Chapter Text
Tobin was extremely aware of the age-old stereotype that lesbians moved at hyperspeeds in terms of relationships. She’s definitely had her share of girls who were ‘in love’ with her, but she barely even acknowledged them as anything more than someone to have fun with. But it was different with Christen. Whenever they talked or hung out, it just felt like Tobin had known her forever. It had been two weeks since their first date and they’ve had two dates since and been texting nonstop. They did homework together, ate together, Christen came to Tobin’s games, they’ve drunkenly made out and they’ve not drunkenly made out. The budding relationship was new and exciting. Every moment together left them giddy and every kiss and every touch felt electric. It was great between them, but Tobin tried to stay reserved and not fall too fast. Well, at the very least, not let Christen know that she was falling too fast.
The soccer juniors and seniors arrived back at the castle on Thursday evening after one of the most grueling practices since preseason. They had narrowly defeated UCLA 2-1 on Wednesday and Anson was pretty disappointed in the performance despite the result. They ran full field suicides until their legs were jello. Tobin hated weeks with Wednesday and Saturday game days because it always meant Thursday was going to be a hard day. She didn’t mind the sprints, she was actually one of the fittest on the team after HAO and Kelley. But she’d much rather kick a ball around then do fitness.
Upon getting into her bedroom, Tobin immediately collapsed into her bed and seriously debated falling asleep right then. She knew she had a 3 page paper due tomorrow that she hadn’t started yet and she kicked her procrastinating self for not doing it earlier. And she knew she’d hate herself at 2am tonight when she thought about how she should’ve started it now, but she decided to pull out her phone and text Christen instead.
‘I’m dead’
‘Practice was that bad, huh?’
‘5 sets of full field suicides’
‘Oh that’s nothing, you baby’
Tobin laughed at the text knowing Christen loved to tease her because lacrosse did do more running than soccer did.
‘What are u up to right now?’
‘In the library with Alyssa’
‘Do u have a lot of work?’
‘Kind of. I have to finish a few assignments and readings. And I’m starting to study for the chem exam’
‘But that’s not until next week’
‘Haha some people like to study more than a day in advance Toby’
Tobin hated that nickname. She refused to let any of her friends or family call her that. But when Christen started using it, she really didn’t have a problem with it. Alex and Kelley teased her about that endlessly.
‘Oh okay. I was just seeing if u wanted to come over. But I’ll let you work’
‘Sorry!! You know I would but I really do have a lot to do’
‘You could do work here and I’ll just watch some film’
Tobin offered knowing full well she was likely getting shot down.
‘You know you’re too distracting to get any work done around…. ;)’
:(
‘You excited for the game Saturday?’
‘Yes!!!! It’s going to be a tough one. But my fam is coming for it! Even my sisters and little bro. I’m so stoked. I miss them. You’ll love my sisters. They’re nothing like me lol’
Christen didn’t respond immediately like she had been with Tobin’s previous texts. Tobin just figured that Christen put her phone done or went to get coffee or something. But after a few minutes passed without a response, she grew anxious.
‘You there?’
Tobin sent and she waited nervously as she watched the three little typing dots appear in the message.
Look, Tobin. I’ve always valued my honesty and I’m going to be honest with you right now. I like you, obviously. And I’m having a lot of fun spending time with you. And I’m not sure what you’re looking for but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. I broke up with my ex like a month before I got here. And I’m not hung up on them by any means, but I definitely need to take things slow. And that’s not to say things might not change but I just want to be upfront and honest. Because meeting your family feels like a big step and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.’
Tobin read and reread the message probably ten times. She understood what Christen said and where she was coming from. She really and truly did. It had been only 4 weeks since they met, even though it felt like much longer sometimes. But still, even though Christen was being reasonable and honest and logical, the words on the screen left a certain sadness in Tobin’s heart.
She screenshotted the message and sent it to Alex, Kelley and Ashlyn. They all were understanding, mostly of Christen, but tried their best to comfort their friend. They offered encouraging advice, not to overthink it too much, and, knowing Tobin’s track record, told her that it was probably in her own interest to take things slow as well.
‘I understand completely! Going slow sounds perfect. Thanks for being honest with me’
‘And I mean it Tobin, I do like you I just really need slow right now’
‘Okay, I’ll let you study. I should probably get my paper done too. But I’ll see you tomorrow in class?’
