Chapter Text
David Bowie serenades Mama and Little Nat in the car with his “Space Oddity.” It is the girl’s most favorite song. Today she is quiet. Mama looks in the rearview mirror just as she always does but her daughter does not look back for the moment. Still, the kid seems to feel her mother’s look.
“I miss him,” Little Nat whispers simply, her face inches from touching the car’s window, her mind clearly deep in thought.
“I miss him too,” Mama responds. And that is when the girl finally returns her mother’s look in the rearview mirror. A moment of silent agreement passes between the pair and lingers until the moment Nat hops out of the car and they say their “goodbyes” followed by their “I love you’s.”
While Mama is at home that day, preparing some things for work, her phone begins to ring. Hope wells up inside of her but she doesn’t get carried away with it too quickly. Abandoning her computer project for the moment, she moves across the kitchen counter and picks it up.
Her eyes widen and suddenly the hopeful feeling thickens. As she answers and listens to the voice on the other end, it even increases further.
In truth, the first sign that things were looking up appeared a few days ago. Following her argument with Natasha, she received a message from the rehabilitation center about a possible earlier day for her husband’s discharge. But this…this is the call she has truly been waiting for. The confirmation.
“Okay, thank you so much,” she says, almost certain her grin can be heard through the phone, “Goodbye now.”
As she hangs up, her vision becomes blurry– tears prick and threaten to break loose. She drops the phone back onto the counter and brings her hands to her forehead.
Little Natasha has been awfully quiet today and Ms. Rozman has noticed.
Marcus turns over his shoulder to look at her and snickers, but his teacher quickly cuts in, “Marcus. How many times do I need to tell ya to leave her alone?!”
His eyes are back on his assignment, shoulders hunched over. After his first run-in with Natasha over her father, he had clearly hammed up how hurt he was so that his parents would go to the school board and get the girl in the most trouble possible. The board, however, was not so easily convinced and the pair were left with a warning to quit the fighting.
Marcus still likes to push Nat’s buttons so Ms. Rozman keeps a watchful eye on the two. He steals one more glance over his shoulder when Rozman faces the board and sticks his tongue out at Nat. She glares back and responds with a simple middle finger. She knows fully well she would be in trouble if any grown ups caught her doing that, but she has witnessed Auntie Ava do it to Uncle John enough times to recognize that it is a good way to show someone your distaste for something they do. She slips it away as Ms. Rozman returns her gaze to the class again– but the teacher catches Marcus’ sneer.
“Marcus. Eyes on paper.”
He doesn’t try anything more for the rest of the day.
Nat stares down at her pinkie finger then, wiggling it slightly and recalling the “pinkie promise” Mama taught her the other day. And suddenly she wants to make another promise. She isn’t sure who to make the promise to or what it should be about, but she likes the idea of being counted on. It’s a good feeling…
When Little Nat is released from class, she is surprised to find Mama standing in the courtyard rather than at the front archway. She is grinning wide and bends down as her daughter reaches her, “Mama?”
“Hey Little Nat! I have a surprise for you,” Mama waves to Ms. Rozman, who waves back and gives her a knowing look.
“A surprise???”
Little Nat’s wondrous eyes widen in curiosity. Mama nods and repeats, “A surprise.”
And she scoops the girl up, bringing her to rest on one hip before carrying her out of the school. Little Nat’s mind races every which way, wondering what the surprise could possibly be. She vocalizes her curiosity: “What’s the surprise??”
Mama smiles as she moves toward the car, “If I tell you then it won’t be a surprise, zvezdochka!”
Little Nat sighs in defiance, “Can I have a hint?”
But Mama answers that with a raised eyebrow, leaving no room to be convinced.
Soon the pair are on the road again. Little Nat attempts to lean toward the middle seat and peek out the front window towards where they are headed, but street signs don’t usually mean much to five year olds.
So, she turns to her side and looks out the window instead. Sun pokes through the green leaves as summer is about to arrive. Little Nat remembers holding her rocket ship up to the window when the trees were still barren from the cold, shortly after her birthday in January. The day Papa left for his mission. She has the sudden urge to do so again and quickly goes through her backpack to look for it. Underneath the snacks and colorful paper, her hand closes around something small and plastic – jackpot!
