Chapter Text
It was a random Tuesday, but something felt different.
As I slid onto the taxi’s backseat to go to Liz’s apartment, the driver looked at me warily, probably because of the bonnet I’m wearing. I could only mask my embarrassment with an awkward smile offered to him.
The reason I wore something so suspicious was to hide the recently-dyed bright hair color I have on me. I abruptly changed it because Liz mentioned around last month how good I looked in blonde hair which I had years ago and how much she missed it. And since she just got well from her flu, I decided to surprise her with this as my gift.
Once we arrived at the building’s front door, I stepped outside the taxi after the driver saying ‘don’t do anything sketchy.’
As I wait for the elevator to bring me to Liz’s floor, I start fidgeting with my hands. The five-minute way there was just filled with my overthinking. What if she doesn’t want me there? What if she doesn’t like my hair anymore? This is not my usual self that I present to the public but somehow, I only act this way whenever it’s about Liz.
I found myself situated on Liz’s door, fidgeting the duplicate key she gave me before fishing it out of my pocket. I took a deep breath and unlocked her apartment. Her room greeted me with the same scent I adore from her, something woody but also a hint of baby powder smell (vanilla and floral).
I walk myself to Liz’s room and I see her sleeping still, slightly snoring with her mouth a bit open. It’s already ten in the morning but whenever she doesn’t have work, you can trust her to wake up even in the afternoon. It’s also normal since she was sick so her body’s resting as much as needed.
I sat beside her sleeping figure and ran my fingers through her smooth hair. A smile was plastered on my face with the thought of Liz still using the conditioner I gave her. I then cupped her cheek and slowly rubbed my thumb over it.
I might have woken her when she grabbed my arm, but her eyes were still closed.
“Rei-ah, don’t leave me. Please,” she muttered in her sleep, probably dreaming, as her face now snuggled into my arm.
I was taken aback but of course I replied, “Okay,” and properly sat while my upper body was lying down.
Just as I was about to fall asleep, I could feel Liz moving on my arm. Her eyes still tired but you can sense the confusion in her face.
“Good morning, Jagiya,” with the quietest voice I can say to let her adjust in waking up.
“What are you doing here?”
Not a good morning back but fine, she’s still sleepy.
When she tried sitting up, her body didn’t cooperate so she slumped back down to the bed. I took a glass of water and offered it to her, thinking she’s still sick.
“Thanks,” she replied with the same hoarse voice she greeted me with.
“I came here thinking you got rid of your fever but then it looks like I’m actually bothering you.”
“I did get rid of it. I only have slight coughs left, water’s all I need. By the way, what’s with the bonnet? Is your real motive to rob me? That’s rude, especially to a sick person.”
She acted like she still had her coughs and I could only laugh at her attempt to make me not worry anymore. And it did work, my worries lessened. That’s her charm, joking around to relieve tense situations. I like her about that.
“Oh, shut up. This is my gift for your recovery.”
“The bonnet?”
“Not the bonnet,” I chuckled, “it’s under the bonnet. Take it off.”
It took her too long to reply so I talked, “Is something the matter?”
“N-no…nothing,” she stuttered.
Something seems off about her but I just can’t put my finger on it.
“Okay. But, close your eyes while you take it off.”
“Yes ma’am,” my heart clenched at her words but I only brushed it off. A malfunction or something.
When she closed her eyes, she tried grabbing my bonnet but it was way off. So, I grabbed her hand and guided it. I always liked holding Liz’s hands because they’re smooth to the touch, slender, a nice pale color, and they have the same innocent scent she wears.
She was about to open her eyes and I quickly said, “Wait, let me fix my hair.”
I swinged it around, mostly the bottom parts, and flattened the single strands and baby hairs to even my hair out.
“You can now open your eyes,” I murmured shyly.
The look on Liz’s face when she opened her eyes looked amusing. Her mouth slightly agape and her eyes that aren’t tired-looking anymore now widened. But as she continued to study me even more, I couldn’t help myself from being shy. Red consumed my face and my lips thinned.
