Chapter Text
“MEOW!!”
For a second, Fukuzawa just stared at you, and you stared right back at him. You wondered for a moment if maybe he could tell, perhaps you had some sort of uncanny look to you unlike other cats though, the cats you passed by didn’t seem to look at you weirdly. It had you wondering what would happen if he could tell you weren’t truly a cat, would only ability users be able to tell? Would they pass it off as you having been attacked and turned into a cat by another ability user?
If anyone did find out you were actually human and somehow turned you back into one you could of course lie about how it came to be, but if you turned back into a human you’d have absolutely nowhere to go. You’d have no birth certificate, no ID, no social security number. You don’t exist in this world so it’d be pretty suspicious if they couldn’t find anything on you.
Maybe you should try acting more cute so Fukuzawa doesn’t start getting suspicious?
”Mrrow!” You give your cutest trill and paw at his socks.
”What a…huge cat you are.” He says eyeing you. “I’ve never seen a cat as big as you around here. How unusual indeed.”
Uh oh, this isn’t good, he’s getting way too suspicious. You knew he was smart but damn, this fast? You gotta do something quick, maybe act more cute and purr— wait how do you purr? You really need to get this cat stuff figured out.
”You must be someone’s pet.” He says bending down and holding the fish treat out in front of you. “What beautiful brown fur you have. I wonder what breed you are..”
oh
welp false alarm, it seems he was just admiring your beauty, like most people that see you do. You quickly take a bite out of the treat he was holding. As a human this would have been disgusting on the tongue but right now, it tasted like heaven.
Fukuzawa takes the opportunity to slowly reach out his other hand, probably, pet you. Beating him to the punch, you headbutt his hand affectionately which in return gets you a small smile from him. Finishing the treat you continue head butting into his hand as well as rubbing your body on his legs. You tried to purr as well but it sounded like you were trying to cough up a hairball.
If you had known being pet like this felt so good you would have died ages ago.
”Such fluffy fur you have, and so shiny too.” He sighs affectionately, scratching your chin. “Your owners must take such good care of you.”
”Meow-mrow!” I’m not owned by anyone, but I will be if you take me with you!
Much too soon, Fukuzawas hand leaves your chin though his touch lingers. Confused, you try to head butt his hand again but he’d already stood back up. Perhaps he’s ready to leave and finally take you with him!
”Ah, it is time for me to go now little kitty.” He sighs stepping over you and continuing down the path. “Run along to your owners now, they’re probably worried about you.”
perhaps not.
”MROW!” Don’t just leave me! You yowled, running up behind him and swiping at his legs to try and get him to stop.
”Oh my! Why am I getting attacked all of a sudden?” He yelps and shoos you away. “I have to go now so you should go home as well.” He sighs out and with that he walks away.
What the hell! This is so not how that was supposed to play out. You had it all planned in your mind! Go up to fukuzawa, be affectionate with him, have him take you back to the agency and boom! Be surrounded by the main cast successfully working your way into their story!
”MEOW!!” You yowl loudly in frustration. You hadn’t expected it to go this way, every possible outcome in your mind ended with him adopting you and you then getting pampered by everyone later on. The possibility of him not even thinking of taking you or having you tag along never even crossed your mind, now what were you supposed to do? Maybe you could just following him for a while to make him feel bad for you or to at least see if he went to the agency—ah wait which way did he go? You were too busy having a tantrum that he had already gotten too far away to spot him again, you couldn’t sniff him out yet because you weren’t used to your cat senses yet. UGH curse you Gods! Why couldn’t you have just made this easy for me you damn fools! Are you even real?!
•
•
You’ve been walking around for what feels like hours, you were most definitely lost. You had never been to Yokohama before—hell, you’d never even been to Japan. Now that you actually think about it, how the hell have you been able to understand anybody here? You don’t speak a lick of Japanese and the people here were definitely speaking that but it was like the words were immediately getting translated as soon as they were spoken.
You stop walking and check your surroundings, looking around to find yourself near a bridge with train tracks. It looked a bit familiar to you but you couldn’t pinpoint why. You were honestly starting to get incredibly tired and felt as if you were going to pass out sooner or later.
