out of the room towards Wendy.
"Some vegetables," Wendy was clearly fighting a snicker at Yuzu's audible groan, "buuut also some cowdeer belly."
Clayman couldn't help but chuckle a bit as Yuzu perked up at that, tail hitting him as it wagged violently. Yuzu pouted as she looked back at him.
"It's really good!" she protested. That was much more like the Yuzu he remembered.
He raised his hands faux defensively. "I didn't say anything."
"Yeah but- ugh, never mind." Yuzu trotted into the dining room with her nose turned up.
Clayman glanced at Wendy, and melted as he saw them trying not to laugh. He felt suddenly awkward, like he didn't know how to talk to them as they smiled at him. His heart fluttered. Wendy was the same, weren't they? And yet, they were different somehow.
"Does this mean I get cowdeer belly, too?" he asked, putting on faux puppy eyes.
Wendy giggled. "It might." They held their hand out to him.
He took their hand, swallowing hard. Why did he feel so nervous?
No. He didn't want to interrogate that thought right now.
"Let's go find out," they said with a wink. He laughed, letting them tug him into the dining room.
It wasn't the first night (and Clayman was sure it wouldn't be the last) that he woke up crying out their name.
"It's okay," Wendy was already pulling him to them despite the final throes of his nightmare induced thrashing, "you're safe. It's okay."
It's not okay, Clayman thought, feeling out of his body as he clung to them and cried, taking big, heaving breaths. I've woken you up every night since I arrived here.
It was dark in the room, but he was aware of Yuzu watching him from the end of the bed, their eyes lit up in that animal way from the barest light of the moon peeking through the window.
Pathetic. I'm pathetic.
"No," Wendy said softly, and Clayman realized with a start that he'd broadcasted his thoughts to them by mistake, "you are not. You- you went through something difficult."
Now that he was calmer, his breathing slowed, he could see in the dim light the shine on their cheeks. They were silently crying, as they had been everytime. His heart constricted.
"Clayman," they said more firmly.
"Wh-what?" His voice was far wobblier than he would have liked.
"I love you." Their voice cracked. "You're not- you're not pathetic."
He softened, feeling a few more tears slip loose as he blinked. "I love you, too. But I…"
"I would do anything for you." They cupped his face in their hands, pushing their forehead to his. "I will do anything for you. This? This is the least of it. If I have to wake up and hold you in the night for the rest of my life, I would never complain. Because you are here, and you- and I love you."
"Wendy," he breathed out, the tears coming faster. It pained him to know how much anguish his death had surely caused them, to see it in their desperation and determination now. But at the same time, it touched him deeply. "Wendy."
"You are safe," Wendy whispered, "and I will never let harm come to you ever again."
With their words in his ears and the warmth from their soul flowing into him, he found it easier than he expected to believe them. His breathing evened out, and before he knew it, he had drifted back into a far kinder dreamless sleep.
Clayman was pacing in Wendy's living room. Today was the day Lord Kazalim and Teare were planning to visit. This would be the first day someone other than Wendy and Yuzu would speak to him since he had been- since he had arrived here.
He was terribly nervous.
He had let them all down, after all.
Wendy had explained everything to him - the soul domination that had afflicted him, making his actions not his own. But even so, he felt guilt. If only he had been stronger, he could have avoided being under someone else's control and hurting his family-
He knew in his mind that wasn't true. Kondo had far outclassed him. Kondo even had the power to control a True Dragon, if what Wendy told him was true. It was hard to resign himself to the fact that there had been nothing he could have done. That was harder to accept than the blame he wanted to assign himself-
Yuzu brushed against his leg, and Wendy took his hands in his, stopping him in his tracks.
"You're nervous," Wendy said softly, gently massaging his hands.
"Yes," he replied, unable to find the will to argue. Wendy knew all of his tells, even if Wendy themself felt somewhat inscrutable to him at times since he had returned.
"Why? It's- they're your family, Clayman. They care about you." Wendy smiled warmly at him, and guilt gnawed at him.
"Yes, but…but I cannot even begin to fathom the anguish I caused all of you, and-" He felt his anxiety rising.
"They do not blame you for any of it," Wendy reassured him. "Like me, they never could. I promise you."
He stared at them a moment, before sighing softly. "I want to believe you," his voice felt small, "but it's hard."
"Clayman." They pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. His breath hitched. Even these displays that had once felt casual and easy now made his heart pound and his breathing stutter. "You will know it, when you see them."
Clayman fell quiet, trying to let himself believe them.
"You know," Wendy squeezed his hands, "I thought Kagali hated me. I thought- I thought Kagali blamed me for your- for what happened."
"Ka- Lord Kazalim?" Clayman was certain his surprise showed on his face. Wendy nodded. "But why? That slime was," he flinched at his own words, "insane. And you fought so incredibly hard for me, how could he possibly-?!"