“Does it not suit me? I wanted to try something new and you said you missed my blonde hair but this isn’t the blonde hair I had before so you may be disappointed but I still-“
“No, it looks great. Well, not just great,” her hands fidget, “If I could think of words better than great, I would. But, I can’t just think of any so yeah it looks great. It really suits you-“
Our words started to overlap and they can’t be comprehended anymore. We laugh at our rapid talking speed as we share our opinions.
“But yeah, it really suits you.”
There’s that look in her face again when she looks smug but isn’t smug. She looks…charming. That face always made mine blush and have my lips thinned into a shy grin whenever I see it and this time, it is no exemption. I had to turn this situation around, I didn’t want her seeing me like this.
“Oh, I just remembered, you were muttering my name in your sleep…did you dream of me?”
“Uh,” she looks around the room trying to think of the right words, “I can’t really remember what happened. You might have heard me wrong,” she mumbles that sounds like a lie.
“Okay… Anyways, have you really recovered?”
“Yes, why?”
“It might seem sudden but I decided that I kind of wanted to explore my love life and I want to start mingling with other people to date. Yujin-unnie wanted to go drink, so she insisted for me to join her to the new bar in Seoul later tonight. That way, she can drink her worries away from her breakup and I can find someone to maybe start hanging out with.”
“It is sudden but, alright?”
“So…maybe you want to join us?”
She opens her mouth but closes it again before she proceeds to reply, “For you to socialize with other people and leave me with Yujin-unnie in case something happens, right?”
“Precisely! I’m not forcing you, though.”
“Yeah, I’ll go.”
“Really,” I asked because she sounds hesitant.
“For you. I don’t want you hooking up with some weirdo. So, I’m not only taking care of Yujin-unnie but also you, Jagiya.”
“Thank you!”
I jumped towards her and she was taken aback by the sudden contact. I could only smile and hide myself in her neck from my happiness. She then slowly pats my back as I feel too excited for what’ll happen later tonight.
—
I go down to my apartment’s lobby when Yujin-unnie messaged me to go down already. As I step outside the apartment’s front doors, Yujin-unnie’s new car just arrived. I opened the passenger seat and sat beside Yujin-unnie.
“I just realized this doesn’t feel safe.”
“What do you mean not safe? I have my license so I am permitted to drive, and that is also under the safety standards of driving.”
“Who knows? You might have done something to them to release your license.”
“Tsk,” she replied as I laughed.
We drove off to get Liz and in the middle of the ride and I asked unnie if I can connect my phone to the Bluetooth of the car. When I played the first song of my playlist, she gave me this weird look.
“What?”
“Nothing. I just think it’s cute you’re still playing the playlist she made for you three years ago.”
“And is there something wrong about it?”
“No, I literally just said it’s cute,” she continues with the same teasing smile.
“There’s something else, isn’t there?”
“Hmm…well, there is something I’ve always wanted to ask from you,” she dragged out.
“Okay…what is it?”
“Do you like Liz?”
…
“I’m sorry? I don’t think I understand.”
“I don’t know but I’ve always sensed there’s something special that you feel about Liz.”
“Unnie, she’s my best friend. Plus, I’m literally looking for a boyfriend, or maybe even a girlfriend…who knows? But even if I do like Liz that way, I wouldn’t bother to do what I’m planning to do now, right?”
“That’s true, just forget what I said.”
I nodded but it still feels odd, what Yujin-unnie tried to imply. Maybe I got lost too much into my thoughts because I was startled when Yujin-unnie kept calling my name.
“Sorry, what was that?”
“Can you call Liz? We’re almost at her place… You, okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll call her now.”
When the phone stopped ringing, the first thing I hear was, “Jagiya?”
“Oh, quit calling each other that. It makes me want to vomit.”
“You’re just bitter after your breakup. Also, don’t stop looking at the road, we might crash.”
