Chapter Text
The next day went like the one before.
Enjolras had spent the night by Grantaire’s side as much as he could, not speaking much but being a source of constant comfort for the other, or so he hoped. He didn’t know what he could do, aside from offering a soft kiss or a gentle touch, that didn’t involve a constant repeating of reassurances that surely became tiresome after a while.
Though he had always been willing to lend a helping hand to his friends, Enjolras had never had an aptitude for empathy. That, of course, had to change when he began building a relationship with Grantaire; with his low esteem and tendency for dark melancholy. Enjolras couldn’t handle him with cruelty anymore, that much he knew. He had a short temper and lack of patience for things that landed outside of his own moral views, but he knew he would have to change if he wanted their relationship to work. So, he softened his words, accenting them with reassuring touches and comfort. He listened to Grantaire, and he did what he could to help when things got bad. He learned from his mistakes, smoothed the edges that had once been sharp as daggers, and changed.
He fell in love.
And now, while he wasn’t perfect, he liked to think he was better. He had to be, or Cosette wouldn’t have left him alone for the day with only a few texts to check in.
Thinking of all this, of the man in the other room, Enjolras smiled to himself. It was a small smile, weakened by the circumstances surrounding the thoughts, but a smile nonetheless. A heart once chilled now beat with love for a man he never thought he would even come to like, and that was cause enough for a smile.
Still, today left little reason for joy. It was another day in bed for Grantaire, and Enjolras worried for him even more. The apartment felt emptier without his voice; without his presence. The kitchen, where Enjolras now stood as he scraped together a dinner, was missing the usual sounds of Grantaire moving about as he cooked whatever meal he had planned for the evening. Even though Enjolras did not suffer from depression as Grantaire did, he could feel a sadness in the air.
He found himself lost in these thoughts, noticing little of the world around him until he saw, out of the corner of his eye, a shape in the doorway. He turned his head, expecting Combeferre or Courfeyrac, but was pleasantly surprised to instead find himself looking at the haggard face of Grantaire.
For a moment, Enjolras found himself still, taking in what he saw. Grantaire looked terrible. He looked sad and exhausted, but he was standing, and that was more than he was before. Enjolras smiled, quickly closing the space between them and wrapping his arms around the other. For a moment Grantaire did nothing, but he then returned the hug, holding Enjolras weakly.
“’Taire,” Enjolras said softly, pulling away slightly so he could press a kiss to the other’s lips, jaw, and neck, “how are you?”
Grantaire shrugged silently, and even Enjolras could see how much of an effort it was for him to be up.
Enjolras kissed him again, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Even though he had a feeling he already knew the answer, he figured it was worth a try. But Grantaire shook his head, affirming his suspicion, and moved in closer to press his face to Enjolras’ neck, who began gently rubbing his back, hushing him softly, “I’m here if you do, okay? And even if you don’t.”
Grantaire nodded, holding Enjolras closer and exhaling a shaky breath. There would be no anger this time, just the love Grantaire deserved.
They stayed like that for a short while, holding onto each other in the kitchen doorway as Enjolras ran his hand up and down the length of Grantaire’s back. It was quiet and peaceful, as there wasn’t much use for words. Whatever there was that could be said was instead expressed through touch. They didn’t need anything else.
Eventually, though, Grantaire did pull away, letting out a soft sigh as he did so. “I’m gonna take a shower,” he said, voice weak from sadness and lack of use.
Enjolras nodded, moving his hands to cup Grantaire’s face and kissing him for a long moment. “May I join you?” he asked when he pulled away, rubbing a thumb against Grantaire’s cheek. “I just want to be with you,” he added as an afterthought to dismiss any assumptions that he meant to do more. With all the worry he had, and the situation as it was, he found himself a bit clingy, not wanting to leave Grantaire alone.
Grantaire nodded, smiling faintly. And with that, Enjolras kissed him again before pulling away and reaching for his hand, which he squeezed softly once it was in his own. He didn't know if it helped, but he hoped so.
He then walked with Grantaire to the bathroom, leaving his half-made dinner forgotten in the kitchen. Once arrived, Enjolras let go of Grantaire’s hand after giving it another soft squeeze. His hand free, he began to undress himself, watching Grantaire as he did so.
Enjolras, having spent the day at work and having only recently come home, was still dressed in the suit he had worn to work, excluding the jacket he had taken off upon entering the apartment. He was clean shaven, with his hair as neat as he could get it, even if that wasn’t saying much. In short, he looked the opposite of Grantaire, wearing only a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, which Enjolras wasn’t sure he’d been out of since the last time he was really out of bed. There were bags under his eyes, despite his lack of activity, and the stubble on his face, though a regularity on any day, today only managed to add to the look of sad dishevelment.
Once undressed, Enjolras gave Grantaire a soft kiss before turning on the water and getting into the shower. He held out a hand for Grantaire, offering a gentle, reassuring smile. When Grantaire took his hand and joined him, Enjolras closed the shower curtain, further separating them from the outside world.
For someone usually so standoffish and severe, Enjolras had grown rather fond of the intimacy that came with a romantic relationship. Not just sex, but intimacy. Being close with someone on an emotional level that had previously been left untouched. The sex was good, or at least he thought it was, it wasn't like he had experience to go by, but Enjolras would have been just as happy to go without it. To him, the emotional bond was far more gratifying. To be so close with someone, to care, to love. That was what was important to Enjolras. And now, with the door closed and the curtain drawn, they could reach that level of private intimacy that rivaled any sexual sensation.
As the warm water washed over them, Enjolras stood close, taking Grantaire’s hands in his as he leaned his forehead against the other’s, letting his stress out in a soft exhale. They stayed like that for a minute, enjoying the company of the other and the warmth of the water.
Eventually, Enjolras let go, separating himself from Grantaire with a kiss.
They took turns cleaning each other, hands running gently over skin and through hair, with soft kisses pressed intermittently wherever they could be. Even if only for a moment, they had found peace; Enjolras only hoped that the water managed to wash away some of the sadness Grantaire felt as well.
He didn't know what would happen once they got out of the shower, if Grantaire would go back to bed, or if he would stay up with Enjolras for the evening. He hoped the calm of the shower would remain, setting a better mood for the night, but nothing was guaranteed. Happiness was never guaranteed.
Once they were clean and the heat of the water began to fade, Enjolras kissed Grantaire softly before turning the water off. Then, with a soft sigh, he opened the curtain, letting the heat disperse to the rest of the bathroom, which was humid, yet nowhere near as warm as the shower had been. He stepped out of the shower and held out a hand for Grantaire to take, which he did as he, too, left the shower. They dried off, wrapping towels around themselves, and, after a kiss, walked to their bedroom.
Enjolras closed the door behind them once they were in, and, again, kissed Grantaire softly. This lasted for a moment before he pulled away, placing a hand on Grantaire’s cheek.
“I love you,” he said, rubbing his thumb against the soft skin.
“Love you, too,” replied Grantaire, closing his eyes against the touch.
“C’mon,” said Enjolras after a moment, kissing the tip of Grantaire’s nose before pulling away.
The two got dressed, and though it was too late to justify putting on a whole outfit, at least Grantaire now wore a different shirt and pair of boxers. Enjolras, also now in his pajamas, was happy to see it. Even if it wasn’t much, it was more than before. He was proud of Grantaire, and pleased with the amount he had accomplished. He knew this didn’t mean everything was back to normal, or even that they would get there quickly, but he hoped this was a start.
And maybe, when they did get there, Enjolras would ask him to marry him.
But that was a thought for another day.