‘I’ll probably text you before that. Good night!’
The next night Tobin told Christen to come over after practice so they could study for their Chemistry exam together. Christen knew the last thing Tobin wanted to do was study, but she had gotten a lot of work done on Thursday so she agreed. When she got to The Castle and up to Tobin’s room, her suspicions were confirmed. Tobin, using the excuse practice tired her out too much, convinced Christen to lay in bed and watch a movie that night. Tobin picked one of her favorite movies, The Incredibles. But it didn’t matter too much because they spent most of the time drawing circles with their fingers on each other’s legs and arms.
“Tell me about your ex,” Tobin said.
“Oh wow, so romantic,” Christen commented sarcastically taking her hands off of Tobin.
“I’m curious. I want to know,” Tobin shrugged.
“This is really what you want to talk about when I’m laying in your bed?” Tobin laughed, shrugged and nodded. Christen let out a deep sigh and shifted to sit cross-legged on the bed. “Um, okay,” she said tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “My ex was my neighbor growing up. Uh, we were best friends my whole life. And then senior year he asked me to homecoming and I don’t know we just kind of dated from there. We broke up because we were going to schools across the country from each other. And I don’t know I guess he was in love with me and I more or less loved him only as a friend.”
“Your ex is a guy?” Tobin asked trying to hid her uncertainty.
“Yeah,” Christen nodded and Tobin visibly winced.
“Have you ever dated a girl before?” Tobin asked worried that she would turn into another straight girl’s experimental phase.
“Yes, Tobin,” Christen said picking up on Tobin’s concern.
“So are you like, bi?”
“I don’t know,” Christen admitted. “I mean, I guess if you had to label it, then yes. But I don’t really like labels. I’m just attracted to attractive people,” Christen shrugged. “Does that make sense?” Christen asked seeing Tobin contemplate what she had just said.
“Yeah,” Tobin nodded. “So how many people have you been with?”
“Like dated?”
“No, like been with,” Tobin knew she was getting personal but she really wanted to know Christen’s past.
“I’ve only slept with my ex boyfriend,” Christen said shyly and a little embarrassed. She had a feeling Tobin was a lot more experienced than she was.
“Oh,” was all Tobin could say. “So you’ve never, um, with a girl?”
“No,” Christen said shaking her head. “I mean I’ve done things with girls but never,” she paused. “That.” Tobin just nodded her head looking anywhere but Christen. Christen felt nervous and anxious and slightly sad; it scared her because she was never uncomfortable in Tobin’s presence. “Is that a problem?”
“No,” Tobin quickly reassured her hearing the sadness and scaredness in her voice. She placed a hand on Christen’s leg and squeezed giving her a smile.
“Okay,” Christen said feeling a little better. “That’s also one of the reasons I want to go slow. I don’t think I’m as experienced as you are.”
“I’ve had no complaints,” Tobin smiled.
“What about you?”
“What about me what?”
“How many girls have you been with? And guys I guess? I think. I don’t know what you prefer,” Christen stuttered out, getting flustered as she babbled.
“Girls only. And, um, a lot more than I’m proud of,” Tobin said. Christen felt her heart pang at the thought of Tobin being with other women.
“How many?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have a number, but it’s been a lot. And I hate that I have to tell you that but I just want to be honest with you,” Tobin said fidgeting with her hands as she started to tear up. “My, um, family is very religious. And when I first told them I was gay over Thanksgiving break my freshmen year, they freaked out. I didn’t even stay for Thanksgiving that year, I just drove back down to Chapel Hill. After that I spiraled out pretty bad and sometimes it felt like I was hooking up with someone new every week. It was a really tough time for me and I did some bad things then.” A few tears sprinkled out of Tobin’s eyes and landed in her hands. Christen reached out and took Tobin’s hands into her own.
“I’m sorry, Tobin,” Christen said running her fingers on the back of Tobin’s hands.
“It’s okay,” Tobin wiped away one of the tears. “My parents are better with all of it now. I just wasn’t me for awhile, but I’m starting to get back,” Tobin said giving a weak smile to Christen. Christen tried to give a small smile back to Tobin, but it hurt her so much to see how much pain Tobin went through. It hurt to see one of the most laid-back, happiest person she knew be so vulnerable. Christen leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Tobin’s lips before pulling the soccer player into her.