“Yeah…I don’t think I want you guys picking me up.”
I laugh at her sarcastic cowardice even if we’re already a minute away from her.
“On your left.”
Liz’s figure is getting more visible as we approach her. Yujin-unnie stopped the car where my seat is parallel to where Liz is standing.
“Jagiya, is this really safe,” Liz questioned after Yujin-unnie opened the window to my seat.
“Maybe, well at least I’m alive.”
Somehow, I suddenly looked away from Liz when she sat at the backseat. The conversation earlier with Yujin-unnie flooded my mind and whenever I look at Liz’s faded figure, I weirdly get shy and my hands kept on fidgeting. A few minutes later, Yujin-unnie looked at me and I mouthed what to her. She just shrugged it off in the end.
Yujin-unnie turned the engine off when we arrived at the bar and it was splendid. I could only step out first as if my body was drawn to it. The front was huge so I expected the inside to be a lot bigger.
However, I was taken away from my trance when I could sense Liz studying me, looking fervently at me. My earlier shyness came back and I tried my best not to look back at her with my reddened state. I took the chance when Yujin-unnie grabbed her attention and talked with her.
It was my turn to observe her and her outfit. I realized I didn’t have the chance to do so earlier because I was too occupied with Yujin-unnie’s driving and also our past conversation that made me confused, until now.
She was wearing a blue and black-striped cardigan that was a bit bigger for her. She had her glasses on the top of her head since she’s wearing her contacts but knowing Liz, she might just put it away in her bag. She also wore the silver necklace I bought for her birthday. And lastly, to pair with her oversized cardigan, was a white, short skirt that had a dangling piece of the same fabric on her left.
Liz’s style that she often wears is on the casual side, contrasting to mine, but she looks elegant and can pull your attention to her even with the simplest clothes.
It’s been almost a minute where Liz and Yujin-unnie kept whispering and mumbling things I can’t hear, especially with the help of the loud music blasting inside. I wanted to go inside already so I interrupted, “Guys, what are you doing?”
They both looked awkward, looking around the place before Yujin-unnie started, “We were just admiring how the bar looks, right Liz?”
“Yeah, it looks great.”
“Okay then,” I eyed them warily since I knew they were lying, “let’s better get inside.”
I was the first to enter and wow, it really is bigger and a lot more breathtaking in the inside.
We could see different amenities, like the service bar, the dance floor where the loud music that was blasted minutes ago came from, and private booths that housed different groups. But the one that really captures your attention the most was the truth or dare section. I didn’t observe it as much as the two people with me did because it seemed too intimidating for my taste.
We then proceeded to the service bar, in hopes to just drink and converse like how we always do whenever we get together. I ordered a sunset cocktail, Yujin-unnie ordered a scotch whiskey, and Liz ordered a draft beer.
“You’re going hard tonight,” Liz says to Yujin-unnie.
“You have Wonyoung to thank for that,” I reply with a cheeky smile.
“Oh, shut up. You guys have never entered into a relationship.”
She slumped on the surface of the bar after gulping her whiskey in one go. The bartender, Liz, and I looked at each other shocked by what Yujin-unnie just did. The empath I am, I hinted to them that it was normal and ordered another whiskey for Yujin-unnie. Having lots of alcohol in one go is bad, especially that she’s a lightweight, but I knew this was what she needed most.
I reply to her earlier statement, “That’s exactly why I’m here.”
Liz added, “Me too,” where mine and Yujin-unnie’s heads turned too fast than normal.
“I mean I’m not really on the hunt to find someone but if someone might interest me, why not try, right?”
Something heavy was lurking in my chest so I didn’t have any other words than to say, “That’s good for you.”
Her face made it look like I said something sarcastic and what she just told us made me feel bitter. I am not bitter, but the feeling that’s resting on my chest is close to what being bitter feels like.
“I’m not trying to possibly steal people that you may like, and you should tell me who you like so I won’t get in your way. But since we’re already here with a lot of people that are maybe available, I should try…I guess.”