You soon found a spot under the bridge that was hidden and dark enough to be a cozy area for you to sleep. Laying down, you quickly find yourself drifting off to sleep, perhaps when you wake up you’ll find that this was all some weird dream.
•
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•
•
”Maybe— this weekend? I mean i’m off Saturday and Sunday soo, that would be the best time for me.” ‘Julie’ explained.
What was this..what is she talking about— oh yeah, you ‘Julie’ and ‘Rosie’ were in a group call trying to figure out when would be the best time for the three of you to hang out again. You were thinking of going merch hunting weren’t you..?
”That’s fine with me. I’m off then as-well—er, well actually I quit so yeah i’m free.” ‘Rosie’ replied nonchalantly, she was always the type to never take anyone’s shit, even the slightest disrespect was enough to get her going. You always tried to tell her that sometimes she would just have to deal with how some people treated her but she never cared. You respected that.
Both you and ‘Julie’ sighed. “We’ll talk about you later ‘Rosie’ but yeah, i’m free too but only on Saturday, me and my dad were going to go to dinner Sunday so i’m busy then sorry.” You explained. Saturday was going to be so fun since you all have only been able to call each other lately. Well it was supposed to be fun, if it weren’t for that reckless drive—
“SHUT UUUPP!!”
”MEOW!!” You yelped, jumping up as you were scared awake. Woah—kay… Guess you’re awake now..how long were you sleeping anyway? It looks like the suns setting soon actually, also, who the hell was yelling like that? Ruining your sleep like a mad man and for what?
Actually you could hear someone breathing heavily—panting nearby. Welp since you’re up now you might as well check out the noise.
Slowly but surely, you stretch your fluffy little(big) body and yawn the sleep away. Standing up, you make your way towards where you heard the yelling come from— it came from the right didn’t it?
In the distance you can see someone sitting on there knees near the water, they…kinda look familiar. White chopped up hair, tattered clothes..where have you seen that before?
”I’m gonna live, no matter what it takes!”
Atsushi…? No way. Could it be? Is this the Gods apologizing to you once again? Could you really be loved by them so much that they’d allow you to meet one of your favorite favorites this early on? No time to waste! You’re inserting yourself into this story one way or another!
”Ah…wouldn’t have been able to catch that guy on an empty stomach anywa—“
”Meow~!”
Atsushi yelps and immediately stares down at you with a confused expression. “E-eh?? Kitty…?”
“Mrrow, meow!” Taking advantage of his confusion you rub up against his legs, meowing affectionately, the sound of soldiers marching can be heard above you.
”Uhm…wh-what could you possibly want from em cat..?” He asks you as if he could understand you—or maybe he could? “I’m sorry I don’t have any food on me to give you…” He explained sadly. Did they ever confirm him being able to talk to and understand cats anywhere in the series?
”Meow—row.” You paw at his leg. You were actually hoping he couldn’t understand you as that might cause problems for you in the future. What problems? Who knows! Lucky for you though, he just looked even more confused before he quickly turned his attention towards the water.
Hmm maybe you could dive into the river and catch some fish for him to earn his trust? Ah but you have no idea how to swim in this body…and the current would pull you with it immediately…Ahg whatever you’ll gain his trust some other way— wait where’d he go?
The sound of something big and wet hitting the ground comes form beside you and you quickly turn to see Dazais body laying right next to you. Atsushi jumps out of the water soon after and starts coughing on his knees.
Walking closer to the unconscious man you jump onto his chest and paw at his face. He is in fact even more attractive in person. You can’t believe you got to touch THE Dazai Osamu.
Suddenly Dazai sits up, spooking Atsushi and making you fall onto his lap in the process.
”You were floating down the river…are you okay?” Atsushi asked.
”Eh? I made it?” Dazai says to nobody in particular, staring off into space before his expression turned into a scowl. “Damn.”
”Damn?”
”Meow?”
Dazai looks surprised for a moment and looks down at his lap to find you sitting there looking back up at him with a cute expression. Slowly he starts to stand up but instead of pushing you off of him he picks you up with him, holding you to his chest.
”Are you the one who interrupted my submersion?” He asked Atsushi, scratching your head with his other hand.
”I was just trying to help..” Atsushi sighed then perked up. “What do you mean submersion?” He shrieked.