They laid like that on the bed watching Tobin’s favorite movie. Tobin would occasionally shift in Christen’s arms and press a light kiss to her lips. She ended up falling asleep in Christen’s hold as the girl stroked her hair and left kisses on top of her head.
The next morning Tobin woke up before Christen. She spent a few minutes laying in bed just admiring every detail about the beautiful girl next to her. She studied every line on her face, she tried counting her eyelashes, she played with the wisps of hair standing up on Christen’s head. After a few minutes though, she had to get up. She was careful not to wake up Christen as she slid out of bed and into the shower. Tobin tiptoed around her room getting ready and packing up her stuff for the game. Christen turned a few times in bed but never fully awoke. Tobin found one of her old homeworks on the ground and scribbled a note on the back.
‘Left to get breakfast with my family. See you at the game. I’ll text you after -T’
Breakfast with Tobin’s family was great. She didn’t realize how much she missed all of them. Her mom pestered her why her hair wasn’t down and Tobin just rolled her eyes. Her and her dad talked about the game today and a few games for the Champions League from the week. Her brother told her about a new fishing spot he found a little ways away from their house. And, once their parents got up to pay the check, her sister’s asked if she was seeing anyone. Tobin was vague, but she wasn’t good at hiding things from her sister’s.
The “close” game that everyone anticipated ending up being a blow out. UNC topped Stanford 4-1, with 3 goals in the first half alone and their starters getting pulled in the 75th minute. Tobin had two assists and a missed goal she was kicking herself about despite the score. Anson was overly pleased with their performance coming off their rough win earlier in the week and gave them the entire weekend off to recover. Not even an hour after the game ended and party plans were already in the works.
The players headed over to the stands to say hi to their parents and friends at the game and Tobin immediately spotted Christen. She was mixed in with a lot of the student section, but Tobin could spot her eyes from a mile away. She gave Christen a little smile, not wanting her family to notice anything. Christen glanced down at the section decked in number 17 apparel and gave Tobin a nod to say Tobin should go talk to her family instead of her.
Tobin made her way over to her family who gushed over her performance before making plans to meet her up by the athletic center after she undressed. Tobin quickly showered and changed before sending out a text to Christen.
‘I’m going to dinner with my fam. Meet up after? Maybe watch a movie?’
‘ I think I’m going to some frat party tonight. I’ll keep you updated. You’re more than welcome to join! Have fun with your fam’
Tobin read over Christen’s response and tucked her phone away. As much as old Tobin loved frat parties, she kind of outgrew them and just wanted a quiet night in. She didn’t want to make Christen miss out on any freshmen experience or sound possessive and tell her to come over instead. Dinner was great and Tobin cried at the end as she said goodbye to her family. She knew they were coming to a game in a few weeks, but she missed how good it felt to be around the people she loved most.
She came back to the Castle after dinner and trudged her sore body up the steps. She flung off her tshirt and collapsed on her bed as she felt the bass from one of the blaring speakers downstairs vibrate the house. A lot of the girls were running around trying on different outfits and trying to cement down plans for the night. Tobin just wasn’t interested in any of that at the moment. Alex, Kelley, Syd, and Ashlyn all tried their luck at getting Tobin to change her mind but she waved them all off, turning on SportsCenter instead.
It was 11:30 and sleep was creeping up on Tobin as she struggled to keep her eyes open to watch the PSG-Barcelona game. Her phone, which she had on her chest, buzzed and she tucked her chin down to see who it was. Kelley had sent her a text and she slid open her phone expecting some incoherent, drunk slur of words probably in need of being picked up. The text read, ‘You’re missing out’. But what else she sent with it suddenly woke Tobin up. It was a picture of Kelley in a dark basement with her arm around Christen. Christen looked sweaty and drunk and still insanely hot. She had her eyeliner done flawless and her hair pulled back into a sleek bun that made her cheekbones look unreal.