Offended?
“I’m not offended, don’t worry. I was just taken aback, like Yujin-unnie.”
“Yeah, what about your long-time crush?”
Long-time crush? My face distorts after hearing what unnie just said into another facial expression I didn’t know I was capable to make. Was I angry? Maybe, but I just don’t know why.
“This is just a schoolmate I’m close with. I don’t have a crush on her but Yujin-unnie thinks I do. It’s something she teases me with. That’s all, don’t be angry.”
“First, you think I’m offended. Now you think I’m angry. Well, I’m not,” I think I am, “I’m just confused about all these revelations about you I just thought we don’t keep secrets from one another. But I guess I’m mistaken.”
“I’m sorry.”
My heart clenched in the wrong way when I heard her pained voice so I replied, “No, it’s-“
But someone interrupted, “Hey do you mind if I grabbed you to the dance floor?”
“She was about to say something, let her finish first,” Liz replies instead of me and the way she replied while looking at the guy with daggers, seemed intimidating. This was the first time I saw her like this but tonight really unraveled a lot of our firsts.
She was right to imply that he had bad manners but the guy insisted, “Oh, I’m sorry for being rude to interrupt. It looked gloomy here and-“
“You aren’t interrupting anything. And sure, I’ll go with you,” I cut him off and decided to go with this guy who’s trying to hit on me (so far, it’s not working) just to avoid a fight with Liz and him.
“Alright!”
He hurriedly grabbed my hand and only then I looked back at Yujin-unnie and Liz, most especially Liz, when we arrived at the dance floor. Although, I couldn’t see their faces anymore since their backs were now facing me.
The music the DJ was currently playing was Justin Bieber’s Beauty and the Beat, probably still hyped up from the recent ‘Bieberchella.’ The people were singing and screaming along the lines of, “tonight I wanna show you off,” including this guy in front of me while he points his beer bottle at me.
When the chorus started playing, we started dancing a little (I did to not be left out from all these people) and I could hear him slightly screaming and murmur, “The name’s Nikolai, forgot to tell you. Yours?”
“Rei.”
“Cute name.”
“Thanks,” I blush at the awkwardness, not because I’m flattered. But it seems like Nikolai thought I was flustered so he put on a smug face.
He asks in somewhat a narcissistic manner, “How you liking the party?”
“It’s alright,” I respond briefly without trying to form an opinion, thinking we just got here a minute ago.
He might have seen me glancing back again towards the service bar when he asked, “You sure?”
“Yeah,” I say while my eyes are still glued towards my two friends, wishing I didn’t go along with this guy.
What surprised me is Nikolai suddenly grabbing my face by my chin to look at him. He looks drunk and flushed, possibly a lightweight too, as his eyes pleaded for me to pay attention to him.
“C’mon, loosen up.”
“Sorry, I just can’t help getting worried for them.”
“They’re fine,” pulling his hands away from my face in which I am delighted from it, “they aren’t babies anymore. Plus, I wanted to save you from the tense conversation you were having earlier.”
“It’s not your business,” I mumbled, looking away from him and thankfully, the music was too loud for my voice to be heard.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
We continued dancing to another song, probably a Spanish song judging from its lyrics, until Nikolai started another conversation.
“I don’t mean to pry but, you aren’t Korean right?”
“How did you figure?”
“The way you look and the way you speak, I feel like I’ve known you for some reason.”
“I’m Japanese.”
“Ah, no wonder!”
“Why?”
“I’m also Japanese, konbanwa (good evening).”
“Ah, it’s not every day I see someone Japanese here too,” I reply in Japanese.
“Likewise,” he goes back to the language we were using earlier.
My ick for him was starting to be replaced by a feeling of familiarity, maybe even something familial. Seeing your kin in a foreign land makes you feel reassured, or maybe that’s a feeling I only feel. This situation reminded me of her suddenly.
“My friend’s also from faraway.”
“Really? Is it that friend you argued with?”