”Hm? You don’t understand?” Dazai stops petting you to tap one finger on your nose. “I was trying to commit suicide.”
”S-Suicide?!”
”Meow—Meow?!”
”That’s right.” Dazai stares right at you quirking up an eyebrow before looking back at Atsushi. “I was trying to kill myself, but you just had to interfere…” He sighed.
You kinda just stopped listening for a bit, You’ve heard this exact conversation one too many times after watching season one over and over again to satiate the nostalgic feeling.
All you gotta worry about right now is sticking with Atsushi so you can be in his story—
GROWL
”…Are you hungry, boy?” Dazai asked. Ahh Dazais face right now looks so cute. Maybe you should try getting on his good side too…he does seem to like you a little already.
“Meow.~.” You affectionately rub your cheek against his chest and paw at him. Maybe he’ll convince Kunikida to let you be an office kitty. Speaking of Kunikida, he should be popping up soon.
”W-well I…haven’t eating in several days—“
GROWL
”Hm, how odd.” Dazai scratches your chin. “I’m hungry as well.”
Being pet by Dazai might actually be heaven. Sure you miss your family and friends but you’d honestly sacrifice them to have him touch you forever.
”There you are you blockhead!!” Annndd cue Kunikidas yelling that you’ve been waiting for.
You were only truly a casual fan of his but you thought he was cool. You didn’t know much about him though but you hoped he was a fan a cats so staying at the agency could be a little easier. Maybe once you learn how to purr you’d use it on him.
”Oh right.” Dazai cuts off Kunikidas yelling. Ah you were too into your head to even hear him. “He’s a colleague of mine from work. We should have him treat us three to a meal.” He said starting to move you around weirdly, putting you in different positions. He was holding you perfectly fine a second ago, maybe Kunikida made him nervous or something—or this was just how he played with cats, weird guy.
Are you even listening to me?!”
”What’s your name? or should I just call you boy?”
”Ah—Nakajima Atsushi…”
”Meoww.”
”Well, come along, Atsushi-kun.” Dazai turns away pulling you closer to his chest. “What would you and your little kitty like to eat?” He asked, scratching your chin again.
”Huh?” Atsushi looks confused for a second. “Oh uhm..that isn’t my cat…” He explains, scratching the back of his head.
”Not your cat?” Dazai tuts. “Guess she’s my cat then, considering she likes me soo much!” He says holding you close to his face.
”Anyway, what do you want to eat boy?”
”Well if it isn’t too much trouble…”
”No need to hold back, Kunikida is paying for it after all.” He whispered the last part.
”I would like to eat tea on rice…”
”Eh?”
Dazai, after staring at Atsushi for a few seconds, bursts out laughing. “A boy on the brink of starvation only wants tea on rice?” He holds you up again. “Alright! Let’s have Kunikida-kun treat you to thirty bowls of that! Maybe you can get him to buy some crab for the both of us.” He whispers to you causing you to trill.
“Don’t you get all generous with my money, Dazai!” Kunikida yells from across the river.
”Dazai..?”
And cue the iconic scene. plus you.
”Yup! That’s my name.” Dazai says putting the hand that was petting you in his pocket, keeping the other one holding you.
”My name is Dazai, Dazai Osamu.”
AHH! He said it— he said the thing!!
•
•
•
•
”Nom nom nom!”
Atsushi was currently on his last bowl on Chazuke, while you were eating crab. Somehow your cute face convinced Kunikida to buy you some, some of which you were happily sharing with Dazai.
“Om nom nom?”
”Our job today? it involves the military.” Kunikida explains, somehow understanding Atsushi.
”Eh? How are you two even communicating, actually?” Dazai asked confused.
”Meow!”
“Ah! I’m so full!” Atsushi sighs happily patting his stomach. “I don’t want to see another bowl of this for atleast 10 years.”
“How dare you be so shameless after eating on my dime?” Kunikida grumbles which causes you to meow loudly at him.
”You’re a real lifesaver…after leaving the orphanage and coming to Yokohama.” Atsushi breathes. “I’ve had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep.”
”I thought i’d die of starvation…” He says sadly, you walk across the table and paw at his arm.