As she fishes out the toy, Little Nat presses the button on its side that causes it to light up and make a distinct wooshing noise. Mama must have put more batteries in it! She grins in excitement and holds it up to the window, making it duck between branches and sail along the wind – she imagines it is so.
Mama glances in the rearview mirror, her face excited. Her tone matches that excitement, “What are you up to, Nat?”
“Visiting Neptune,” the girl replies.
“And how many miles away is that?”
“Two point eight billion,” Nat says without a moment of hesitation.
She shifts the little rocket between her hands as Mama thinks about what a bright girl she has.
Nat then remembers a question Ms. Rozman asked her earlier that year– maybe around September or October: “So, you really like planets, huh? If you could be one, which would you be?”
It was a good question– a great question even. All of the planets have so much to offer and Little Nat was obviously well aware of that back then too…that was why she said she wasn’t sure. She remembers being slightly frustrated with herself at the time– shouldn’t she have an answer? She was and is an outer space expert. She feared this made her look like a rookie.
But her worries surrounding the question had washed away until now. Sitting in the back of Mama’s car with the plastic rocketship in her hands, Little Nat has an answer.
If she could be any planet, she would be Earth.
Sure, the winds of Neptune would make anyone who chose it feel powerful and Mercury is fast– it only takes eighty-eight days to travel around the Sun. Any person who loves running might be prone to choosing that one…
But for Little Nat, Earth is more than enough. It is where Mama lives and where Papa will soon be again. It’s where Uncle John and Auntie Ava pretend they aren’t in love but deep down they know better– Earth is a good place to love. Earth is where Dedushka and Babushka raised their daughters. Earth is where the elder Natasha’s home was too.
Where it is.
Earth is where humans are. Where they laugh, where they weep, where they get angry, where they hate, where they love, where they fight, where they read books, and draw with chalk, and make mac ‘n cheese, and play on seesaws and slides, and learn big new words to use at school!
Yeah, Little Nat would like to be Earth. She imagines that Mama is Venus, beautiful and loving. Papa is Mars, shielding them both from what lies beyond the galaxy. And since those are on either side of it, Natasha imagines Venus and Mars embracing Earth. And she smiles.
Perhaps choosing Earth would be the least expected answer from her of all, but the more she thinks about it, the more she loves it.
She glances down at her backpack– that kitty astronaut looks as triumphant as ever as she places a paw-printed flag on the moon. Earth sits in the background, waiting for her to come home. So long as there is Earth, there is a home to come back to.
Mama pulls up in front of a building thats unassuming looks make it so that Little Nat does not initially recognize it.
“Is this the surprise?”
She asks her mom skeptically with an eyebrow raised.
“You’re getting warmer,” Mama insists, helping her down from the car and holding her hand as they make their way across the parking lot.
Nat looks around curiously, keeping her hand in Mama’s. A few folks pass them by, moving to and from the sidewalk like two-way traffic. As they reach the pavement in front of the doors, Little Nat freezes. Her heart begins to speed up and it becomes so loud that she can hear it in her ears.
Mama feels the sudden tension and looks down at the girl, who is staring up at her with wide eyes. She squeezes her child’s hand, “Do you remember where we are now?”
And before Little Nat can even respond, the door swings open. The pair turn to see a man with white fur on his face and a friendly smile. He gestures to the person for which he holds the door open.
Mama kneels next to Natasha, whose heart is now in her throat. She holds her breath until, at last, a man in a big blue sweater that looks like it might swallow him whole steps out. A man she recognizes very well. He thanks the fur-face man with a nod and a smile.
Little Nat feels herself buzzing as she cries out, “PAPAAAAA!”
Papa’s head turns to look at her and the biggest smile stretches across his face, “Is that my pal, Little Natasha Reynolds?”
Little Nat lets go of Mama’s hand and tears across the sidewalk. Mama watches her go with a teary smile while Papa rushes to meet her in the middle. He practically slides onto his knees to pull her into a warm hug, dropping the duffle bag he carries. The girl wraps her arms around his chest and squeezes real tight– probably as tight as she can.
He lets out a slightly strained laugh but would never in a million years pull away. He swings her up, bringing her to rest on his leg as he uses his free hand to cradle the back of her head.
“I missed you so much,” she practically yelps, “Mama and me waited and waited for you!”
“I missed you both too, Natty. I’m sorry it took so long but I promise you it will never ever happen again,” he says with his whole heart.