“Yeah, her,” we talked about a solemn topic but it still puts a smile on my face when Liz was the one mentioned.
“I see. Where’s she from?”
“Jeju. I know, it’s still in South Korea but Seoul has a different lifestyle compared to her hometown. She’s used to the sea and quiet nature around her rather than a busy city life,” I smiled even wider now when I think about the time we both shared our being homesick.
“I’m just happy I have someone to share the burden with by living in an unfamiliar area because it can be intimidating sometimes.”
“I can be that someone too.”
I laugh, awkwardly and amused, at his attempt to flirt. My laugh might have given him the impression that I was fully comfortable with him so he put his hands on my waist, bobbing his head with the music. I felt a little bit uneased but remembered I was here to hook up with someone and if that someone was him, I guess I’ll give him a chance.
I did fully loosen up when I took the bottle from his right hand and drank the remaining contents of it. His eyes widened, but it became half-lidded after like he was turned on by me, and rested his whole right hand properly on my waist now.
Probably by the influence of the alcohol, I muttered, “Jagiya?”
“Oh, we’re calling each other that now,” he says smugly like he always does.
I might have ruined the atmosphere when I said, “Never mind, I thought you were Liz,” making his right hand fall off my waist, leaving his left slightly rested. His body wasn’t even facing mine anymore and faced the DJ instead.
Our bothered selves were too occupied by the heaviness in the air that we didn’t know how many songs passed, dancing mindlessly to the DJ’s music.
In the same way, I was also occupied with Liz and Yujin-unnie being grabbed by a shorter girl than us to the truth or dare section, the area we swore not to go to. My heart felt uneasy by the thought of what Liz said earlier, how she’s also trying to hook up with someone.
“Do you feel something for her?”
“What,” I was taken aback and questioned Nikolai from what he just asked.
“That friend of yours, I mean.”
“Liz? Oh, no! There’s nothing going on.”
“Okay… My mind’s probably playing tricks. I heard you said you’re here to find someone and it would be weird if you did while liking your friend, unless you’re trying to move on from her.”
“You overheard our conversation?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stalk.”
“No, it’s fine. And about Liz, it’s nothing like that. I’m just concerned about her.”
“Okay,” he sounded unconvinced.
Things felt weird tonight, Yujin-unnie and Nikolai suddenly questioning what I feel about Liz. A long-time friend and a stranger I just got to mingle with an hour ago. My mind’s back to its confused state it was earlier in Yujin-unnie’s car.
My thoughts led me to look at where Liz and Yujin-unnie were at and I regretted that decision.
Everyone can know what’s going on in the truth or dare section, and it means I know for fuck’s sake what’s happening.
What’s happening is Liz doing a body shot with that petite girl from earlier that now I know is named Luisa. Thankfully, there’s no skin-to-skin in this situation because it’s a mild body shot but what the fuck do you mean Liz is doing a body shot with someone else?!
My heart is beating too loud in my chest. It becomes too deafening that my ears start to ring. I can’t hear the music anymore and Nikolai’s constant callings start to get silenced. No matter how much I want to look away from this bewildering sight, I can’t.
I see Liz doing that body shot with the expertise I did not expect from her. I see the people around them cheering and even congratulating the two of them. My heart continues to unbearably beat too fast I felt like I wanted to pass out. I snap out of it when I meet Yujin-unnie’s eyes. Her mouth and its movements aren’t that visible but I could at least decipher an ‘Are you okay?’
I quickly look away from what starts to make me tear up and I then meet Nikolai’s pitiful eyes as he grabbed my face once more, softer than the last time. He wiped the tear that fell off my cheek.
“I know I have no chance but please do a favor, for me.”
It took him a bit of time before he continued.
“Be honest with yourself, Rei.”
Those four words made more of my tears fall uncontrollably and I could feel myself getting red, or at least my nose. I wanted to stop crying but the thought of someone stealing Liz away from me triggers it even more.