”You’re from an orphanage?” Dazai asks.
“Ah yes I am…but they kicked me out..” He muttered, hesitantly reaching out to pet your head.
”That’s some non-profit there.”
”Hey, Dazai!” Kunikida raises his voice. “We’re not some philanthropists going around helping brats down on their luck, okay?”
”Let’s get back to the job at hand.” He says holding up is ideal notepad.
You stretch and yawn making your way back over towards Dazai and he opens his arms welcoming you in. You were feeling tired again even though you had just woken up around 20 minutes ago or so, you didn’t even know how long you had slept for but it had to have been hours. Is this what being a cat was like? Always being sleepy?
”That reminds me, you said earlier that your current job involves the military.” Atsushi says. “What is your line of work, exactly?”
“Oh, we’re just private investigators.” Dazai said setting his head on one of his hands.
”Private investigators…?”
“That’s not to say we only handle lost pets and alleged extramarital affairs.” Kunikida explains. “Perhaps you’ve heard of the Armed Detective Agency, an organization with individuals possessing supernatural powers?”
“What?”
“Wooahh! Check out that nice beam up there.” Dazai suddenly says loudly, looking up at the ceiling with stars in his eyes and you paw at his face.
”Don’t analyze whether you can hang yourself in a random teahouse we just stumbled into!” Kunikida yells, and you already know the bs Dazai is about to pull so you get up and walk across the table to sit with Atsushi and paw at him instead.
“Don’t get me wrong. We’re talking the hanging health method.” Dazai spouts matter of factly.
“what’s that about?”
”Ehhh?? You don’t know?!” Dazai gasps dramatically. “It’s so good for shoulder cramps!”
”What? Such a thing exists?!”
“Hey, write this all down!” Dazai encourages.
The sound of pen writing on paper can be heard. “Hanging… health… method…”
”I’m messing with you.”
Kunikida breaks his pen and immediately starts choking out Dazai and reprimanded him.
”So…about your job today..” Atsushi starts.
”Yeah?!” Kunikida shouts causing Atsushi to scream.
”S-Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked!” Atsushi shouts back. “I forgot jobs like these are classified!”
You paw at Atsushi, meowing at him to calm him down.
”Today’s job doesn’t really require secrecy.” Kunikida explained calmly. “We’re looking for a certain tiger on behest of the military.”
”A..tiger?”
“Meow?”
”A man-eater who’s recently appeared around these parts.” Dazai props his arms on the table. “Well, not that we know for sure it has devoured anyone, but it has ransacked warehouses and eaten farm produce and the like, doing whatever it wants.”
“It’s been spotted around here actually..”
Atsushi freaks out and falls out of his chair causing a few dishes to fall to the ground as well. You jump down and rub yourself side on his arm to offer a bit of comfort.
“Eh? What’s wrong Atsushi-kun?”
”I… I… uhm— I’ll be leaving now!” Atsushi starts to crawl away and of course you start to following after him while trilling, closest thing you’ll get to purring probably. “G-goodbye!”
“Wait a moment, you brat!” Kunikida shouts, grabbing the back of Atsushis collar and holding him up. “You know something, don’t you?”
“You can’t…” Atsushi says quietly. “No one can take it on!”
”You’ve met the man-eating tiger?”
”It’s after me— It almost killed me!” He yells trying to squirm out of Kunikidas grip. “If it was seen around here, I have to run away now!”
Kunikida strong arms him and quickly maneuvers him putting one of Atsushi arm behind his back pinning him to the floor.
”Hey, brat.” He scolds. “You’re either gonna pay for that food with your arm or by telling us everything!”
”Meow! Meoowww!!” You swipe and bite at Kunikidas legs, more so in a playful way as you already know he isn’t serious but to give them all a sense that you want to protect him, you even growl a bit.
“Now, now, Kunikidaaa.” Dazai finally stands up from his chair. “Whenever you get to asking questions, it becomes more of an interrogation… The CEO’s talked to you about this.”
Kunikida finally lets Atsushi go and stands up from his squat. Immediately you run to Atsushis side and lick his cheek, hm if you did that as a human you would have gotten arrested.
“What do you know about this tiger, boy?” Dazai asked calmly. Ah it’s becoming more like good cop bad cop now.