When Little Nat finally lets up, Papa can see the tears streaming down her face. He frowns and wipes them away with his thumb as she asks, "Pinkie promise?"
She sticks out her own to make it official. Papa smiles and links his own with it, knowing exactly where she learned the art, "You got it...I am so proud of you for taking such good care of Mama.”
Papa looks up to see his wife standing above them. Shifting Little Nat onto his side, he rises from his kneeling position. He then steps forward and wraps his arms around Mama, who returns it instantly. She melts into him and, as she does, what he said right before he went to space comes to her mind: Time seems to be our enemy.
But it can't possibly be so because the more time passed, the closer she had been to being back with him. Maybe time is both an enemy and a friend…
Papa presses his lips to Mama’s then and she lifts her arms to wrap loosely around his neck. Oh how she missed this feeling…
They stay like this for a moment until they let it break and their foreheads rest against each other.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu,” he whispers back.
Little Nat looks between them, as happy as she has ever been. Her family is finally full again, her dream has come true.
“How was space, Daddy?”
Papa looks at her with a soft grin, “Space? Space was the coolest place ever! I know you’re gonna love it when you get there. It made my hair stand straight up when there was no gravity!”
Little Nat giggles at the thought, picturing her papa in zero gravity.
“Did you bring me anything?”
Mama looks at Papa, tilting her head slightly. Perhaps she should have seen this coming…but he did.
“Did I bring you anything…hmm I’m not sure– oh yeah I almost forgot!”
Papa bends down, carefully continuing to balance Little Nat on his side, and skillfully unzips into that trusty duffle bag while insisting, “Close your eyes, sweetie.”
Little Nat places both hands over her eyes and Papa chuckles, “Well, I need you to hold out your hands too…”
“Oops,” Little Nat keeps her eyes closed, but she holds out her palms. Papa shares a look with Mama before dropping a small bag into the girl’s hands.
“Okay. You can open your eyes now.”
Nat’s eyes fly open and instantly land on the treasure in front of her. She gasps loudly, “Astronaut ice cream?!”
“I just can’t get enough of it,” Papa confirms with a nod, “I didn’t know it was so good!”
“Can I eat it now, Daddy?”
Little Nat looks like she is about ready to tear that bag open. Papa tilts his head in consideration, “Ask Mama.”
The kid’s head whips around to look at her mother, “Can I have it now, Mama? Please please pleeeeeease??”
“Well,” Mama pretends to consider, “Okay you can–”
“YAYYYY,” the girl begins to pull at the edge of the bag.
“But,” Mama cuts in, “Let’s get Papa home while you do, yeah?”
Little Nat nods, happily, “I have so much to tell you, Papa.”
“I can’t wait to hear it,” Papa replies softly.
He ruffles her hair lightly as she successfully opens the bag of astronaut ice cream. Then he moves that free hand right into Mama’s, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She closes her eyes and basks in it.
“Take me home, Lena,” he whispers.
In the months after returning home from rehabilitation, Bob Reynolds re-discovers his love for reading. It starts when he goes back to narrating Little Natasha’s bedtime stories– the selection of books wasn’t the greatest at the rehab center, so he had typically passed them by without a second thought.
But as he is truly getting back into the spirit, Little Nat’s passion for stories reminds him how much he really loves curling up in the window with a good novel– preferably with an arm around his wife, Yelena Belova-Reynolds.
Yelena feels something return within herself that she has not felt in a long time: peace. In the years following her sister’s death, she found herself largely unable to visit her gravesite. It was simply too painful. But once Bob returns home, she feels a new strength within her, things feel lighter.
And so, she begins to visit Natasha. It starts to happen every so often and soon evolves into happening every other week. She updates her sister on everything happening in her life: how she, Nat, and Bob recently visited a space museum, how they adopted a little guinea pig named Cucumber, and how she finally feels like time really is starting to heal– as much as it can anyway. She finally feels like the resilient Lena that everyone has always insisted she is.
Of course, the pain of living without Natasha will plague her forever. But the knowledge that the bright young woman with the fiery red hair will wait for her brings her comfort. She will see her again…
Alexei and Melina remain as supportive as they always have been, being the greatest dedushka and babushka of all time. When Little Nat joins a soccer league just like her mama did, her grandparents are both proud and nostalgic – as well as ever-present in the stands.