“Rei, look to your right,” he said and I obliged and I saw a new prompt where Liz had to make out with someone it brings a new level of hurt in my chest, “run as fast as you can and kiss her like you’re persuading to make her stay…for you.”
I nod shortly at his words, especially the last two words uttered, and ran as fast as I can to where Liz is. I wiped my tears, thinking of all the years I spent with Liz, while I ran and arrived at the area, but I was stopped by a girl at the entrance.
“I need you to fill-“
I grab the sheet and wrote an incoherent Naoi Rei with my signature beside it. I went to Liz and Luisa and stopped where Luisa stood, her hands on Liz’s shoulders removed after she saw me.
“Please,” I pleaded no less than a whisper and thankfully she agreed, my tears stains and red eyes maybe helping.
I grabbed Liz’s shoulders and took a deep and long breath. She was about to open her eyes but I hurriedly closed off the gap between our lips while I grabbed her face a bit more intensely than I planned.
It felt like I was in a euphoric state. Bliss filled my mind with how Liz’s lips work with mine. Her lips tasted like the cherry ChapStick I’ve always secretly tried to know how her lips might taste, and I now know it.
We have never kissed with anyone, and I know for a fact that Liz hasn’t because she would’ve told me is she did. But, I’m starting to doubt it when she kisses like a natural, or maybe I was not thinking straight with how well she kisses me.
As she grabs my waist vehemently to close the already non-existing gap, I wanted to break off from the kiss to at least breathe. However, she pulled my hair to clash our mouths even deeper. I could only place my hands messily around her, grabbing what I can from her — her cardigan, skirt, and even her hair. This elicited a half-groan and half-moan from her ruined mouth. I replied with a whimper against her lips, a sound I didn’t know I could make. Unfortunately, it led her to back off and her eyes now widened when she realized it was me she was making out with all along.
Her disheveled hair and pouty lips mirrored mine. I could sense her breathing become uneven and her brows furrowed. From how she looked in front of me, I didn’t know if this was what she wanted and regret washed over me.
“How- What are you-“
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this,” I cut her off and stormed out with the service bar in mind.
I planned to buy a drink to make my mind a lot hazier than it already is. Maybe, I wouldn’t have to worry about what just happened anymore and treat it as nothing.
I buy a bottle of soju and hid myself in a deserted area people ignore to see. I drank half of the bottle’s content in one go. However, it didn’t make me feel empty, it strengthened what I felt even more since a while ago.
My hands started to tremble where I almost dropped the soju bottle, my heart felt tighter in my chest that I needed more air to breathe, and a lot more tears flowed that it fell to the bottle I was holding.
What I felt wasn’t because of the image of Liz looking disappointed at me or how I put myself in an embarrassment spot to the public, especially Nikolai who I just left after giving him hope to have a chance with me. But rather, it was because I realized what I felt for Liz.
I think I do love Liz all along.
My thoughts were disturbed when I heard the voice of the person I’ve been thinking of the whole night, “Hey. You know you shouldn’t drink a lot.”
I was slightly startled even if I did sense her coming near me. She always had that effect on me, frightening me even if I don’t get scared as often compared to our group of friends. And I was stupid enough to realize now that it was because I’ve always been conscious of her, wanting to make a good impression.
“What are you doing here,” I asked while wiping my tears.
“That was my question, until you ran off,” she chuckled and it made my heart jump at the little sound she offered.
“I’m sorry for what I did, it was something very sudden for me to do, you might be confused.”
“Sudden, so that wasn’t intentional?”
“Yes,” I lied.
Her mouth opened before closing it again but finally chose to say, “Oh, okay. That’s right, you wouldn’t do that.”
Silence engulfed between again us, like it always did today. I had enough of this silence so I asked with a slightly harsh tone, “What’s wrong?”
“Hmm,” she still asked softly.
“You seem off?”
“I don’t get it, what do you mean?”