”My orphanage was rampaged by that tiger. It ravaged our fields, our chicken coops and even our warehouse.” Atsushi explained. “Sure, no one died, but the orphanages budget was already in the ground. So i got kicked out so they’d have one less mouth to feed.” You rub up against Atsushis side and his hand reaches down to pat your head, thank God he’s finally warming up to you.
“Ah well, that’s tragic.”
”So, what’s this talk about the tiger almost killing you?” Kunikida questions.
”…The man-eater always shows up wherever I go…” He sweats and holds your small head for comfort. “Just a while ago, when I was walking around Tsurumi… I’d seen it out the corner of my eye many times, it started two weeks before they chased me out the orphanage.”
”I’m sure it came all the way here searching for me!”
”When was the last time you saw the tiger?”
“Ah..? I think I saw it around Tsurumi… four days ago i believe.”
”It is true that its antics have been focused here these past few weeks.” Kunikida checks his notepad. “It was sighted around Tsurumi four days ago.”
Dazai sighs and calls you over with a ‘psps’, you, of course, happily run over and rub against him with a meow. “Atsushi-kun, are you free?”
Atsushi jolts and now looks uneasy at him.
”You being the man-eater’s target presents an excellent opportunity.” Dazai explains.
”Huh??”
”Please help us find the tiger.” He says with a smile and his hand playing with your ears.
”No way!” Atsushi immediately shouts.
“Kunikida-kun,” Dazai says holding out a folded piece of paper towards him. “Please go back to the agency and give this to the president.”
Ah here we go, the moment Atsushis life takes a turn for the better! You obviously intend on going with the both of them and just hiding while Dazai does all the work and then making your grand entrance once the others get there so they immediately get attached to you because of your cuteness.
“I’m not doing this, okay?!” Atsushi yelps. “This just means you’re going to use me as bait, huh?”
”Ehhh? There’s a reward.”
“What? Reward? A reward?” Atsushi’s eyes widen. “Nah… You won’t be able to tempt me with that!”
“Bur just for reference…how much would that reward be..?”
Dazai holds up something, probably his phone or whatever. “About this much.”
Atsushi yelps seeing the reward.
•
•
•
You were currently sitting on a crate many feet away from Atsushi and Dazai. Of course you came with them, Dazai tried to get Kunikida to take you with him but you kept meowing until Dazai just picked you up and took you and Atsushi to the location. Upon getting there you immediately squirmed out of Dazais grip and broke off from the two, keeping your distance and watching them. Thankfully, being a cat gives you better hearing so you can still hear what they were talking about.
“Dazai-san, what are you reading?” Atsushi asked.
”A good book.”
“I’m surprised you can read when it’s this dark..”
”I have good vision.” Dazai gloats. “Besides, I already know everything that happens in this book.”
Ahh how boring… You didn’t feel like listening to all of this again, it was already too much back in that shop you guys ate at. You started daydreaming about how all of the agency members were going to react to seeing you, obviously Kenji being Kenji would love you immediately but you hadn’t a clue about the others. Tanizaki seemed like the type to like cats, Yosano you weren’t too sure about, you saw her as more of a dog lover to be honest, and Ranpo…you couldn’t guess at all. Would he immediately know something was off about you as soon as he laid his eyes on you? Would he eat you out the moment he got there, or would he wait until the entirety of the agency was together and tell them ‘This cat isn’t actually a cat, it’s some dead human from another world and we shouldn’t trust it because it knows too much about us’. Probably not but who knows… A loud sound snaps you out of your daydream.
”What?!” Atsushi shrieked and falls off the box he was sitting on. “I… I just heard something back there.”
”Yeah.”
”I bet that was the tiger, Dazai-san!”
”No, I think the wind just knocked something down.”
“It’s the man-eater! It’s come to eat me!”
Dazai snaps his book shut. “Calm down Atsushi-kun. Tigers don’t show up to places like that.”
”How do you know that for sure?!” He shouts.
”Something wasn’t quite right to begin with.” Dazai says calmly. “Just because their finances went south, an orphanage would abandon a child?”