Tobin quickly sent back, ‘Where are you?’ before hopping out of bed and throwing her phone down in her place. She rummaged through her closet before finding a casual enough outfit that still made her look nice before checking on Kelley’s response. Kelley had sent back a few greek letters and some other words that weren’t spelled right as well as her location. Tobin put on a snapback and bounded down the stairs eager to get to the last place she had wanted to be a few hours ago.
Drunk kids stumbled out of houses, screaming and laughing. Music blared throughout fraternity row as Tobin squinted to read the Greek letters posted on the sides of each house. She finally found the one Kelley said they were at and made her way over. She made her way through the house, past people dancing, playing beer pong, or making out. She scanned the crowded first floor trying to get a glimpse of anyone she knew as she sweated through her shirt.
“Hey, you’re the soccer girl,” a drunk boy called out to her as she tried to pass him.
“Uh, yeah,” Tobin mumbled as she tried to continue walking.
“You were awesome today. Want a beer?” He said pulling out a can of Bud Light from his back pocket and giving it to Tobin.
“Thanks,” Tobin said accepting the still a little cold beer before opening it and taking a long sip, hoping to ease some of her anxiety.
“No problem! But hey, that girl Alex Morgan. Is she single?” Tobin rolled her eyes.
“No,” she said simply still trying to brush pass him.
“Damn. What about you?” he said raising his eyebrows and getting a stupid smirk on his face. Tobin turned to him and gave him a huge grin.
“Gay,” she said matter-o-factly. He was in shock and Tobin took the opportunity to finally get away as he was left processing it.
After going through all the first floor rooms without finding Kelley or Christen, she begrudingly decided to continue her search in the basement. She squeezed down the staircase to the black, crowded, musty-smelling room. Music was pounded so loud, her eardrums felt like they were blowing out. A multicolor laser light was the only reason she had any idea how to navigate through the space. As she squeezed through people she finally found a face she recognized.
“Kelley!” Tobin screamed as loud as she could just audible above the music. She put her hand on Kelley’s waist and her friend spun around.
“TOBIN!” Kelley screamed throwing herself on Tobin. Over Kelley’s shoulder, Tobin saw Emily who gave her a wave and Tobin nodded in response. “I knew you’d come,” Kelley said into her ear.
“Where is she?” Tobin asked and Kelley just shrugged.
“I saw her like an hour ago. I’ve been a little distracted since though,” Kelley winked.
“Okay, I’m going to go find her. Have fun,” Tobin said leaving her teammates. Kelley pulled Emily’s waist closer to hers and they continued to move to the music as a group of boys watched.
Tobin made her way further into the depths of the basement and eventually spotted Christen against one of the back walls. She was propped up against it, talking to some guy. Tobin barely paid the guy a second glance because Christen looked great in her short jean shorts and navy crop top. Even in the dark basement, Christen’s cinnamon skin looked inviting. She began to make her bee line to Christen when in one swift movement, the guy reached out and pulled Christen into him. His lips were on hers and it looked aggressive and forced, but then Tobin watched as Christen began to push her lips back into his. Suddenly everything around Tobin seemed obsolete and she felt physically sick to her stomach, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn away. She watched as his meaty paws slid onto the skin between Christen’s shorts and shirt and Christen’s hands tangle in his hair. She couldn’t breathe.
“You’re on the soccer team right?” A voice to her left pulled her attention away as a tiny girl next to her placed a hand on Tobin’s bicep. Tobin was still reeling from what was going on she didn’t understand.
“What?” she said to the girl in a low cut tank top and barely visible shorts. The girl just smiled and pulled Tobin’s arm a little closer to her.
“You’re Tobin. You play soccer. I was at your game today.”
“Oh,” was all Tobin could manage to say.
“Not much of a talker, eh?” the girl smirked. “We don’t have to do much talking if you wanna dance instead?” she shamelessly flirted. Tobin’s heart was still tight in her chest and she wasn’t drunk but she couldn’t think straight at all. Tobin downed the remaining contents of the beer in her hand before dropping the empty can to the floor.
“What’s your name?” Tobin asked.
“Sarah,” the girl flashed a devilish grin. Tobin nodded and glanced one more time at where the person she wanted was making out with someone else.
“Want to get out of here, Sarah?” Tobin said peeling her eyes away from the painful reminder why she didn’t do casual.
“Very much so,” Sarah said before Tobin grabbed her hand and began navigating their way out of the basement.