Chapter Text
The door shuts behind him, Choi Han gulping with nervousness as Cale takes a look at his freshly cleaned home- still smelling faintly of cleaning solution a hint of bleach.
"It's.. empty" Cale says, running his hands on his kitchen counter,
"I.. Yeah, you could say that I'm sort of.. leaving, soon?" Choi Han says, scratching the back of his head.
Cale coughs, "Ah, my flat is also.. the same, sorta. Just with fewer boxes."
"You dont mind?"
"Why should I?" Cale sighs, "It would have been the same if I'd taken you back to my place anyway."
Choi Han resists the urge to bang his head against the wall- did he seriously just bring the prettiest man he's ever met into his empty and devoid apartment? Was he stupid??
Even worse, Cale was okay with it. God- how low were his standards?
Choi Han silently thanked and then cursed whatever out there allowed him for a chance at becoming closer with Cale.
"I can pick out a change of clothes if you're okay with that? But for sleeping you can have the bed, I don't mind having the couch for a night." Choi Han says,
"I'll take the change of clothes," Cale says, "but you can have your bed, I dont know if I'll be able to sleep tonight anyway."
"Ah, then-" Choi Han's chest thuds, "Would you like to watch a movie together? I also wasn't planning on sleeping originally- when I went to park, I mean."
Cale smiles, his eyes playful. "Sure," he says, "as long as it's not horror, I'm down."
They didn't pay attention to the movie, not really.
His attention was more so focused on Cale, who's borrowed shorts had ridden up his legs, started leaning into him.
In the dim light of their forgotten movie, Choi Han catches a glimpse of something on Cale's thigh.
His eyes widen slightly, "You have.."
Cale awkwardly sighs, bringing his legs closer to his body, "Yeah, I dont like looking at them either"
"No! No I didn't mean it like that, I er," Choi Han pushes up his sleeves as well, exposing his own forearm, "They aren't as neat as yours but.."
Strangely, despite Choi Han showing his own self harm scars, he didn't feel awkward, it didn't feel like he was showing something as serious as his self mutilation- it felt like showing something special or precious, something personal that didn't have the negative connotations that cutting yourself did.
"I make it uhm, jagged on purpose but.." He takes a breath, "I know what it's like, I mean."
He watches as Cale reaches out a tentative hand, hesitant to finally touch his scars.
Choi Han gulps, "You can touch them, I don't- I don't mind," he says,
The redhead looks into his eyes for a moment, and Choi Han doesn't know what he sees- but he's glad it was enough for Cale to make contact with his arm.
He shivers slightly, leaning into Cale's warm touch. The other man humming gently as he ran his fingers over the bumps of his scars, tracing the way his skin bumped up and fell- his reddish brown eyes looking at his scars like they weren't something to be disgusted by.
"They're healed over nicely," Cale says, contemplating his words, "…Would it be bad to say they fit your body really well?"
"-Nope!" Choi Han rushes to say, a heat rising to his cheeks, "It's feels nice to hear that, actually."
Cale smiles, bringing up his other arm beside Choi Han, "You can feel mine too if you'd like,"
"I-" Choi Han could swear there were hearts in his eyes at that very moment- "Yes, uh I mean, yeah. If that's all good?"
"Don't hold back on me now," Cale says, chuckling, "It's refreshing to have someone see my scars and not immediately ask me if I'm okay- or have them freak out on me."
Choi Han smiles, memories flashing by briefly, "Yeah," he says, "I get that."
Cale leans into him further, turning closing his eyes while idly feeling over Choi Han's scars- Choi Han in turn feeling the dips in Cale's thighs.
Where Choi Han had keloid scars, with bumps and slightly darker skin, Cale had atrophic scars, with an almost pure white shade in how they lightened under the dip of his skin.
Slowly, somehow, Cale ended up almost curled around Choi Han's arm, running his fingers along his scars, his thigh almost completely on Choi Han's lap, the black haired man similarly caressing Cale's thighs- careful not to go too high, trying to remain respectful especially with their proximity.
The movie flashes it's end, and Choi Han finds himself face to face with the prettiest boy he's ever seen- Cale's fingers crawling up and down his forearms.
"Take me to your room?"
"Yes"
"...Can I be honest?" Cale says, his voice still wrecked,
Choi Han swallows, "Yeah?"
"I don't know what happened in that movie. At all"
"..Can I also be honest?" Choi Han says,
Cale hums, "Yeah"
"Me neither."
They look at each other, still basking in the afterglow, before laughing- Choi Han reach over to hug Cale's waist once again, and Cale himself reciprocating by lifting his hand to bring Choi Han's face closer, bringing them into another kiss.
"Hey," Cale whispers,
"Yeah?" Choi Han says,
"Can I say something really, really personal?"
"I'd love to hear it, if I'm being honest."
"Don't be a sap," Cale laughs softly, "But, I'm serious. I logically shouldn't be telling you this."
Choi Han stares into Cale's eyes, the sincerity and tiredness of everything bleeding through the redhead's iris's.
"Whatever you tell me, I'll listen to it. All of it," he says,
Cale takes a deep inhale, "I was… I was planning on killing myself today," He says, softly. "I wanted to tell you this because-"
He chokes, and Choi Han reaches up to wipe a tear from Cale's face.
"I…" Cale trails off, "You've been so so good to me, for the past few hours." He says, "I don't want to give you hope for something that won't last,"
Cale gives him a look through his teary eyes, "I'm sorry," he says.
And perhaps Choi Han is a bad person, perhaps he really was a fucked up piece of shit for feeling joy at the news.
"Please don't be sorry," Choi Han says, bringing up Cale's hand.
Because Choi Han was going to kill himself anyway,
"I'm happy, actually." He murmurs,
Cale's confession only made him feel less alone.
"I was planning on doing the same, just.. in like, thirty? Forty hours?" Choi Han laughs bleakly, "At least I've gotten to know you, before we leave."
Cale's staring at him with a bewildered expression- not necessarily bad, just.. more shocked than anything.
Choi Han watches Cale blink back the information, processing it.
"Ah.. So that's why the house is.."
"Yep," Choi Han nods, "This place belongs is being payed by my parents, but they'll hear of me before next month's rent."
Cale nods, still seeming to look a little dazed.
"I'm going to ask you something tomorrow," Cale announces, "I'm not asking now because I don't know if it's the really good sex or just me talking"
Choi Han blushes- but he supposed that was fair.
They fall asleep hugging each other, for once, not afraid of what the future would bring.