”It’s not some farming village from a bygone era.” He explains. “Banishing one or two mouths to feed would hardly put a dent in their deficit.” “It’d make more sense to downsize by transferring half of the kids to a different orphanage.” Dazai finishes, jumping off the box.
”What are you talking about Dazai-san?”
”You came to this city two weeks ago… the tiger also came two weeks ago.” He said calmly. “You were in Tsurumi four days ago, that tiger was sighted there four days ago.”
”Do you remember what Kunikida said? The Armed Detective Agency is comprised of individuals with supernatural powers.”
Atsushi starts to yell out in pain, he was transforming— god it looked so painful. Dazai was still speaking but you weren’t paying attention to him anymore, in fact you were starting to believe you were a bit too close to the action than you should be. Looking around you spot a small hole in the warehouse that leaded to outside, small enough for you to fit. You immediately squeezed through and decided to wait there till the action was over, no way are you gonna risk getting hurt right now— or ever.
•
Loud noises went on for just a few minutes before it stopped abruptly. A few seconds after it stopped you poked your head in through the small hole, at first you just saw a mess of broken boxes everywhere as well as dust all in the air, then you saw them.
“If you’re flirting, i’m not interested.”
Ah—at least you were in time to hear him say the line. Quickly you run over to Atsushi’s unconscious body and paw at him before laying down next to him. Dazai stared at you for a few uncomfortable seconds before exhaling and smirking.
”Hey, Dazai!” You hear Kunikida yell.
“Oh, you’re late, Kunikidaaa!” Dazai huffs. “I’ve captured the tiger.”
”Meow meow!!”
”Ahem, I mean we of course, Kitty.”
”What, it was the boy?”
”He has the ability to turn into a tiger.”
”Jeez.” Kunikida grumbles. “What was with this note?” Holding the note Dazai gave him up.
Dazai bends down a bit to read it. “”A tiger will appear in the warehouse in the fifteenth district. Secure the perimeter so that it can’t get away.”.” Dazai smiles looking up at Kunikida. “It’s an excellent, concise note.”
“You’ve left out the most important detail!” “Explain in advance next time idiot.”
Footsteps can be heard from a distance.
”Thanks to you, I had to bring in guys who weren’t even on call.” He grumbles. “You better take them out for drinks later.”
“Hey!!” Kenji shouts happily and you perk up.
”Huh? No casualties? How boring!” Yosano whines.
“You’ve come a long way, Dazai!” Ranpo does his signature pose. “Though you still have a ways to go before you even come close to me.”
Kenji runs up to the other side of Atsushi, poking him. “But what are we going to do with him—“ Kenji cuts himself off when you stand up from your laying position and walk across Atsushi body to rub against his legs. “Oh! A cat, how cute! Where did you come from little guy?” Kenji happily pets you.
“Hmm? I found her with the tiger boy earlier, she seems pretty protective of him even though he claims to not know her.” Dazai explains with a smirk. “And, we’ll make him one of us of course!”
”Woahh nice, that means this little kitty is coming with too!” Kenji scratches your chin.
”Mrow!”
”Are we serious?
”Dazai, you are an idiot.”
”HUHHH?! What gives you the right to make that decision?!” Kunikida yells at him.
”Wake up boy!” Dazai shouts at Atsushi and you immediately go back to the tiger boys side, meowing at him.
“Huh..?” Atsushi grumbles sitting up and you rub all around him, pawing at his legs then his hand—paw…which is still transformed.
“Atsushi-kunn!” Dazai gets his attention making him turn towards him. “Do you remember anything from when you were transformed?” He asked.
“What are you talking about…?”
”Hm? Look at your right hand right there.” He points.
“Right hand…?”
Annndd cue Atsushi freaking out though now mixed with you meowing loudly and hitting him with your paw to get him to calm down again.
”Meow!! MAO!” You yowl at him.
“Nakajima Atsushi!”
Atsushi stops yelling and flailing around and so do you, you both turning towards stare at Dazai.
”You’ll become one of us.” Dazai smiles. “From this day forward, you will be a member of the Armed Detective Agency.”
…
…
“Huh..?”
”And of course so will our little Kitty.” Dazai tilts his head to look down at you. “You know, our president really loves cats.”
…
…
“MEOW!!” i did it i really did it!
Thank you Gods!!