“You’re acting weird. You act like this whenever you’ve done something wrong or when you’re keeping something from me. I didn’t voice it out earlier at the service bar or even in the morning when I visited but it also felt like you were keeping something that I can’t pinpoint what exactly,” I ramble on that it might’ve sounded too interrogative, like a jealous girlfriend.
“I’m not keeping anything from you.”
“Yes, you are!”
Shit.
She looks bewildered but has that look trying to understand what’s going on, and I can’t blame her. This was the first time I’ve raised my voice at Liz, let alone anyone, and this was something I regretted the most.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have screamed at you. I know I shouldn’t but I still did. I’m sorry. I thought I knew everything about you and I want to know everything about you but it still is your decision to not tell me everything. I should’ve been a better friend for you and not be sulky about this whole thing. I’m so sorry Liz, I’m sorry for doing all of this to you,” I say too fast trying to sound coherent but I was still shaking from what happened.
I can’t believe I had the audacity to be scared when I was the one who screamed at her. Tears came back to add onto my existing tear stains on my cheeks. I failed to stop crying and even cried more when Liz grabs my face with so much care and softness in her hands.
“This is all my fault. I should be the one to say sorry,” she told me with tears mirroring mine now.
I wanted to excuse her apology and explain I’m more in the wrong until she kissed me again tonight. This kiss was lighter, with deep emotions put into it, rather than the hungry kiss earlier. I could taste hints of the soju I drank and the beer Liz drank along with the taste of cherries and strawberries from our lips.
I felt hungry and wanted to kiss her deeper, this feeling more intense than earlier. I pressed my tongue to Liz’s lips, wanting to enter. When she allowed me entrance, I wasted no time to let my tongue explore her mouth as she did with mine too. I could feel Liz slowly lowering to my face level as if she was affected so deeply into this kiss, and I think she was…like me.
But my senses cleared up and I decided to break off the kiss.
“This is wrong,” I said so pitifully, that it pained me to say, while cupping her face with the same softness she did earlier.
Liz now stood up properly, hovering me and saying, “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to…”
She couldn’t say the last word she wanted to say so intervened, I don’t know what I want. You are a precious friend to me and I’ve only been seeing you as my friend. But…now? I get this weird feeling in my chest whenever I see you with someone else. I mean, this is not the first time but this feels more tangible.”
I couldn’t look her straight in the eye from how shy I became when I started confessing my feelings for her. But then, she pulled my face to look into her, or rather to look into me. She’s studying how I look with her and I feel a lot shyer as she undresses me bare to see my genuine emotions.
“If you think that way, you know it’s not wrong.”
“It’s not wrong to love someone, I know that at least. However, it could be a different case for friends, especially best friends.”
“Jagiya, if I told you I saw you more than a friend for years, would you distance yourself from me?”
It took a while to process what she just said and from how I’ve been silent for too long, her face kind of showed how she slowly regretted it. From my shyness, the only thing I could reply was, “You…what?”
“Naoi Rei, I love you as my most cherished friend and that will not change. But I also love you more than a friend and I have loved you that way ever since we’ve gotten closer. Whenever it’s your birthday, I’d always keep myself awake to rush myself in greeting you first when the clock hits midnight. Whenever you’d feel homesick, I try to make the onigiris you love most from your mom even if I suck at cooking. Whenever you’re sick, I’d always wanted to be the one to take care of you. And I also hate getting sick, but if getting sick means getting rained on to accompany you dancing under the falling waters from heaven, then I would gladly be sick.
I love how you’re a little bit shorter than me but still act like you’re taller. I love seeing your faint dimples and round cheeks getting rounder when you smile and laugh. I love the way you laugh at my jokes even if we both know they aren’t funny. I love how you constantly change your hair color, hair style, and appearance to experiment how you look best even if all of it suits you. I love how your voice changes depending on your mood, how it gets softer when you feel shy, louder when you get excited, and sweeter when you call me Jagiya. I love everything cute and awkward about you, Jagiya.”