And John Walker admits something to Ava Starr that he wishes he had a long time ago. He loves her. The bantering, he has discovered, is flirting. Ava wonders what took him so long but pulls him into a long-overdue kiss anyway. Things are getting serious now.
And as for Little Nat, she remains the curious and adventurous young girl her parents know and love. She is over the moon to have her family back together. Life on Earth is well…
“Three…two…one…liftoff! Ready or not here I come,” Yelena looks up from where she sits at the picnic table and glances around.
She stands carefully and wanders around the park, the evening light and fireflies illuminating her path.
“Okay you guys. I’m gonna find you!”
Meanwhile, Bob and Little Nat hide crouched behind a bush, trying to stay as still as possible. Little Nat takes hide-and-seek very seriously. Bob finds that extremely entertaining.
Yelena passes them by and her husband can’t really tell if she can see them – but if she can, then she is doing a great job of pretending not to be able to. Sometimes she does that for her daughter’s love of the game. Little Nat peeks through the leaves and watches her mother walk on.
Suddenly, Bob feels a tickle in his nose.
Oh no, he thinks.
“Cucumber,” he whispers quietly, “cucumber…”
A trick he learned to suppress a sneeze was distracting his mind. Maybe if he thinks of the little guinea pig, he won't think of how uncomfortable this is and risk giving away their position.
Little Nat turns around, looking at him with concern and, for a moment, Bob thinks that the urge to sneeze has passed. He gives her a double thumbs up and she turns back around to watch Yelena’s search.
But as soon as she returns her eyes to her mother, the need returns in full and Bob sneezes. Little Nat whirls around and Yelena looks over, smirking, “Wonder where they could be…”
“Sorry,” Bob mutters, wondering if the competitive Little Nat will be upset. However, she is giggling, too full of happiness at his presence to mind the fact that they are about to lose the game.
“Papa!”
“Maybe she won’t find us,” Bob jokes, hiding his face in his hands.
This only makes Little Nat laugh harder. Soon, Yelena is leaning over the bush, looking at them with a raised eyebrow, “I believe I caught you two.”
“How did you know where we were?”
Bob asks, in fake surprise. Yelena taps her cheek, pretending to consider, “I thought I heard something about Cucumber over here. I don’t know, maybe it was my imagination.”
Bob offers to be “it” next since he was technically the one who was discovered first by his voice. After a few more rounds, Little Nat lays in the grass, watching the first stars of the night begin to poke their heads out.
Bob and Yelena are back at the picnic table, Lena’s head on his shoulder. Bob kisses her hair then looks down, “I missed this old table…”
“It missed you too,” Yelena replies.
“I’m never leaving again,” Bob reminds her and she hums in approval. Her eyes drift from their daughter, lying content in a patch of green, up into the night sky.
Lots of world up there…
“So what’s next?”
She asks this to her husband as she turns up to face him. He looks into her eyes, his own slightly glistening, though Lena isn’t sure if that is from tears or the reflection of the fireflies, “Growing old with you. Watching my daughter grow up.”
A smile comes onto her face. Soft. Content, “I love that plan.”
The two soon stand and wander over to their daughter, lying on the grass with her and staring up at the night sky. Little Nat has many questions, just as she always does, “What’s Houston, Mama? The astronauts are always saying ‘Houston, we have a landing.’” or “Papa, did you see the craters of the moon up close?”
And her parents listen and answer them all.
Eventually, Little Natasha will grow up. In the future, she will see opportunities she never could have dreamed possible– ones that will take her into the galaxy.
And her parents will watch her with pride, as will her younger siblings.
She won’t be without her challenges, however, as none of us are. She will fight through them all like a champ, unfortunately having to defeat those who don’t see her worth all the time.
But man, will she fight. Because the truth is that no one can really bring her down.
Yes, the truth is that Little (maybe not-so-little then) Natasha Reynolds will always know who she is and where she came and that is in part because of her parents, who tell her space stories and who will raise her to be a strong and confident woman just like her namesake- they will always help her understand.
Because when someone asks about the origin of the little astronaut who offers the most meaningful pinkie promises, she will tell them with a content smile:
“I am Natasha Reynolds. I was named after the coolest girl who ever lived. My Mama is Lena and my Papa is Bob.”