Wendy smiled, and he trailed off, staring at them.
"I built up a narrative in my mind. I wanted someone to blame me, I think. And it ate me up over and over and over until I finally got to speak with her. I suffered because I could not forgive myself." Wendy's smile had grown sad.
Ah. He understood now.
Even so, he couldn't stop himself.
"But you didn't do a thing wrong!" The idea of them blaming themself hurt him. They had gone to incredible lengths for him. "No one could possibly blame you for anything, and if they did, then they're all the more foolish for it!"
Wendy smiled sadly at him. "Even if that person was me?"
"Well-" that gave him pause, before he responded with a decisive, "yes." He let out a soft humph, putting his hands on his hips.
Wendy put a hand over their mouth, giggling quietly. Clayman stared for a moment, feeling his face heat up. Had that been too much…?
"Thank you. I should have expected that, from you." They were smiling warmly at him, reaching one hand up to caress his cheek. "You would defend me even if I was wildly wrong."
He scoffed, leaning in to their touch. "You would never be."
Wendy snorted. "That's precisely what I mean." They lowered their hand, smiling at him in a way that made it clear they were fighting down a laugh. Then, their expression sobered. "I should like to return your sentiment to you. No one could reasonably blame you for what happened. Forgiving oneself takes time, but," they cupped his cheek again, "don't let yourself be a fool for too long."
Clayman sighed. The feeling of their hand against his cheek was comforting, and he felt some of the weight lifting from his shoulders.
"Alright," he mumbled, "I'll do my best."
"Family's here," Yuzu interrupted, pointing towards the door with her nose.
"So they are," Wendy replied, brushing their thumb against Clayman's cheek one more time before pulling back, turning towards the door.
It was only then that there was a knock.
"Come in!" Wendy called, opening the door.
It all happened quickly, and suddenly Clayman was face to face with Teare and Kagali. Before he could react at all, Teare had practically tackled him, hugging him and wailing his name.
"Clayman! Clayman, I missed you, I missed you so much, I can't believe- I'm so happy to see you!" She was clinging to him and crying, and Clayman hugged her back tightly, feeling his eyes water.
"I'm sorry I worried you," he said quietly. He couldn't say he had missed her - to him, very little time had passed. But it broke his heart to see how sad he'd made her.
"Don't do it again," she mumbled, pressing her face against him. "Not again."
"I'll do my best."
"You'd better."
Teare pulled back, sniffling and petting Yuzu. Wendy ruffled her hair affectionately, saying something soothing to Teare.
"Clayman…it has been so long, and yet you look exactly as I remember you."
He didn't recognize that voice. And yet, something about it, about the aura emanating from that person…as his eyes met hers, he just knew.
"Lord Kazalim." Clayman dropped to one knee, bowing his head. "I'm sorry, I- I failed you."
"Oh, my son." Kagali's voice was full of warmth, tainted with pain. "Please, do not kneel before me."
"But…" He found himself almost afraid to lift his head.
"I do not want that to be how things are between us."
At the tone of regret that accompanied Kagali's words, Clayman found himself able to stand up. He met her gaze.
"Lord Kazalim, I- I longed for the day when I would get to see you again." He feared now that tears would fall down his cheeks. He really had longed for this. He had wanted to make Lord Kazalim proud. He had wanted to become a Demon Lord and receive praise.
Instead, he had died.
"I wanted to see you, too, Clayman," Kagali replied, smiling. "I regretted…I regretted so much."
"No, I…I understood, Lord Kazalim. It would have put everything at stake."
"That title…I no longer accept it." Kagali's gaze was sharp, and Clayman was taken aback. "I don't want to use it again until I feel I have earned it. Until then, please call me Kagali."
Clayman felt arguments welling up within him. You have earned it. It is your name. You were a fearsome Demon Lord, and I can feel your new power is even stronger now than it was back then. He bit his tongue.
"Alright…Kagali."
Kagali smiled warmly at him. "Thank you, Clayman. Now," she opened her arms, expression sheepish. Kazalim had never been a physically affectionate person. "Come here."
He went, wrapping his arms around her as she hugged him in return. He felt emotions welling up in his chest, overwhelming him. He had been happy to see Teare and to embrace her, but Kagali? Kagali was his parent, the one he had longed to see again for so long, the one who had taught him everything, the one who he had wanted to be proud of him-
"You did well, Clayman," she said, petting his hair with one hand. "You were an excellent Demon Lord, and I was proud of you every day. That," he could hear a quiver to her voice, "is what I regret never telling you."
A sob erupted from Clayman's throat, and Kagali pulled him to her tighter. He grasped at her, crying unabashedly like a baby. The fact that Teare, Yuzu, and Wendy were there didn't hold him back - it was too much to bear. To finally be praised, to finally feel seen, when he had already failed…it moved him deeply.
There would be plenty of time to catch up this visit. But in this moment, it was enough to be held.