This is the most fragile I’ve seen Liz and it was during the time she confessed her love, confessed to me. My heart kept leaping from joy as if it felt like it found another heart to understand what it felt, feeling the same way. I wipe the tears coming from Liz’s face and I put a wide smile from how brave Liz was when all of the people who knows Liz knows she’s someone easily scared.
“Liz, you loser,” I chuckled like a teenager with her high school sweetheart showering her her love.
“Yeah, a loser who’s fallen in love with you too deep she can’t escape from it,” she teases which made my heart a lot happier.
She now lets my hands circle around her nape, pulling her in as both our smiles kiss. In return, her hands circle around my waist to grab me even closer. Both our bodies relaxed to one another, feeling as if both of them were made for each other and only each other.
We took our time scavenging the deep ends of each other’s mouths after Liz took her turn to press her tongue impatiently against my lips. She explored slow but even deeper than previously as if she was trying to memorize every inch of it. I was slightly embarrassed how I softly squirmed and moaned from this intense moment but it seems it made Liz hungrier, cupping my face and clashing both of ours even rougher as a result.
I was too lost in this moment but Liz slightly woke me up to reality when her cold hands travelled to my flushed waist and her dark, hooded eyes looked at mine (or my neck rather) with a new fire that ignited. I moaned in my mind by how hot she looked.
I thought she would lead her mouth to my neck but suddenly changed targets when she went to my ear and nibbled slightly to it. I moaned softly once more when she went behind my ear and sucked it.
“Do you have work tomorrow?”
“No,” I lied. Eh, I’ll just take a sick leave.
“That’s good to hear,” and I blushed after she said so.
She then left hickeys on both sides of my neck, as if she wanted to claim and mark me as hers so she can flaunt it to the public. I got shy again with that assuming thought of mine and honestly, it made me turned on so I might have gripped her hair too hard to pull her closer to my neck.
After ruining my neck, our mouths clashed once more with no reverence anymore. I wanted to pull away to breathe and I did, but only when Liz accidentally brushed her knee against the thing between my thighs.
“Sorry-“
“Fuck,” I could only exhale while putting my head on her shoulder from embarrassment.
As if my body had a mind of its own, I started to roll my hips to have movement to chase that pleasure that’s foreign to me.
“Jagiya, we can’t do this here,” she says as she stopped me by my waist but with a lace of regret.
I wanted to listen to her but this pleasure is possessing me, “I know but- fuck.”
“Let’s go somewhere else,” her voice low.
“Fine. My place,” I pouted but she kissed it away, I could only smile.
—
I wake up to both the soreness of my legs and the smell of someone I’ve always adored. I find myself in the same position as yesterday, Liz slightly laying on my shoulder. I see that she’s still sleeping, with disheveled hair and mouth still agape, and this view made my heart feel warm.
I see her moving minutes later and noticed she’s awake. Her sleepy eyes looked up to my wakened ones and it made me feel shy, with the recollection of last night’s intense coalescence.
“You look tired,” I say with the softest way I can to not fully wake her.
“Hmm, I kind of am,” her words mumbled when her face is buried in my neck.
She laughed while asking, “Shouldn’t I be the one to say that?”
No, you have so much stamina. My hands still hurt until now and my mouth feels kind of numb,” She joked so slapped her with no strength used.
“Shut up.”
Silence then engulfed the room. But it wasn’t the kind of silence that was awkward to maintain, it was the kind of silence that emitted peace and yearning to stay.
I pulled her even closer to embrace myself in her and her scent, caressing her hair too in the process.
“I wish we could stay like this forever,” I let the words hang that slightly asked for reassurance.
“We can.”
“So that means…”
“That means?”
“We’re together,” I asked with hesitance.
“Do you want to back out, after last night,” she asked jokingly in which I tickled her so she could pay attention to something else than my flushed face. Our laughter filled the room and it was a heartwarming sight.
“Then that settles it, we’re together,” I said after going back to our previous embrace.
“Of course, Jagiya,” she reassured when I kissed her hair and she snuggled in mine.